Marriage and the Power of Divorce

OneofOne

OneofOne

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Khane_sl said:
He's in the "honeymoon" phase of a new relationship. Her pussy still smells like strawberries and all they care about is fucking and having a good time. And he's confusing that with love.

I mean that shit has happened to all of us. We're trying to warn you because we've made that mistake. We're probably being a little harsh but you should realize we're just trying to help you out.
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This man knows what he's talking about. We've ALL been there bro, every last one of us. Were you a virgin Grumpus when you got together with her? Or is this your first girlfriend (ignoring one night stands and shit)? You need to slow your roll WAY down bro. There's no hurry, and using this JW situation to say there is... just slow the fuck down. Listen to these people - they aren't trying to sabotage you or some shit - you got probably 200+ years worth of dating/marriage experience giving you solid advice here. Think on this - when was the last time we all agreed on ANYTHING? But we all agree on this.
 
Dandai

Dandai

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My biggest concern would be rushing intomarriage. If you're fine with dating your perfect girl for a couple years then I wish you all the best.

When I married my wife I was 23, and she was 22. We had been together for a year; she had graduated from college, was living on her own, and was working at a stable job making an expected wage given her experience and education. At the age of 23, I felt that I was worldly enough to determine when a person had transitioned from the "who am I?" phase to the "stable adult" phase where their personality and world view didn't shift with the wind. While I was fairly good at recognizing the maturity level of most people, I foolishly believed that I was able to emotionally detach myself from the girl I was really into enough to fairly judge her situation.

It seems to me that you are in a very similar situation with your girl.

Over the past six years (I'm 28 now - the same age as you), my wife and I have both gone through some pretty fundamental personality and world view shifts. I'm not sure that the people we were when we first got married would recognize the people we are now. A few years ago we kicked around the idea of divorce. We didn't own any joint property, didn't have any kids, and didn't have any compelling reasons to want to stay together. As we got older our differences in personality became more pronounced and we made no effort to reconcile those differences or to get to know the person that each of us had become. I can't speak for her in this, but I think we both stubbornly clung to the idea of the person we fell in love with, someone who was very different than the people we grew to be as we became wiser to the ways of the world and experienced more of what life had to offer.

Anyway, I'm making the effort to write all of this because I've been there. I've made the exact same judgements, and, dare I say, justifications that you are making, or at least have made in this thread. I think it's great that you've met someone who rocked your world so hard that you did a complete 180 on your original post. All I'm asking is that you give this girl some time to discover who she is because it will be much less painful for you if she finds out while you'redatingthan when you'remarried.
 
Famm

Famm

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And at the risk of sounding like the old guy in the room, which who am I kidding I am, when I hear you two talking about your world experience and knowledge at 28/29 years old I think back and realize how fucking idiotic I was in my late 20's. You're going to change as people all over again in the next ten years. You're men. You come into your own late. You can either be in charge of your life and destiny when you hit the mid/late 30's or you can be hitting 40 and realizing that you shackled yourself to some situations that seemed right in your 20's but now feel like a cage.

Grumpus, at the risk of you getting all self righteously butt hurt again, you didn't actually answer the question if she's a virgin.
 
Dandai

Dandai

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Fair enough. I'm at least wise enough now to admit the possibility that I will change as drastically in the next ten years as I have in the last ten.

That being said, you can't be much less idiotic than us if you're expecting to be taken seriously with the tone and line of questioning you've presented thus far.
 
Famm

Famm

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I'm probably still idiotic but I don't like to see guys making completely avoidable mistakes and rationalizing away massive red flags with women. I'm not sure what you consider my tone to be and if by line of questioning you mean his girlfriend's sexual experience I again insist that its incredibly relevant.
 
J

Jilariz_sl

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Unfortunately for most of us guys, being a member of the hindsight club usually requires joining up the hard way. It's all good. Life lessons never stop.
 
D

Dabamf_sl

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OneofOne_sl said:
This man knows what he's talking about. We've ALL been there bro, every last one of us. Were you a virgin Grumpus when you got together with her? Or is this your first girlfriend (ignoring one night stands and shit)? You need to slow your roll WAY down bro. There's no hurry, and using this JW situation to say there is... just slow the fuck down. Listen to these people - they aren't trying to sabotage you or some shit - you got probably 200+ years worth of dating/marriage experience giving you solid advice here. Think on this - when was the last time we all agreed on ANYTHING? But we all agree on this.
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But this is different bro. They are different. Of all the millions of times guys and girls have thought that, this is the first time it's true. You just don't understand. None of you do. Their love is real and perfect. Roadhead will last all glorious 60 years of marriage
 
Khane

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Dabamf_sl said:
Roadhead will last all glorious 60 years of marriage
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I just threw up a little bit.

Grumpus have you thought about exactly what it is you're bringing to the table and doing for her? From everything you've told us she is basically just along for whatever ride you bring her on right now. That's not surprising, she's very young and you can do things guys her age can't so it's an adventure for her... for now. You haven't told us about how you sat through a movie you didn't want to watch for her, or went to a social gathering or family event you'd rather not be at for her. You haven't said anything about doing something you did NOT want to do FOR her. Have you thought about that? Have you done anything for her or has she just been so awesome because she just lets you do whatever the hell you want? It's hard for a 19 year old to tell a 28 year what to do, she can easily recognize you have more life experience than her and it's intimidating. That doesn't last though and it just makes the "relationship" very one-sided.
 
Nester

Nester

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The Ancient_sl said:
Did this one get answered?
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Odds are she will get excommunicated for marrying him. Hyper religious parents love when 30 year old men date there 19th year old daughter and hide it for a year. Nothing could possibly go wrong with a relationship built of lying to ones family.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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Nester_sl said:
Odds are she will get excommunicated for marrying him.
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Not how the religion works as has been explained already.
Nester_sl said:
Hyper religious parents love when 30 year old men date there 19th year old daughter and hide it for a year.
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Pretty standard for JW's , I explained that the guy she was "dating" before me was a year'ish older then I am.
Nester_sl said:
Nothing could possibly go wrong with a relationship built of lying to ones family.
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What world do you live in? Does everyone that gets married fess up to the gnarly shit done to their wives to their father in laws?
 
Eomer

Eomer

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Grumpus_sl said:
Not how the religion works as has been explained already.
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Really? I did some reading up on JW's the other day, and it seemed to me that that is exactly what happens:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jehovah%27s_Witnesses

They consider secular society to be morally corrupt and under the influence of Satan, and most limit their social interaction with non-Witnesses.[21] Congregational disciplinary actions include disfellowshipping, their term for formal expulsion and shunning.[22] Baptized individuals who formally leave are considered disassociated and are also shunned. Disfellowshipped and disassociated individuals may eventually be reinstated if deemed repentant.
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Jehovah's Witnesses believe that the Bible condemns the mixing of religions, on the basis that there can only be one truth from God, and therefore reject interfaith and ecumenical movements.[237][238][239] They believe that only their religion represents true Christianity, and that other religions fail to meet all the requirements set by God and will soon be destroyed.[240] Jehovah's Witnesses are taught that it is vital to remain "separate from the world." Watch Tower Society publications define the "world" as "the mass of mankind apart from Jehovah's approved servants" and teach that it is morally contaminated and ruled by Satan.[241][242][243] Witnesses are taught that association with "worldly" people presents a "danger" to their faith,[244] and are instructed to minimize social contact with non-members to better maintain their own standards of morality.[245][246][247][248]
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I dunno, maybe her family and/or local church don't take that shit as seriously as they're supposed to. Maybe they're Catholic Jehovah's for all I know. And I'm not trying to be a contrarian dick or correct you on your own past religion. I'm genuinely curious about the consequences of a JW marrying an atheist, especially a former JW atheist. Are you officially disassociated or disfellowshipped from the church?
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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I was never baptized so the rules don't apply to me. Jehovah's Witnesses encourage you to get baptized young (usually from between 13-16ish). There is a LOT of peer pressure to get baptized in the early teens and many cave. I didn't, I saw it as a trap.

There are two ways to leave once you are baptized, being disfellowshiped or disassociated. There are less rules for disassociated people and I can't remember any firm rules if you associate with one. It's pretty much just frowned upon.

Disassociating involves cutting ties with friends and generally just fading away. When you return all your actions during your disassociation are usually brought before the elders and dealt with accordingly.

In this case if we got married the Elders would most likely ask to meet with her. Ask her a bunch of extremely personal questions (in this case a young girl in a room full of 50+ year old men asking about her sex life) and decide what to do. If she doesn't tell them anything she would just get a slap on the wrist. If she fessed up she would be disfellowshiped. Once disfellowshiped she can seek to gain favor back by following all the rules strictly, and attending all meetings (going to church a lot). They will not ask her to divorce or separate once married. Not in those words anyways. In my experience witnesses take every opportunity to talk shit about non believers. This includes spouses.

Now that's how you are supposed to do things. Within families people are often forgiven and things proceed back to normal. Friends on the other hand are often lost. These people are immensely selfish since there treatment of others directly corresponds with there entry to paradise after death.

That said she thinks all of this is ridiculous and willing to weather the storm if she has to. If it was up to us there would be no sneaking around. My family and friends that are not JW's agree that we are perfect for each other and are showing tremendous support. She sees this happening that non believers can actually be better people then JW's and its opening her eyes a lot.

TL;DR- She could get excommunicated but it would only last a short time. What people do who really want out usually do if they marry someone and don't want to be part of JW's anymore is they get married, get in trouble, gain favor back so they can see their friends and family then slowly fade away.
 
Noodleface

Noodleface

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My only question is do JW's realize that when they go door to door people are diving behind the couches and hiding until they leave?
 
Swagdaddy

Swagdaddy

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We couldn't watch harry potter in 7th grade spanish class because a student was a JW and thought black magic was evil

instead we had to write an essay about our family in espanol

fuck jehovas witnesses im still mad about it
 
Big Phoenix

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Grumpus_sl said:
Unfortunately it's not that easy. We would both rather live together or date longer but her parents are Jehovah's Witnesses. If they even find out we are dating she will be quarantined from me in a way.

We decided that its best that she lives with some friends for 6 month's minimum while we keep seeing each other before we get married. We have to just elope when its time.

I know it doesn't make the most logical sense but its what we have to work with.


Just to clarify, she doesn't want a wedding, she doesn't want Diamonds. I haven't mentioned not having either to her, she made the decisions on her own.
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Are you interested in this woman or this woman and her parents?
 
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