Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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iannis
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Khane
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I seem to remember TJT talking about dating a woman who practiced eastern European "medicine". Did he end up drinking a potion that turned him into her love slave?!? Right after she drugged his soon to be ex and made her fall in love with some random Australian so she would be out of the way!
I smell a conspiracy. Or like iannis said... a witch.
I smell a conspiracy. Or like iannis said... a witch.
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Wife spent over $800 in clothing last month. Close to $600/month over the last 6. I'm being completely honest that I have no idea what a family of 3 with a 5YO *should* be spending but I'm having hard time believing it should be anywhere near that.
This is not the first time I've had to ask her why certain parts of the budget are higher than I would have thought. Or even worse, higher than we explicitly agreed to keep it. They're always met with mumbles and half hearted promises to do better. Like I'm an asshole for wanting to have some oversight on our spending and doing something with the feedback.
She wants to extend a vacation we have planned, hit a few more locations. She's also taking some time off work to recuperate, more on that below. So we're basically not saving any money. The extension isn't expensive, maybe a few more hundred bucks, but I feel like this one of the few bargaining chips I'll have to force some real change out of her.
I ask her for a show of good faith. Let me input some of her credit cards so we can better itemize the purchases. No deal, she offers to cancel Sirius XM, a whole $13/month. An insulting offer that misses the point entirely.
She then tries to explain it away by saying she gained 15 pounds since last summer and she needed some new clothes. Now, you can see where this is going and yeah, I fell for it. I don't have a problem with her weight, last summer or this one. But I ask her to please keep the cost of new clothes in mind and now I'm guilty of body shaming.
Frequenters of this thread know she's suffering from...something. The rheumatologist she saw a couple weeks ago thinks the fibro is a symptom of something else(Celiac, it does run in the family; sleep disorder; or some other stress trigger). Is it still fair to expect someone to watch their weight when on medications that might affect that? And if it's not fair, is it then fair to ask someone to be up front with the "collateral", like our clothing budget?
This is not the first time I've had to ask her why certain parts of the budget are higher than I would have thought. Or even worse, higher than we explicitly agreed to keep it. They're always met with mumbles and half hearted promises to do better. Like I'm an asshole for wanting to have some oversight on our spending and doing something with the feedback.
She wants to extend a vacation we have planned, hit a few more locations. She's also taking some time off work to recuperate, more on that below. So we're basically not saving any money. The extension isn't expensive, maybe a few more hundred bucks, but I feel like this one of the few bargaining chips I'll have to force some real change out of her.
I ask her for a show of good faith. Let me input some of her credit cards so we can better itemize the purchases. No deal, she offers to cancel Sirius XM, a whole $13/month. An insulting offer that misses the point entirely.
She then tries to explain it away by saying she gained 15 pounds since last summer and she needed some new clothes. Now, you can see where this is going and yeah, I fell for it. I don't have a problem with her weight, last summer or this one. But I ask her to please keep the cost of new clothes in mind and now I'm guilty of body shaming.
Frequenters of this thread know she's suffering from...something. The rheumatologist she saw a couple weeks ago thinks the fibro is a symptom of something else(Celiac, it does run in the family; sleep disorder; or some other stress trigger). Is it still fair to expect someone to watch their weight when on medications that might affect that? And if it's not fair, is it then fair to ask someone to be up front with the "collateral", like our clothing budget?
Khane
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Tell her to ask her friend who did the "Fuck the Patriarchy" needlework to make her some new clothes. Since she's so good with a sewing kit.
Also, if you have shared expenses, except for "her" credit cards... what the fuck is that about? Hahaha.
Also, if you have shared expenses, except for "her" credit cards... what the fuck is that about? Hahaha.
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Tarrant
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If shes on prednisone then she can watch her weight all she wants, she's going to gain no matter what. If her meds are making her gain then there's not a ton that can be helped with that. You can work out or diet all you want. It's listed as a side effect for a reason, most of the time you can't avoid it.
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iannis
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Yeah, prednisone is gonna make her plump up. It makes you retain water. There's not enough diuretics in the world to counter it. And if she tried that it would only make her sicker.
I don't know if you've got a healthy relationship with your wife when it comes to finances, death. It honestly sounds like a powerstruggle. For once I don't actually have any advice about that! It just sounds like a nasty cycle where you get a little aggressive, she gets a little defensive, and it escalates.
I don't know if you've got a healthy relationship with your wife when it comes to finances, death. It honestly sounds like a powerstruggle. For once I don't actually have any advice about that! It just sounds like a nasty cycle where you get a little aggressive, she gets a little defensive, and it escalates.
Tarrant
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The only solution you are gonna have when it comes to finances, if she won't slow her role which it sounds like she won't, is separate your finances. Or at least threaten to. It's not ideal but maybe it'll give her a rude awakening on how serious you are.
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Khane
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Sounds more like she's well versed in the art of guilt tripping. Obviously we only get one side of the story but requiring 600 a month for new clothes, needing to extend vacations and also taking extra time off work to satisfy "my needs" is bordering on self pandering.
I mean shit... 600 a month over 6 months because of 15 pounds? That's like... an extra belt loop worth of weight. Not an entire wardrobe for a Romanoff.
I mean shit... 600 a month over 6 months because of 15 pounds? That's like... an extra belt loop worth of weight. Not an entire wardrobe for a Romanoff.
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She's not on prednisone. I'm not saying there aren't other meds that can cause weight gain.
The separate credit cards are not "hers" so to speak. They're mostly store credit cards that I haven't felt the need to have that fight to force her to itemize. I still see the charges for Old Navy and Target for example because we pay those off with a credit card that I do itemize.
And I don't pretend that they are all her purchases. She does 95% of the shopping for the household. So while I can't specifically see what she's buying, I generally trusted it was well intentioned. It likely still is, you gain weight, you need new clothes, that's a legitimate reason. I'm not even looking for her to feel bad. Just some contextual awareness maybe she just spent the vacation budget even if it wasn't her fault.
It's not healthy,
iannis
. I'm quite frugal. We have "fun money" that we can spend and the other person can't question at all. We deposit money into these accounts as mutual gifts for each other for special occasions, so the "income" is generally the same. Her's is almost gone, mine is above $5k and rising. I just don't have much I want to buy.
The separate credit cards are not "hers" so to speak. They're mostly store credit cards that I haven't felt the need to have that fight to force her to itemize. I still see the charges for Old Navy and Target for example because we pay those off with a credit card that I do itemize.
And I don't pretend that they are all her purchases. She does 95% of the shopping for the household. So while I can't specifically see what she's buying, I generally trusted it was well intentioned. It likely still is, you gain weight, you need new clothes, that's a legitimate reason. I'm not even looking for her to feel bad. Just some contextual awareness maybe she just spent the vacation budget even if it wasn't her fault.
It's not healthy,
iannis
. I'm quite frugal. We have "fun money" that we can spend and the other person can't question at all. We deposit money into these accounts as mutual gifts for each other for special occasions, so the "income" is generally the same. Her's is almost gone, mine is above $5k and rising. I just don't have much I want to buy.- 1
Arative
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It depends if you're shopping at high end retailers, then $600 is probably right on the nose. If it's $600 at Target, I'd say she's returned most it for gift cards to fuel a pill addiction or something
I have two kids and we didn't spend close to $800 on clothes for the family last YEAR, never mind last month.
Khane
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Every month for 6 months in a row? You've got expensive taste!
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Noodleface
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You can assume based on deathwings frugality and the mention of target and the like that she's probably not buying designer clothes. I can't even imagine how I'd spend $600/month on clothes. I have like 15-20 dress shirts and 10 nice pairs of slacks and I never really add to it. I'm a jean and t-shirt guy though.
And kid clothes CAN be expensive, but fuck we buy outfits seasonally for the boys and the youbgest gets hand me downs.
This sort of reminds me of my mom. She was hiding CC bills from my stepfather by always justifying the purchases until once he found out she spend $3k on back to school clothes for my sister. He was livid but then he went back through her purchase history and she'd always been doing it. And no one had a thing to show for it.
Is it possible she's just shopping to feel better about herself? You've well documented her lack of sex drive and elusive mystery illness
My money is still on depression
And kid clothes CAN be expensive, but fuck we buy outfits seasonally for the boys and the youbgest gets hand me downs.
This sort of reminds me of my mom. She was hiding CC bills from my stepfather by always justifying the purchases until once he found out she spend $3k on back to school clothes for my sister. He was livid but then he went back through her purchase history and she'd always been doing it. And no one had a thing to show for it.
Is it possible she's just shopping to feel better about herself? You've well documented her lack of sex drive and elusive mystery illness
My money is still on depression
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Arative
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Not me. I asked my wife what we spend on clothes and she said about $200 a month for 4 of us. She's the one that told me you could spend $600 at high end places, Brooks Brothers or Neiman Marcus. We shop at Target and Costco
Noodleface
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