Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
- 1,420
- 1,084
Neither as far as I'm aware. I sent the girl a Facebook message saying "Hey, I still owe you a drink from the other night, if you'd like to go out sometime I'd be thrilled. If not, no worries, I'll just get you the next time I randomly see you!" and she replied with "Thanks, I just got out of a pretty serious realationship and am really just looking for friends right now." and I said "Consider me that then!"
So, whole lot of nothing.
I did go have ice cream with a girl from OKCupid on Monday (started a profile last week) and it was ok. She's only 21 (I turn 35 in a month), but we had a lot in common. We're going to hang out again next Monday.
Frenzied Wombat
Potato del Grande
- 14,730
- 31,802
Embraces Friend Zone with the first, and flirts with the pedo zone on the 2nd-- with ice fucking cream no less. I love you Onoes.
Nester
Vyemm Raider
- 4,932
- 3,134
PLEAASE Onoes! tell me you took that little girl to get ice cream in your Jurassic Park truck....
She has had a boyfriend and I've had a girlfriend while we've been together. Still no issues. I'm actually talking to a girl right now who might end up being my new girlfriend and the wife is nothing but excited for me. Just like you'd be excited for a close friend who was getting into a new relationship. It is a good feeling. Jealousy is always a result of insecurity, you just deal with the insecurity.
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
- 1,420
- 1,084
Hahahaha, I didn't even think of that. Nope, she suggested the place, technically it was a frozen yogurt place, because she works at one of the owners other businesses in town. I imagine she chose the place based on (I know everyone who works here, so there's very little chance of me being murder-raped here).
As for how we had stuff in common, she's a nerd. I'm a nerd. Hence, things in common. Honestly, my only complain was that she seemed a bit serious for me.
lindz
#DDs
- 1,201
- 63
Hobby interest I get, but how do you have anything else in common with someone that much younger? I'm younger than you and still find 21-years-olds incredibly annoying because they have so little life experience. They know nothing about life at that point. Even me at 21 with a husband, a baby on the way and living in a different country was still an idiot child.
- 16,454
- 7,468
@Master
So, seeing how your initial rationalization into this discussion was explaining how you'll never be woman(thus making your wife's current gf ok), what did that boyfriend provide that you didn't? Also, wife and girlfriend, do you not value your free time?
I think you're being too harsh. Are we not supposed to feel something when we see someone we love doing something they could be doing with us, but with someone else? Jealousy is generally condemned because humans suck at processing it. But that does not mean jealousy itself is automatically bad and always comes from "insecurities".
And no, it's not like being excited for a close friend who was getting into a new relationship. You're not fucking that close friend. Well, you specifically might be. Most people aren't/shouldn't.
lindz, I know you've been following the thread. Onoes is a 21 year old(or younger) at heart. And I don't mean that as an insult, better people realize who they are and act that way. 35 and 21 does sound creepy because it usually is, but it might work in this instance.
So, seeing how your initial rationalization into this discussion was explaining how you'll never be woman(thus making your wife's current gf ok), what did that boyfriend provide that you didn't? Also, wife and girlfriend, do you not value your free time?
I think you're being too harsh. Are we not supposed to feel something when we see someone we love doing something they could be doing with us, but with someone else? Jealousy is generally condemned because humans suck at processing it. But that does not mean jealousy itself is automatically bad and always comes from "insecurities".
And no, it's not like being excited for a close friend who was getting into a new relationship. You're not fucking that close friend. Well, you specifically might be. Most people aren't/shouldn't.
lindz, I know you've been following the thread. Onoes is a 21 year old(or younger) at heart. And I don't mean that as an insult, better people realize who they are and act that way. 35 and 21 does sound creepy because it usually is, but it might work in this instance.
Cad
scientia potentia est
- 24,548
- 45,624
Deathwing, they provided the quality of being not you. Many people really value the variety and novelty of having a relationship with someone new.
The language you're using is very judge-y and isn't going to get a good response. Just realize that people are different and they don't all approach relationships the same way or have the same hang ups or insecurities as you, so certain adventures are on the table that you wouldn't consider. And that is ok. To each his own.
The language you're using is very judge-y and isn't going to get a good response. Just realize that people are different and they don't all approach relationships the same way or have the same hang ups or insecurities as you, so certain adventures are on the table that you wouldn't consider. And that is ok. To each his own.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
- 17,324
- 4,839
It's the avatar. I can't help but imagine Phillip Seymour Hoffman reciting all of his posts while gently putting his hand on my shoulder to show me he is a friend. Simultaneously comforting and awful, so confusing.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
- 17,324
- 4,839
For real, I work with a 26 year old 'woman' and talking to her for more than a few minutes reminds me of how utterly old I am. I imagine if I had to talk to a 21 year old I would just laugh at how asinine the whole conversation was.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
- 17,324
- 4,839
I would sacrifice 100% of the free time I spend on the internet or cleaning up or whatever other useless shit I do to instead be banging hot women. Or even not hot women. I'll go with average to below average. Or even to watch them bang each other. I just spent the whole afternoon with children alternating shrieking cries into my ear, cleaning rooms that will be dirty again before i get home from work tonight, trying to get homework ready to submit, and I read this line and bro I don't even understand what you are talking about.
Of course I chose a different path and I'm cool with that, for all my complaining it is mostly just fake 'blow off steam' complaining.
Tuco gave me the avatar, so sorry if it creeps you out.
@Chaos: Ouch. I feel like I should ditch the avatar now, regardless of who gave it to me.
Deathwing, it was an example, not a rationalization. One most people understand instantly, which is why I use it. I don't see how I am being harsh. If you discuss jealousy with people in depth, you'll always track it back to some kind of insecurity. Either in yourself or the relationship. Now some people aren't emotionally equipped to be honest about what they are feeling or figure out what is bothering them. I suggest you not be in an open relationship with those people. Which isn't to say jealousy is bad, I never said that, it is that it is always an insecurity. That is a value judgement on your part. 'Though I am inclined to agree that irrational emotions that cover up whatever real issue you are having is pretty bad, particularly if you accept them as valid instead of figuring what the issue is. But to each their own.
Yep, I value my time pretty highly. Which is why I spend it with people I care about. I can be with my girlfriend and my wife at the same time, as well, so that is fun. Speaking from experience it is exactly like the feeling of being excited for a close friend, except perhaps more so.
Onoes
Trakanon Raider
- 1,420
- 1,084
Hey, thanks Deathwing. Yeah, when I told my co-worker I was going to go have a blind date with a 21 year old, he laughed and said "It's going to be funny when she turns out to be more of an adult than you." or something along those lines. I also had a massive talk with my Ex-wife the other night, and at one point I made a comment that I was really surprised she didn't start dating this guy I totally expected her to be with right after the divorce, and she said "Well, were good friends, but I don't really think he even wants a girlfriend, and even if he did, I just don't really think he's ever going to grow up." And I said "Haha, you've already tried that once and didn't like it huh?" and she said "I wasn't going to say anything....."
I don't know, its a really weird situation, I understand, I'm a weird guy, I get it. That being said, I literally don't have one enemy, I don't have anyone I argue with or anything. I think every single person I know would go "Mikel's just a super nice guy." if you asked them. Honestly, this thread is pretty much the only source of negativity in my life, and it's really only from a couple of guys. Seriously, sooner or later there's going to be some kind of Rerolled get together or something, and I fully expect everyone to go "Ohhh ok, I get it now, he's not retarded." or something.
Anyway.
Yeah, I'm not expecting any long term crazy thing with a 21 year old. Like lindz said, I'll have hobbies and interests in common, but probably not a lot past that. That being said, I've been single a few months now with zero prospects. I'm hoping to have fun with her, whether that just means knowing a girl who likes some of the nerdier things and might want to hang out, I'll take it. It's something, even if its just something for a bit.
- 16,454
- 7,468
I don't understand your response. You try to equate free time on the internet with taking care of your kids, which I don't agree with. How does adding a girlfriend reduce the latter?
idk, maybe I jumped on something I shouldn't have, my apologies. I think I took umbrage with the absolute linking of jealousy to insecurities, which is inherently negative. I felt that was judgmental because I think jealousy, especially in this situation, is quite normal. People should feel the jealousy, then learn how to deal with the emotion based on the context. But feeling the emotion doesn't mean you're necessarily insecure. And I thought that might shut people down to your viewpoint. I am honestly curious how you juggle two relationships.
Hmmm, hangout with girlfriend and wife at the same time? I admire your efficiency. What's the overlap, 50%? 75%? I was imaging a scenario where there was little to no overlap and the relationships were effectively compartmentalized.
You should change the avatar. If you GIS it, the first result is the underwear thread with your grinning mug underneath it.