moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Pretend to make up while making an exit strategy. No point in dragging it out any longer than you have to.
Marriage and the Power of Divorce
- Thread starter Grumpus
- Start date
DickTrickle
Definitely NOT Furor Planedefiler
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I really have to ask: why do you love her? Can you begin to answer that within a few seconds without spending a while thinking about? I can't imagine it's because of the way she treats you and makes you feel and so far you've not really portrayed her as some person with really intriguing intrinsic qualities. Do you love her because you've been with her a while? Because you want to be in love? Do you love her for qualities that are no longer present in her? Could you love someone else as much or more? Those seem like questions worth answering to yourself. Obviously there's a ton of history and background there that only you know about but given that she's never really loved you, I think your love is something you should try to examine a little more.
Omi43221
Trakanon Raider
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I had originally written a big these are my options post that got eaten. Would I rather close out my risk, yes.
At this point Im going to stick with my plan. I'll know by the end of the year. If things don't change I'll have to pick a lawyer.
One other thing to add. I have visited with three lawyers. I just get this feeling after visiting with them that they get this dollar sign look in their eyes. (No offense Cad)
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Rhuma, bro, I think you should give it another go and you should be consciously setting up your exit while you do it. It's a hard place to be, but you've said yourself you're fucked if you guys break up right now. Maybe you give it a go and 6 months from now it's great, or maybe you're right back here but at least you have like a car and shit. Or some meager amount of cash saved. Something.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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None taken, family lawyers are scumbags. They absolutely do get dollar signs in their eyes thats why they ask you up front about your assets, so they know how much they can bill you.
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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I agree with this. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst. Anything which gives you more time to plan is a good idea.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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Isn't he kind of fucked either way though. I guess he won't need a car right away but he still needs to find a place except now he needs to find a place for all of them and keep supporting this terrible human being who spends all his cash. I mean she's pretty much the reason he's in the financial situation he's in from the sound of it. And then he'll have to go through all this shit again because it sounds inevitable that she's just going to end up doing the same thing to him in the future.
Noodleface
A Mod Real Quick
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I don't know if it's been answered but why did you guys have 3 kids? I understand the first was an accident but the others?
Palum
what Suineg set it to
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Oh my God im dying laughing lol
For real though, 2nd kid was pullout method and yeah...
3rd was part of her idea for a perfect family, which I didn't mind, my kids are awesome and have never been a negative for me. I don't regret having them even under these circumstances.
For real though, 2nd kid was pullout method and yeah...
3rd was part of her idea for a perfect family, which I didn't mind, my kids are awesome and have never been a negative for me. I don't regret having them even under these circumstances.
radditsu
Silver Knight of the Realm
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1 was the first marriage it was an accident.
2 was planned w my second wife
3 was planned w my second wife
My wife keeps waffling on if she wants another. I do not really want one, but sometimes i do, but i really like sleep and buying things, but i like my kids and another wont be that bad...but sleep...but kids!...but sleep...but Kids!....sleep
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
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My wife and I had problems for years and I told my friends it was over many times and they got to the point where they rolled their eyes at me too. Much like you Rhuma, I loved her too so I was willing to try to work things out.
This was until things finally hit a real point of no return, I told my friends things were over and they again rolled their eyes at me. All the while I was setting plans into motion to arrange things so I had my safty net. When the wife said she wanted to work on things I rolled with it as it allowed me more time but then when things went south again I left and didn't look back.
Use this time to arrange your safety net and be ready to jump into it when ready. If I can do it, anyone can.
This was until things finally hit a real point of no return, I told my friends things were over and they again rolled their eyes at me. All the while I was setting plans into motion to arrange things so I had my safty net. When the wife said she wanted to work on things I rolled with it as it allowed me more time but then when things went south again I left and didn't look back.
Use this time to arrange your safety net and be ready to jump into it when ready. If I can do it, anyone can.
I couldn't possibly type out everything that has happened with my phone but the jyst is she told me she let her mother put things in her head and had been really stressed out because of having to move.
Its been over a year when someone actually watched our kids so we could have a date night with just us so it's been pretty rough.
That all said im not naive to how conniving women can be, especially in situations like this, I'll definitely be conciously setting myself up incase this goes South, I won't be signing any year leases and will get myself my own vehicle regardless. So I'll take all your advice to heart, for now, I'm happy that the common enemy in our relationship is her mother and perhaps removing her from our lives will improve things significantly.
For now, that's where were at, the make up sex was amazing BTW.
Its been over a year when someone actually watched our kids so we could have a date night with just us so it's been pretty rough.
That all said im not naive to how conniving women can be, especially in situations like this, I'll definitely be conciously setting myself up incase this goes South, I won't be signing any year leases and will get myself my own vehicle regardless. So I'll take all your advice to heart, for now, I'm happy that the common enemy in our relationship is her mother and perhaps removing her from our lives will improve things significantly.
For now, that's where were at, the make up sex was amazing BTW.
Tarrant
<Prior Amod>
- 15,567
- 9,019
You need to make preparations to get out. Most people don't get the warnings you have that it's happening, you need to take those to heart and set yourself up. Put money aside, get your car and talk with a friend that you can stay with for a month when it happens so you can line up your place soon after but be out of the house.
Also talk to a lawyer so you can move out without it looking like abandonment. Be sure you moving out doesn't look like you aren't making an effort to be a parent still.
Also talk to a lawyer so you can move out without it looking like abandonment. Be sure you moving out doesn't look like you aren't making an effort to be a parent still.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I guess I never understood the backup exit plan. If you're doing all that already why not just... ya know... leave? And on the other hand why wouldn't you give that advice to anyone in a relationship? Always have your exit strategy ready to go.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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I wouldn't say exit strategy exactly, but I would think you should always evaluate "am I totally fucked if this person goes crazy and does X Y and Z?" if so, assume they will and back yourself up a bit. I think maintaining the ability to live independently is always a good plan.
Khane
Got something right about marriage
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I agree, and there have been a lot of discussions in this thread about things like, charging your S.O. rent, keeping separate bank accounts, etc etc etc. All of which I am personally in favor of.
I just think it's a little strange to go through something as drastic as getting a lawyer (which isn't bad advice in situations like these) and getting ready to leave, all while not planning on actually leaving. If it's gotten to the point where you really should do all those things, just to protect yourself, I think that's a good indicator that it's time to leave. The relationship has run its course.
Kriptini
Vyemm Raider
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Cad
scientia potentia est
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While I think you're going a little too far with some of it (S.O. paying rent for example I know we argued about that before) I agree in general principle about being too reliant on another person's goodwill.
chaos
Buzzfeed Editor
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Well he's in a pretty fucked up situation where he can't exactly do that. If he leaves her today he's got nowhere to go, no way to get there, and leaves behind kids and a wife he actually cares about.
I think all any of us are saying is that at this point, he's seen behind the curtain. Most guys think "there's no way we'd split up/she'd leave me" or some version of that, or they just literally never think about it. Well it almost happened to him and he was not prepared. This could be a rekindling of their marriage, or it could be a temporary respite before the hammer drops again.