Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Heh I didn't mean to sound like you were stupid if you give it a shot. I understand both sides of the coin. There is no easy answer. Both approaches have merit. You never REALLY know.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Well that's kind of the point of dating Khane, see if you can get along and things come up along the way. At least he's showing some initiative instead of just ignoring it until its a much bigger issue. Lots of guys would take that approach because they don't want to risk losing her. Passively doing nothing would be bad, but so would just giving up at the first sign of a bump in the road.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Not divorced, but has been in LTRs a couple of times that didn't work out. No kids. Both our families are in the same city. Parents are together (as are mine).
Her approach also confuses me, because she has activities & friends of her own, family in town and a nice career. So it's not like I am the only thing she has going. I like her friends and I think we get along pretty well. My friends are mixed on her, because she comes off awkward. Like she doesn't pick up on conversational cues. Probably a contributor to the over-visiting thing, she isn't picking up on me gently telling her not to visit so often. So I have to find a more direct way that isn't "fuck off and give me some space". My engineering brain is very direct. Sugar coating takes effort.
Also, you are only getting my side. Maybe she is off posting on some woman-y forum asking about some thing I do that annoys the shit out of her. Who knows.
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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Edit: Goddamn making a reply on a page I had loaded hours earlier. Might as well ignore this post as it's all been said already. Ugh.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Bro, you have a tiny bit of information and based on that you already have a full profile on who this woman is, her past, her likes and dislikes. Come the fuck on.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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I think its a nesting thing. She is mid 30s and looking to settle down and does not want to take any chances. That plus early stages of relationship bring in the clingy factor. Call me old fashioned, but I consider 6 months a short relationship unless its a bang buddy situation. As sad and red pill as it sounds, women's options narrow a lot once they hit upper 30s so she (at least subconsciously) is locking that shit down. I think if you just set the tone of having your own independent shit while at the same time demonstrating that she has nothing to be concerned about, you are on the right path. If she freaks out hard core, well then you know why she is single at 35 and its time to pull the rip cord and you dodged a bullet. If not, then you deal with the next bump in the road.
My basic impression tells me that once the "can't see air between them new relationship smell" thing wears off, she will mellow out a bit. That is as long as you don't reinforce her behavior on this.
My basic impression tells me that once the "can't see air between them new relationship smell" thing wears off, she will mellow out a bit. That is as long as you don't reinforce her behavior on this.
Phazael
Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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This is a person who tried to derail his last relationship by suggesting a threesome and was surprised when that blew up in his face. The concept of long term relationships with give and take is foreign to him and he really should be in the GWBYH thread, but that one basically died out and all the pussy slayers wandered into this thread a while back.
BrotherWu
MAGA
- 3,085
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You guys forget that she's in the falling-in-love period. It can, and often will, change at the 12-24 month mark once it wears off a little. I'm not sure if Khane remembers that since I think he normally asks for revolving pussy and Bukake buttplay at the 3 1/2 week mark in a relationship.
If she's a good catch then I wouldn't worry a hell of a lot about it. Maybe she just really enjoys the comfort of getting out to the burbs with Haast.
I think Famm's advice was sound.
EDIT: I will say that not being divorced or locked down by mid 30s could be a huge red flag, if that is the case. Plant thorny perennials, just in case.
If she's a good catch then I wouldn't worry a hell of a lot about it. Maybe she just really enjoys the comfort of getting out to the burbs with Haast.
I think Famm's advice was sound.
EDIT: I will say that not being divorced or locked down by mid 30s could be a huge red flag, if that is the case. Plant thorny perennials, just in case.
opiate82
Bronze Squire
- 3,078
- 5
If trying to have this conversation is causing this much drama and mental turmoil for you think about how the rest of your life with her would be should you stick it out. Do you really want to have these feelings and anxiety about talking to her about important shit every time it comes up?
Just say "hey, I'm having a great time with you and I like you a lot but I feel at times you are kind of clingy/smothering me a bit" and see where the conversation goes. Maybe it's fine, maybe she goes into meltdown mode, either way you'll learn something important about her and your relationship.
Just say "hey, I'm having a great time with you and I like you a lot but I feel at times you are kind of clingy/smothering me a bit" and see where the conversation goes. Maybe it's fine, maybe she goes into meltdown mode, either way you'll learn something important about her and your relationship.
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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If you say the word "clingy", guaranteed she will flip her shit. Choose your words more carefully.
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Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Early on in the relationship I told my wife I thought she was clingy and I thought I was about to witness World War 3
Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Yeah its a chick, don't be that direct. It will come off as a threat or an insult. You do have to set some rules in some way but more with actions and tact than ultimatums and confrontation. Its better for the relationship all around. Maybe she will switch gears easily and follow your lead, that's a good thing. And of course again if she shows some mental then you have at least flushed that out for your own good and can make decisions accordingly.
opiate82
Bronze Squire
- 3,078
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I don't know if I agree with this. If you feel she is being "clingy" and that is the absolute correct descriptor here I'd go for it. Again, if you are thinking long term with this woman do you want to go through the rest of your life having to think about carefully wording every single serious conversation you need to have with this woman or would you rather be able to talk freely about things? I'd much rather be in a relationship where I can be myself.
If you are just looking to string things out to keep getting laid a little longer then yes, some careful self-censoring might be in order.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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That's the entire point of this thread. Everyone does the same thing here. Are you new?
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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You have me confused with someone else. I've never suggested a threesome with anyone ever. Also, once again you are way off base. Nothing I have ever done or said gives an impression of long term relationships or give and take being foreign to me. I've been in my fair share of them. Oh right, you're still on that weird "pussy slayer" argument. One that I've never made. I'm giving the other point of view, which is just as valid.
We as humans never know what might happen, some people struggle with trying to make things work because they are afraid of failure or feeling like a quitter. Others move on entirely too soon because they don't feel like dealing with what might be a hassle. There are people here that have experienced both sides of that. The fact that sometimes it isn't worth fighting for because nothing is wrong with either of you, you just aren't right for each other, seems to offend you.
Haast
Lord Nagafen Raider
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Yeah, I mostly agree with this assessment.
True, and I thought Famm was sound as well. And I do have thorny plants in the front garden, though I'm not sure exactly where you are going with that one...
That quote is exactly what I was trying to avoid. I'm well aware this could be sensitive for her, and telling her she's a stage 5 clinger isn't going to spur the conversation/compromise I'm hoping for.
Can't believe it took that many posts to finally get the obvious answer.
Getting better advice from the engineer that mayos his wife's butt than you, Opiate. Step it up.
Agreed.
