Marriage and the Power of Divorce

sakkath

sakkath

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Having skim read the last few pages maybe this has been covered already, but this seems (on the surface) to have been blown out of proportion a couple who are failing to communicate effectively.

What happens if you say "prononun person can come over but im not using the wierd pronouns".?

What happens if you say "i don't like that shirt and i don't want my son being a billboard for political or social issues - im going to chuck the shirt in the bin"?

What happens if you put a "boys will be boys" poster next to the patriarchy thing?

These seem like such trivial issues to blow up a marriage over.
 
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Lendarios

Lendarios

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Cad said:
I see. What is my definition of man?
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Someone who can not deal with calling a friend of their wife by their preferred pronouns.

Deathwing you are being silly. You drank the koolaid of the board all the way down.

The only thing I can recommend is try to find a way to be happy. Either with your wife or without her.
 
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iannis

iannis

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The pronouns dude is just the most recent example of a persistent issue.

It's not one of those ignore it and it will go away issues.

But this is coming from a single guy who is unwilling to suffer fools in his kitchen. When I did alone my cat will turn me into cat poop.

I should probably get a dog for the bones. I'll give it ten years, don't want the dog to be too old. He'll crack his teeth.
 
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BrutulTM

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Divorce is like 5 years of your life, and if the woman wants to she can destroy you financially. It can be very bad for the kids as well. It's not the easy way out.
 
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Big Phoenix

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sakkath said:
These seem like such trivial issues to blow up a marriage over.
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This is the tip of the iceberg. You would have to go back much further but this is but one of a number of acts of lunacy hes putting up with.
 
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Foler

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Hoss said:
Again, it's not something you even need to pick a fight over. Just say no and move on to the next subject. Be sure to make her clarify everytime she uses the bullshit pronoun.

I would then start making jokes about it. "My personal pronoun is American Inventor dick. When you respect that I'll try to respect yours."
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This. If you went to a licensed counselor I'm sure it's exactly what they'd say.
 
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Deathwing

Deathwing

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I did that, just not so crassly. I asked her how she would feel if someone said their preferred pronoun was "Her Majesty". She first tried to argue that wasn't a pronoun(it is). But then said it was stupid. She said most of them are stupid. I'm assuming she's referring to ones like "Xir". I told her that you don't get to pick and choose, either the concept as a whole, allowing individuals to dictate language usage, is stupid or it's not. She didn't really have a response for that. I was about to tell her that the continual buildup of bullshit from the left is essentially why Trump got elected and they're doing a fine job of ensuring he gets a second term, but then our son woke up with nightmares.

Which segues to your other point. I don't believe you can just agree to disagree, as parents, on some subjects. My son turned 6 recently, he's going to be encountering this shit soon. If we don't hash out these topics between ourselves, how can we expect to guide and teach him well?
 
Hoss

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You could maybe concentrate on teaching him (through example) to disagree agreeably?

Moms are bleeding hearts, dad's are heartless. Just agree not to prosthylize him.
 
LachiusTZ

LachiusTZ

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Hoss said:
You could maybe concentrate on teaching him (through example) to disagree agreeably?

Moms are bleeding hearts, dad's are heartless. Just agree not to prosthylize him.
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No

Both parents need to be of the same position with kids.

Indoctrination all day, wife acquiesce to it, dad becomes the bad guy all day every day.

Wife has to get onboard, or you have to get off the ride
 
Hoss

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Seems like that's a good recipe for making snowflakes who can't function when exposed to other people's ideas.
 
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LachiusTZ

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Hoss said:
Seems like that's a good recipe for making snowflakes who can't function when exposed to other people's ideas.
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Do you want to know all the ways this statement in this context is wrong and ignorant or just the main ones?
 
chaos

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Deathwing said:
I did that, just not so crassly. I asked her how she would feel if someone said their preferred pronoun was "Her Majesty". She first tried to argue that wasn't a pronoun(it is). But then said it was stupid. She said most of them are stupid. I'm assuming she's referring to ones like "Xir". I told her that you don't get to pick and choose, either the concept as a whole, allowing individuals to dictate language usage, is stupid or it's not. She didn't really have a response for that. I was about to tell her that the continual buildup of bullshit from the left is essentially why Trump got elected and they're doing a fine job of ensuring he gets a second term, but then our son woke up with nightmares.

Which segues to your other point. I don't believe you can just agree to disagree, as parents, on some subjects. My son turned 6 recently, he's going to be encountering this shit soon. If we don't hash out these topics between ourselves, how can we expect to guide and teach him well?
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I doubt this is the last subject you'll disagree with your wife on that you will feel strongly about. If your requirement is ideological purity for your spouse, you're just not likely to get that, and it isn't a reasonable thing to expect. Even if you do manage to get her on your side, that is no indication that your kid will be. And the meta-lesson is more about how you deal with people who disagree with you rather than the particulars of any opinion.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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chaos said:
I doubt this is the last subject you'll disagree with your wife on that you will feel strongly about. If your requirement is ideological purity for your spouse, you're just not likely to get that, and it isn't a reasonable thing to expect. Even if you do manage to get her on your side, that is no indication that your kid will be. And the meta-lesson is more about how you deal with people who disagree with you rather than the particulars of any opinion.
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We seem to be arguing in circles. I don't expect her to agree with me. I expect her to have her shit in order so she's a good parent for our kid. That means telling him preferred pronouns are good because X, Y, and Z, not because she likes them.

Kids place a high amount of trust in their parents. It's our job not to abuse that trust, even if not purposefully, by imprinting our kids with the same lazy opinions we hold.

Essentially, and man this is hard to type, I agree with Hoss Hoss . Don't proselytize.
 
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chaos

chaos

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Deathwing said:
We seem to be arguing in circles. I don't expect her to agree with me. I expect her to have her shit in order so she's a good parent for our kid. That means telling him preferred pronouns are good because X, Y, and Z, not because she likes them.

Kids place a high amount of trust in their parents. It's our job not to abuse that trust, even if not purposefully, by imprinting our kids with the same lazy opinions we hold.

Essentially, and man this is hard to type, I agree with Hoss Hoss . Don't proselytize.
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Just reading your post above, it seems like she gave justification for her position, you just didn't accept that and introduced this language dichotomy as a contingency for having this pronoun discussion. Is the objective for her to have X, Y, and Z or for X, Y, and Z to be things you find acceptable?

I agree with Hoss, too. Sure, try not to proselytize. But the process is going to ultimately be more important to the child than the actual contents of any particular argument.
 
Deathwing

Deathwing

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I'm not sure I understand the question, the answer seems self evident. Backing an opinion with just feelings is like saying "because I said so".
 
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