Girls who broke your heart thread

ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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You"re not reading things clearly. I ended things between us and I am trying to see if I can have a normal relationship where I can eventually forgive her, as in something I won"t hold over her head until the end of time. My concern right now is not being with her. If my goal was to look cool and macho I wouldn"t be so honest about the situation.

You are right though, if she fucks me over I will deserve every bit of pain coming to me. I have decided to put some faith in her, whether it is a good or bad decision though neither of us know right now.
 
iannis

iannis

Musty Nester
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Just cut the strings. There"s just no point in being the good guy. It doesn"t have to be dramatic. Just let that shit wither on the vine, because that"s exactly what will happen unless you spread your cheeks for her again.
 
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The Ancient_sl

shitlord
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Rags8o said:
Yep, but when women are dating someone they actually care about and enjoy being with they don"t put themselves in a situation to fuck up.
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I dunno about all this. Women may not rationalize dangerous behavior as often as men do, but they still can do it.
 
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Awlbiste_sl

shitlord
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You do know that you can forgive a person and still not try to form a relationship with that person, right? You can choose to not be angry until the end of time, but also decide this person is clearly not good.
 
lost

lost

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ham said:
You"re not reading things clearly. I ended things between us and I am trying to see if I can have a normal relationship where I can eventually forgive her, as in something I won"t hold over her head until the end of time.My concern right now is not being with her. If my goal was to look cool and macho I wouldn"t be so honest about the situation.
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GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN! READ WHAT YOU"RE WRITING!

You ended things with her, and immediately going to the friendship level? This fast?

This is dejavu for most guys here, myself included, most likely her asking her to be friends, and us (you) settling cause you dont want to lose her. In any case, you still have feelings for her and shouldnt be friends.

Everyone wants that chick to not do what she did, and be happy with you. But she did it. I had a chick do some shit to me lately, I stopped talking to her for 3 weeks, then we started talking again, and she did it ALL over again. Never fails to happen.

Just move on, you"ll see the light. Put yourself in our shoes, or someone else in your position and read. You"ll realize if she gave a shit about you in the first place, you wouldnt be here. She didnt then, and she certainly doesnt [insert x days here after situation] days after you established "friendship." It"s too soon and saying lets just be friends means she has you by the balls anyway, plus now you"re the one trying to forgive her while she just looks pretty and whoo"s you.

Why dont you just assume the worst happened? Theres so many girls I know that tell their guys they only kissed or did this or that.. then its way more. Why don"t you read this article, I saw it posted recently and it really reminded me of somethings:I Cheated on My Boyfriend and Feel a Lot Better - LovepankyThat poor guy doesnt even have a clue.

Either way, she broke your trust, hurt your feelings and thats all there is to say. Kissed, had sex, fondled whatever it wasn"t right.
 
ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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That"s what I"m doing right now and that"s why my decision looks foolish, I"m trusting my instincts with her. I may end up with egg on my face, but I have the same bad experiences in the past with thinking someone will change and them proving you wrong. The board is right about me being too close to the situation and not removing myself enough to see things clearly, I can admit that. Having said that though, I do think people can change and I do think sometimes a mistake happens once and never again, as I"m living proof of it happening in this very relationship.

It would be very easy to just remove myself if I believed she was not a good person, that"s really a lot of what I"m holding onto I guess, my belief in her as a person in general. I don"t expect most people to understand because I would mock someone making this same post more than likely, but I"ve dealt with my fair share of evil bitches over my lifetime and I just don"t see that mean, self centered spirit in her that I did with others. I realize some of that is me being blinded by my feelings for her still. 2 years without a hiccup and to just remove someone from my life over one situation is easier said that done, but I also don"t think it is the answer every single time.

I"ve been honest and anti-tough guy about the entire thing, as bad as it makes me look, so I have no problem tell you guys you"re right, if that ends up being the case
 
lost

lost

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ham said:
It would be very easy to just remove myself if I believedshe was not a good person, that"s really a lot of what I"m holding onto I guess, my belief in her as a person in general.I don"t expect most people to understand because I would mock someone making this same post more than likely, but I"ve dealt with my fair share of evil bitches over my lifetime and I just don"t see that mean, self centered spirit in her that I did with others.I realize some of that is me being blinded by my feelings for her still. 2 years without a hiccup and to just remove someone from my life over one situation is easier said that done, but I also don"t think it is the answer every single time.

I"ve been honest and anti-tough guy about the entire thing, as bad as it makes me look, so I have no problem tell you guys you"re right, if that ends up being the case
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Reminds me of my social psychology class: "What is beautiful is good" I often catch myself doing it too, saying wow she was so good to me, always said the right things, she must be good, why is she doing this? Then I stick to the basics and logic.
What is Beautiful is Good Stereotype and the Halo Effect - PsychWiki - A Collaborative Psychology Wiki

Either way, we all understand. At least you can sit here and admit it, good luck.
 
ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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Awlbiste said:
Didn"t you break up previously? Is this 2 years post-getting back together? Why did you break up the first time?
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I left her for no real reason other than my own selfishness. I was busy with school and work all the time last spring and was just exhausted all the time. I didn"t want to deal with having a full time job, full time school and a full time girlfriend, so I left her. Reading this article it seems like its likely that her stunt could"ve been empowering to her since I fucked her up last summer emotionally. We got back together on Halloween.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

shitlord
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Though we tend to see cheating as cheating, cheating when witnesses are around is way, way more disrespectful than when no one is there to see it. In the latter case, you are certainly being disrespectful, but you"re just trying to have your cake and fuck it too. In most cases, one values the relationship more than the encounter, but is simply being stupid in risking it. But in the former case, because you can assume your partner will find out, you are placing one single encounter over the entirety of your relationship. And publicly saying so.

The "I panicked" line is her covering her ass. Huge disrespect. If you want to be friends with her, tell her to go fuck herself for a few weeks. If she works her ass off to earn your forgiveness, then maybe you can know she"s sincere.

Bottom line is you"re REALLY quick to accept an apology and become friends. No one respects that.
 
lost

lost

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Just think of all those guys that get fucked over, then try to "think" they can worm their way back in by immediately accepting an apology and becoming friends, meanwhile the girl really treats you like shit, abusing the friendship while you"re pretending to be friends but really trying to get in her pants still.
 
Kirun

Kirun

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ham said:
It would be very easy to just remove myself if I believed she was not a good person, that"s really a lot of what I"m holding onto I guess, my belief in her as a person in general.
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No, you"re holding onto your dick still wanting to insert her vagina. This is why getting new vagina as soon as possible after a breakup is almost always the best medicine. It completely clears your head and makes you realize what a cunt the person you were with was. I highly recommend it.

ham said:
I also don"t think it is the answer every single time.
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It isn"t the answer when she does something minor, no. But when she is kissing some dude and telling all the people around her you aren"t together, it most certainlyisthe fucking answer.
 
ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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Fair enough. It"s exactly what I would be saying to someone else posting this shit too. Dabamf really hit the levels of cheating thing right on the head.
 
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Tenks

Bronze Knight of the Realm
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Girls know when they do shit that shouldn"t be tolerated. If she does shit that shouldn"t be tolerated, and then you tolerate it, she will lose any respect. If you were hoping to salvage this thing you really needed to call her a cheating cunt and hang up.
 
ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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She was called every hurtful name in the book when I found out. My calmness on the boards is not a mirror image of how I handled the situation. Infact I"m a little disappointed in myself at how pissed I let myself get.
 
S

Seths_foh

shitlord
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0
ham said:
She was called every hurtful name in the book when I found out. My calmness on the boards is not a mirror image of how I handled the situation. Infact I"m a little disappointed in myself at how pissed I let myself get.
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Name calling doesn"t mean shit, and doesn"t really impact her perception of you. Actions, however, will do that and that is why you"re being told to kick her to the curb and not try this friendship thing.

"Handling" the situation by trying to be friends and make her "earn her way back" does the exact opposite of what you think it does, and actually lowers you in her eyes.
 
Soygen

Soygen

The Dirty Dozen For the Price of One
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You stupid fucking cunt!

We"re still on for the mall later, right?
 
V

Vimeseh_foh

shitlord
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0
Soherfriends ratted her out to you? Unless they are mutual friends with some of them being more friendly with you then her, then I wouldn"t trust anything they did or are going to feed you. Its kind of funny because I had something similar happen in college with an ex of mine. She road tripped for a couple of weeks with a bunch of friends over summer vacation. She meets some dude and bangs him. I get a call from one of her friends about her making out with some guy they met at their hotel bar and that was it. Turns out the bitch went in to early cover her ass mode and had her friend throw out some small cheating to distract me from finding out about the actual shagging some dudes brains out.

Now, why they did that? I don"t know. It isn"t like in the normal course of things I would have ever found out she had done what she did. Luckily for me when they got back one of her friends that had a thing for me told me what really happened. Confronted the ex about it, she caved and I kicked her out of my apartment. I shouldn"t have been in a relationship with her in the first place anyway, I knew she"d cheated on a previous boyfriend. Thought I could change her though and it wouldn"t happen to me. Once a cheater always a cheater. Just kick the girl to the curb Ham.
 
ham

ham

Lord Nagafen Raider
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79
No she told me, her friends (two of them live together) told me about the lying. This group of friends is from Austin, so they"re people I never see, I"ve seen two of them once in my life, and the one I do "know" (FB) I"ve seen 3-4 times. I only know one of them really and barely at that, but we have each others number and have talked about stuff going on with her in the past, so after my gf told me and we went our ways, I sent her a text and that"s when I got the details. Her friend is best friends with the guy who she did it with and she told me she was giving him shit in private about flirting with someone who had a boyfriend and that she had "half a mind" to text me about it. And apparently when the kiss happened is when my ex "panicked" and said we weren"t really a couple anymore (the most damning thing). So yeah there"s definitely the insult of flirting in front of other people, but it"s not her weekend friends or people I even know, so while it"s still extremely fucked up, it was probably expected to be more private than it was and I doubt she expected me to text her friend in Austin ever.

I don"t feel as understanding as I was this morning or last night. Nothing has changed but time to think but the more and more I think on this the more I don"t know if I can move past it
 
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