Marriage and the Power of Divorce
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Famm
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Tarrant
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WE had another mini blow out this morning and after being gone a good portion of the day I got home to see she destroyed some of my D&D stuff. This is why I have to be careful about going forward, I wont be able to get my stuff out fast enough if I spring it on her so I have to wait till things calm a bit and I can get ready to move everything in mass. There won't be a slow move allowed during this, it'll have to be like taking a band-aid off quickly....except, you know, destroying what little is left of my marriage instead.
I documented everything, saved texts from today, took pictures of everything as well. We share a car ever since mine burnt last year, the car is in her name so tomorrow/Tuesday I'll be going out to look for one. A friend with a spare room will be allowing me to use it, but it'll take about a week before it's ready. My anniversary is on the 2nd. -sigh- It's gotta happen I know...but, it just sucks. I think I have a decent shot at getting custody if I play my cards right.
I documented everything, saved texts from today, took pictures of everything as well. We share a car ever since mine burnt last year, the car is in her name so tomorrow/Tuesday I'll be going out to look for one. A friend with a spare room will be allowing me to use it, but it'll take about a week before it's ready. My anniversary is on the 2nd. -sigh- It's gotta happen I know...but, it just sucks. I think I have a decent shot at getting custody if I play my cards right.
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I know I screwed up my marriage royally, but I can't imagine having to go through some of the stuff that chaos and Tarrant are describing. My divorce went smoothly due to the fact that neither of us wanted to draw it out, and my ex is one of the sane ones out there that didn't try to screw me over. Good luck, Tarrant. You know most of RR is here for you, man.
Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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If she's stupid enough to actually say to your face that she's leaving with the children while the children are still there? Well you have every right to prevent that from happening, they're your kids too. The most important thing to do is to not get drawn into a loud argument, especially if she raises her voice. When the cops inevitably get called, it might matter if your kids say 'we heard mommy yelling' instead of 'we heard mommy and daddy yelling at each other'. You might even want to just call the cops yourself if she continues to insist that she's leaving with the kids after you tell her no. Might even be possible to get a family court to issue an injunction against either one of you leaving the city with the children, although I don't know shit about family courts.
If you come home and she's already gone with the kids? Well call the cops immediately, and then call your lawyer, because maybe she just handed you custody of your kids once the divorce is finalized. I have to imagine a judge would take a pretty dim view of removing the children from the court's jurisdiction. Unless you think she might flee the country with them, but I can't imagine that's a serious risk for anyone here.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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Yeah, that was my question, too. What in the actual fuck?
Your restraint and your care for your son is outstanding. Get out, get him out, live a better life.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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My wife typically doesn't complain. I try to save video game time for after she goes to bed. Even if she did, she's sane enough (LOL) of a woman not to destroy my things because of it.
Izo
Tranny Chaser
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Maybe you wake up with your dick cut off tomorrow. Can't trust something that regularly bleeds for a week and doesn't die from it.
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As far as I know when spouses suddenly separate one of them does take the kids. It's not always the mom or dad or the one thats staying in the house vs. the one thats leaving.
As soon as you start going to court you'll get temporary visitation orders (probably part of the standing orders for couples in your state) and you guys will have to work that out. I'm going to say "generally" the one staying in the house is going to get default custody of the kids since they'll provide for less disruption, so it might be to your advantage if you can get her to leave.
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And if you didn't do that? Note, I'm not endorsing avoiding your personal activities to prevent a spousal rampage.
Tarrant
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I play D&D about once, maybe twice a month. My wife is extremely introverted and gets upset with me that I'm not. She'll lay in the bedroom all weekend and will get upset with me if I'm gone too long and not in the living room whenever she decides to come out. When I go, she's left to care for my son. This is what happened this weekend.
Saturday morning: My son wakes me up (I don't share a room with the wife anymore) and I get up with him as I do every morning and have for 5 years. I get showered and get him ready and we go grocery shopping. I'm gone a few hours, get the typical phone call asking where I'm at and when I'll be home. I get home and have to carry in everything by myself (I tore the labrum in my shoulder and can't use my right arm right now) I put away everything that's not in a high cupboard and she says she will. We joke around, everything seems fine. I tell her I'm going to get changed and go game (This will be the first time in 6 weeks) It's 1:30pm at this point and my inlaws are picking my son up at 2pm and keep him until 6:00pm. She says okay, I leave.
6:30pm rolls around and she calls and my son wants to talk to me, we do, it's a funny conversation and we hang up. 10 minutes later she calls and says he's not listening to her. I tell her to put him in timeout, I talk to him again (he turns 5 next month, is semi special needs) and tell him he has to be a good listener and he says okay. 15 minutes later he calls me and says he wants me to come pick him up. I talk to the wife, we typically share a car but we have her parents second car for the weekend so I tell her to bring him over (I'm 20 minutes away) She says she doesn't want to get ready and I'll have to come get him. Rolling my eyes, I go get him because I know where's shes heading mentally and don't want to have him there and don't want to deal with a shit storm when I get home. 40 minutes later I'm gaming again with him and all is well.
10:00 I get home. 2 minutes from home my son complains that his booster seat belt is too tight on his crotch. He's pretty upset and when I get home I hold him and bring him up to calm him down. My wife asks me if I fixed it and I said no, I will in the morning. She says "Whatever I'll do it in the morning"
Me: Or you can disregard what I said and do it yourself I suppose, okay.
Her: Well I know you won't do it.
Me: I just said I would, but okay, you can do it.
Her: You wont though.
Me: Okay
Her: Yeah, you don't do anything.
Me: Okay, I wasn't aware you wanted an argument, not interested.
Her: I'm not, you just need to learn when to shut the F up.
Me: LoL, okay.
My son is sitting right there, I'm not going to argue with her. I do tell her to watch her language around him. She then starts telling our son that Dad is a bad person and I don't love him and everyone likes me because I put on a front and I'm a jerk and he shouldn't trust me.
At that point I scoop up my son and take him to get ready for bed. I put him to bed and then come back out and lay into her on who the heck she thinks she is and how pathetic it is to drag our 4 year old into this stupid pointless argument. She then tells me she doesn't want him to turn out like my other two pathetic, fat, gross, stupid kids. She hates them and my first wife left because I was a piece of crap and yadda yadda yadda.
Me: Okay look, i get this cycle, I get your mentally ill, I get you should be in an institution but refuse to get help but here's the thing. When you get like this you want to tare me down to try to spark a reaction out of me but the problem is, I'm much better at this game then you are so I suggest you stop it and go to bed.
I'm in the kitchen at this time making myself some dinner and slowly putting away the things she told me she would since it's really hard for me to reach that high at the moment, everything she said she would put away is still out on the counters and she told me "I couldn't find room for it." I come out and she's in bed. She unplugged my computer and modem before she went to bed because, in her mind, that was the logical thing to do.
Sunday: My ex inlaws invited us to go 90 min north where my two older kids are camping and spend the day with them. My ex inlaws love me. I get up, get ready and get my son ready and I leave. As I'm getting there my wife calls me asking if I got her keys out of her parents car. (Her parents let me borrow their car, its nicer and better on mileage, on Friday when my wife had it I guess she left her keys in it, she told me...but it's two days later why would I think they were still in there...or think of them at all?)
Her: Well you have to turn around.
Me: I just got here, I'm not turning around.
Her: Why the F didn't you wake me up?!
Me: You weren't going to go anyway.
Her: YES I WAS!
Me: After saying what you said about my kids last night what makes you think I want you around them anymore?
Her: -sputters and cusses me out-
Me: -Hangs up-
She then texts me "Say goodbye to your shit" and then a few moments later "And you can't use my car anymore for work" then a "Don't come home". I come home 8 hours later and discover she destroyed tow of my D&D books, broke my chest in half that stores my dice, notebook, pencils and other various gamer gear. My dice are everywhere, she tore down a picture I had on the wall and for some odd reason, dumped out my 6 bottles of hard cider I had in the fridge. I take pictures of it all. My computer monitor is also turned to the wide and my computer is off. I turn it on and log in and see she tried to log into it multiple times, I had the forethought though to change my password before I left, thankfully.
My son is up till almost 1am not able to sleep, I stay up with him, just like I have when it happened at all other points in his life. This morning she takes her car to work thinking it will screw me, I still have her parents car though as I asked if I could borrow it for another day. This morning she calls me, first word out of her mouth is incoherent yelling about why i still have their car and I hang up on her.
This was my weekend.
Saturday morning: My son wakes me up (I don't share a room with the wife anymore) and I get up with him as I do every morning and have for 5 years. I get showered and get him ready and we go grocery shopping. I'm gone a few hours, get the typical phone call asking where I'm at and when I'll be home. I get home and have to carry in everything by myself (I tore the labrum in my shoulder and can't use my right arm right now) I put away everything that's not in a high cupboard and she says she will. We joke around, everything seems fine. I tell her I'm going to get changed and go game (This will be the first time in 6 weeks) It's 1:30pm at this point and my inlaws are picking my son up at 2pm and keep him until 6:00pm. She says okay, I leave.
6:30pm rolls around and she calls and my son wants to talk to me, we do, it's a funny conversation and we hang up. 10 minutes later she calls and says he's not listening to her. I tell her to put him in timeout, I talk to him again (he turns 5 next month, is semi special needs) and tell him he has to be a good listener and he says okay. 15 minutes later he calls me and says he wants me to come pick him up. I talk to the wife, we typically share a car but we have her parents second car for the weekend so I tell her to bring him over (I'm 20 minutes away) She says she doesn't want to get ready and I'll have to come get him. Rolling my eyes, I go get him because I know where's shes heading mentally and don't want to have him there and don't want to deal with a shit storm when I get home. 40 minutes later I'm gaming again with him and all is well.
10:00 I get home. 2 minutes from home my son complains that his booster seat belt is too tight on his crotch. He's pretty upset and when I get home I hold him and bring him up to calm him down. My wife asks me if I fixed it and I said no, I will in the morning. She says "Whatever I'll do it in the morning"
Me: Or you can disregard what I said and do it yourself I suppose, okay.
Her: Well I know you won't do it.
Me: I just said I would, but okay, you can do it.
Her: You wont though.
Me: Okay
Her: Yeah, you don't do anything.
Me: Okay, I wasn't aware you wanted an argument, not interested.
Her: I'm not, you just need to learn when to shut the F up.
Me: LoL, okay.
My son is sitting right there, I'm not going to argue with her. I do tell her to watch her language around him. She then starts telling our son that Dad is a bad person and I don't love him and everyone likes me because I put on a front and I'm a jerk and he shouldn't trust me.
At that point I scoop up my son and take him to get ready for bed. I put him to bed and then come back out and lay into her on who the heck she thinks she is and how pathetic it is to drag our 4 year old into this stupid pointless argument. She then tells me she doesn't want him to turn out like my other two pathetic, fat, gross, stupid kids. She hates them and my first wife left because I was a piece of crap and yadda yadda yadda.
Me: Okay look, i get this cycle, I get your mentally ill, I get you should be in an institution but refuse to get help but here's the thing. When you get like this you want to tare me down to try to spark a reaction out of me but the problem is, I'm much better at this game then you are so I suggest you stop it and go to bed.
I'm in the kitchen at this time making myself some dinner and slowly putting away the things she told me she would since it's really hard for me to reach that high at the moment, everything she said she would put away is still out on the counters and she told me "I couldn't find room for it." I come out and she's in bed. She unplugged my computer and modem before she went to bed because, in her mind, that was the logical thing to do.
Sunday: My ex inlaws invited us to go 90 min north where my two older kids are camping and spend the day with them. My ex inlaws love me. I get up, get ready and get my son ready and I leave. As I'm getting there my wife calls me asking if I got her keys out of her parents car. (Her parents let me borrow their car, its nicer and better on mileage, on Friday when my wife had it I guess she left her keys in it, she told me...but it's two days later why would I think they were still in there...or think of them at all?)
Her: Well you have to turn around.
Me: I just got here, I'm not turning around.
Her: Why the F didn't you wake me up?!
Me: You weren't going to go anyway.
Her: YES I WAS!
Me: After saying what you said about my kids last night what makes you think I want you around them anymore?
Her: -sputters and cusses me out-
Me: -Hangs up-
She then texts me "Say goodbye to your shit" and then a few moments later "And you can't use my car anymore for work" then a "Don't come home". I come home 8 hours later and discover she destroyed tow of my D&D books, broke my chest in half that stores my dice, notebook, pencils and other various gamer gear. My dice are everywhere, she tore down a picture I had on the wall and for some odd reason, dumped out my 6 bottles of hard cider I had in the fridge. I take pictures of it all. My computer monitor is also turned to the wide and my computer is off. I turn it on and log in and see she tried to log into it multiple times, I had the forethought though to change my password before I left, thankfully.
My son is up till almost 1am not able to sleep, I stay up with him, just like I have when it happened at all other points in his life. This morning she takes her car to work thinking it will screw me, I still have her parents car though as I asked if I could borrow it for another day. This morning she calls me, first word out of her mouth is incoherent yelling about why i still have their car and I hang up on her.
This was my weekend.