I need to correct something. I thought she went over to her parents house to do it. Turns out, they were actually LIVING with her parents because they got evicted. And it was a miserable situation for everyone involved. She kept trying to end the relationship but couldn't because this guy was living under her parents roof with her, and apparently him being abusive/intimidating played into it because he'd lose his temper at her.
So she had this heavily-armed guy in her parents house with her that she wanted to break up with and couldn't because of the safety of her family and whatever else.
Sad thing is, she could have shown up on my doorstep at ANY point and I would have looked out for her. I've done that with her before. But after 2019 or so I was so out of touch with her that she wasn't sure if I still cared or what.
And I can't be angry at her because even though what she did was stupid and selfish, she was suffering on so many levels. I didn't even know the half of it when I did the first post, but I've been talking to her family and friends all week so I know a lot more now.
Sorry for your loss :\
Are they sure the bf didn't do it?
As was already mentioned, yeah, that was ruled out.
He fuckin' might as well have though because he had his guns unlocked. She was apparently wildly depressed for the last year+ and an alcoholic, and this guy kept bringing alcohol into the house, then LEFT UNSECURED GUNS AROUND A SUICIDAL PERSON.
At this point I'm just wondering how she didn't off herself way sooner with him doing such a piss poor job looking out for her. He kept bringing alcohol into the house and hiding it in the basement since he'd turned into an alcoholic too. She'd find it, of course. Her mom had repeatedly banned alcohol from the house for her sake, and the rest of the family stopped drinking. Except her guy, who'd sneak it, and then she'd sneak it when she discovered that.
Her poor mom told me it was horrible and that she did everything she could to get this girl off the alcohol and get her some help, but it was "impossible".
Her mom told me not to blame the boyfriend. Says that what killed her was alcoholism, and the timing of COVID (she means the response to it, not being allowed to go to work or see doctors).
She was also the worst kind of bipolar, full-on manic-depressive. And it got MUCH worse in the covid era. According to her mom, she fought and fought and fought and eventually lost the fight.
The guy had gone to work (night shift). She told her mom that night that she needed for her mom to get her boyfriend out of the house so she could end it, then she was doing the laundry. At some point in there she got into the guy's latest basement alcohol stash and was drinking, then found the unsecured gun while she was down there, then immediately went outside and shot herself. Was about midnight. Her mom found her and tried to revive her, apparently she might have still been alive for a little bit but by the time they got to the hospital she wasn't.
Guaranteed she was mixing antidepressants and alcohol that night and it ruined her impulse control.
Also the mental health community was completely out to lunch. She called FIFTY PLUS places looking for a therapist she could talk to, and everyone was like "sorry can't, covid"
Fucking hell.
Police took the guy's guns away and suspended his license to carry.
Her brother wants to kill the guy.
I looked out for her for years and years and years, whether we were together or not, and when her current relationship started I gave the guy a bunch of info of what to look out for and what not to do (mainly, keep her away from alcohol). And he disregarded all of it and instead ran to her about it to make me look bad for warning him about stuff. She called me up and wasn't happy that I did that. She knew what I was doing, but still, it was me giving him a lot of info that she might not have wanted him to know yet. But I knew what I was doing.
Instead of trying to score some fuckin' points over the "competition", maybe he should have taken the advice of a guy who'd known his new girlfriend for like a goddamn decade. I was the only guy who was ever successful at helping her get out of her depression and alcoholism, then she back-slid when I was out of the picture.
Also a few mutual friends of ours never told me how badly she was doing, which pisses me off at them on top of everything else. I made myself scarce to not mess with their relationship (because I easily could have). I was "the good guy" being all honorable and shit, thinking she was doing well while nobody told me anything.
I can't believe how much everybody failed her. I can't even be angry at her because she was battling a mental illness and addiction and she did the best she could, but what the fuck was she supposed to do when somebody kept bringing alcohol into the goddamn house?
She meant more to me than any other girl in my adult life and it isn't even close. I was friends with her from (her) age 22 onward and with her romantically on and off from like age 24 to 31 or something. I wish that, at any point, I'd let her know that I was still there if she needed me, instead of doing that guy a favor and disappearing. The last thing she told her mom was that she didn't know if any other guy (meaning me, maybe) would take her and that she was afraid of being alone in her current state. She was also pushing 35 and felt like her looks were rapidly going away. All the negging from the guy she was with probably made that part a lot worse.
Fuck. I can barely deal with this right now.
I asked a couple of my more religious friends to say a prayer for her because she doesn't deserve to go to Hell or any other bad outcome souls might go to. They said that if she's to be judged and go somewhere else, it's surely going to be taken into account that she had a mental illness and fought it for such a long time.