Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Tuco_sl said:

Maybe I'm naive but the ostensibly permanent contract of marriage is intended to guarantee a permanent relationship. I minimize the amount of worry I have to do about finding another mate or losing my current one. I've found what I want and I want to stay with it permanently.

Another way to look at it is most women I'd be interested in staying with permanently wouldn't do so unless I married them. Yeah there's great women out there who wouldn't mind a ltr without the chance of marriage, but most good women I know would have told me to shit or get off the pot years ago in my ten year relationship with my wife.

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See, this is pretty much my problem with it. Divorce is no big deal anymore. At any time, you or your spouse could just decide "meh, I think I'm done" and that's it. Plus, it's usually to the detriment of the bread-winner and even if it is amicable and fair, you are almost guaranteed to not get the '%' of combined assets that you want because it will be mediated to some degree.

Why are you required to give power to women that you have to contractually obligate yourself to them to stay with them? There's always the 'women get used up by age X' argument, which is true in some sense, but at the end of the day if two people trulyloveeach other why isn't that enough? If at age 27 two people come to the conclusion they want to spend the rest of their lives together, why is a woman saying "put it in writing or I don't believe you" OK? That plus pre-nups for 'normal' folk are touted as belittling a marriage and all that, even if they are very respectful and rational (IE, the exact opposite of what a lawyer will do to you in divorce court).

Eomer_sl said:

Wait, what? Did you marry a lab rat?



Fuck that. Ironically enough, this thread continues to reinforce how fucking awesome my special lady friend is. All this shit you guys talk about with your past/current girlfriends/wives? Basically none of it applies to mine.

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We're all married men and we have no one to bitch to, so we come here to vent. All my friends are married with young kids, so getting together for beers is few and far inbetween. And all my single friends either moved away or live 2 hours away.

I bitch about stuff on here but my wife is really awesome. She takes care of the kiddo, she cooks dinner, she cleans, she does laundry. She doesn't spend a shit load of money (she's actually a saver). We lived together in my apartment while we dated and she only paid for food but that was only for 3 months before we got an apartment together where we split everything 50/50.

Most of the bitching her, I think, is just the little stuff that gets amplified over time, but in the end isn't a big deal.

Onoes_sl said:

Seems to me like the only guys with no complaints are the ones that have a bang maid.

My duties include-
Pay X dollars a month to support my/her needs

Her duties-
Cook
Clean
Leave me alone generally
Offer sex when wanted


Thats what I seem to get out of the guys who have is "so good"s description as well. And I'm not faulting you guys, that is probably awesome. I'm sitting here telling myself thats not what I'm looking for, but at the same time wondering if thats exactly what I'm looking for, and I'm just jealous?

I'd like to think that I'm looking for something in between that and "insane person", but maybe thats just the white knight in me trying to get out.

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I couldn't live/be with a woman that is so grateful "just to have me" that she takes care of everything for me. I need to have an equal partner in things or it'll drive me nutty.

Palum_sl said:

But why get married? You can literally do everything you do while married as two single people living together. I guess I just don't understand the drive to sign a contract that really has no benefits but can really fuck you over down the road.

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There is something about the ceremony and finality of it that forges a deeper bond of love and friendship not with just two people but sometimes with two families.

I'm a pussy around bees/hornets. I am in paralyzing fear when I see one. My wife went out last night and killed a baseball sized hornet's nest under my deck for me. +1 points to the wife.

Onoes_sl said:

My apologies for implying your wives were bang maids

I was mainly going off of Eomer's earlier post, where it seemed to me her purpose was to serve him, and then wait patiently for him to be ready for his massage and sex, while he did nothing but pay for things and then whatever HE wanted at all times. He has since posted that there is a lot more to their relationship, he just didn't post it. The information I had available at the time was "Here is the way it is", now I know there is more to it than that. I assume he spends his weekends popping zits on her back, and taking her 14 prizewinning little dogs on walks and to the groomer, he just doesn't complain about it.

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No worries, I wasn't offended, just setting the record straight. For the most part we do our separate things on a day to day basis. She works 30 hours a week or so, and studies and/or does her online classes for about the same. She doesn't have a lot of hobbies outside of her school work and reading for pleasure, primarily because in her late teens and early 20's she was basically either working or studying, with no spare time. That'll come. I work 50-60 hours a week, and play hockey or golf 2-3 times a week. We spend our evenings together, even if we're not doing the same thing the whole time, and get away for weekend camping trips and the like when we can. I take care of the finances, she takes care of the housework. It's a pretty good arrangement for both of us, it's not like one of us is taking advantage of the other, it's a mutually beneficial arrangement.

Lejina_sl said:

If I so much as ask her what she'd like to do during a given evening she pretty much look at me like I like lost my mind and bounce the question back at me. If there's something in particular she'd really like to do, she's going to give me a clear hint, but otherwise she's just hitching her wagon for the ride.

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heh, that reminded me of another thing I like about my special lady friend. If she wants to go out for dinner, she'll generally pick the place. If she doesn't feel like picking, she'll go with whatever I pick on the first try. None of this 20 guesses bullshit.

Draegan_sl said:

Most of the bitching her, I think, is just the little stuff that gets amplified over time, but in the end isn't a big deal.

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Yeah, I recognize that what's being posted here is venting, and not an accurate reflection on people's marriages any more than my post encompassed the entirety of my relationship. It's just that like I said, I don't deal with any of that shit, ever. Maybe at some point down the road she'll be more of a pain occasionally, but 20 months in and this chick does hardly anything to annoy me.

Ah 20 months in... and not married.

Wait, my son. Wait until her lady friends tell her all the things you are doing wrong.

I generally just say where I want to go. I found leaving her choice just lead to me having to choose anyways. If she really wants a specific place she'll say where she wants to go after I tell her where I want and we go there instead.

Me and the wife never really fight about somewhere to go out to eat. I'm easy, I don't care where we go as long as I can get a few beers. The last two nights me and the wife got out to eat we got into the car (kid free!) and realized we didn't know where we were going.

Was kind of funny.

Women get out of that uber crazy level? It just morphs into another equal level of crazy once kids come along.