Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Frenzied Wombat_sl said:

Can someone remind again how in this day and age what the benefits are to a man getting married? I mean, women have nothing to lose besides emotional energy and time, but men? He has to buy the ring, possibly pay for the wedding, the honeymoon, and the house. Then, if he gets divorced, chances are he loses the kids, the house, and a whack load of cash. It's pay to get in, and pay to get out.. It used to be getting married at least got you a clean organized house, a home cooked meal on the table, and regular sex, but I've yet to find a married friend that has any of that with any real consistency.. I just don't get it... It's like you're paying for the chance to get fucked in the ass sometime down the road.. I wouldn't even consider marriage if but for the fact that society has constructed the need to be married before having kids. If that little caveat didn't exist, the word marriage wouldn't even exist in my vocabulary.

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Why would the man have to pay for all that shit up front (minus the ring.)

My wife and I pool our money and each get an (the same ) allowance every 2 weeks. I don?t get how people can not pool their money. Money gains in power the more you have of it, so why not make it work for you. Maybe your pals are picking the wrong woman? Perhaps there is a large age discrepancy. My wife is 1 year younger than me I think it works well. I do like to think the is an anomaly as she has a steady job with an amazing work ethic, yet still cooks 90% of all home meals and does 90% of the cleaning. We have sex 5-7 times a week. In 9 years she has never bitched about our set up. She is a believer in the ?pink and blue jobs? from back in the day. Every once in a while I will say something stupid like ?wow the bathroom sure is messy? which gets the typical response of ?let me show you the cleaning supplies? or ?what exactly do you do around here? which I typically respond with ?well I steer the ship!? (be carefull with that one boys)

I make a lot more money than her but we both sit and talk about any major ($500+ ) purchase. I love being married to her, it?s the best thing that has ever happened to me. One day it may all fall apart, but even if this happens tomorrow and she gets 50% of OUR assets It would still be worth it. I never even think about my money or her money, its our money. I often wonder if our/my perspective would be different if we had children.

PS- All the things Tuco said.

Nester_sl said:

Why would the man have to pay for all that shit up front (minus the ring.)

My wife and I pool our money and each get an (the same ) allowance every 2 weeks. I don?t get how people can not pool their money. Money gains in power the more you have of it, so why not make it work for you. Maybe your pals are picking the wrong woman? Perhaps there is a large age discrepancy. My wife is 1 year younger than me I think it works well. I do like to think the is an anomaly as she has a steady job with an amazing work ethic, yet still cooks 90% of all home meals and does 90% of the cleaning. We have sex 5-7 times a week. In 9 years she has never bitched about our set up. She is a believer in the ?pink and blue jobs? from back in the day. Every once in a while I will say something stupid like ?wow the bathroom sure is messy? which gets the typical response of ?let me show you the cleaning supplies? or ?what exactly do you do around here? which I typically respond with ?well I steer the ship!? (be carefull with that one boys)

I make a lot more money than her but we both sit and talk about any major ($500+ ) purchase. I love being married to her, it?s the best thing that has ever happened to me. One day it may all fall apart, but even if this happens tomorrow and she gets 50% of OUR assets It would still be worth it. I never even think about my money or her money, its our money. I often wonder if our/my perspective would be different if we had children.

PS- All the things Tuco said.

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Well, I must say I'm jealous, because I'll simply never be able to see it as "our money" when I make 5 times as much as she does, and no fucking way would I allow myself to be subjected to having to get approval for large purchases when she didn't earn the cash in the first place. A house, yeah, but I'll be damned if I need to justify a gaming rig upgrade. Perhaps that's my biggest problem when it comes to relationships-- I make a lot more, spend a lot more, and allow my GF (and potential wife) to have a quality of life beyond what she could normally afford. In return, I expect them to do the majority of the housework (and I have a maid), majority of the cooking, and perhaps give me a slight *break* in the ball busting department over things like playing video games. Personal experience however is though they may start out strong, their efforts quickly disintegrate, and I'm left wondering wtf I'm getting out of this relationship besides steady sex..

It sounds like you've found the white unicorn-- works hard, contributes, does majority of cooking/cleaning despite the fact you both work.. I have never found all these qualities in an attractiveAmerican woman..

Did I mentioned when I met my wife she was my assistant? Our first date was the 2nd weekend after I moved to town. She is cheap, I am cheap, we are both always employed with good white collar jobs it works out. We bought a horse last month. I told her before we would do it she had to do the following take lessons to show she was committed, which she did for 6 months in the Canadian winter (very committed) then we leased the horse for another 6 months, finally when they went to sell her and asked if we wanted to buy it I told her we could consider it if she costed it all out and let me know the monthly plan (the horse is not expensive @ $1500, it's the monthly board and feed costs that suck) she planned it all out. Turns the cheap stable she wanted to use was ..cheap and had no lights, we decided to move to a more expensive one $120 more a month. My wife cried for hours about moving the horse. She was so upset that she had let down the family by not being able to stick the monthly plan. In short I have it very good with a frugal wife. Did I mention she was hot? Ok I will stop now.

If it all came crashing down tomorrow it would still be worth it.



Edit - Drove home from work, felt my post were a little hard on the bragging side considering the topic and posters from the past week. Life is not all rainbows and puppies. While others may have many small problems that i dont (read above) we have one major problem we can not solve no matter how we try, in the next 5 years it could be the end of us.

Nester_sl said:

we have one major problem we can not solve no matter how we try, in the next 5 years it could be the end of us.

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Let me guess, anything to do with kids?

me and my wife are both cheap, get along swimmingly for going on 7 years now

also neither of us got really fat

Neki_sl said:

Let me guess, anything to do with kids?

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Yeah, seriously. You can't be all vague about that shit and not give up the details!

Neki_sl said:

Let me guess, anything to do with kids?

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We have been trying for 5 years with no luck, well we did get pregnant for 6 weeks in September, but that is as close as we have gotten. After that did not work out, we decided to get back to living our lifes, (IE she got a horse, i got a 75 inch tv) We have done every single test our doctors can think of, my parts work, her parts work but still no dice. Fertility treatment is one of the few things not covered by Canadian Medical. I am about $45k deep into this process. My wife is now 34 so the clock has been ticking for a while, what makes things worse is every fucking moron teenager, welfare bum, or Maury guest can get pregnant and have it fuck up there life, while we have good jobs, no debt, stable lives but we can not make it work.

Its kinda fucked up, the thing we want most in the world, is the thing almost everyone else gets for free, and far too often is the case that they don't even want it. With time I could come to terms with our situation, I do not think my wife ever can.

EDIT: For some reason I didn't see any new posts. Oh well, joke's on me!

Nester_sl said:

We have been trying for 5 years with no luck, well we did get pregnant for 6 weeks in September, but that is as close as we have gotten. After that did not work out, we decided to get back to living our lifes, (IE she got a horse, i got a 75 inch tv) We have done every single test our doctors can think of, my parts work, her parts work but still no dice. Fertility treatment is one of the few things not covered by Canadian Medical. I am about $45k deep into this process. My wife is now 34 so the clock has been ticking for a while, what makes things worse is every fucking moron teenager, welfare bum, or Maury guest can get pregnant and have it fuck up there life, while we have good jobs, no debt, stable lives but we can not make it work.

Its kinda fucked up, the thing we want most in the world, is the thing almost everyone else gets for free, and far too often is the case that they don't even want it. With time I could come to terms with our situation, I do not think my wife ever can.

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I feel for you man. How old are you both?

OP: That sucks, sorry to hear it. However, it does sound like you're making the right decision, so hopefully you'll be happier.

Kinda odd how similar your original post sounds like my relationship with my wife. Basically just roommates, non-existent sex life, basically staying together for the sake of the kids, etc.

Either way, good luck!

Nester the reason you're so happy with your wife is well, you seem to have a slave, not a wife. She works, same as you, yet does 90% of both cooking AND chores? Unless she's working 5 hours a week, frankly it makes you out to be a dick. I couldn't respect a woman that allowed me to treat her like that, and I certainly couldn't respect myself for treating a woman like that. I'm not TRYING to sound harsh, but I don't know how else to say it.

Damn this is confusing.

I've been working on this for around 5 hours, and I'm still a little lost. I've got all the initial paperwork filled out at this point, or as filled out as I can get it (Every page asks for my case number... which I don't have, because I haven't filed yet. Also, every page asks for her address, which she doesn't have, because she hasn't moved out yet. She took tomorrow off work and is going to be out searching with her mom all day, so hopefully she will be moving towards her own place asap.)

If I'm understanding this correctly, I take all 12 multiple page forms, make a copy for me, a copy for her, and then give the court the originals. At that point I have to serve her. She needs to sign an acknowledgement form in front of a notary and submit that to the court, basically saying she knows what is going on.

Here's where it gets confusing.

She has 20 days to contest it, which she currently has no interest in doing. If she doesn't contest it, I can fill out some more papers to basically run the show without her having the ability to participate in the case from that point on, but I can't see anywhere for her to file an "I agree to the terms" kind of thing, which I would think would be an option?

I also don't see where I'm supposed to attach childcare plans and all the extra stuff, like day care and health insurance. I don't know if I'm just supposed to type stuff up in word and attach it with the initial papers or what. There is also some mention of us going to a co parenting class and receiving our certificates before the case can proceed.

I think what I'm saying is... as much as I was hoping to not even go to a lawyer about any of this for fear it would panic her and cause a ton of issues... I'm now thinking I'm going to have to just to make sure I don't fuck any aspect of this up.

So, you guys kind of win! Plus, I'm pretty sure I can explain to her why I need to go to a lawyer without worrying her. I guess we will talk about it tomorrow. Thanks for all the help/advice by the way, and sorry to all the guys who have said that you are in the same situation.. I know it's not any fun. It's lonely when you are all alone jerking off because you haven't connected with anyone in forever, but it sure seems worse to me to be in the same situation when you are laying right next to someone who claims to love you, but who hasn't reciprocated anything in months.

Anyway, thanks again dudes. When this is all over I'm expecting to get active in the home improvement thread! Who needs a guest room when you could have an indoor hottub or something insane right?!

Ohh I forgot, unless I'm doing this wrong, and I don't think I am, I'm going to be paying fuck all in child support. I need to verify my salary with work in the morning, and verify her's, but its looking like the total per month is going to be about $265. I will have to pay half of day care as well ($720 total, so $360), and probably another $150ish for health and dental insurance on the kids.

So, a total of $775 a month for the next few years while the kids need day care, and a whopping $400 past that is all I will be out. And she still has to pay half of Day care and health insurance, which will be $510 for her. So she will basically see no money from me, but her bills will only be $245 +living expenses.

I'll be honest, part of me is really relived that it doesn't look like I'll be fucked at all, but part of me feels really bad for her. After she pays all her bills in a month she is probably going to be left with $300-400 extra for whatever she needs, saving, etc.

I think I'm going to have like... $1500 extra per month after I pay bills. It's seeming very likely to me that my quality of living/disposable income is actually going to go up after all this.

If that's the case, good for you. My buddy is getting raked over the coals in child support for 1 daughter (think she's 12, for what it's worth) but this is Texas - from what I hear, notorious for being pro-female in this case. My brother was talking to my dad about divorce and my dad referred him to an attorney and after explaining their situation (if what my mother has told me is correct, and based on history, I have no reason to not believe it - one of their kids isn't even his!) the attorney basically told him "You have no chance of getting custody." (For the record, I don't know if that was actually brought up with the attorney - I can't imagine that it wasn't, it was just more of an indicator of how fucked that relationship is). That, plus the impending crippling debt I'd likely incur is one of the reasons I've kinda resigned myself to just being miserable for the next 14 years.