Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Onoes

Onoes

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Yeah, you are me. Well, except the cheating thing. I've never cheated on anyone ever, but I'm at the point where if I was out of town or something, and knew there was no way she would ever know, I would probably do it. It's weird saying that, because I remember being of the mindset "If a guy cheats he should have his dick cut off!" kinda thing, but yeah, 10 years, 3 months, and 10 days since my last blowjob has made me rethink my stance on that.

Remember me saying I wasn't super happy about our sex life? Now, don't get me wrong, she loves having sex, but she's the only girl I've ever been with who is just addamitaly not interested in doing anything for me that she's not into. And she's not into blowjobs, despite never giving one. "It's gross, spit is gross, and I'll gag and throw up, so nope, not ever" is basically her stance.

It's.... frustrating. More so since I know most guys are into all sorts of shit. I don't want anything to do with her ass, nor her having anything to do with mine, I don't want to pee on her, choke her, slap her, film her, etc etc. I would just like a blowjob. Like I said, frustrating. /end rant

I'm not against relationships, but getting married just BECAUSE does nothing but make it way harder to split up if you decide in 1, or 10, years that is what you want to do.
 
chaos

chaos

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We had a thread on FoH where all of these guys were saying "I would never cheat, never ever NEVER NEver never ever!" Such bullshit. It is really easy to say that when you're happy or young or don't have any problems. I mean, I don't ever WANT to cheat on my wife, I'm just not stupid enough to believe I am some pillar of morality and it isn't possible.
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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Noodleface_sl said:
Also had a girl at the bank give me her number yesterday. I threw it out on the way out of the bank. I think I know why married men cheat now.
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Everyone cheats for the same reason (well, outside of douchebags or cunts that do it just to do it). They do it because there's no effort being put into their relationship anymore, by one party or the other. It's like Onoes up there...at least he admits it, he's selfish, and that's why he doesn't like his relationship.

Relationships aren't something that just fucking flies along on autopilot for 50 years. If you're not putting the effort into it to keep each other happy, you're not going to. If your partner isn't putting forth the effort they should be, you need to talk to them about it, or you'll stop putting in the effort that you should be. If you don't want to put forth the effort anymore, find someone else. The reason relationships work is because both people give up a little for a common goal. My marriage is a partnership with the goal of having a nice house in a nice city with a nice yard to raise our girls in. That's it. She or I can fuck other people and it doesn't change the partnership or the goal, because that's irrelevant to both of them. At the end of the day, the goal is to have what we have, and there's very little that can actually come in the way of that.

Of course you can't have a relationship if you're selfish. That's the very definition of selfish - caring more about yourself than others. The trick is to get past YOURSELF and start thinking about what you can do TOGETHER, which I guarantee is way more than you can do alone.

Now, finding someone else who shares that philosophy is the tricky part. You're on your own with that one. But I met my wife in February, we started dating in March, and were married in June. And that was 14 years ago.
 
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Commander Vimeseh_sl

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chaos_sl said:
We had a thread on FoH where all of these guys were saying "I would never cheat, never ever NEVER NEver never ever!" Such bullshit. It is really easy to say that when you're happy or young or don't have any problems. I mean, I don't ever WANT to cheat on my wife, I'm just not stupid enough to believe I am some pillar of morality and it isn't possible.
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I was one of those guys Chaos and I was definitely not happy at the time or too young (29 soon to be 30 now). Still didn't and still wouldn't. She on the other hand didn't have an issue with it. Ba dum dum.
 
Grumpus

Grumpus

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AladainAF

AladainAF

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Remember me saying I wasn't super happy about our sex life? Now, don't get me wrong, she loves having sex, but she's the only girl I've ever been with who is just addamitaly not interested in doing anything for me that she's not into. And she's not into blowjobs, despite never giving one. "It's gross, spit is gross, and I'll gag and throw up, so nope, not ever" is basically her stance.

It's.... frustrating. More so since I know most guys are into all sorts of shit. I don't want anything to do with her ass, nor her having anything to do with mine, I don't want to pee on her, choke her, slap her, film her, etc etc. I would just like a blowjob. Like I said, frustrating. /end rant
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This was my wife to a tee before I met her, but each time we would have sex, I would try something new and she would roll with it. It went from no blowjobs, to some licks, to ball licking, to tip in, to blowjobs, to swallowing and gagging like in porn movies lol. It's a slow progression.

I'm still at some roadblocks 3 years into our marriage, but I had a really good talk to her -- basically said look, we only get to live once. We're still young (early 30s), and when were in the bedroom, the world is just you and me. You ever have a fantasy you wanted to fulfill lay it on me. Embarrassed about it? Who cares, it's just you and me, and the details don't leave the bedroom. She's making a good effort on it, and it pleases me, and to her own surprise she enjoyed it too.

But this does suck. Having a wife who just wants to lay there while you have sex, moan a few times and finish... is incredibly boring. I'm not sure I could handle 10+ years of that.

Relevant to thread.. starts around 2 min in.

 
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caramon13_sl

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I threatened my own wife with divorce about...2 years into marriage for many of the reasons people complain about above. She backed down, things got a tad better for a while, but are right back where they were as of now. Children complicate things (as in my case), but sometimes I rather wish I had taken the divorce route and been a bit more selfish instead of being such a damn pussy and sticking around for all the wrong reasons.
 
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Commander Vimeseh_sl

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Wintermute_sl said:
If men were only getting married to please women, gay marriage would be 50% less of an issue than it is.
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Men get married for a bunch of reasons. To please their woman, to fulfill the role that society says they should by making sure the union is official in a legal and/or religious sense, to fulfill that instinctual urge to label her as yours, and on and on.

Bringing gay marriage in to this discussion is a smokescreen. Gays want to be allowed to get married because in most societies marriage is the sign of ultimate commitment and it is unfair to them that they aren't allowed equal privileges under the laws that surround state recognized marriage. Nothing more, nothing less. If the gays and by extension the straights existed in a society where marriage wasn't a thing, at least legally then they wouldn't give a shit if they could get married or not.
 
Kaige

Kaige

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chaos_sl said:
We had a thread on FoH where all of these guys were saying "I would never cheat, never ever NEVER NEver never ever!" Such bullshit. It is really easy to say that when you're happy or young or don't have any problems. I mean, I don't ever WANT to cheat on my wife, I'm just not stupid enough to believe I am some pillar of morality and it isn't possible.
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My stepfather cheated on my mother eventually, and I honestly don't blame him for it. I know some guys here may say "that's your mom", but after the things I've seen her do to relationships, I've been tempted to put a bullet in her just to save humanity. She's a good human being, but for fuck's sake she was a nightmare to the significant others in her life. She needs to be alone.

My stepfather eventually reached a point where he took every overseas tech job he could for months on end, because he refused to come home. When he would be around, the moment she came home from work, it was like the lights dimmed and a shadow fell over the house. You could literally fucking feel it. It was a terrible thing for him, because it was so blatantly obvious he loved us kids, but couldn't handle her poison.

In time they divorced, but I never truly understood it until years later when she was in a relationship with a guy who was a friend of the family. Then as an adult, I could truly see the person she was to her partner. I still remember the day we were moving her out of his house (she had refused for months until he was able to get our family's help). I had to drag her physically from the place because she wanted to scream at him and possibly take a swing or two. He's no saint, but came nowhere near deserving what he received from her over the years.

So yeah, those who say they'd never cheat? Some of the women you meet and get involved with may be angels at first, but you never know what will hit you. Lord knows my mother's relationships didn't.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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If I get to the point where I would want to cheat, I'd just end my relationship first. I've been on the reciving end of a spouse cheating and I've seen what it can do to to a family. My oldest son still has problems with it almost 5 years later. ( he's 10 now) So I can say yes, I would never cheat. I may want to but again, if I got to that point I'd simply end things first.
 
chaos

chaos

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Yeah, I don't buy it. I think not recognizing the possibility is a weakness, one that could be exploited by cock-hungry females who want to steal your soul.
 
Famm

Famm

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Noodleface_sl said:
Anyways, I talked it out with her. I didn't mean to, but she ended up crying a bunch basically kept repeating over and over how she thought she was a horrible terrible person. I guess she didn't realize what she was doing or how she was making me feel. The reason I didn't bring it up before was because everytime I do she tries to flip it around saying stuff like "OH, I guess I must be the most horrible person you've ever met." Typical women logic.
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First of all she manipulated the fuck out of you. Secondly this response is a major fucking red flag, not just women logic. This bitch is grade A fucking crazy. Period. You need to get the fuck out NOW. You won't of course, but you'll remember this post in 3-7 years and I'll have been right. I promise you. She's going to ruin your fucking life dude, walk away and be your own man. You'll wish you had after its too late.
 
Tarrant

Tarrant

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chaos_sl said:
Yeah, I don't buy it. I think not recognizing the possibility is a weakness, one that could be exploited by cock-hungry females who want to steal your soul.
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I've had chances to cheat, I was two states away once where she never would have known and I didn't cheat. I went though hell for a long time when my first wife did what she did and I'd never want to go though anything like that again. Shit with my wife isn't even paradise but I'd never cheat on her. If I wanted to fuck another girl, again I'd just end shit and move on from there.

I'm not saying this makes me a high moral person or whatever, but I saw what that did to my kids and their respect matters more to me then anything else I can think of. I'd never want to lose that with them nor would i care to lose it for myself.
 
chaos

chaos

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Just because you didn't doesn't mean you never will. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who said the same exact thing you had a moment of weakness and ended up fucking around. Shit happens. Which is why we must remain vigilant.
 
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TecKnoe

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Cutlery_sl said:
Everyone cheats for the same reason (well, outside of douchebags or cunts that do it just to do it). They do it because there's no effort being put into their relationship anymore, by one party or the other. It's like Onoes up there...at least he admits it, he's selfish, and that's why he doesn't like his relationship.
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I think people cheat because they are getting no ass at home, but that also ties into your point unhappy household = no ass, but first and foremost people cheat because they are deprived of sex at home.
 
chaos

chaos

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I think people cheat for all kinds of reasons. There is no one size fits all philosophy. Like I said, I never want to, but lots of guys have said that I'm sure.
 
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