Long full disclosure

While she was suffering a placental abruption, no, I did NOT have sex with her. That"s why she made a reddit post about my refusal to have sex the same day her doctor told her not to.

She admits to having OCD, for which obssessive, compulsive list-making is a textbook symptom. That"s not a psycho trait of hers, but just a trait. This is not to say that she doesn"t embellish or distort facts, but the list keeping itself is innocent.

Her key untolerable trait is not lying, but rather that is a part of it. Basic psych: ego (self-identity), id (evil/repressed self-identity), super ego (self-identity shown to others, related to interpersonal relationships and getting one"s way). Using these short definitions, I"d call my main issue with her a mix-up between super ego and id. That is to say that whatever is malicious, cruel, immoral, and generally evil is what she uses to attempt to FORCE her way with things. She is above nothing where this is concerned.

Conversely (inversely?), so long as she is getting her way, she is quite pleasant. It"s like she has spoiled little rich girl syndrome, except that she was never rich nor spoiled. Now, where short man syndrome is characterized by excessive defensiveness and feelings of inadequacy, short women get exactly the opposite effect. A small man is called shrimpy or weak whereas a small woman is called cute or doll-like. So, she exhibits short woman syndrome.

I spent a year trying to understand and reach her until I realized that we all go through some harsh reality to grow up. So long as she is coddled and pitied, praised and patronized, her sense of entitlement and superiority will never wane. Sadly, numerous men have short woman fantasies partly due to the societal pressure that a man should be bigger than his partner and partly due to the mechanics of sexual intercourse wherein a smaller, tighter twat relativistically achieves the same effects as having a bigger dick. Therefore, by playing the innocent victim, she will always find men whom are more than willing to jump to conclusions in effort to tap that ass, appearances notwithstanding. This, in addition to genuine compassion inspired by her odd combination of pity party and strong woman image all but guarantee that she will never grow up until she gets old enough that her wrinkly ass counters perceptions induced in the sexually hyperactive minds of men where her stature is concerned.

It"s sad and nauseating, but IMHO not quite Jerry Springer worthy because all this, coupled with the obvious hell she has actually gone through due to her size, her looks, and her abusive mother make the conditioning that produced today"s Shelly all too understandable, though not entirely excusable. By contrast, Springer guests CHOOSE their identities and flaws willingly, by design.

Hence my wish for her: cut the poor me bullshit and get counseling.

Lithose said:

What in the fuck. How is this phrase and a description of Shelly even in the same post? What kind of fucking dolls do the people in your part of hell play with?

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I personally was there to hear strangers make this comment more than once, and my understanding of it is that typically a 4"2" humanoid figure with tits and hips, in most peoples" experience, is a doll. Think of "My Size Barbie". Such comments were always a bit disquieting to me, but I always settled on them being intended as sweet and the fact that if they knew her they"d relate her more to Chucky"s Bride served to counterbalance.

Also, think of some of the movies out there where the ugly duckling type girl gets a make-over and becomes a knockout. Well, that would be a stretch for Shelly, but the truth of this is that if she"d take better care of herself by investing a bit more time, effort, and money in her wardrobe, brush her hair more often (or wash it for that matter), splurge on glasses with frames that compliment her features rather than distort them, and carry herself with a bit more ladylike class, she could conceivably present an entirely different image.

But this merely serves to underscore what is at the root of all of this. Shelly"s self image is so fucking low that were she male, she"d be hooking up with her own personal Shelly. It"s sad but true, and this coexists with her self-aggrandizing attitude in a way that SHOULD scream "cognitive dissonance," and would if she"d apply more effort to her thoughts or honestly critique herself.

I should mention a few more things, since this post is already long. Nobody here should assume that I don"t critique myself as vividly and mercilessly as I do so for her, but I do get a different conclusion than anyone here can.

I do not regret my time with Shelly, and the reasons go back to just how fucked up I was when she and I got together. More times than I can count, I was approached by absolute knockouts and shot them down because I had a fear of getting involved with any woman who knows she"s beautiful, due to my perceptions of motivations among such people to be self-entitled, high-maintenance, flighty, wishy-washy barbie dolls.

Shelly changed my thinking by showing me what a bullshit stereotype I had allowed myself to become entrenched in, and today I wonder just what kind of experiences and social differences from today my life would have, had I not been so convolutedly self-deceived in such an asinine way. She proved that one need not be a knockout to harbor such detestable traits.

Additionally, as she put me down constantly and exhibited every trait that critiques in the bitter period following past relationships made me question myself over, she made me realize what a fucking absolutely awesome job I once did with so many things that my motivation and confidence have returned. More than once I told her, "You"re trying to break me down, but the way you"re doing it is only building me up." In essence, Shelly helped me more by being so fucked up than years of therapy did, so I can"t say that I regret my time with her (social consequences notwithstanding).

This, in turn, almost --ALMOST-- makes me feel a sort-of sense of duty to point her in the right direction to help herself and turn HER life around. But, that"s neither my place, concern, nor worry. I can suggest the right path, but it"s up to her to take it. See, another thing she showed me is that trying to save people is more or less the most stupid thing a person can do when the person or persons in question refuse to save themselves -- a lesson I should have learned fucking LONG before age thirty.

Sorry for the long post, but some of this needed to be said. Interpersonal relationships always run deeper than what"s on the surface and what those outside the relationship can see.

So, again, I wish she"d straighten up, stop the poor me shit, and get some help before she winds up with a man who really is every bit the piece of shit she makes her exes out to be.

aychamo_aycono said:

Damn, you beat me to it. How on earth can anyone call her a cute doll? LOL

I would have said someone like Shelly is more likely to be treated like a "worthless piece of shit."

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About that pic: See my post above ROFL. Bride of Chucky indeed.

Bronyaur said:

Borderline personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

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THAT is hitting the nail on the head! I said it myself before, but figured that my being the first to call it here would be less meaningful than if someone else pieced it together.

Her childhood trauma is, obviously, the way she was treated for WMS and by her mother (whom apparently wouldn"t allow her such items as pads, toothbrushes, or new clothing, for example). She most definitely has symptoms of PTSD related to her cousin Daniel whom she had a childhood crush on (innocent, non-sexual, I think) and whom was shot in the head accidentally by her brother.

My getting with her was pity. My staying with her was a different kind of pity by which I really wanted to help her because I could see where her problems come from. I"ve said before in this thread, I"m too compassionate for my own good. Then, my thinking first started to change when a friend of mine said, "Dude, she"s not a science project."

The real downer is that if she does seek counseling, psychotherapy, or any other such help, she is likely to play the same poor me games and distort the truth until either the professional who is supposed to be helping her either gives up or comes to the wrong conclusion. She claims to have had counselors give up on her before, and cites this as the primary factor for her aversion to getting help. Well, perhaps that and the effect the stigma of diagnosis could have on her already low self-image.

This is where my knowledge of psychiatric practices comes to its uselessness. It is extremely difficult for people suffering with a disorder to overcome their fear of stigma and face themselves honestly. For me, with bipolar and asperger"s, despite what I"ve shown online it was one of the hardest struggles of my life. In fact, a lot of the slack I took here helped by forcing me to question, "Well, hell, is this the worst that could come of getting help?"

Yet it comes to the same point for her that it did for me: One can not accept such observations from people close to them because the mere observation from such people that a problem exists feels like betrayal. So, she has to come to the conclusion herself that something isn"t right, be honest, and let go of all presuppositions and fears about getting help. As much as I hate to say it, I"m not sure that can even happen for a person without their hitting rock bottom first, and now that she"s a mother, rock bottom has much more serious consequences.

I guess it would be helpful to hear from y"all that she"ll find the help she needs, or that in the end a happy ending for all will happen. Somewhere in my mind, I keep hoping to hear that in the end, all will be well, but that"s neither realistic nor understandable. It"s optimism to the point of delusion. Chances are, there will be no happy ending, everything will not be okay, at least for her, and my task is to stop giving a damn to the point of having zero concern for her as a human being.

That would be infinitely easier if I knew empirically that her child is not mine.

aychamo_aycono said:

GV, when you go off on this long posts, I can"t help but believe that you are experiencing a manic episode. How compliant are you with your bipolar meds?

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I am today, and I drank coffee to boot. Wheeeeeee!

Meds are a difficult thing for me. My first experience with Shreveport was to contract tuberculosis, for which I underwent six months of liver-busting medication before the horrible disease became active. I was cured, but now I suffer fucking DRASTIC side effects from mood stabilizers and some antidepressants. The consensus of numerous doctors whom have worked with me is that I should continue therapy and (to my entertainment and surprise when it was suggested), find a weed hookup.

Coffee for down days, weed for manic days. But I have no hookup and am not in a position to test positive, as I pull my life back together. Thus, on manic days everything comes out like a waterlogged cloth being wrung.

Sorry folks, I"ll slow down.

Erronius said:

Even after everything that"s gone down you"reSTILLwhite knighting her...that"s hilarious. If I was Ashley this would worry me somewhat.

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I"m not really white-knighting for her. I won"t ask anyone to lighten up on her, or really wish for her that she faces no consequences for her shortcomings. BUT I"m a typically caring person. I may not be able to stand her company to the point that even reading her writing makes me want to claw my eyes out, but she"s still a human being.

And it"s nothing for Ashley to worry about. I don"t carethatmuch. It"s just that when I get to the point of not giving a fuck, where I could laugh at her misfortune even, I remember that her child might be mine and it"s a mindfuck. On top of that, I feel that this thread should be drawing down and to a close here soon, which hopefully means that she has gotten everything she has to say and all her stalking out of her system. So, before this record and testament to this series of fucked up events is forever sealed, I wanted to take the opportunity to air these thoughts I have shared today.

Hopefully when this hits the Hall of Shame, it will mark the beginning of a lifetime of her not existing in my world, in any capacity.

I"m not defending her, just being rational. There"s a name for her problems, and also a treatment. If someone turned green and leaned over to a stranger to puke all over them, I could say they have a stomach virus without excusing that they puked all over a stranger. That"s what I"ve attempted here today, in a manner of speaking. BUUUUUT... time to go. Life beckons