Girls who broke your heart thread

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
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Solariss said:
Holding a conversation is my biggest fear, especially when meeting somebody new. Not sure exactly what to say... but I know there has to be certain questions or good conversation starters that can be used. Any tips there? I"ve been on a couple dates that went horribly and don"t want that to happen again. I"ve just avoided this entire dating thing because of the nervousness that comes along with it
I used to be the same way with dates, having not dated a lot in highschool or early 20"s. After awhile it just became more natural. Not really sure what advice to offer, other than don"t think about it too much or get yourself all worked up, because it doesn"t come across well obviously. I just try to walk in to it with an attitude of not really giving a shit if things go well or not and try to be relaxed.

As far as conversation goes, again it"s something that has to come naturally. I mean you could take Toastmasters or something, or read some self-help books about how to keep people"s attention and the like, but really it just comes down to being interested in what the other person is saying, but also having interesting things for yourself to say.

I still can"t "pick up" a girl worth a damn, and again that just comes down to being nervous about it. I can walk up to a stranger, male or female, and strike up a conversation pretty easily. But as soon as that stranger is an attractive female that I would like to have sex with, my mind goes blank. It"s terrible. I really should just get out and practice but I don"t really do clubs or bars a hell of a lot these days.
 

Gaz_foh

shitlord
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0
General Antony said:
You"d think they"d want the person across the table to give a flying fuck, but nope.
If a man is willing to put down the soap box for the typical woman"s edification, then he increases his chances of getting laid. Sad but true. The one guy I knew socially was a stand-out in that department, perfectly capable of sitting there with a sympathetic look on his face, nodding as required for 30 minutes/an hour/however long it took for people to get comfortable. Ability to make conversation was trumped by his ability to listen and to keep the drinks coming.
 

zombiewizardhawk

Potato del Grande
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I dunno how it is in other areas but in south Florida I don"t recommend using craigslist for almost anything. Whether it"s trying to sell something or trying to meet up with someone, there"s a good chance you"re going to get robbed.

Edit: Gaz, i"m the same way but it never gets me laid. Tell your friend to share his secret.
 

Urgoslav

Treasured Member
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506
exactly, you"ve got to have other interesting qualities than listening to carry you all the way. Grab a tan and work out your spidery limbs.
 

Antarius

Lord Nagafen Raider
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The secret to holding a great conversation about anything with anyone:

Be genuinely interested in what the other person says. Don"t ask questions you don"t care what the answer is.
 

Etwynn_foh

shitlord
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0
Tripamang said:
Alright I need some advice, I"m out of my fucking element on this.

Preface: My last serious relationship was four years ago, towards the end it wasn"t going smoothly. I told the girl like a bajillion times that I"m willing to stick it out with her through her personal issues, but if she doesn"t think the relationship will work then we need to end it. Eventually she"s like we need to take a "break" I leave for about a week to give her time to sort out her feelings, apparently a break was code word for fucking some dude she met on the internet in our bed. Needless to say I was pissed that she choose to go the way she did, it really did a number on me trusting women. Though I can"t honestly say I didn"t expect this, and our relationship was essentially shit near the end.

Fast forward, I"ve dated casually for the last four years and I"ve been insanely picky. But about three months ago I started getting to know a coworker of mine and we hit it off. We have almost everything in common, same world views, same life aspirations, same everything. Everything was going perfect, great sex, great times.. nothing but laughter and fun. I"ve honestly never connected with a woman like I have this one. She"s probably one of the nicest people I"ve met, great cook... smoking hot.

All is well.. until about two weeks ago when she starts becoming distant, doesn"t answer my texts or my phone calls. She stood me up earlier this week and I confronted her about it. Girl breaks down about how she"s so disappointed about where she is in her life, how"s she hates her job, and how she said she"d never want to work for a heartless corporation (She wants to work for volunteer organizations) and ended up doing it anyways because times were tough. Essentially having her quarter life crisis.. she proceeds to tell me that she"s just wanted to be alone lately, and she"s been beating herself up and has been pretty angry. She feels like she"s going to project these feelings towards our relationship and ruin it if we keep spending as much time together. She wants to have a "break" for awhile where I give her the space she needs to figure herself out. She specifically says it isn"t breaking up, she just needs to time to figure it out. I had bought her a cheapo AMD laptop for her birthday, and she refused to accept out of guilt for how she was making us take a break.

Now I"m at an impasse, I"ve been supportive of the idea because I"ve been her in situation before, but at the same time my gut instinct is there is something more going on that she doesn"t want to tell me. I"m kind of flip flopping between me trusting her, and what is probably my experience from my previous relationship. Anyone been in something like this before? Had it work out? Had it blow up? The girl so far has been my dream woman.. I"m just not sure if I"m just waiting for something that"ll never happen and I"ll end up being the fool again.
So as other people have basically said, if she"s asking for a break, something is clearly wrong between the two of you (even though she claims its about her). Have you considered being up front with her? Like, actually asking her to tell you the truth about what"s going on? You may not want to hear it, but it will probably help you get over her. And if you don"t ask in an obnoxious/jealous/angry/whiny manner, you won"t burn any bridges with her and will be able to end the relationship on a note where you get to assert yourself by asking for the truth.

Just say something along the lines of, "hey, I know you said you want a break because of x,y,z, but I can"t just help but feel that there"s something wrong. If you"re thinking something about your relationship that you"re witholding from me, even if it"s something that you think I don"t want to hear, it would be less hurtful in the long-run if you were honest with me."
...
"It"s not fair to keep me in the dark about concerns you"re having. We should talk about them. Even if you think they"re irreconcilable, I want to hear them so I don"t get the wrong idea of how you"re feeling about me. It"s not fair for you to let me keep believing that you think x about me when you really think y. I need to hear what you"re feeling so I can move on."

Whatever she says, don"t try to argue with her or convince her otherwise. Just let her know that she hurt you by being dishonest.

Girls are crazy. They seriously delude themselves into believing that not being upfront is the best thing for you, and are often in complete denial that they"re stringing you along for emotional support or the possibility of getting back together. And despite the perception that women are more open about they"re feelings, they"re can be seriously avoidant/non-confrontational in expressing serious relationship concerns.

Like everyone said, consider it over. But it will be easier to get over her if you hear exactly what concerns she has against you. They will help to squash the voice in your head that says "maybe she still loves me."
 

Eomer

Trakanon Raider
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Etwynn said:
Have you considered being up front with her? Like, actually asking her to tell you the truth about what"s going on? You may not want to hear it, but it will probably help you get over her. And if you don"t ask in an obnoxious/jealous/angry/whiny manner, you won"t burn any bridges with her and will be able to end the relationship on a note where you get to assert yourself by asking for the truth.
This will not work. If females can make a huge deal for a week out of not telling you that they"re pissed you left the toilet seat up or looked too long at a girl"s tits as she walked by, what makes you think they"ll be direct and up front about what"s wrong in a relationship? What makes you think that THEY even know what"s wrong?

I dunno, maybe that"s just been my personal experience in a similar situation and his girl will see the light and spill the beans. But what"s far more likely is that a) she herself hasn"t even consciously admitted to herself what"s wrong or b) even if she has, won"t be up front about it for god knows what reasoning.