Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Ameraves_sl said:

First and foremost we are sticking to this, and there are absolutely no decisions being made. Like I said I am doing my best to just stay positive until we get to a point where the baby is here and her hormones are back to a normal level.

The problem I am personally struggling with the most is I simply wonder what is going on in her head, and how she is feeling. It is causing a ton of doubt within myself, and it is hard to not become hyper focused on it. So again, I am just doing my best to not portray that in any way.



Yes, this is something I had thought about. There is aboslutely no way in hell I could do it though. I couldn't stomach the thought of it, and beyond that there is no way I find that to be a healthy relationship.

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I kinda feel like a jerk for suggesting this, but what about a really good sex toy for the wife? I'm guessing you have arm movement? Again, sorry, don't mean to cross any weird boundaries here.

Every man on earth should have a few sex toys, but they should never be referred to as "for the wife". Those lovely devices, whatever they may be, are for both of you because even if it's a bullet or a magic wand that is used on her (disregarding how good it feels on your grundle) all the noise she makes and shaking she does when she has an epileptic orgasm is so fucking hot. Pretty much makes me finish instantly.

To thoughts of Khane finishing instantly?

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Sad Bro story:

Have a friend eight months ago that went on a date with some chick from match.com that turned out to be a one night stand. Supposedly, when they went to bang and he reached for the rubber, she told him "don't worry about it". I railed on him the day after the date for not using a rubber, if only for STD reasons, and got the "yeah, yeah I know-- I was drunk and she's a stand up chick, I'm not worried about it". Well, flash forward a few months and he calls me freaked out because she called him out of the blue (there was no contact after the one night stand) saying that she's pregnant with his kid, but don't worry about it because she's getting an abortion. She just "wanted him to know". So, he's obviously all worked up and relieved at the same time, but was ruminating over why she bothered to even call him if she's getting an abortion. I basically shrug and tell him who cares, it's woman logic, and that he should just thank his lucky stars that's she's getting things taken care of. Flash forward another five months or so, and again he gets a call from her out of the blue. It was basically a short, 30 second statement saying "I decided to keep the baby after all and will be giving birth in a month. You are welcome to request a paternity test, but I will be couriering you child support paperwork as soon as he/she is born. Bye".

Bro is fucking sad to say the least..

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You can get hit up for child support without ever taking a paternity test in that type of situation?

Iannis_sl said:

It just depends on the people involved. Open relationships don't have to be pathetic and sad even if a lot of times they are. Closed relationships are also sometimes pathetic and sad.

IB4 master!

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Someone rang?

Not sure what to add to that. Is basically true. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy and, when they are happy, you are also happy. Sex makes people happy (well, when done with the right attitude, we all know people who have a lot of sex and are not happy). Honestly I always thought it was kind of arrogant to think you could be everything for someone. I mean my wife is bisexual, no matter how hard I try I'm never going to be a woman, I can't satisfy her desire for that. Open relationships make more sense to me specifically because there are going to be things you cannot ever offer your partner. That isn't a failing in you, it is just that no one can be everything. And if I love someone, I want them to have everything.

I will add the caveat that in the hundreds of open relationships I've seen, talked to people about, etc., a portion (~10%) were essentially abusive. One person slept around and the other was an emotional door mat who sat at home crying and wondering what was wrong with them that they "weren't enough." It was split about 50/50 between the woman and the man being the abuser (and in a few cases it wouldn't have mattered, as the relationships were homosexual). That isn't what I am talking about at all and if you've seen an "open" relationship like that, it is really just a form of exploitation as far as I'm concerned. I wouldn't even count it as a relationship, except perhaps in the sense people have a relationship with mosquitoes and other parasites.

Deathwing_sl said:

That's expecting a lot out of most people. The large majority of people, myself included, can probably admit that physical and emotional feelings should be separate but can't actually hack it.

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Who has to separate them? My wife loves her girlfriend. I don't feel our relationship is lessened by it. I'm pretty fond of her too, she makes my wife so happy. There seems to be this pervasive fear that if you let your partner love someone else they'll stop loving you, or that if you let your partner have sex with someone else, they'll stop having sex with you. From my personal experience that isn't the case at all. Obviously if your entire framework is monogamous, it makes sense to think that way. It is an either/or situation. But open relationships never have the either/or. It is just and/and.

I think it is too much a case-by-case basis to try and paint a broad stroke over either monogamous or open relationships. Personally for both my wife and myself neither one of us would be happy in an open relationship. For Master it sounds like neither one of them would be happy in a monogamous relationship. Go figure different humans are different.

Deathwing_sl said:

I ain't got time for alt relationships. Min/maxing one wife takes long enough as it is!

I didn't say that fear was rational. But it is real.

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I'm not saying the fear isn't real, but that because it is irrational, it can be dealt with. I've helped a lot of people out with this specific thing. I can actually understand never wanting to deal with it, I knew a guy who cheated on his wife constantly and I asked him why he didn't just ask her about having an open relationship. His response? "It'd be too much work, being honest all the time and dealing with everything. This is easier." I didn't agree with his decisions, but I understand his point.

Also caught up on the paternity thing. Jesus Christ. I cannot even imagine making such a poor decision.

Honest question for TheMaster, does your open relationship include your wife seeing other guys and/or you seeing other women (or guys)? I can totally get your example (wife's girlfriend) because as you said, that is truly non threatening - in so much as it is something you cannot offer. From my experience it gets weird/harder for people when it is more of a direct correlation/competition such as non same sex couplings, which of course is the same premise but is more threatening I think as it really brings up those potential insecurities.