Girls who broke your heart thread

I have no problem getting women... but its the ones that I really like that i dont succeed with. I like this girl.

I usually get nervous and fuck things up. I psyched myself up over the last day so that I could keep from being nervous in front of her. Here"s hoping it works.

That"s because when you get too interested they lose interest in you. Women are evil, that"s why I stick solely to my computer.

Fap to your BE Pally a lot?

Tenks said:

I"m just going to throw out that you"re clearly not just using your computer games to save money and that you"re full out addicted to them.

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This is possible. Its not so bad, i don"t not go to class for them, or work, or film movies like im spoused to, i just play them in my free time. Which happens to be later on at night.. Of course maybe it did ruin the relation in terms of things as free time = should be spend with her too so lol my bad. but this sucks now.

Its not an option because

1. Why the fuck should i?
2. its going to be a super pain in the ass, and id have to reroute the cable through the wall.


Also, yes, we are both on the lease, so unless she subleases, nothing will happen till may. and I am sure as fuck not moving because

1. I live across the street from my CSU and major department building
2. I am 5 minutes from work.
3. I also in the other room in the apartment have a good friend who is also a film major



Do eyemask things work pretty decent? :X

So I thought I wanted to be with my ex girlfriend a few months ago

now we"re together...and fuck...I don"t want this.

Brad2770 said:

Fap to your BE Pally a lot?

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mhm

Sutekh said:

mhm

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Make sure and post pics when she breaks your heart!

Brad2770 said:

If I could get some quick feedback-

While I was doing my Market Research yesterday, I stopped and talked to one of the women I have interest in that manages one of the apartment complexes that I provide a service. She took over the complex about 2 months ago.

Yesterday, I wasnt really prepared and after about a 20 minute conversation about music, I asked her if she wanted to go do something sometime. She said "Maybe we could go watch a band or something" and it kind of got left at that.

I felt like shit after that. Not fucking confidence. No balls. And I sure as hell wasnt going to get a date.

I just got back from there and this is how it went-

I walked in to her office, she had another female back there (a friend?) and I said "I didnt say what I really wanted to say yesterday. I have tickets to the Symphony and I know this is short notice, but I would like you to go with me. I will not take "No" for an answer."

She had this somewhat stunned look on her face. Then she said "Can I give you a call tomorrow and let you knwo then?"

"How about today?" and I smiled at her.

"Ok, can I get your personal number then? I dont get off until 5:30 and dont get home until 6:15 and I would like time to think about it"

So I gave her my number and told her to have a good evening and I left.


What did I just do?

EDIT- BTW, I have talked to her a lot. It hasnt been just this one moment that i decided to do this. Everytime I stop by, I talk to her.

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And here I am to tell you things you fucked up!

First, you had the balls to ask her out directly so well done. And on second read I think you may have made up for a couple mistakes.

First one should be obvious, we have been preaching this since day 1: have a date plan, don"t just say "lets do something sometime." I"m guessing you realized that since you went back a second time. Going back the 2nd day confesses "I am bothered by my lack of balls yesterday, therefore I generally lack balls but am struck by moments of manly impulse and that"s why I"m here again." But, the first proposal was gonna get a guaranteed no, so you really had nothing to lose by going back. I"m not sure about the "I won"t take no for an answer" line. I think in this circumstance given your lack of confidence the first time (your words) it may have been a good call to kinda come back over the top with confidence. Under normal circumstance I could see that being effective if projected in the absolute most perfect way, but so specific I"d avoid using that statement in general.

I consider it a victory if I have the balls to ask a girl out at all, whether I stumble and fuck it up or not, and whether it gets me a date or not. You can"t choose to not get nervous, but you can choose to not let those nerves affect your decisions. This attitude also helps to lower anxiety because it"s not outcome dependent. Whether or not she says yes, you succeeded anyway.

Tenks is right that "I need to go think about it" is never ever a good answer. You may still come out with a date in the end, but I"m guessing it"s not likely. Still though, don"t get pissed at yourself for being nervous when you ask a girl out. Consider it a victory every time you give the finger to the nerves and do it anyway, and just try to think of ways to reduce them the next time.

If you go out with this chick, never under any circumstance unless/until you are in a multi-month full-disclosure long term relationship should you ever, ever reference how little confidence you had when you asked her out.

Zakas said:

Its not an option because

1. Why the fuck should i?
2. its going to be a super pain in the ass, and id have to reroute the cable through the wall.

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So you"re saying it is absolutely 100% an option, you just don"t want to. Not that that"s invalid, but it sure as hell doesn"t fall under "not an option."

So as it turns out this bar girl Kate is probably 19. I swear I thought she was 23-24, she doesn"t look THAT young. But I"ve always been bad at guessing age. As it turns out her phone broke after we"d texted a couple times, so we have messaged a few times on Facebook. She"s busy with school and work most days and evenings this week, but said she"d be up for doing something after she was done work on Saturday (I guess she"s working the day shift, not till close). I drew a blank for an idea and just suggested we go grab a drink and watch the hockey game (awesome, ask a bar waitress if she"d like to go to a bar). I"m sure one or both of us will have friends out that night as well, so might just be a drinking/party night, who knows. Wish I"d known she was that young before my bud took it upon himself to hook us up, because there"s other decent girls at that bar. I"ll have to try not to poison the well, anyway.

Dabamf said:

tl;dr: Your frame sucks and is ruining your ability to get women. Take Magic Bullets and skip immediately to the "frame" section. Then go to that attractionforums and read all the "frame control" stuff you can find in the classic writings section. Make sure to read all of Cajun"s posts, a lot of his posts essentially just boil down to frame control.

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I"ll look in to that, thanks. As far as it goes with Anne, she texted back she was "having a moment". I told her to stop worrying so much about what people think of her and to take it easy and that was about it.

She didn"t call, so no date. I didn"t expect her to, so I"m not bothered. It felt good walking in and talking like that, though. I felt I had control and was comfortable.

I have an issue of great moment. Took a girl out to sushi on a pre-date date (would be unfair to call it a date in earnest, but things are moving in that direction; weird situation that I can explain later). We ate the same food from the same plates. Upon returning home I had some of the worst stomach problems I"ve ever had in my entire life. Like sitting on the toilet for an entire hour, spending the entire time thinking of how pathetic it will be if I die likeSpoiler Alert, click show to read:Tywin Lannister. The dilemma: do I text/mention to her something like "wow, really hope that food treated you better than it treated me", or do I ignore it, fake having a stomach of steel?

What the hell, while I have you assholes on the proverbial line. So the girl in question is actually a paid one-on-one language instructor. "Paid" being the operative word here. A mutual friend hooked me up with her, we"ve been meeting for a few weeks, and there"s been a growing spark between us (or so seems to me). She"s also super attractive. The problem is that, my being, in effect, her customer seems to majorly, majorly complicate matters. So how to proceed from here? Realistically if I ask her out in earnest this language gig is blown whether she says yes or no. I can live with that if she says yes, for obvious reasons; would be really crappy if she said no. It"s still early in the game right now (we"ve met about five times, had dinner together twice), perhaps I"ll feel it out a little bit more and come to a firm decision on an appropriate tact to take.

Finally, Dabamf this one"s for you in particular: she"s about four years older than I am (and Chinese, though her English is sterling). Any advice from your experience on dating an Asian girl with some years on you?

Let me get this straight. You have been PAYING an attractive woman for language help, and you think there is a spark? Sorry, I see "friend zone" unless you explain why you think it"s going past a student-teacher relationship.

Shanter said:

Let me get this straight. You have been PAYING an attractive woman for language help, and you think there is a spark? Sorry, I see "friend zone" unless you explain why you think it"s going past a student-teacher relationship.

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I can see how that sounds bad. Was trying to keep it brief so some subtlety got lost. We knew each other very tangentially over the Summer, when I was in an intensive language program (she was a teacher, albeit for a lower level). I was looking for one on one lessons and a friend from the same program passed along my question to this girl via email. She shot me an email back and said she"d do some looking around for an available instructor; ended up just suggesting herself (no, I don"t read anything into that, lol). So there was a low level of friendship from the start. In other words, whatever else may be the case I know she"s not acting a certain way in order to ensure I keep these lessons going, recommend her to people, whatever.

Brad2770 said:

It felt good walking in and talking like that, though.

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As it should. If you can manipulate your mind to make THAT the end goal, make the goal to go in as confident as possible and to perfect your approach, rather than the outcome (date or no date) being the goal, you naturally stop caring as much and are almost always happy with the results, which inevitably ends in more yes responses. It"s not complicated either, just set it up as a game with yourself to always go in more confident than the last time, or more bold, or whatever category you choose.

Ancalagon said:

words

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I wouln"t reference getting the shits or anything, but making a reference to it ("it kicked my ass", etc) is fine, and if she suffered the same, would actually build some rapport by sharing in her suffering, as ridiculous as that may sound.

It is impossible to know being her student. If you want to ask her out, you have to first stop getting tutored by her. Then you can try continuing the communication. If you do that though, you need to start at square 1, act as if you just got this girls number. Right now your relationship is all business so if you want to transition, you are at step 1 of a sexual interaction. That means start out with light, entertaining texts (I just saw this old woman beat up her husband, etc) and definitely play the texting game, wait as long or longer to reply than it takes her, stop texting completely at random times, etc.

You simply can"t transition while you are paying her. And it"s pretty tabboo to do so. She just wants to do her job, and shouldn"t have to deal with guys she may not be interested in hitting on her at work. If you wanna go for it, drop the business relationship.

For the older asian woman advice...there is none really. I mean watch the maturity things, don"t mention getting wasted all the time if she doesn"t like going drinking anymore, things like that. I just was a little cautious about anything that would unintentionally make me come off as immature without misrepresenting myself. i.e. I didn"t hide that I like going out drinking, but if I told her about a Friday I went out drinking, I made sure to say "and Saturday I just stayed in and cleaned/read/etc." But, don"t do anything else different, just don"t let yourself get intimidated by her age or feel like you"e being immature. All girls have a little insecure teenager inside them, and all want to go play on the seesaw. For some girls it matters so much they will never date a younger guy, in which case you have no shot. For others, it is irrelevant.

Quitting the business relationship is a gamble obviously but you can probably make an objective guess at whether or not she"s interested in you. You gotta take your desires out of the equation to make a good guess though. You mentioned she"s gorgeous...think about the other qualities she has that may be desireable to men. Evaluate her on a "desireable to men in general" scale, then evaluate yourself on a "desireable to her" scale. Think about how you act with her, how she probably perceives you. Are you challenging, interesting, not quite obtainable? Or are you blinded by your affection for her that you are just kinda a nice guy and good to be around? If the latter, she probably just enjoys your company but doesn"t want to bang your brains out.

On the other hand, if you are a white guy in China, you may bypass all that stuff and be 5x more attractive because you"re white. I know a guy in Korea who has 0 game but every night I"ve gone out with him he"s at the very least managed to get a Korean girl to at the very least hang out with him, sometimes make out at the bar, etc. Of course they never fuck him.

I"d test the waters first. Next time you"re eating off-the-clock, rile her up a bit. Be a little bit of an asshole, tease her about something with a straight face and a smirk (important), and gauge her reaction. It has to be borderline mean, like "man you eat faster than kobiashi" or something. She"ll probably laugh, may qualify herself, but what you"re looking for is that slight slight hint of insecurity afterwards, where she"s worried whether you are negatively judging her for whatever it is you teased her about. It manifests itself as a brief look of sadness almost. If you see that, you have a good chance at it. If there is no reaction, she probably isn"t interested.

ok, so when I last left you guys, I was having sex with an obese divorcee with a kid, smoker, and was honest to goodness crazy (told me she loved me basically the day after we had sex). Which in retrospect, I don"t really care, because it got rid of the V-Card for me, which I"m happy about.


So I took your advice and broke it off with her, but it actually went really well, she didn"t go crazy stalker or anything on me.


Met a new girl about a week ago, she"s 20 (I"m 27), she has a super hot body, on the thin side (sharp knees comments welcome). When I first met her, I kept thinking how much she looked like Jennifer Connelly in Requiem for a Dream.
Anyways, so she"s smart, attractive, but she has been talking alot about health problems, like she says she has hypothyroidism, and she just went today to get an MRI to see if she has MS. She"s also unemployed, no plans on going to college and has absolutely no clue what she wants to do with her life. Anyways, this girl, definitely doesn"t seem to be as "into" sex as the last, but it was still alot of fun.


edit: I"m Posting for advice, is it worth dating a girl with health problems? or is it too much hassle to put up with? At this point I"m confident I could get an even better girl, but at what point do I agree to "settle" and have a relationship that lasts longer than a couple weeks and a few hookups.