Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Noodleface
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This cleaning thing is making me reach a boiling point. Think I'm gonna just try to put it in her ass and tell her if she likes living like a pig I'm gonna treat her like one.
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If the jimmies are rustled this much, she needs to fricking acknowledge the problem. This can not be all about her, she's got to do something for your marriage, too. Man, time for some straight up, "the fuck is wrong with you?" talk.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Yeah I lost my cool tonight and although I didn't really want to it had to happen.
I started cleaning out the office the other day and of course she's upset because I'm moving stuff around (I can't explain this) . It's my office anyways, we set it up for working from home days because being in the living room is distracting - but now it's filled with her junk. So today I'm doing it and she goes "uh what are you doing?" so I calmly explain that the only thing I wanted to do before going back to work Monday was fix the office. She said she would help and her idea of helping was setting up the paper shredder and shredding junk mail. Lasted about 10 minutes and took a break. Now there's paper everywhere and a large pile of mail. Basically took the one task that was the absolute most unnecessary, made a bigger mess, and quit. So I yelled at her and left to go grocery shopping. Then I later went into the kitchen and it's a disaster, after I spent a couple hours the other day organizing it.
Just feeling defeated over it all. It actually feels like the harder I clean, the more of a mess she makes.
Im pretty numb to this right now. I've tried to discuss it and I've yelled and caused scenes. I've read advice on the Internet and even considered some advice here. Nothing is working. I am destined to live in a shit hole.
She wants another kid and we have started trying but after this stuff I'm taking a break from it.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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My ex wife was the same way man. I hit my boiling point over something pretty dumb. She complained we had no milk, absolutely needed milk and I had to rush out and get some before my night shift. I got it, ran back home, was late for work, got yelled at and then got home to find she took the milk out of the fridge, opened it...then left it there all night because something came on TV and she forgot about it.
Finally I told her I was not her mother and it's not my job to clean up after her. I literally started taking everything she left out and put it on her side of the bed. That worked for a brief time but then the dresser would just get stacked high with shit as she moved it to there. Then I started throwing shit away. At one point we had no plates, two bowls and a couple forks left. I gave absolutely zero fucks at that point. That came to a head when I bagged up 2 garbage bags of clothes she had laying on the bathroom floor and threw outside. She then told me she was going to start doing the same thing to me and after a week of her never finding something of mine to throw out she sort of came to her senses and got better. She wasn't perfect with it and was still worse than I'd like...but at least I saw an effort was being made and I didn't care as much.
And yeah, if you think your place is messy with one kid, I would not want to bring a second into it.
Finally I told her I was not her mother and it's not my job to clean up after her. I literally started taking everything she left out and put it on her side of the bed. That worked for a brief time but then the dresser would just get stacked high with shit as she moved it to there. Then I started throwing shit away. At one point we had no plates, two bowls and a couple forks left. I gave absolutely zero fucks at that point. That came to a head when I bagged up 2 garbage bags of clothes she had laying on the bathroom floor and threw outside. She then told me she was going to start doing the same thing to me and after a week of her never finding something of mine to throw out she sort of came to her senses and got better. She wasn't perfect with it and was still worse than I'd like...but at least I saw an effort was being made and I didn't care as much.
And yeah, if you think your place is messy with one kid, I would not want to bring a second into it.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Yeah my wife was there at one point. It's better now but still... yeah. The house basically just gets more and more dirty until we have family come or something and I end up cleaning the shit out of it, then its clean for a week or so and the cycle starts again. She's better than she used to be, but most days the house is just as dirty or worse when I come home than it was when I went to work. I've kind of given up, I've tried being direct and she gets defensive. I've tried being a passive aggressive asshole and just doing it myself, loudly, but that doesn't work either.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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This would never work for me because I am pretty much just as dirty as she is. I toss my clothes on the floor, I leave dishes, etc. My point was never that I do all this and she doesn't contribute, more like I'm doing all this other stuff and CAN'T do the cleaning, but it has to get done.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Wow. So none of this happened before the kid? Zero signs? I don't want this to sound like a red pill recruitment video but it seems like you're still being too passive aggressive and not just telling her what you expect to be done. At least you're telling her no about another kid until she gets her act together. Or are you? Did you tell her this or is it just what you are doing hoping she gets the hint? This may sound harsh but what is she going to teach your kid? Just do whatever all the time? I just don't get it, it sounds like she is actively trying to make things worse around the house. No kid you can put in a play-pen has that much going on that the entire house should be a disaster.
With that type of attitude, could she even hold a job at this point? Sounds like she would go from place to place for 3 months at a time before finding a reason to complain and quit and come home for the kid.