Kingdom Death: Monster

We're running a People of the Stars campaign, neither of us has ever done that so it should be fun!

Our first four starting survivors were Bruuce , Fedor, Mrs. Haus , and Millie. The prologue fight went well, although Fedor got disemboweled. He shook it off and managed to recover with some downtime after the fight though, skipping out on the next hunt. Millie took it upon her(lol)self to be our Fist & Tooth specialist, right up in there punching and biting him in the dick.

The crew arrived in the settlement to find the fewest number of extra survivors possible. Probably due to tranny trap posts by Fedor. They found Manessa, Jerle, S Secrets , Zaara , General Antony , and Haus . Fedor went and talked to the mysterious man on the Throne, and he taught Fedor Dragon Speech, so now they can all talk to each other, which is pretty cool I guess?

With Fedor needing to recuperate and sew his bowels back into his abdomen, the original crew took Haus along for the first real hunt. This fight started off pretty poorly, not only thanks to being ambushed by the White Lion, but for the first couple of rounds everyone was missing, and even when they hit, they couldn't manage to wound the Lion. Things turned around when Bruuce managed to crit a couple times with his new Bone Axe, Haus landed one or two wounds with his Bone Darts, and Mrs. Haus stoically tanked as many hits from the White Lion as possible. Millie couldn't land a hit to save her(lol) life, but finally managed to punch and bite it in the dick again. Unfortunately, somewhere in there Haus received a permanent head injury, Intercranial Hemorrhage, and so now he's permanently retarded, hence what Hateyou said about being relegated to breeding stock. I'm not sure how moral it is to take advantage of that poor retard sexually, but in this horrific world I guess you do what you gotta do.

Successfully killing the lion resulted in Bruuce , Mrs. Haus and Millie gaining their second point of XP and thus receiving their first Age milestone. Bruuce chose proficiency in his trusty Axe, and Millie of course chose her(lol) Fist & Teeth, aiming to be the best dick-biter in the land. Unfortunately Mrs. Haus didn't have a weapon capable of proficiency while on this hunt. The crew brought the spoils back home to the settlement, only to find an Acid Rain storm pelting everything. This caused Millie some damage and now she(lol) has to sit out the next hunt.

Now safely back home, and with newfound capabilities, everyone decided to craft a fancy new King Spear using his bones and claws, a Cat Gut Bow using... well, his guts, along with a fancy Claw Head Arrow using another of his claws. Also since he was generous enough to provide one of his eyes, they crafted a Cat Eye Circlet, hoping to use its power to glean useful information about where to attack a White Lion in the future, and perhaps prevent it from so easily luring them into traps. With as many traps as were already in the settlement, they could use all the help they could get. They also managed to innovate Paint, which for some reason allows them to move more quickly. I'm guessing it's red/orange flames body paint, similar to how flames painted on a car make it go faster.

At this point, apparently everyone got really horny or something because 3 children were born. The first one... well, it appears Jerle took advantage of Haus 's mental disability. Jerle appears to have named the kid ZyyZyZZy or some nonsense, probably because Haus just drooled in response when asked. Afterward Fedor, all re-boweled and healed up, appears to have realized his dream and hooked up with Manessa. They gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and named her Tri State Tori. I'm not sure how either of these "unions" resulted in children, and I didn't ask. Apparently in the world of KDM, if you claim you're a chick, it actually works.

Upon learning of Haus being taken advantage of, Mrs. Haus jealously reclaimed her newly-retarded husband and then... took advantage of him. They gave birth to a boy, who is actually stronger than most new children, and special enough that the mysterious asshole weirdo on the Throne declared the child to be "Noble" and required it be his surname. We'll see what comes of that later on I suppose. I'm sure this whole episode has begun a feud between Mrs. Haus and Jerle, and if Jerle doesn't 41% xerself, Mrs. Haus might just murder xer.


And thus began the adventures of the Tire Fires of Heaven ReRolled! The previous Tire Fires of Heaven had succumbed to a vicious Plague of which we will never speak again. That settlement's naming theme was redneck, hence the Tire Fire part, but this new crew seemed like enough of a dumpster fire to inherit the name.

Next up: Lantern Year 2's hunt, possibly against a Screaming Antelope?