Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Phazael

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Christ Almighty Onoes, that is the longest post I've ever tried (and failed) to read.

TL;DR What everyone here said would happen has happened and now you need to lawyer up.
This x 1 million.

We all told you she would have some cunty friend who pissed in her ear, even if she was completely reasonable and rational (hint: she never was and you know this), ultimately screwing you for not having legal protection. You have allowed short sightedness to sabotage both your and your kid's future. Lawyer up NOW before it gets any worse. She CLEARLY has been playing on your good nature the whole time and you need to stop falling for this princess bullshit, like yesterday. She clearly wants to nuke your relationship with the new woman (and by proxy your happiness) so any chance of stopping that depends on you being quick and decisive.
 

Khane

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I know you are trolling, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt here for the sake of discussion. The short version is, what happens in the bedroom had no bearing on what I consider dating material. After some ugly young relationships, finding compatible lifestyles and mutual levels of crazy/stupid was my main (possibly only) evaluation criteria. If you are not a shallow selfish non-communicating nutbag, pretty much all other problems are solvable. Mental and lifestyle issues pretty much cannot be changed, in my personal experience. As for time tables, everyone is different but age 30 is generally when people start to actually know who they are and stop being overgrown teenagers. I think I have made that point in this thread before, actually. People who have their shit together can and do get successfully married prior to 30, but its not something I would recommend to anyone.

And if I can get personal for a moment, I think the only thing holding you back from settling down is likely a certain amount of shallowness. You seem to have all of the other bases well covered, but you the stuff you let derail relationships seems almost self destructive in nature. I have known more than a few people like you over the years and they all either got over their shit and settled down, or kept on doing the endless cycle of relationships that self immolate like clockwork after 6-8 months. Frankly, you are smarter and more worldly than most of my friends, so I am guessing the former in your case. Either way, your alpha cocksman attitude is just as useful as any opinion, because its vital for guys who's marriages blow the fuck up to know its possible to still go out there and get your wick dipped after the dust settles. Also, your technical knowledge and obsession with anal sex is actually pretty insightful.
Well you could consider my need to feel as though my partner is my peer shallow. But the fact of the matter is there is no way I am going to sacrifice my lifestyle for anyone. That wouldn't be a concern except women, every woman I've ever dated in fact, is incapable of fully abandoning traditional gender roles. So when push comes to shove they expect me to elevate their lifestyle and sacrifice my own because I'm the male provider and when I refuse to do shit like pay for vacations they can't afford or pay 4x the rent they do just because "that's fair" well sorry sweetheart, there's the door. It's absurd that even the successful, career oriented women I've dated admit to me they would like to take at least 4-5 years off from work to raise children as if they'll be able to just jump right back into the work force after the fact. And those are the more ambitious ones, some want to be a stay at home mom full time after marriage.

I expect the woman I am with to be an independent adult capable of taking care of themselves because I sure as shit am not going to live the rest of my life like Onoes if it doesn't work out. I am not afraid of commitment because I can't settle down or choose one woman to sleep with for the rest of my life. I am afraid of commitment because I don't want someone stealing my livelihood simply because we grew apart and needed to go our separate ways.

The funny thing is when I talk about things like a stay at home situation and traditional gender roles not working for me the women are fully on board and totally love being empowered and being their own woman. Until they find out how much money I make. Then they start to say stupid shit like "Well don't you want your kids to be raised by your wife instead of strangers?"
 

Onoes

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Ehhh, if you do bother to read it all, the short version is still "Nothing really bad has happened... but I'm thinking of covering my ass anyway for the future." Another factor being that I could see the kids wanting to live with me on a more full time basis when they get a bit older, and their mom wouldn't be happy if it went that way. Basically just a "Maybe I should cover my ass just in case...." for the future.

Not the fucking doom and gloom you lot spout.

As for the ex wife... she is not a princess, nor is she a malevolent mastermind... she's just kind of dumb.
 

opiate82

Bronze Squire
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Ehhh, if you do bother to read it all, the short version is still "Nothing really bad has happened... but I'm thinking of covering my ass anyway for the future." Another factor being that I could see the kids wanting to live with me on a more full time basis when they get a bit older, and their mom wouldn't be happy if it went that way. Basically just a "Maybe I should cover my ass just in case...." for the future.

Not the fucking doom and gloom you lot spout.
It is going down EXACTLY how we told you it would. Still in denial I see. Lawyer up man.
 

Gavinmad

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Ehhh, if you do bother to read it all, the short version is still "Nothing really bad has happened... but I'm thinking of covering my ass anyway for the future." Another factor being that I could see the kids wanting to live with me on a more full time basis when they get a bit older, and their mom wouldn't be happy if it went that way. Basically just a "Maybe I should cover my ass just in case...." for the future.

Not the fucking doom and gloom you lot spout.
Wow.

wR8ZTcO.jpg
 

Khane

Got something right about marriage
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Ehhh, if you do bother to read it all, the short version is still "Nothing really bad has happened... but I'm thinking of covering my ass anyway for the future." Another factor being that I could see the kids wanting to live with me on a more full time basis when they get a bit older, and their mom wouldn't be happy if it went that way. Basically just a "Maybe I should cover my ass just in case...." for the future.

Not the fucking doom and gloom you lot spout.
Well let me ask you a few questions based on my skimming:

1) It seems you allowed your wife to talk you into foregoing health coverage for your children so she could get $3000 now
2) She's been gaming the system to get foodstamps she shouldn't be given AND get assisted living she shouldn't qualify for
3) Your divorce papers still say you haven't been paying child support and she could still come after you for that because you don't have a good record of it
4) You're bending over backwards for a piece of shit scumbag even though you're saying your children would prefer to spend more time with you instead of her. Presumably because they can see that she's a scumbag.

Well I guess it's only the one question. Do you still not see that's exactly how people told you it would go?
 

Khane

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I just know you are all being sarcastic but I read it all and the it's basically just an opus on how to live your life to the fullest and do things the right way in a divorce.

Good job Onoes, stop letting these people tell you how ex marriage should work. You don't need a lawyer.
This guy is on fire today.
 

Fifey

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I got to the point where he is too cheap to buy health insurance for his kids then started skimming.
 

Khane

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Let me put it this way, women have great difficulty fucking men they don't like. Hell, even men have difficulty fucking women that mentally repulse them. If she leaves you for emotional reasons, she'll have no interest in a booty call relationship. If you leave her, and she still likes you, she will. The only exception to this narrative I see is when you break up for practical/amicable reasons, like you're moving to a different city, or never had a serious relationship to begin with. In that case, some are happy to ride your dick until they find a replacement boyfriend.
Fair enough, all the "after break up" booty calls I've had were typically never really serious relationships to begin with.
 

Cad

<Bronze Donator>
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Well you could consider my need to feel as though my partner is my peer shallow. But the fact of the matter is there is no way I am going to sacrifice my lifestyle for anyone. That wouldn't be a concern except women, every woman I've ever dated in fact, is incapable of fully abandoning traditional gender roles. So when push comes to shove they expect me to elevate their lifestyle and sacrifice my own because I'm the male provider and when I refuse to do shit like pay for vacations they can't afford or pay 4x the rent they do just because "that's fair" well sorry sweetheart, there's the door. It's absurd that even the successful, career oriented women I've dated admit to me they would like to take at least 4-5 years off from work to raise children as if they'll be able to just jump right back into the work force after the fact. And those are the more ambitious ones, some want to be a stay at home mom full time after marriage.

I expect the woman I am with to be an independent adult capable of taking care of themselves because I sure as shit am not going to live the rest of my life like Onoes if it doesn't work out. I am not afraid of commitment because I can't settle down or choose one woman to sleep with for the rest of my life. I am afraid of commitment because I don't want someone stealing my livelihood simply because we grew apart and needed to go our separate ways.

The funny thing is when I talk about things like a stay at home situation and traditional gender roles not working for me the women are fully on board and totally love being empowered and being their own woman. Until they find out how much money I make. Then they start to say stupid shit like "Well don't you want your kids to be raised by your wife instead of strangers?"
There's women out there who make a lot and don't want kids and enjoy a great lifestyle. I personally would be forced to crush their fucking skulls with a hammer if I had to spend longer than 10 minutes with them, but they're out there.

Are you thinking you don't want kids at all, or are you thinking you want kids but just don't want a woman to turn into a leech on you because of it?
 

Khane

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There's women out there who make a lot and don't want kids and enjoy a great lifestyle. I personally would be forced to crush their fucking skulls with a hammer if I had to spend longer than 10 minutes with them, but they're out there.

Are you thinking you don't want kids at all, or are you thinking you want kids but just don't want a woman to turn into a leech on you because of it?
I don't really have a hard yes or no on kids. If I met a woman I fell in love with and thought I could be with who didn't want kids I would be perfectly OK with that. If I met a woman in that capacity who absolutely wanted kids I wouldn't hesitate to have them with her. I like kids and I think I'd be a good father but a woman who isn't on board isn't a dealbreaker for me. Wasn't always like that, used to definitely want kids, but as I've gotten older and dated a wide variety of women who absolutely wanted children but I can't imagine being fit mothers I've become alright with never having children.
 

Cad

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I don't really have a hard yes or no on kids. If I met a woman I fell in love with and thought I could be with who didn't want kids I would be perfectly OK with that. If I met a woman in that capacity who absolutely wanted kids I wouldn't hesitate to have them with her. I like kids and I think I'd be a good father but a woman who isn't on board isn't a dealbreaker for me. Wasn't always like that, used to definitely want kids, but as I've gotten older and dated a wide variety of women who absolutely wanted children but I can't imagine being fit mothers I've become alright with never having children.
How do you define fit mother?
 

Phazael

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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Onoes:
You are a nice guy who lives in the moment and thinks the best of people. You are simply not equipped to recognize that your ex is playing you, the system, and frankly anything else to keep herself in princess status. She is basically a deadbeat mom and you are going to end up eating the shit sandwich over all of this when she feels you are finally not gullible enough to eat her bullshit, but by then it will be too late. Literally everything you are complaining about was something people here (and apparently IRL) warned you about in excruciating detail well before you had no chance to protect yourself. At this point you are completely fucked and its about saving what you can out of what is important. The longer it takes you to realize this, the less you will have left when the smoke settles.

Side point, what does your new woman say about this shit when you tell her about it? I am guessing you don't even discuss it with her, likely because you know deep down what it sounds like.
 

Khane

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How do you define fit mother?
The women I am talking about are completely indifferent or worse, clearly abhor, other people's children. They showed no signs of being nurturing in any fashion. I dated a teacher who I thought I was going to marry for quite a while. Madly in love until we started talking about our future and I started noticing how awful she was. She taught special education at a private school and would constantly tell people how it was so rewarding and she wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But in private she would tell me about how much she hated her piece of shit students and how worthless they all were. The story that took the cake though was the one of her stupid bitch student who got caught giving her boyfriend a blowjob in the bathroom and that she hopes the slut gets raped behind a gas station (yes, actual words that were spoken to me) and other similar stories.

Keep in mind this wasn't every, or even a majority of the women I dated that I saw this in. But it was enough that it made me sour.
 

Phazael

Confirmed Beta Shitlord, Fat Bastard
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How do you define fit mother?
It always comes back to the crazy. Crazy is the one thing you can't fix and it shits over everything, including child rearing.

Side note to Khane, I know the kinds of equal partner Khane wants exist, I just think he is either looking in the wrong places or holding potential candidates to unrealistically high standards of perfection.

PS- Not saying that was the case with the teacher, but you do know women vent in the most sadistic ways possible about their jobs when they come home from work, even if they love their careers right? Wish I had learned that lesson a lot earlier than I did....
 

Onoes

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Well let me ask you a few questions based on my skimming:

1) It seems you allowed your wife to talk you into foregoing health coverage for your children so she could get $3000 now
2) She's been gaming the system to get foodstamps she shouldn't be given AND get assisted living she shouldn't qualify for
3) Your divorce papers still say you haven't been paying child support and she could still come after you for that because you don't have a good record of it
4) You're bending over backwards for a piece of shit scumbag even though you're saying your children would prefer to spend more time with you instead of her. Presumably because they can see that she's a scumbag.

Well I guess it's only the one question. Do you still not see that's exactly how people told you it would go?
1.) No, I asked her to cover half of it, she didn't want to and was ok just letting the kids lose health insurance. I paid it all myself instead of that happening.
2.) Yes, she had been, unbeknownst to me on the food stamps. She didn't end up moving into the assisted living place, or going back to college. So, just the food stamps/kids health insurance.
3.) My divorce papers say I don't need to pay child support. I have a perfect record of every single check I've made out to her, all of which state "Child Support - Oct 2015" or whatever on them.
4.) I don't think she's a scumbag. She's a pretty good mom. She works full time, does yoga and plays softball outside of that. She completely stopped going out after that first year of partying. The kids like being at my house more because I'm a big kid. I'm way more patient than her, and we do tons of fun stuff, largely because we have the money to do more stuff. So, I would say its a combination of me wanting to be more involved with them, plus having games everywhere, and doing fun trips. The kids are about to turn 7 and 8, they don't think a lot past swimming, going to Disneyland, and playing Minecraft.