Girls who broke your heart thread

lost · Apr 4, 2011

projectoffset said:
What the hell? You"re saying you"d dump any chick that isn"t a new #1?

No, I guess I didnt make it clear. I asked some friends and one of them said "yeah I wouldnt lie, I"d tell the truth if they werent #1 and to be honest if they werent I wouldnt be with them anyway if it wasnt able to improve to #1"

So no, I"m not saying that, a friend, actually a chick friend, said that. She is a bit conceited too, but whatever. I wouldnt dump a chick over #1, I was simply saying if you knew it meant something to somebody, or at least their feelings, would you lie or straight up say no you"re not? I said yeah I"d lie just cause its not a big deal to me if the chick is #1, but if they"re asking then it is. Yes I did ask her, yes it was of some importance since the 3 years we dated she would always say #1, so I was curious to ask 2 years later and see if it was still the same (since we were trying again and were having sex currently).

I also think how good they are, can be based on how much you care about them, if its your girlfriend.. if its just straight sex with like a fuck buddy then obviously that isnt a factor.

Yeah thanks, perhaps he was doing that, not of my concern anymore. Do you agree about the shot thing? I mean if you just caught her setting up a night time beach meeting, then she apologized saying sorry and then went off to get a shot with the guy (without inviting you), isnt that dick? I felt justified, either way in the bigger picture we all know the answer.

Ravvenn_sl · Apr 4, 2011

lost said:
Do you agree about the shot thing? I mean if you just caught her setting up a night time beach meeting, then she apologized saying sorry and then went off to get a shot with the guy (without inviting you), isnt that dick? I felt justified, either way in the bigger picture we all know the answer.

I"m pretty sure people who sneak behind your back to make plans with their exes and play the "just friends / good friends" card(s) are full of shit. If they were just friends, they wouldn"t hide it from you and all of the sudden want to be open about it AFTER they get caught. You weren"t invited because you"re either a secret or they wanted it to be private to discuss things that you"ll later be lied to about (like talking about how super duper you are, for sure).

That"s just me, though. I personally avoid contact with my exes but some people like to stay friends / keep rebounds.

You should have just left right away and spared yourself wasted time listening to a bunch of bulldookie.

thenipple2000_foh · Apr 4, 2011

Ravvenn said:
I"m pretty sure people who sneak behind your back to make plans with their exes and play the "just friends / good friends" card(s) are full of shit. If they were just friends, they wouldn"t hide it from you and all of the sudden want to be open about it AFTER they get caught. You weren"t invited because you"re either a secret or they wanted it to be private to discuss things that you"ll later be lied to about (like talking about how super duper you are, for sure).

I see your point but on the other hand, I"d tend to keep meet ups with exes a secret only because you fucking know some (most?) women will flip the fuck out instantly if you even hint at meeting up with an ex for any reason. Specifically valid reasons that do not involve cheating; lunch, coffee, whatever.

I"m not sure the best way to handle it. I can see both sides of the argument but I tend to fall to the side of my girlfriend should not be dictating to me who I can and can"t see because she is an insecure twat.

Erronius · Apr 4, 2011

Ravvenn said:
I have a honest question.

All of you seem to spill your guts post-breakup. I guess I"m curious if your significant others were aware of all of these feelings you"re outing now prior to the split.

Hell no, lol, at least not most men. Men aren"t raised to be in touch with their emotions or to communicate their feelings, but to bottle them up and be stoic so to speak. Fathers raise their sons to be tough, to present a tough exterior while daughters are sometimes given more freedom to express their feelings and emotions. I can still remember crying as a child over the usual childhood injuries and being mocked by my father for "not being good about pain" but it was ok for my sisters to cry over less. A lot of men end up being unable or unsure of how to communicate their feelings without sounding like a pussy or a tool - it isn"t that they don"t have feelings to communicate, but it often runs counter to how you"ve been raised. And I feel that this turns into a lose-lose for guys a lot of the time. If you don"t communicate your feelings you risk letting your SO believe that perhaps you don"t care...if you do, you run the risk of making yourself look like a weak man, a doormat for women, a pussy. And opening yourself up to a women can be seen as risky with little reward at times - not only can you risk looking like an emotionally unstable boy or as being needy, opening yourself up emotionally makes yourself vulnerable...and that"s a risk for everyone, I suppose.

I became a lot more guarded emotionally when it comes to women after talking about marriage to a woman I loved, and since then when I"ve looked back it was that long discussion, after being together for over a year that I opened up completely, that everything went south. I don"t think it was the marriage question per se, but rather, the fact that I let my "man facade" down and opened up to her about how I felt. I suspect that was about when she started fooling around with her boss after telling me that she didn"t want to get married, and was part of the reason that she started to push me away until I finally said "fuck it". I"m largely a cynic nowadays and I look back at myself then as being niave, but /shrug. I date less now due to still looking for someone worthwile (which gets more difficult as you get older it seems) and I am far more cautious with women, but then again I"m happy in between relationships and I don"t have the trainwrecks like many in this thread seem to have, lol.

Camerous said:
I let Mel know every day I loved her. I would cook for her. I brought her flowers out of the blue. I watched stupid crime dramas with her because she loved them. I did every thing I knew how to in order to keep her pleased and happy.

Apparently I was supposed to treat her like shit like I did all the other women in my life who still to this day call me. I was so bad to my baby momma she would call my mom crying asking why I was doing all this to her yet STILL she wants to be with me and have sex. I was too nice to Melody.

A lot of women don"t want a nice guy. Maybe this is because they are immature, because I wouldn"t say that all women are like this. Many women want a strong man, one that women can dote upon rather than a weak man that follows them around and dotes on them. Unfortunately a lot of the men that strut around acting like cocksuckers and treat women like shit are the ones that carry a persona of "manliness" and have idiot women continously in relationship after relationship. Where I"d say things change, is when some women realize that a loving, caring man that doesn"t beat them or treat them like crap doesn"t mean that he is a spineless watery-boweled boy. Some women never do though, /shrug, and will go through a steady succession of shitty men.

Some women think that they can change a man; if they find themselves with someone who is abusive or a player, they"ll spend no small amount of effort attempting to change them or bear with it hoping that if they endure long enough, that their love will be enough to see their man change. I think the challenge for many men is finding a balance between being emotionally available and being able to communicate, without making a doormat out of themselves.

Voyce · Apr 4, 2011

Bitches are fucking crazy, less emotions you show the more they want you (Although they will claim otherwise). Being unassertive and sharing to many of your feelings, showing that you"re capable of crying is a major detraction to women, and of course they"ll say it"s not but most women follow their instincts, what comes out of their mouths often contradicts it, but in the end instincts usually win. Way I see it is the same as being in a leadership role, and most of the time when you"re leading you don"t let your subordinates know you"re sweating, if you do they loose confidence and bad shit becomes worse shit. Women have the benefit of childish emotions, men have the advantage of being built to bring order and stability, I think especially as a father figure that"s what our primary responsibility is, to pass on that sense of calm stability and order, and with the help of their wives responsibility. Call it misogynistic but I tend to see most men have the advantage of seeing objectively a response usually clouded by the emotional responses women have. --- I"m not saying as a guy you should be an emotionless robot or super machismo, but emotional guys get stepped on, women don"t play fair when it comes to that.

Of course the first woman I really fell in love with was almost emotionally dead, but she was the exception.

Turkish_foh · Apr 5, 2011

lost said:
Yeah dude, if she"s that liberal about letting guys sleep over, and ontop of that insists that you"re not there when they do then its a fair guess to say its a bad path to go down.. When I first started dating my ex, I had some suspicions about how she was so liberal when it came to certain things. I should have listened to that, by the end of this post I stated how she still thinks I"m psycho over the incident I explain later in this post (yes this is an edit), and after that situation I found out she used to go home with a diff guy every night after her table hostess job at her club.

It"s funny she uses the word trust, when I"ve given my ex chances, she"d try to use every example to show she"s gaining trust with me. Let me give you two prime examples, two that piss me the fuck off.

First would be, she was having a conversation with her best girl friend, and her best girl friend says about how her boyfriend asked if he was the best sex, and she said she told him he wasnt, and if he didnt like the answer he shouldnt have asked.

My gf (now ex) agreed blah blah, this got me to thinking, hey this is us trying again there was some time inbetween this time and the last maybe I feel a bit insecure, I"m going to ask.. yea you can guess what answer I got. "Well I want you to know I"m being honest with you, I dont want to lie to you."

My opinion on that? I"d lie, if it meant my girls happiness to tell her shes #1 then I would lie, because if I"m still with her, the sex must be great, it may not be the best but its certainly great and doesnt matter if its the best to me, but if someone asks then thats an indicator that it matters and anything less than best will only hurt them.. It also shows how considerate she was of my feelings (imo).

So she told me I was #2, and didnt want to lie because she was building my trust again.

Second example (happened after), we were out at a bar, and this guy texts her saying "wheres my convincing call ?" Immediate red flag to me, she has past history with guy texts and such, I go through it all and find out he was coming out to buy her a shot since she just got promoted, it was cool since he was a good guy friend of her and she claimed they had done nothing when they dated for one day (har har).

He shows up, I read more texts of his by then and found out she had planned to go to beach at night with him to smoke a blunt, same beach that she goes with me all the time to have sex, get high and look at the stars (always says how its so romantic), so I think wtf shes taking him to the same beach we go to at night to smoke.. no bueno. I call her out on it, and she says sorry then immediately after he says let me buy you that shot and she walks off to get the shot..

I flipped out, livid, couldnt believe she left me to go get a shot with him after apologizing and saying she was clearly wrong for not telling me before she committed to the beach thing.. Rest of the night (only lasted 30 minutes before I left) she kept insisting she did nothing wrong by walking off to get the shot and I was overreacting (what do you think?).. so her guy friend sees whats up, pulls me aside and gives me a man to man talk about her. He tells me that they actually dated for 2 months, had sex four times and that she really is into me but in his opinion you cant trust a girl like her, shes too wild and you giving her inquisitions about what shes hiding only pushes her away..

So the point of my second example was, this whole time we were trying again, she insisted on hurting my feelings to tell me I wasnt #1 just to prove she wanted me to trust her, but from the start she never told me she had sex with the guy (which she admitted the next day, claiming she told me and that it only happened once and never dated more than a day - "he lied"). I doubt he lied, since she admitted they had sex, and also on the fact that he was moving to a different state in a few days.

She knew better, I made it very clear (in relation to ravenn"s post about making your feelings clear) that any guy that she had previous encounters with was not to be talking to her anymore, not only because it wasnt right but because she cheated in the past, now she was trying to prove to me that she was serious and wanted us to work..

So to sum it up, girls will use trust to their advantage, but dont be fooled that it actually means they"re being 100% honest, they"re just rubbing it in your face when the opportunity arises.. fucking cunt.

Yeah, she still thinks I was wrong for flipping out about her walking off to get the shot and that I"m a psycho for flipping out. Some might think hey yeah maybe flipping out causing a scene was a bit much, but to me it was an accumulation of all the past things just smacking me in the face yet again.

What do you think? I"m actually more concerned with opinions about the #1 sex thing, yeah dont ask if you dont want the answer. But I"ve asked a few people about this and about half say I"d tell them the truth but then again I wouldnt be with them still if it wasnt #1.

That girl actually asked me when we first started if she was better than my previous gf, in some aspects she was but overall no, you cant beat a girl that gets off during sex (previous gf) vs one that doesnt.. but she made up for it in other ways and I wasnt about to hurt her feelings or create a huge insecurity in my gf over an ex gf.

Each their own I guess.

Ps: I also paid for everything, not worth it. They dont appreciate it and in the long run it"ll become "required" and "expected." Try asking her to spend money on you sometime, I bet you"ll get a smirk or some kind of "yah right" attitude. If anything it"s made me become stingy with my money and appreciate any chick that shows she is willing to pay her own way (not that I"ll let her - raised that way, but maybe the first few times)

To the first: Why would you even ask that question to begin with? I can"t think of any logical reason for it to be asked if you"re not having serious issues in bed.

To the second: Well I guess we know who #1 was.

I wasnt about to hurt her feelings or create a huge insecurity in my gf over an ex gf.

Do you think you have the same insecurities? It sounds like you want some type of satisfaction by knowing if you"re "the best" yet you say that you don"t care if she"s the best. It"s a bit unfair to claim to be completely unbiased about whether or not she"s the best you"ve ever had when finding out you"re #2 on her list fucks with you.

I also think how good they are, can be based on how much you care about them, if its your girlfriend.. if its just straight sex with like a fuck buddy then obviously that isnt a factor.

Exactly, so why does the question even come to mind? I"ve had great sex with people I"ve loved and I"ve had great sex with people I"ve hated. It is not a sign of caring. I think you feel that telling someone they are #1 is much more a sign of caring than them actually being #1. Which is just asking to be lied to for the sake of showing they care which is... just kind of childish. It sounds like you over think shit a lot and it"s no wonder you couldn"t keep a woman like her in check. I"m not saying that"s a bad thing, you"re most likely much better off without her, but you are the type of caring individual that she eats up and spits out. Stay away, man.

Zehnpai · Apr 5, 2011

Erronius said:
Fathers raise their sons to be tough

Tell me about it. I stepped on a nail once. My dad tells me to walk it off like a man. I don"t think I was allowed to show emotion until I was 23. And as I said before, telling a girl honestly how I felt about her has never worked to my favor.

The Ancient_sl · Apr 5, 2011

Zehn - Vhex said:
When I was a kid I managed to drive a huge ass fucking nail through my foot. I learned that day not to go to my father for sympathy. "Walk it off." He didn"t call me a pussy, but I could sense it. Then a few months later he chopped his thumb off in a lawn mower. Walk that off asshole.

My grandmother started telling the same stories over and over when she got old too.

Big Phoenix · Apr 5, 2011

Zehn - Vhex said:
Tell me about it. I stepped on a nail once. My dad tells me to walk it off like a man. I don"t think I was allowed to show emotion until I was 23. And as I said before, telling a girl honestly how I felt about her has never worked to my favor.

Assertive, Dominate, Confidence etc. > Sympathy, Compassion, Empathy etc.

Thats what a woman truly wants in a man, until she hits 30 and has no kids.

Erronius · Apr 5, 2011

Phoenix said:
Assertive, Dominate, Confidence etc. > Sympathy, Compassion, Empathy etc.

Thats what a woman truly wants in a man, until she hits 30 <s>and has no kids.</s>

I dunno, there are a lot of single mothers out there that are looking for a different kind of man, especially after previous relationships.

As I get older I find that I can"t swing a fucking cat without clubbing a single mother in the head. It"s something that bugs me on a number of levels (including the fact that I"m getting old). Part of it is that I honestly don"t want to get involved with a single mother and her children due to past bad experiences, every time I"ve relented there has been a ton of baggage and drama. Part of it is my own (possibly idiotic) hangup in regards to many of these women - I get a good deal of attention from single mothers because I"m a "good guy", after they"ve spent years or decades banging bad boys, bikers, felons, or whatever floated their boat while largely ignoring the very "good guys" that they would find themselves pursuing years or even decades later, potentially with kids in tow. I know that it"s my own personal hangup and that it"s ridiculous, my guy friends /boggle and tell me to capitalize on it and drop the woman later, but I end up feeling that maybe they should have made better choices when they were younger and I don"t feel as though I should make myself available to some woman who suddenly wants to find someone decent. Maybe that"s born of rejection in the past, or from having been forced to watch women that I"ve fallen in love with and desired spend years with asshats while seemingly keeping me in storage for when they decide to get serious and using me as someone to confide in as a sort of"gay but not gay friend", but /shrug. I know I shouldn"t project my own resentment onto women I know nothing about, resentment created by a few women who only wanted me as a friend while they were in their wild party stages but then suddenly wanted to call me up years later to get together when wanting a family, but I still can"t help almost shying away from single mothers like they have leprosy or something. And there are a LOT of very attractive single mothers out there who have a lot of good qualities, which makes it a difficult choice sometimes.

Anyways, /rant off.

Kenadul · Apr 5, 2011

Erronius said:
And there are a LOT of very attractive single mothers out there who have a lot of good qualities, which makes it a difficult choice sometimes.

When I was hound doggin last year while single using online dating sites there were probably more hot single mothers than girls without kids. It"s almost like they have to resort to online dating while the hot chicks without kids don"t use it as much.

Lefazz_foh · Apr 5, 2011

Kenadul said:
When I was hound doggin last year while single using online dating sites there were probably more hot single mothers than girls without kids. It"s almost like they have to resort to online dating while the hot chicks without kids don"t use it as much.

I"m curious as to how most guys perceive single mothers... as in, are they completely undesirable? A definite "no" attribute?

It"s kinda sad, I admit, but it some ways I see it as a plus as I think their expectations might be lower. The expectations as in, having some fantasy dream of finding their "white knight" or being "swept off their feet"... "love at first sight", etc. Nonsense they might finally realize doesn"t exist.

Zehnpai · Apr 5, 2011

Depends. Do you want to get your dick wet? Then go for it.

But for relationships? Just realize that you"re always going to be #2 in her life unlike with single chicks where, at least until you have kids, you"re #1.

Tenks · Apr 5, 2011

I wouldn"t date one but that is because I fucking hate kids. I also find people who choose to have a kid around my age as completely fucking retarded and I don"t find "accidental" pregnancy as real in our modern world with so many ways to prevent.

Eomer · Apr 5, 2011

I think it"s completely dependent on their circumstances. There"s a big difference between a stripper who has 3 kids with 3 different dudes, and a lawyer in her 30"s whose husband was hit by a bus leaving her with a 5 year old to raise.

For where I"m at in my life though, dating a woman with kids would not be my first choice by any means.

Lefazz_foh · Apr 5, 2011

So, would you say that most single women with children viewthemselvesas undesirable?

Turkish_foh · Apr 5, 2011

Erronius said:
I dunno, there are a lot of single mothers out there that are looking for a different kind of man, especially after previous relationships.

As I get older I find that I can"t swing a fucking cat without clubbing a single mother in the head. It"s something that bugs me on a number of levels (including the fact that I"m getting old). Part of it is that I honestly don"t want to get involved with a single mother and her children due to past bad experiences, every time I"ve relented there has been a ton of baggage and drama. Part of it is my own (possibly idiotic) hangup in regards to many of these women - I get a good deal of attention from single mothers because I"m a "good guy", after they"ve spent years or decades banging bad boys, bikers, felons, or whatever floated their boat while largely ignoring the very "good guys" that they would find themselves pursuing years or even decades later, potentially with kids in tow. I know that it"s my own personal hangup and that it"s ridiculous, my guy friends /boggle and tell me to capitalize on it and drop the woman later, but I end up feeling that maybe they should have made better choices when they were younger and I don"t feel as though I should make myself available to some woman who suddenly wants to find someone decent. Maybe that"s born of rejection in the past, or from having been forced to watch women that I"ve fallen in love with and desired spend years with asshats while seemingly keeping me in storage for when they decide to get serious and using me as someone to confide in as a sort of"gay but not gay friend", but /shrug. I know I shouldn"t project my own resentment onto women I know nothing about, resentment created by a few women who only wanted me as a friend while they were in their wild party stages but then suddenly wanted to call me up years later to get together when wanting a family, but I still can"t help almost shying away from single mothers like they have leprosy or something. And there are a LOT of very attractive single mothers out there who have a lot of good qualities, which makes it a difficult choice sometimes.

Anyways, /rant off.

I hear you, man. I"m getting to that age where I can either go for the single mom or the dumb college freshman. There seems to be a void of the in between. Just broke up with a 20 year old because she was WAY too immature and jealous about my relationship with my best friend"s wife.

Sharmai_foh · Apr 5, 2011

The thing about Single Mom"s and 20 something"s chicks is easier to understand if you know the value system. The value system is something like this.

A women between the ages of 16 through 24 is at the prime of her life. For her this is a GOOD as it will ever get. A women at this age can and will aim for guys 30 years of age an older and get a hell of a lot of hits.

A guy at the ages of 16- through 24 has a value of about negative 9000. Even asshole Alpha Males who do so well during high school end up getting drop-kick dumped as a girl graduates high school and goes off to college (and 30+ year old guys).

Now what happens is as a guy gets older his value goes up as he puts on cars, money, jobs, security, homes, and the I don"t give a shit I got money (alpha male) syndrome.

A women hits 24 if shes smart, lucky, or whatever she gets married and settles down. Otherwise she still aims for 30 something guys who look at her and that sweet young innocent 18 year old next to her whose going to call him daddy all weekend long. More to the point she"s probably popped out one or two kids and any guy in his 30"s is saying hell no to any kind of long term commitment to that.

If you are in your 20"s looking for some ass then go for the single moms just keep that shit WELL WRAPPED UP and don"t get committed. Well unless you want to. OR aim for the 30 year old women which if you didn"t know women tend to go through significant hormonal changes starting in their 30"s where the produce more testosterone and have sex drives like 20 something"s males. They also tend to become orgasmic or multi-orgasmic if they couldn"t before.

And YES 30 something"s women absolutely LOVE 20 somethings men.

lost · Apr 5, 2011

After reading the PoF thread on bodybuilding.com, whew, I would be very weary about looking for women (to date/marry) on plenty of fish, even OKCupid even though it seems to be slightly better.

The post shows guys basically using copy/paste replies and getting numbers maybe the 1st or 2nd reply from the girl, then nudes not too long after, and banging them.. even guys talking to other guys about girls they BOTH met up with (separate occasions but same chick) and banged.. so yeah wouldnt go lookin for wife material on there.

??? Plenty of Fish Discussion Thread ??? - Page 183 - Bodybuilding.com Forums

Dabamf_sl · Apr 5, 2011

Well Sharmai said something similar but I want to expand on it.

We all on some level are aware of our own value to the opposite sex, and people tend to partner up with people of the same value. Obviously people can see their own value differently and people value slightly different things, but on a whole it works out pretty simply. That"s why a super model isn"t dating a fat ugly guy, and furthermore, that fat ugly guy would NOT, contrary to what you"d expect, seek the super model as a long-term partner, but instead go after someone with a similar or slightly higher value.

Now where kids come in is basically you take a girl and cut her arm off. You can look at her and think how hot she is or how great you two get along, but at the end of the day she only has one arm. If she is way hotter and more interesting than you, the monoarm brings her down to your level and you are interested. But if you are yourself hot and interesting, the widowed arm will push her down below your level.

So basically you can get a significantly hotter and more interesting girl if she has a kid than one who doesn"t have a kid (because the one who doesn"t have the kid will be able to get higher valued men than you). That"s your tradeoff.

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