Asshat wormie
2023 Asshat Award Winner
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IT/Software career thread: Invert binary trees for dollars.
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Asshat wormie
2023 Asshat Award Winner
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Bullseye what? Bullseye you are a dumb faggot that needs to fuck off? Yeah right on the mark.
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TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
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Friend of mine who somehow maintained fully employed as a Scrum Manager got let go yesterday. He kept that position for the past 6 years at a major telecom company. No idea how, but whatever.
Pretty much anyone who sat in a soft skill position that was not a people manager of something actually important or a successful project manager of a product actually producing revenue should have started looking for a new job yesterday. That's how I look at it.
In my experience at corporate where its sometimes hard to fire people the deadweights were put into roles like Project Managers or Product Managers where they were isolated from the actual important projects and actual important product decisions. These are the people you see on Tiktok who fuck around at facebook all day using the massage chairs, nap pods and other bullshit.
When I was at General Motors we had a jogger girl who spoke in straight up ebonics you hear on TV and was hired to be a Java developer. Quite quickly when she started we recognized that she didn't even know what code looked like and asked me questions like "what is a breakpoint?" Like she had not even the most rudimentary understanding of something even as basic as data types. But was hired as a java developer in 2014 lol. We just straight up ignored her until leadership also caught on and made her a project manager and in no direct words told everyone to simply not talk to her. She spoke to the director and him alone about her "projects" once a week. This cunt would come in and watch Orange is the New Black on her ipad AT HER DESK all day and do her nails and other stereotypical shit.
But jogger woman was someone you just can't fire. Probably still there to this day.
Pretty much anyone who sat in a soft skill position that was not a people manager of something actually important or a successful project manager of a product actually producing revenue should have started looking for a new job yesterday. That's how I look at it.
In my experience at corporate where its sometimes hard to fire people the deadweights were put into roles like Project Managers or Product Managers where they were isolated from the actual important projects and actual important product decisions. These are the people you see on Tiktok who fuck around at facebook all day using the massage chairs, nap pods and other bullshit.
When I was at General Motors we had a jogger girl who spoke in straight up ebonics you hear on TV and was hired to be a Java developer. Quite quickly when she started we recognized that she didn't even know what code looked like and asked me questions like "what is a breakpoint?" Like she had not even the most rudimentary understanding of something even as basic as data types. But was hired as a java developer in 2014 lol. We just straight up ignored her until leadership also caught on and made her a project manager and in no direct words told everyone to simply not talk to her. She spoke to the director and him alone about her "projects" once a week. This cunt would come in and watch Orange is the New Black on her ipad AT HER DESK all day and do her nails and other stereotypical shit.
But jogger woman was someone you just can't fire. Probably still there to this day.
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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"Scrum Master", "Agile Coach", "Agile Engineer".... all bullshit positions that do nothing but add confusion and chaos to the software development life cycle and cost companies money and time.
If the Scrum Master isn't your lead dev and you've created an entirely new position just to fill that role, congratulations you've already broken the agile process.
I think out of all of them Agile Coach is my favorite. Some asshole with no technical experience or expertise trying to "train" developers on how to use a DevOps board or similar.
If the Scrum Master isn't your lead dev and you've created an entirely new position just to fill that role, congratulations you've already broken the agile process.
I think out of all of them Agile Coach is my favorite. Some asshole with no technical experience or expertise trying to "train" developers on how to use a DevOps board or similar.
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The_Black_Log Foler
Stock Pals Senior Vice President
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Pretty much. Disney hires scrum masters for their dev teams. I know a super ditzy girl who has zero software background and was hired as a scrum master at Disney. That is her full time job. Now of course shills it super hard on LinkedIn and social media.. Literally creating a job that doesn’t need to exist.
We have one PM who does do some of our sprint planning but she’s pretty useful for escalating shit with other internal teams and is a good fixer for finding the right person you need to talk to. I’ll give her a pass.
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TJT
Mr. Poopybutthole
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The way I looked at this is that the manager of your team, whoever this is, should be the "scrum master" in the sense that he is spending a lot of time making dev tickets as, and I can't emphasize this enough, AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE before they make it on the board.
I have heard from people managers that they end up hiring this out because in every people manager position without an extremely robust internal data architecture (and even then its usually not enough) they end up having two jobs. Managing the work for the team, planing projects etc, and cobbling together reporting to tell higher what is going on. So they want to lessen their own workload and hire these SCRUM MASTER types. And it goes about as well as you may expect.
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Khane
Got something right about marriage
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This is exactly what I've seen as well, even in my own company, however its not a manager driven decision but an executive level, company wide initiative. It's pretty bad.
So teams that used to have this under control, where managers offloaded that scrum master responsibility to their dev team lead, which makes sense, they were forced to hire that position out and hand over the reigns. Which has, for my team and most other teams here, thrown the entire agile process into chaos. To the point where our stand ups go on for like 45 minutes to an hour each day while all the devs try to walk the clueless scrum master through how technology works.
The_Black_Log Foler
Stock Pals Senior Vice President
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clear tickets from SDMs would be legit. My clown world is one word sentences.
Also our TPM got fired on Friday. She was our scrum master. I mean kinda. We run a REAL loose scrum ship. Really didn’t seem to do much work but when I needed her she was helpful. Definitely right decision to fire.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Remote work and other side effects from wu-flu lockdowns pretty much exposed middle managers for the useless tits that they are. A lot of them are trying to rebrand themselves as "agile" experts and sleeze their way into these PO and Scrum Master roles, or other generic project management bullshit. My department has three such people who lack any real technical skills and who's only job seems to be attending useless meetings and being the director's ball polisher. The contribute nothing and even worse than this whenever I or someone else productive tries to begin a side project on our own to erase some tech debt or update an out of compliance system, they swoop in and micromanage the fuck out of it and do all they can to take credit for it. And in reality all they are doing is adding blockers and time spent on what would be quick and simple change tasks if they just let me do my fucking job.
The worst part is I actually took the Agile Scrum Manager cert course but I get to watch said assholes not only blow through our training budget on Kanban courses (which we are not really implementing), but basically sit there watching them run what amounts to waterfall with an Agile Buzzword Soup skin suit pulled over it. So now instead of one ticket workflow system, we have two because these guys are using a fucking up Jira board with no conceptual relationship to Agile methodology they are supposedly tasked with implementing. I mean, I asked them what their define dones were on their main core Stories on the board and they had no fucking clue what I meant. I also got to explain to our supposed Scrum Master/Project Leader/User Success lead (whatever other bullshit titles he has given himself) what PI planning was. Fucking clown shoes.
So yeah, middle managers are fucking parasites and Scrum Master is their new trend to obfuscate their uselessness. Bonus points if they are female, black, or Millenial. And by bonus I mean you will never get any meaningful work out of them and the only way they get fired is to be stuck in a dead end project that the company can completely cut.
The worst part is I actually took the Agile Scrum Manager cert course but I get to watch said assholes not only blow through our training budget on Kanban courses (which we are not really implementing), but basically sit there watching them run what amounts to waterfall with an Agile Buzzword Soup skin suit pulled over it. So now instead of one ticket workflow system, we have two because these guys are using a fucking up Jira board with no conceptual relationship to Agile methodology they are supposedly tasked with implementing. I mean, I asked them what their define dones were on their main core Stories on the board and they had no fucking clue what I meant. I also got to explain to our supposed Scrum Master/Project Leader/User Success lead (whatever other bullshit titles he has given himself) what PI planning was. Fucking clown shoes.
So yeah, middle managers are fucking parasites and Scrum Master is their new trend to obfuscate their uselessness. Bonus points if they are female, black, or Millenial. And by bonus I mean you will never get any meaningful work out of them and the only way they get fired is to be stuck in a dead end project that the company can completely cut.
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BrotherWu
MAGA
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Still employed, but I have been thinking more seriously about my next move. Can we add recruiters to the list of useless people in organizations? 90% of them are fucking awful. 99.99999% if you go international and count all of the Pajeets calling about random jobs. I would imagine most companies could fire almost all of these assholes and they'd never miss a beat.
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The_Black_Log Foler
Stock Pals Senior Vice President
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Recruiters are one of the lowest of all life forms. Politicians, and journalists may only be lower.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Good recruiters are rare, but they exist. And yeah, you can pretty much filter out anything with a Poo name or a Rang name instantly with nothing of value lost. Also, list your bare minimum QOL and pay requirements, as this will filter out the more inventive Poos. Of late, K-Force has been pretty good for me, but I had to deal with six other recruitment agencies before getting to them.
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Gutterflesh
Parody Account
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This all sounds so familiar...do we know one another?
We cut out a lot of middle management around a year ago. Everyone does something that contributes to product development. No one is just a "manager" of people. Each individual team has a product manager and dev lead. The product manager writes all their own requirements and manages priorities/backlog. The dev lead writes code and provides technical guidance to the rest of the team. They share the responsibility of running the daily stand-up for the entire team. We do have a technical project manager that fills the role of scrum master, but that kid does a hell of a lot more than fucking around with JIRA. Young dude with an impressive work ethic. Gives me a bit of hope for the future.
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The_Black_Log Foler
Stock Pals Senior Vice President
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Cool. We just had our top engineer announce he’s boomeranging back to his old company. He’s been with us 1.5 years since product inception and knows the architecture in and out. The guy is a fucking machine at outputting code.
He will probably take a 50-100k TC hit. Who would have thought you can’t keep grinding down your employees to have zero WLB and keep pushing urgent deadlines that make no sense. At some point the higher TC isn’t worth it and you’d think three months ago when our first eng quit (who was also a great one) and didn’t even have a fucking job lined up would have been a sign..
So third loss in 4 months. Hiring freeze atm.
Maybe time to start seeing what other remote options are out there. I need to find some place chill like an insurance company, bank, or some other shit.
He will probably take a 50-100k TC hit. Who would have thought you can’t keep grinding down your employees to have zero WLB and keep pushing urgent deadlines that make no sense. At some point the higher TC isn’t worth it and you’d think three months ago when our first eng quit (who was also a great one) and didn’t even have a fucking job lined up would have been a sign..
So third loss in 4 months. Hiring freeze atm.
Maybe time to start seeing what other remote options are out there. I need to find some place chill like an insurance company, bank, or some other shit.
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Nirgon
YOU HAVE NO POWER HERE
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Master of the obvious and hindsight, coach of the obvious and hindsight, engineer of the obvious and hindsight
People who are supposed to plan things that just criticize people who do what they can't and spew buzzwords
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BrotherWu
MAGA
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I'm working at a nice little company; treated well, appreciated, got a 40k increase last year (I had received another offer and they countered), usually pretty cushy, low bullshit factor, great boss, meaningful product, and... I'm at a point where I'm just bored/burned out. Do you guys get this?
I get up in the morning and I can think of 100 things I'd rather be doing than writing code for the same product. Rationally I can look at it and see that I am in about as good a position as one could hope for and yet I am just ready to do something different. Sometimes I think it is time to just do something completely different even if that means a significant pay cut.
I get up in the morning and I can think of 100 things I'd rather be doing than writing code for the same product. Rationally I can look at it and see that I am in about as good a position as one could hope for and yet I am just ready to do something different. Sometimes I think it is time to just do something completely different even if that means a significant pay cut.
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The_Black_Log Foler
Stock Pals Senior Vice President
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What’s causing the burnout if it seems so chill? Boredom yeah for sure. Maybe find different industry to work in with more exciting product? I’ve been eyeing new space. Buddy has been working for space startups past 4 years and launches code into orbit. Cool products/projects.
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BrotherWu
MAGA
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Yeah I've interviewed with SpaceX and been called by some other space companies but as a software/firmware person you'll inevitably have to move to some liberal shithole. I don't think there is any amount of money for which I would move to LA, SF, Seattle, etc.