Girls who broke your heart thread

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Inconsiderable_foh

shitlord
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larseny316 said:
So FoH any suggestions on what should be done? Just give her space (keep in mind she lives with me and it will take about a month for her to find a new place), kick her ass out, try to win her back?
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You fucked up badly, you know that, right?

1) If she goes out every day of the week, do the same. If she goes out and you sit at home and wait or play computer games you are doing it wrong. Grab some friends, go out and invite her. Make sure to have fun and a great party, even if she doesnt come.
Make her want to spend time with you again. If going out doesnt cut it do other stuff, picnic in the park, sports, etc. Make sure she knows that your life is fun without you bragging (talk with your friends about it when she is there or just let her know by inviting her to tag along).

2) When you have a good moment (cuddling, making out or she is otherwise happy) tell her that you paniced because you feel alot more for her than you realized, that it will not happen again and you really miss spending time with her -- then kiss her, distract her, etc to avoid talking about it. Talking is fail. You cannot talk a woman into feeling better and she doesnt give a shit about logic or arguments anyway. Make her feel better instead.

3) Dont play slave to make up for your mistake. Dinner, flowers, etc are all cool, do small things she likes; but dont overdo it. If she is still interested and starts showing it, I"d even suggest playing her abit to make it work. Show that you are not interested every now and then to make her feel uncertain and not take your interest for granted.

TL;DR: Go out, have fun. Make her feel good. Dont play slave.
 
F

findar_foh

shitlord
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Ronaan said:
In fact I hope all of the women who turned me down look back and say "oh shit I could have had it so good" at one point in time.

That"ll show them.
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They say the best revenge is living your life well.

I disagree. It"s called an upper decker.
 
T

The Ancient_sl

shitlord
7,386
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larseny316 said:
So FoH any suggestions on what should be done? Just give her space (keep in mind she lives with me and it will take about a month for her to find a new place), kick her ass out, try to win her back?
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I wouldn"t do anything as dramatic as kicking her out here and now, but you need to understand that you and this 21 year old are on the path to break up and it"s really not a controllable situation for you. Enjoy what you can, while you can, but don"t invest yourself in her, because the things she has said has made it clear she"s not interested in the long haul.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Inconsiderable said:
You fucked up badly, you know that, right?

1) If she goes out every day of the week, do the same. If she goes out and you sit at home and wait or play computer games you are doing it wrong. Grab some friends, go out and invite her. Make sure to have fun and a great party, even if she doesnt come.
Make her want to spend time with you again. If going out doesnt cut it do other stuff, picnic in the park, sports, etc. Make sure she knows that your life is fun without you bragging (talk with your friends about it when she is there or just let her know by inviting her to tag along).

2) When you have a good moment (cuddling, making out or she is otherwise happy) tell her that you paniced because you feel alot more for her than you realized, that it will not happen again and you really miss spending time with her -- then kiss her, distract her, etc to avoid talking about it. Talking is fail. You cannot talk a woman into feeling better and she doesnt give a shit about logic or arguments anyway. Make her feel better instead.

3) Dont play slave to make up for your mistake. Dinner, flowers, etc are all cool, do small things she likes; but dont overdo it. If she is still interested and starts showing it, I"d even suggest playing her abit to make it work. Show that you are not interested every now and then to make her feel uncertain and not take your interest for granted.

TL;DR: Go out, have fun. Make her feel good. Dont play slave.
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I love when someone says something before me so I can save 15 minutes and say....

Do this

Also, she"s 21. You can hope for the best but don"t be surprised, even if you get back together, if it doesn"t last forever simply because she"s 21 and may/likely will want to experiment more.
 
Sutekh

Sutekh

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larseny316 said:
Alright, my turn to ask for advice (god help me). Been seeing this girl for about 6 months (I"m 29, shes 21, so the age difference doesn"t help). She recently moved in with me and my other roommates, not as an official "we are moving in together: but more of a "she had no place to go." For me, 6 months is a long time, I"m not a manwhore, just like many people on here I"m fairly antisocial. I"ve never actually lived with whomever I was dating ever. Great girl, and I can honestly say up until 2 weeks ago I had never been happier.

Last week I caught her in a lie (we had been bickering about petty shit for a week before this), she told me she was out with one of her female friends, but it turns out she was out with a guy she flirts with at work, and another coworker and would later be meeting up with more coworkers (including the original girlfriend) She said it was nothing to be concerned with, and if she had told me the truth it wouldn"t have been a big deal. I trust her. However I was pissed, and for that afternoon I didn"t trust her at all.

When she got home, I sat down across from her and said it was over (keep in mind I thought her being caught in a little lie was part of a big lie). She got down on the ground and cried, and I repeated it was over and left the room. Not even a minute later I came back in and apologized and said we could work through it. She calmed down, we went to bed, had sex, and while I knew we would have a tough time, we could work through it.

Fast forward a week, and she"s gone out with her coworkers every night of the week, and I"ve barely seen her. I"ve done everything I can think of to show her what she means to me during this past week. I called her out on it tonight, not because I thought she was cheating, but because we need to be working on our relationship together. She and I get in a big discussion/fight, and she tells me that when I walked out of that room I broke her heart and she can"t love me anymore. She"s afraid if we stay together, down the road if we hit another rough patch and I"ll leave her again. Keep in mind when I left her, I didnt go far, just down the hall and back. She"s been going out every night both to avoid having to admit that too me, and I suspect as a subconscious sandbag of our relationship. So FoH any suggestions on what should be done? Just give her space (keep in mind she lives with me and it will take about a month for her to find a new place), kick her ass out, try to win her back?

I"m inclined to just go about my day to day, and pretend like I"m not all fucked up inside. Not try to make her jealous, but just make sure she sees me at my best when we pass each other in the mornings and at night. Sucking up to her (flowers, dinner etc) did fuck all for me last week, so I know thats out. We both have said that if you ignore the last week we"ve never been happier.


Note: Just to head off the replies - I know she"s not cheating on me with the coworker because they aren"t that stupid. My best friend and my original roommate is ALL of their boss, and he keeps an eye out at work and listens. So when I ask him what the scutttlebutt is at work, and he heard the entire group of them talk about BAR XXXXX, and she told me she went to BAR XXXXX, that all jives. We"re talking about 8 21 year olds, they just like going out, and I doubt they could all organize their stories/casual conversation for 60 hours a week at work just to deceive me.
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I think the age difference isn"t something you can look over in this situation it plays a pretty big part in this entire situation. The fact that she"s 21 and you"re 29 can really fuck up a relationship. Now if you were 38 and she was 30. Then it really would be no big deal. But she JUST turned the age where she can legally drink and it"s obvious she loves doing it.

You on the other hand sound like you"re the complete opposite type. Like you don"t go out drinking to bars at all. Which is completely cool. I"m the same type as you. I like to chill at home with my girlfriend, play some video games (you may not like this) sure it"s fun to go out like maybe once or twice a week to the movies or dinner. But yeah, not much in to the bar scene.

Anyways, to my main point - It"s not all bad what you said. I understand the position the girls in when you said it was over. You probably should have looked at the big picture though instead of going back and telling you wanted to work things out. Like I said earlier she"s a 21 year old girl that likes to go out to bars and party. You"re a 29 year old dude that"s far past that stage. Wouldn"t you want someone more your age that"s mature, doesn"t have to lie in their relationship and is just upfront with shit? Mature women are more relationship oriented as opposed to younger not necessarily immature, just younger women are more in to the aspect of going out and having fun. Not saying a relationship isn"t just as fun, just saying different aged people find fun in different activities. So while this may be a shitty situation for you, it"s not all bad.
 
R

Ravvenn_sl

shitlord
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larseny316 said:
I made a big mistake, HALP!
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You messed up so bad. Like others said, women hold on to these things. It"s not like it"s something anyone would want to do, it just happens (and sucks). You overreacted in the worst possible way. I"m pretty sure now she doesn"t have much faith in you, because you (in her eyes) will abandon her at the drop of a hat over something very minor.

She probably lied to avoid you assuming she was out with other men and would be unfaithful. Her reaction to YOUR reaction makes it pretty clear she was devastated.

Women say stupid shit when angry, and somehow men seem to either forget about it later or tuck it away somewhere and not hold on to it the same way women do. Women usually do take what you say as a fact, not as something said in anger - something you probably didn"t mean.

I do not know a single female who can say she has never held on to something said to her in anger (self included).

You need to prove to her you"re reliable and you won"t do this again, and you"ll need a lot of luck doing that. You may want to start by perhaps joining her when she goes out, why are you staying at home anyway? All you"re going to do is end up paranoid, and while you may say you know she isn"t cheating. I"m sure it crossed your mind.

You were kind of a dick, and that was really mean of you.
 
lost

lost

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larseny316 said:
Alright, my turn to ask for advice (god help me). Been seeing this girl for about 6 months (I"m 29, shes 21, so the age difference doesn"t help). She recently moved in with me and my other roommates, not as an official "we are moving in together: but more of a "she had no place to go." For me, 6 months is a long time, I"m not a manwhore, just like many people on here I"m fairly antisocial. I"ve never actually lived with whomever I was dating ever. Great girl, and I can honestly say up until 2 weeks ago I had never been happier.

Last week I caught her in a lie (we had been bickering about petty shit for a week before this), she told me she was out with one of her female friends, but it turns out she was out with a guy she flirts with at work, and another coworker and would later be meeting up with more coworkers (including the original girlfriend) She said it was nothing to be concerned with, and if she had told me the truth it wouldn"t have been a big deal. I trust her. However I was pissed, and for that afternoon I didn"t trust her at all.

When she got home, I sat down across from her and said it was over (keep in mind I thought her being caught in a little lie was part of a big lie). She got down on the ground and cried, and I repeated it was over and left the room. Not even a minute later I came back in and apologized and said we could work through it. She calmed down, we went to bed, had sex, and while I knew we would have a tough time, we could work through it.

Fast forward a week, and she"s gone out with her coworkers every night of the week, and I"ve barely seen her. I"ve done everything I can think of to show her what she means to me during this past week. I called her out on it tonight, not because I thought she was cheating, but because we need to be working on our relationship together. She and I get in a big discussion/fight, and she tells me that when I walked out of that room I broke her heart and she can"t love me anymore. She"s afraid if we stay together, down the road if we hit another rough patch and I"ll leave her again. Keep in mind when I left her, I didnt go far, just down the hall and back. She"s been going out every night both to avoid having to admit that too me, and I suspect as a subconscious sandbag of our relationship. So FoH any suggestions on what should be done? Just give her space (keep in mind she lives with me and it will take about a month for her to find a new place), kick her ass out, try to win her back?

I"m inclined to just go about my day to day, and pretend like I"m not all fucked up inside. Not try to make her jealous, but just make sure she sees me at my best when we pass each other in the mornings and at night. Sucking up to her (flowers, dinner etc) did fuck all for me last week, so I know thats out. We both have said that if you ignore the last week we"ve never been happier.


Note: Just to head off the replies - I know she"s not cheating on me with the coworker because they aren"t that stupid. My best friend and my original roommate is ALL of their boss, and he keeps an eye out at work and listens. So when I ask him what the scutttlebutt is at work, and he heard the entire group of them talk about BAR XXXXX, and she told me she went to BAR XXXXX, that all jives. We"re talking about 8 21 year olds, they just like going out, and I doubt they could all organize their stories/casual conversation for 60 hours a week at work just to deceive me.
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Give the girl an inch she"ll take a mile. You did the right thing by setting your foot down on the lie, perhaps sayign we"re over was a bit rash but you have your reasons. If you let her get away with that "little lie" which obviously lead to her hanging out with a guy she has interest in, then you"re giving her that "mile" to continue to lie and possibly cheat on you with said guy.. have to stop it early or you"re going to be a doormat.

I"m pretty baffled here though, she started crying on the ground for your forgiveness, you walked off, came back had a heart to heart with her then had makeup sex. Now you"re thinking she"s grateful and learned her lesson, but now shes going out every fucking night without you? I take it back, you werent overboard saying you were over, you have some kind of foresight about this girl that we dont, and you were spot on. She"s walking on your forgiveness and doesnt appreciate it seems.

What girl in their right mind would tell you that "i cant love you anymore after you walked 5 feet away." THATS BULLSHIT WOW! I wish I could smack her for you, fucking rediculous!!!!!! (sorry it makes me rage at how childish that is)

First off, you caught her in a lie, forgave her and now she"s taking it out on you by continuing to mooch off your living situation, while walking all over you by going out every night then "punishing" you by saying she cant love you anymore, but even though she cant love you anymore she still "can" stay with you in your living situation and let you think you"re working things out?

I think you should kick that bitch out, she"s unappreciative, you might have been overboard in the beginning but now she"s taking that "mile" and running with it. Kick her out, I mean fuck, cant love you anymore? THEN WHY DOESNT SHE BREAK UP WITH YOU AND MOVE OUT? Seems like common sense to me (yes i have common sense haha). Don"t blame yourself, why do you want to win her back? She"s obviously moved on before the whole lie was caught, no one changes that fast.

I also wouldnt be so reassuring that they wouldnt cheat because so and so is their boss and you"re best buds with the boss etc.. when theres a WILL theres a WAY. Believe me, and I"m sure everyone whos ever posted in this thread about their ex"s, when you want something to happen you will go out of your way to make it happen. She"s obviously paving the road for cheating, little lie here then cant love you anymore added with never home at nights while continuing to live with you.

She"s stupid but doesnt think you have the balls to kick her out. Why else would she tell the guy who let her move in with her, that she cant love him anymore without fear of ending her living situation? To add, shes going out everynight without you. I know I"m repeating myself but wow this chick has some BAWLS.

She needs a reality check, god does she. I mean I dont know her, I dont know the complete situation but I know what I need to:
- Chick needs place to live, moves in with you (free of rent or maybe not idk)
- Chick lies to hang out with flirtatious guy (if she lied then she knew something was wrong with it, people dont lie over things they think are fine - keep that in mind.)
- Chick cries for forgiveness
- Chick tells newly whipped boyfriend that she cant love him anymore but continues to live in his apartment while going out to probably see said flirtatious boy
- Guy wants to win her back, while thinking she wont cheat cause of boss being his best friend.

I think I"ve outlined it enough, you need to kick her unappreciative ass out and give her reality check and move on. Your relationship is gone, shes taking advantage of your hospitality and you want to know how to win her back. Do you really want to continue to date a chick that acts like this? no. Do you think catching her in a "little" lie is the sign that your relationship is going to new heights and greater happiness? no. Do you think this girl will make you happy anymore? no. Just have to think of the basics.. why would you want to continue to date a girl whos doing this to you, sure you want to win her back, and let"s say you do win her back, then what do you have to gain? you"ve just gained a girl that not only lied to you, but still continued to go out after said lie and use you for living situation while telling you she cant love you anymore over a 5 feet walk away.. WTF no theres better/more appreciative girls out there that will atleast have common sense not to shit where you eat

"nuff said, with that, sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation and i hope things improve.

edit - funny reading ravvenn"s reply and mine, talk about different ends of the spectrum.

I don"t know why everyone is saying he fucked up (yeah ok he went a little too far by saying we"re done but some people have their feeligns/reasons, you dont just throw that around for fun) but the main thing I see here is she lied to him, she obviously knew what she was doing was wrong or she wouldnt have lied, now she"s continuing to live with him but say she cant love him anymore? okay fine maybe she was heartbroken and hurt, but lets not forget here that she was the one caught in a lie about going out with a guy that she flirts with.. if you cant take the punishment dont do the crime..

feel like i"m in the guilty conscience song of eminem..
 
brekk

brekk

Dancing Dino Superstar
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larseny316 said:
So when I ask him what the scutttlebutt is at work, and he heard the entire group of them talk about BAR XXXXX, and she told me she went to BAR XXXXX, that all jives. We"re talking about 8 21 year olds, they just like going out, and I doubt they could all organize their stories/casual conversation for 60 hours a week at work just to deceive me.
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You have some serious trust issues.
 
R

Ravvenn_sl

shitlord
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I think it"s because I believe there"s more to the story. If he"s positive she"s not cheating, then he"s checking in on her. If his buddy is also keeping tabs on her, then I don"t think I"m too far off saying he"s probably insinuated she"s unfaithful (to her) in the past which is probably what led up to the lie. She"s 21, bars are new and exciting. If he went out with her from the get-go instead of being anti-social she probably wouldn"t be going out with those people and lying about it. She"s social, he"s not, there"s (one of the) the problem(s).

She probably went out once and had a blast. Something was most likely said about it that was negative which led up to her lying. I am not in any way excusing her lying, she should have (maybe she did) invited him to come along.

I"d be willing to bet that at her age it was harmless prior to the incident, the next time she went out she probably got sauced and then told people about what happened. Now, some guy is probably taking full advantage of the situation. Doubt the OP wants to hear it, but that"s how it goes.

If you want to get her back, start going out (without her). She"s 21 and females that age haven"t gotten out of their retard phase. Apologizing probably isn"t going to get her back, and I doubt going out of your way to prove yourself to her will either (even though I said you should try). You can try to join the fun team, you can try to make her jealous, or you can sit at home - alone - and be jealous instead. Two of the options may work, one of them won"t.

If he tried to include himself in her evening plans from the start, I doubt this would have even happened. Hopefully that made sense, I"ve had about 10 hours of sleep since Saturday.
 
I

Inconsiderable_foh

shitlord
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lost said:
Now you"re thinking she"s grateful and learned her lesson, but now shes going out every fucking night without you? I take it back, you werent overboard saying you were over, you have some kind of foresight about this girl that we dont, and you were spot on. She"s walking on your forgiveness and doesnt appreciate it seems.
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Either I don"t get your sarcasm or you have no fucking clue* about women.



*no fucking clue = on a scale from 1 to 10 around -9000
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

Kill All the White People
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larseny316 said:
Simple fact is that yes I overreacted and fucked up, but it was a 30 second deal. Its not like I said we were done, and bumped into her a month later and said it was a mistake. It was literally, "We"re done......wait 30 seconds while I pace around.......I didn"t mean that we can work things out"
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She"ll never let you forget it. Honestly, 90% chance you"re on the downhill slope now. This is gonna be an extremely rough haul back to the top of relationship status, because no matter what you said, you just told her that you don"t love her anymore. That"s the end. Sure, she"ll hang around, maybe be cordial, but emotionally, she"s done with you. She"ll find someone else and move on.

Can you fix it? I don"t know. I don"t know if it works like that for other people. I made a very similar mistake and paid for it for a very long time. Easily the worst thing I"ve ever done now that I"m more familiar with how the female mind works and takes things. I was lucky enough to eventually get a chance to make things right, but it is quite clear that the relationship as I knew it was over immediately at that point, you just don"t know it yet.

You"re fucked dude. Time to decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with this chick or not. Because if you don"t see yourself marrying her at some point down the line, just let her go now. The effort you"re going to need to put into fixing this isn"t the kind of shit you put into a year or two relationship. If she"s not perfect, move on, try again.
 
I

Inconsiderable_foh

shitlord
0
0
lost said:
edit - [...]

I don"t know why everyone is saying he fucked up (yeah ok he went a little too far by saying we"re done but some people have their feeligns/reasons, you dont just throw that around for fun) but the main thing I see here is she lied to him, she obviously knew what she was doing was wrong or she wouldnt have lied, now she"s continuing to live with him but say she cant love him anymore? okay fine maybe she was heartbroken and hurt, but lets not forget here that she was the one caught in a lie about going out with a guy that she flirts with.. if you cant take the punishment dont do the crime..
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Okay, let me help you out.

First, you have to see who she is. She is 21. Means young, her emotions run wild, she vulnerable and prolly still enjoys the attention men give her (thats what matters at least).

Second, lets take a look at her "crime". She said she goes out with a female friend. In reality she went out with a couple of co-workers including the female friend and a guy she flirts with.
In her point of view she is prolly not even flirting, she is just being nice to a guy that is nice. You say it is flirting, he does, I do and everybody else does. However she does not and that is all that matters. She is having a great time and is nice to guys that give her attention.
Next she did not even lie, because she actually went out with her female friend. She did not lie, she simply did not tell the whole truth or the plans changed. Again, what matters is that she did not really lie. She can justify her actions. Hell, maybe she just didnt want him to worry. And here starts his first big fuckup, going crazy about it. Calling her a liar and claiming that she cheats or flirts (which is somewhat cheating lite). We all might agree on it, because logic dictates she fucked up. Woman dont give a fuck about logic. Her emotions say she did nothing wrong and he attacked her for doing nothing wrong. He is the bad guy in her mind. Big fuckup. By itself this one would still be okay, I did the same mistake the 3 times I fought with my current gf about the same thing. She clearly fucked up,but it does not matterbecause her actions were right on an emotional level (and wrong on the logical level which does not matter).

So, she did everything right and gets attacked for nothing. Next thing that happens is that her boyfriend who she really likes and still has a crush on brings the failure not only to the next level but to the next dimension.
He tells her that it is over and leaves. It is fucking cruel and I do really feel sorry for the poor girl. With some bad luck she will have trust issues for years to come. As I wrote above, she is young, vulnerable and her emotions run wild (= Ravvenn called it retard phase). My girl (23) was also badly hurt by her first love like 2-3 years ago and is (or was) still suffering from it. I feel like an emotion healer sometimes, trying to mend the wounds he caused.
When she said he broke her heart she did just tell the truth and no amount of dinner, flowers and being nice is going to make up for this colossal fuckup.

You cannot blame her for anything. Her not being 100% honest is outdone by the way he handled it and she prolly wouldnt understand what she did wrong in the first place. And her reactions to his fuckup are understandable and she has a free pass to do whatever she wants in my opinion. It is his job to make up for his failure, to make her want to spend time with him and get her back.

I am all for putting yourself first, enjoying your life, having fun and no whiteknighting at all. I think my suggestion what he should do to get her back shows that. But this mess is his fault alone. There is no crazy or mistakes on the girls side.

Hope I could help you understand it better.
 
V

Vatoreus Malfost_sl

shitlord
228
1
So this is my first time posting something of value in here for quite some time now.

When I first moved to San Angelo back in August of 09, I started hanging out with a cool group of people. We were all gamers and there were a couple of us who liked to go out to the bars/clubs. Two of the guys I was hanging with became some of my best friends. Relevant later.

In October, my buddy "Shaun" (one of the 2 guys) and I are out and he introduces me to this girl, "Sarah". Her and I kind of hit off that night and the next day we go see a movie together. After a couple weeks of hanging out and seeing each other, we decide to start dating.

She"s pretty much everything I had been looking for in a girl. She was funny, cute, fun to hang out with, and was actually kind of into the gamer side of my personality. She"d hang out and watch us play some tabletop shit, and occasionally join in on it.

Anyway, about a month into it, we break up. It was a pretty shitty break up, but we still hung out a lot (which was a big mistake, kind of.) and both very much liked each other, she just freaked out because I was apparently the first guy to treat her like she wasn"t a piece of offal.

For the next couple of months, we see each other very frequently sans about a week of no contact which she was the first to end. We had kept nearly hooking up but stopping over and over. Pretty much it was a whole fucked up emotional train wreck on both of our parts with our friend "Shaun" telling us we were both utterly retarded: Her for not being with me when she so obviously wanted to be, and myself for hanging out with her so much when I felt strongly about her.

Anyway, December rolls around I finally get to a point where I let myself move on and start seeing this girl. We date off and on for about a month (I know, fucking worthless and I was way pathetic at the time) and in January, "Sarah" comes to me.

She tells me she needs to talk to me and I agree. We had very little contact during the past month and a half or so, so I didn"t really know what was up. Apparently she had finally gotten her orders to leave for the military. We start talking and she tells me that she"s regretted every moment after breaking up with me and begs me to give us a second chance. She wants to start over and rebuild what we should have had the entire time.

I looked at her and told her I couldn"t. I had killed everything inside that I had for her and was in the process of moving on because it got too hard to feel the way I did for her and not have her. She did not take it very well at all.

Now, over the next 6 months, I start down a slow path of self destruction that I didn"t really see until it was too late. I started going out a lot more, drinking a lot more, and hooking up with random girls. Which is not at all the way I am. I end up going from sleeping with 5 girls in my life to about 23 in the span of 6 months. The girls that I did try to date all ended up fucking me over in some way, which I take some amount of responsibility for because I was a mess and just let shit happen to me.

It all culminated in one night back in May, when I got into a screaming match at a house party with a recent ex of mine. She had severely fucked with my head and was being a right whore in front of me at the party, just to get a reaction. I had drank a lot of beer and was draining a bottle of Jack alone, so my judgment was pretty horrible and I let myself get baited.

Anyway, after this, I had a near breakdown due to this stress, the building stress of the past 8 months or so, and a few things from my past that had come up and decided I didn"t care anymore. I took off from the house in my car and wrecked. Spent the whole day in jail for a DWI.

Fast forward to now. I"m on probation, getting everything else straightened up, and was seeing a counselor. I"m on the track to getting things settled again. When "Sarah" came back from the military (her knees were fucked because of some condition, so released from duty) we started talking again. I realized I made a huge mistake when I told her to forget about me, which I see now I did because of my own pain and want to run away from it.

We"ve slept together a few times since she"s been back and I"d like to have her back, but I don"t think it will happen any time soon. "Shaun" and the friend that got back from the desert are a little concerned for me and are looking out to make sure I don"t lose my head, but thankfully I"ve gotten to a point where I can control my emotions and shit and not let them take me down horrible roads anymore.

We"ll see where things go from here I guess.

~By the way, this is the BRIEF overview of the past 9 months here~
 
lost

lost

<Bronze Donator>
3,223
3,493
Inconsiderable said:
lost"s life lesson.
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props, good point of view here, i agree with some of it just depends on how you read his post and what you take from it. im very cynical when it comes to women and deceit, but you seem very considerate towards it due to your experience with your gf (which i can relate to, i consider my 3 yr gf to have given me trust issues etc)..

thanks for the pov.
 
F

findar_foh

shitlord
0
0
Vatoreus said:
We"ll see where things go from here I guess.

~By the way, this is the BRIEF overview of the past 9 months here~
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Counselor thing is good, really good. A lot of people don"t know how useful they can be when you just need someone random to vent to. Sounds like you have friends keeping an eye out, some sense kicked in your dome, and are making way to straightening shit out.

We all fuck up, some of us more then others but it"s about how we deal with it. You seem like you are moving in the right direction, so keep on trucking. Just know you have friends to balance you and someone else for 3rd party thoughts.
 
Ronaan

Ronaan

Molten Core Raider
1,092
436
Vatoreus said:
I end up going from sleeping with 5 girls in my life to about 23 in the span of 6 months.
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Hi5bro?
I mean, 23 doesn"t make you that much of a manslut.
I hope you used protection though.

Vatoreus said:
I took off from the house in my car and wrecked. Spent the whole day in jail for a DWI.
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That was stupid and you know it. Did my fair share of drunk driving years ago and I"m glad nobody got hurt. Looking back, I want to kick myself in the nuts for being such a retard. I hope you do too.

Vatoreus said:
We"ve slept together a few times since she"s been back and I"d like to have her back, but I don"t think it will happen any time soon.
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Care to elaborate some? You"re fucking, you like her, she likes you... what"s holding you back exactly?

Also, in-depth explanation of breakup required.
 
V

Varadox_foh

shitlord
0
0
I just wanted to weigh in briefly on Vatoreus" situation.

From what little you"ve told us, and my expertise in pop psychology (self-deprecating humor), I would strongly advise you to stay away from this girl. The fact that she "freaked out" that you didn"t treat her like poo should have been a major red flag. Once she broke it off, she comes back to you. It sounds like this girl thrives off of chaos. "Things are going well? Time to mess it up so that I can have what I"m used to." It sounds like in your current head space, you too are embracing the chaotic aspects of your life.

Should you guys get together, I fear that nothing good will come of it. Basically, it"ll be great some days and heart-wrenching and horrible other days. The places that the two of you are in your lives right now will not bring out the best in each other (I hope that makes sense).

As much as it sucks, and I know that it sucks, I would advise you not to get back together with this girl. Do not date her and do not sleep with her. Especially since you are trying to work out your own issues. She has her own issues to work through as well, I think.

That"s my 2 cents at least.
 
V

Vatoreus Malfost_sl

shitlord
228
1
About the drinking in driving. Yes, I feel like an absolute tool for doing it. It was pretty much the first time I"ve drank to the point that I was drunk and drove afterward. I was trying to hurt myself and wasn"t taking the rest into consideration, thankfully myself or others weren"t physically hurt. I just managed to put a HUGE roadblock in my way as I try and get my shit together.

Now I guess comes the part where I explain this part of it....

The reason her and I aren"t dating right now is because she has a boyfriend that lives in Hawaii right now. We"ve already talked about the fact that we fucked up and slept together while she"s with someone and have agreed we won"t be doing that anymore. I really don"t want to be the reason she makes any kind of mistakes further. I was the one who initiated the sex in the first place.

Now, the recent contact isn"t because of the fact that I was with someone or she is with someone and it"s a jealousy thing. She was dating someone before she left and I had stopped talking to her after I told her to forget about me back in January. It was more a waking up moment that I had made a mistake turning her away back then.

Also, the reason we split up in the first place. It wasn"t that Iwouldn"ttreat her like shit and she needed it or anything. It more stemmed from the fact that I treated her well and she thought I had her up on some pedestal that she couldn"t live up to. We also spent way too much time together, nearly every damn day. Comes from me not having been too smart when it comes to relationships and having been divorced a year from a really shitty marriage.

The reason why it was bad was because it came out of nowhere and I did the sad thing and kept trying to get her back. We"d constantly fuck with each other without really meaning too and we didn"t give each other a lot of time to think, until the time I separated myself and started dating other people in December.

Where this all goes from here? No fucking clue. Only time will tell, but I"m not holding my breath or anything and won"t be trying to steal her away from anything or anyone. Just going to let shit play out and ride the storm.
 
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