Girls who broke your heart thread

Crazy psycho ex emailed me out of the blue... she saw some recent pictures of me and told me that I look very unhappy, slumped shoulders, burnt out, etc etc., and to look deep inside myself and accept that I"m not happy.

Hahaha. Stupid bitch. I haven"t been happier in years. Told her that and she still insists that I am lying to myself.

Now I really look like shit on two of the four pictures, but that"s because they were taken towards the end of a long day at work...

Next time she writes dumb shit like that I"ll tell her I look so horrible because I don"t get much sleep at night, reason for that being all the fucking that"s going on every night. That should shut her up.

God damn some people just can"t let go, and just won"t stop trying to psychoanalyze others when they have no business doing that. And then she tries to veil it as "concern about me". Yeah right.

Ronaan said:

Crazy psycho ex emailed me out of the blue... she saw some recent pictures of me and told me that I look very unhappy, slumped shoulders, burnt out, etc etc., and to look deep inside myself and accept that I"m not happy.

Hahaha. Stupid bitch. I haven"t been happier in years. Told her that and she still insists that I am lying to myself.

Now I really look like shit on two of the four pictures, but that"s because they were taken towards the end of a long day at work...

Next time she writes dumb shit like that I"ll tell her I look so horrible because I don"t get much sleep at night, reason for that being all the fucking that"s going on every night. That should shut her up.

God damn some people just can"t let go, and just won"t stop trying to psychoanalyze others when they have no business doing that. And then she tries to veil it as "concern about me". Yeah right.

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JUST .. IGNORE ... HER ....

FFS man, you got out clean. Don"t let her suck you back in to her shit. Dont"t respond, don"t enegage, hell get a new phone number or block hers.

Lusiphur said:

JUST .. IGNORE ... HER ....

FFS man, you got out clean. Don"t let her suck you back in to her shit. Dont"t respond, don"t enegage, hell get a new phone number or block hers.

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Oh yeah I"d love to but... I ... can"t ...

Now we"re back to "oh you never wanted kids with me, I guess you never really loved me, you lied to me all the time about your love" yadda yadda... nevermind that her at the time 15 year old daughter threw a fit every time the topic of another little sibling was brought up. and nevermind that she was well over 40 at the time already, basically turning it into a risk pregnancy no matter what, and greatly increasing the chances of ending up with a downs kid.

It"s getting better and better.

Blocking phone numbers only goes so far, we work in the same company and I can"t really block her emails.

Still, it"s mildly amusing to me. A few months back I got all worked up over shit like this, now all I can do is laugh. She"s showing how much of a nutcase she really is, another menopause-induced mood-swing. Man, I really am glad that I no longer have to put up with that shit.

You dont need a new job or to block her, just tell her she"s a fucking psycho it"s over, leave me alone you clingy bitch. Problem solved!

She"ll be like, CLINGY? PSYCHO?! OH MY GOD THATS EVERYTHING I DIDNT WANT TO BE

Sutekh said:

You dont need a new job or to block her, just tell her she"s a fucking psycho it"s over, leave me alone you clingy bitch. Problem solved!

She"ll be like, CLINGY? PSYCHO?! OH MY GOD THATS EVERYTHING I DIDNT WANT TO BE

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I didn"t want to be quite as harsh, but told her that she"s lost her marbles and that I see no sense in her digging up this stuff months later and trying to start a discussion over it.

Worked for the time being, guess the next hormone boost will turn it around though.

Eomer said:

Oh I realize that. You realize that. We all realize that. The problem is, your subconscious doesn"t. You"re a huge ball of emotions and feelings that you"ve never felt before, or have never had reciprocated. And suddenly BAM you find this girl that makes you feel totally, completely different than anyone else, so that must be love right? Unfortunately, no, it probably isn"t. Not yet.

And I am halfways tempted to send Charlene a text, telling her I changed my mind and won"t accept no for an answer.

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While the text thing was a bad idea, and you did come off as some dude who Needy isnt enough to describe ..... sucks man. Some girls just arnt interested. From all the girls I have on facebook that live in canada, they all seem loose as fuck, so I am sure you"ll bounce back no prob. Just tell yourself, "if the bitch dont like me, then the bitch dont like men".


Heres the the next one.

Arkk said:

That is the problem, you do lose. You lose dignity and you lose confidence. You approached the situation with this girl from the beginning with a near sense of entitlement. You came off overbearing and needy.The biggest problem is while you are massively insecure, and you acknowledge this at least in theory, you almost try to hide it through your actions.You don"t come off that way from the correspondence you have shown us, but if you think she can"t pick up on it in person you are dead wrong.

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I address some of what you posted further below, but the insecure thing I completely disagree. I"m not insecure in terms of my "worth" as an individual or potential mate. I"m a hell of a catch IMO. The only insecurity I have really is that I am not particularly confident when approaching females cold. However if I"m introduced, know her from somewhere else, or am meeting them from a dating website or something it isn"t an issue at all, I"m not insecure in any way, shape or form.

And I don"t know what you mean by approaching it with a sense of entitlement. I even stated here after sending the initial email that I wasn"t expecting all that much out of it, because I hadn"t picked up too many indications of interest from her at the wedding (mostly got it from Betty) and knew she was involved with someone. I didn"t feel entitled to anything and was pleasantly surprised I got a date out of the deal.

Dabamf said:

...qualification stuff...

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That"s potentially some good info to think about, thanks. Still haven"t really read too much in to Magic Bullets, but meaning to. I more or less skimmed the first 6-7 chapters, but intend on going back to read more thoroughly.

Degrassi said:

While the text thing was a bad idea, and you did come off as some dude who Needy isnt enough to describe ..... sucks man. Some girls just arnt interested. From all the girls I have on facebook that live in canada, they all seem loose as fuck, so I am sure you"ll bounce back no prob. Just tell yourself, "if the bitch dont like me, then the bitch dont like men".


Heres the the next one.

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I honestly think that you guys are reading in to it too much, or over exaggerating the "damage" it may have caused. As I said both on the first date and again on the phone she made numerous comments about me being direct, confident, ballsy etc. She also knows I"m a smartass and/or sarcastic a lot, which she picked up on in the texts. I honestly don"t believe she thinks I"m some needy loser. She most likely got a bit of a laugh and continued on her merry way.

As far as her not being interested, she obviously was enough to go out on a date with me despite being in a physical relationship with someone else. Unfortunately I didn"t knock her socks off and/or she re-considered her current relationship and decided to stick with it.

I certainly haven"t lost any dignity nor confidence. If anything it was boosted by this whole thing. She"s an extremely desirable girl in every respect, at least upon first blush, and she found me intriguing enough to give me a shot despite already being involved with someone. Of course that"s an ego boost, not that I particularly need one.

I really should call the ski trip girl pretty soon, since it"s been nearly 2 weeks since I saw her, but am somewhat hesitant as after talking with a couple buddies about it, I was extremely intoxicated and she didn"t appear to be too impressed. I don"t really remember much, other than getting her number. Should I just up and call her? Or start with a text? She was definitely interested in the past, we made out a bit on one trip before her stagette friends broke it up (bitches!).

Also my bud who manages a bar mentioned to one of his waitresses that he had a friend who was interested in her, and the next day she wanted him to bring me out for some drinks with her and a friend. She doesn"t know who I am or anything, we haven"t met, and all I had said to my bud was that she was pretty damn hot but otherwise hadn"t asked him to try to set anything up. But potentially could be fun, if not a lasting relationship (she"s 20 I think).

{edit}: Oh [LVC], keep on keeping on. Just sign it next time instead of rushing to my profile to admire your oh-so-witty handiwork. Makes you look like less of a cum-guzzling pussy.

Ronaan said:

I told her that she"s lost her marbles

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Who is your ex, exactly?

Ronaan said:

I didn"t want to be quite as harsh, but told her that she"s lost her marbles and that I see no sense in her digging up this stuff months later and trying to start a discussion over it.

Worked for the time being, guess the next hormone boost will turn it around though.

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Holy shit, did your company remove the "Delete" key next to "Page Up" and "Page Down" on your keyboards?

E-mail from ex, "Hi soandso, this is a bunch of non-work related BS..."[DELETE KEY PRESSED]

Holy fucking christ you are a dumb fuck.

Ronaan, you really should ignore your crazy ex. Nothing good can come from reading her shit. Period. And you"ve already admitted to us that you are susceptible for engaging in some pretty damn questionable behavior (ie, giving crazy bitches a second, or third, or more, chance).

Do what the wise man above is screaming at you: ignore the cunt. If you are really "over her", you will block her number and delete any and all e-mails you get from her. You won"t care what her hormones are doing since you"ll be concerned only with your and your current girlfriend.

Or you can continue to converse with her and then entertain us when the shit explodes in your face.

Leadsalad said:

Holy shit, did your company remove the "Delete" key next to "Page Up" and "Page Down" on your keyboards?

E-mail from ex, "Hi soandso, this is a bunch of non-work related BS..."[DELETE KEY PRESSED]

Holy fucking christ you are a dumb fuck.

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You are my new idol. I wish I could be just like you.

DG was asking me a lot of questions the other day and we ended up talking about some more serious things the other day and I wanted to mention them.

I found out she"s only slept with one other guy (sorta volunteered by her), who she dated for 7 years (what?!). It took them 14 months before they slept together. Lemme repeat that: 14 months. So, I would like to quote this paragraph, and an ascii middle finger, to anyone in the future who continues to gives me shit for taking 2 months (~<3 from the date we first met) to sleep together. It"s a whole different world here.

Anyway, I was totally shocked and told her I"m glad she didn"t wait that long with me and did the little finger-gun-to-my-temple motion. She laughed. One thing I did really well I think is I"ve never tried to play down my experience or to show that I was ultra patient and ready to wait months and months to sleep together. This was key I think in getting it to happen early. I set the frame that sex is ok, and she followed it. I even told her it was the longest I"ve ever waited and that it was really difficult. In the past I would never have said such a thing as I was cautious about coming off as too sexual. I realized that it doesn"t matter, and it"s better to be truthful about your desires and not appologize for them. I haven"t been with too many girls, but Ican sometimes beconfident enough to make girls think that I have. I"ve occasionally had comments like "I bet you say that to all the girls," and that used to make me backpedal big time and try to qualify saying no no no. I"ve realized that"s just a test, or at the least them voicing their insecurity, both of which shouldn"t be addressed. So I started ignoring or deflecting the question, "who do you think I am?" with a sorta disapproving / I-feel-insulted glance then immediate change of subject, or ignore the statement all together.

At one point she asked me what I think about love. I said, uh, I don"t understand the question (I didn"t). She starts saying "love is...truth" and I almost threw up. Was that from some bullshit romance novel? Haha, I give her the benefit of nonperfect translations for that one. Anyway, things are going really well. But...I think she might drop the L bomb at any point. I actually had a dream she did last week, and in that dream I realized I was completely not ready for it. I could get away with deflecting such a statement by saying simply "I really like you blah blah but it"s too early" but it might prove difficult to effectively convey that with a language barrier. I actually think she might have said it at one point, I heard the Koean word, at least I think, in some rapid-fire no-way-I-could-understand blabbering in Korean. And she only does that when she is nervous about saying something, i.e. when she is talking about her feelings. So let that be a lesson to whoever was talking about saying the L word to their gf when they aren"t sure she"s ready to hear it. I"m in the opposite position, and though it won"t make me run away, I would strongly prefer she didn"t say it for a while.

This is the stage in a relationship I"m actually good at. I"m good at the beginning generating attraction and usually able to sleep together, then am a total trainwreck when transitioning into showing I really like them while still maintaining my initial allure. I usually somehow come off as needy at that time. But once past that, I get really comfortable and my confidence skyrockets. I think it"s because my internal confidence is huge, but socially it"s not as high, and I"m not good at conveying it. So I"m successful in the beginning because it"s just a formula that I follow (active disinterest, build attraction, qualify, reciprocate attraction, blah blah), but transitioning to dating is difficult because I don"t know how to convey my qualities very well, and really, don"t connect with people very naturally. But once in a committed relationship, I can better connect with someone but I also am a somewhat aloof guy by nature so I end up giving the affection but am still a challenge.

I am shocked by the 7 year relationship until she was 30. If you break up at 7 years, why did you date so long in the first place? It"s especially odd given the "women must get married by 30 or they"re damaged goods" culture here. She"s certainly not one to follow all the cultural rules, but still that sort of thing always hassomeinfluence.

Haha Dabamf you sound just like me in that whole internal confidence and where you are good at a relationship and what ends up happening, you might be my twin. How long are you in Korea for again?

Dabamf, the only thing I will say is that you shouldn"t dismiss her statement about love. I think its pretty plain what she intends, if she can"t ultimately let you see all of who she is, i.e. "the Truth", then who will ever be that person in her life than a significant other figure? In reverse, she wants to be a person that her significant other can find the same comfort in.

To be honest, I think if you read a little bit into it that it is a very close approximation what keeps a relationship going indefinitely. Trust and Truth are easily the most important component of a successful long term relationship. Shit goes sour primarily when there is a lack of honesty and some issue festers until one of two things happen. a) It blows up and becomes an enormous amount of stress that proves overwhelming to one or both b) one person independently decides its a deal breaker and everything ends.

Communicative truthful relationships to not arbitrarily end. For disclosure I"m 29, and in a 9 year relationship with the same girl for which we"ve lived together for 7 and a half years and I don"t regret a moment. It has worked marvelously for us.

The kicker is that you do need someone that at core levels matches your life goals and all those other details, but being truthful to yourself and having the other person be truthful to you is a relatively obvious way to make sure that you are compatible on these core levels. I"d suggest that often times people are extremely good at lying to themselves about that these core levels actually are and they draw in partners that are doomed to fail on the illusion of truth.

edit: The fact she is not married and 30 in the Korean culture implies to me that being truthful to herself, is far more important than the image she projects to her society. In my opinion, that"s an enormous plus to any person in any relationship in any culture. She would prefer to be honest and potentially face those consequences, than be miserable in a fake relationship.

Eomer: To add to what Dabamf said, it doesn"t seem like you"re being enough of a challenge. You are giving these girls instant access to you and your lifestyle, without ever really bothering to find out if they"re worth it. I"m not judging here, but the chick with the bf was a bad move - even if you would have gotten her, then what? You"d always be looking over your shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to leave you for some other guy.

If I were you I would never discuss or flaunt my wealth IN ANY WAY around a girl I just met and was interested in. I"d also try not to telegraph so much initial interest in her. If she reads that you"re willing to give her everything, your time, your money, your emotions, not more than a few days after meeting her, well than that"s just no fun. She"s probably thinking "well he"s kinda cute and funny, and I"m sure he"d be a nice boyfriend, but wait! I already have one of those." After thinking that it"s only a matter of time before you"re LJBFd.

Dabamf: Sounds like you have that girl"s heart in your hands. I"ve been there. It sucks. Good luck. Avoid alcohol.

1) To a Korean girl, if you"re a white dude, you are automatically hotter than any Korean guy. I think I"m an average looking dude but in Korea every girl I meet says I"m hot. (I let them think I know less of the language than I do )

2) Korean culture almost makes it a crime to fuck up in any capacity. As an example, most Koreans understand english perfectly well but refuse to speak it for fear of not pronouncing certain letters correctly.

3)That post in Dabamf"s link is right-on in that the whole culture is ultra-conservative. A chic in a bar put her number into my phone. I took it for an invitation to kiss since that is as forward as they get and I was not rejected.

4)Koreans become almost infatuated with anyone that tries to learn the language and to some extent the culture. I learned "a mosquito bit me" and some random other phrases and I could talk to chics for hours just using those phrases and the english they knew.

Korean women, being so conservative, are generally more honest than any girl I"ve ever been with. Most Koreans wear their heart on their sleeve which is how I usually roll too so I like that. If they are upset you will surely know, etc. Which brings me to the L-word. I"ve never understood that. I love sourdough bread. I love snowboarding. But, as a general rule, I don"t love people. I love my Dad but I hate my Mom and most of my siblings. I love my best friend but everyone else is up in the air. It takes me 10 years to decide if I can say I love a person and I think that is because it takes me that long to decide if I can trust them. I hate being forced into telling someone I love them because so many people have so many ideas of what that means. "I love you" doesn"t mean I will never change my mind, for example. But how many times have we watched the break-up and the girl is left sobbing and says "but, you said you love me...." I almost never say it and of you want to make me then you can GTFO. If I do love then my actions should convey that.

I had this conversation with my wife and yeah, it is awkward, but I think it will really help if you hash out what your intentions are. Most Korean women, again back to the conservativeness, are trying to get married around 30. If she ditched her boyfriend of however many years then that is probably because she is getting serious.

I married my wife because she is completely honest with me and she knew exactly what qualities she was looking for in her man. I really hated that about dating American chics - that they just go for the hottest looking guy that wants her body no matter what his personality or habits may be. And I think even if I don"t feel love as strongly as I presently do with my dad or my best friend since high school, an honest relationship is the best way to let that type of feeling grow.

Anyway, don"t throw up on me. Be yourself or if you aren"t sure then define yourself but don"t change yourself for her or anyone. Understand where she is comming from but again, don"t change yourself to meet her needs.

Oh, and my wife really likes porn. I dunno if that helps but I was really surprised. Maybe your girl will like it too.