Marriage and the Power of Divorce

Namon said:

He's flamboyantly gay so his tastes are more feminine is what her line of thinking was. Too bad penis trumps style still and Bros before hoes

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It's funny that women think gay dudes are on their side. Most still play for team Dude.

Noodleface said:

It's hard to say this man, but you need to hear it

Your wife is a whore. That shit ain't acceptable. Talk to a lawyer and get divorce started. I know you've got kids man, but unless you want just a roommate I would say that you start proceeding and work on selling the house. You do you man. None of that shit is right

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Yep, D Deebo . Even if you love your wife, she doesn't (truly) love you.

If you can stay calm, do. Try not to flip out on her and tell her what you think about her. It only feels good for a moment, and causes a bunch of long-term problems. The more peaceful the divorce process is, the better for you, your wife and your kids.

But you have to get divorced. There can never be any real trust again, and without that there is no relationship.

Noodleface said:

It's hard to say this man, but you need to hear it

Your wife is a whore. That shit ain't acceptable. Talk to a lawyer and get divorce started. I know you've got kids man, but unless you want just a roommate I would say that you start proceeding and work on selling the house. You do you man. None of that shit is right

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Word. D Deebo , bro it seems hard now, well it isnt going to get any easier. Laywer up, follow their advice, don't do anything until they say . Dont leave the house to sleep at a friend's house or anything. Think about your kids, take strength from them, and do what needs to be done.

Yeah that's the whole thing too, trust. It was so hard to get any trust going again after the last time. Its true, not matter how much we get along and or how much I care for her and love her if I dont have trust then its going to be hell. Thats why im thinking nothing can help it... I just had some slight hope that it might.

Im worried about paying for a lawyer, that shit sounds expensive.

Divorce lawyers can be expensive I'm sure, but if she isn't a bitch about it it might not be that bad. I'm not sure if you can use infidelity as leverage here.

Probably cheaper than not paying for one in your circumstance.

Deebo said:

Yeah that's the whole thing too, trust. It was so hard to get any trust going again after the last time. Its true, not matter how much we get along and or how much I care for her and love her if I dont have trust then its going to be hell. Thats why im thinking nothing can help it... I just had some slight hope that it might.

Im worried about paying for a lawyer, that shit sounds expensive.

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It doesn't have to be. Lawyers are expensive when divorces are messy.

A peaceful divorce is an inexpensive one. The parameters for how things are divided are more or less set by marriage law. Keep your cool, have your expectations in line with reality, and be ready to give up a few less important things just to get it the fuck done. Your lawyer will probably tell you something similar.

If it can be peaceful and we can come to an agreement on everything could I just get it all done without a lawyer? Like if we agree on how we share time with the kids and what happens when the house is sold like all the debts we have will be paid then anything left will be split?

Then if shes not willing to work with me and agree on shit then I can get a lawyer involved?

Deebo said:

If it can be peaceful and we can come to an agreement on everything could I just get it all done without a lawyer? Like if we agree on how we share time with the kids and what happens when the house is sold like all the debts we have will be paid then anything left will be split?

Then if shes not willing to work with me and agree on shit then I can get a lawyer involved?

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I got married young when I was in the military, huge huge mistake. But, we did our divorce this way. I basically handled everything, filed some paperwork, and we were done. She was doing the typical woman waffling thing, going back and forth, butafter I had her served and she didn't show up to contest the divorce, that was that.

We also had no assets, no kids. My understanding is, and could be very wrong depending on many factors in your situation, that if we had assets and had come to an agreement then it would have been no big deal, but that children complicate it beyond what the layman is capable of.

Yeah lawyer up. This one is over sadly

I totally get and understand trying to look past one indiscretion, but after that, it's a pattern and one that can't just be swept aside.

I'm the type that can't overlook one, but I get it at least. After that fuck it

So the one dude from gamestop that she banged and told a friend she was still in love with, she said tried to strangle her and said if he saw her again said he would rape her? That seems rather farfetched.

My ex-wife used to pull that crap too. When she got confronted about stuff she would make up some sort of attack and try to either stop the conversation about what she didn't want to talk about or get sympathy for her 'near death experience'. I always found it funny how I would only hear about how 5 dudes chased her to her car at work when I started questioning where she was or why she was late. She was a total whore.

As for making divorce less painful, I would suggest act nice and caring and suggest that maybe the divorce is what she needs to explore her feelings for the other guy. Make it sound like an exciting future for her and her new relationship. If you make her bitter, it will cost you.

Arative said:

So the one dude from gamestop that she banged and told a friend she was still in love with, she said tried to strangle her and said if he saw her again said he would rape her? That seems rather farfetched.

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She's lying to him again. She doesn't know that he knows that she confided in her friend that she loves gamestop boy. She's apparently been intimate with gamestop boy recently (in addition to guy at her new job) so she tells husband that she was practically raped to seem like the victim.

If I didn't think it would fuck stuff up I'd almost suggest you call her bluff on the GameStop guy and have police come by the house to talk to her

Classic misdirection. She can't be the bad guy...People are always the hero in their own story. You are not going to get a straight and honest answer out of her that would make her admit guilt. Listen to the boys here. You need to get out. Rip the bandaid off as fast as possible. Take care of the kids...They are the real victims.

Noodleface said:

If I didn't think it would fuck stuff up I'd almost suggest you call her bluff on the GameStop guy and have police come by the house to talk to her

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I thought about posting something like make her call the cops on the guy but that would just fuck things up in a divorce

Definitely use your kids and be your best self as much as you can possibly manage. Navigating hard parts of life in a straightforward, honest, brave manner will be strengthening to your children and you both. Best of luck man, you are not the first or last person to be manipulated precisely because you do know/try to trust in the manner it must be granted.

Really good advice here.

Every time you get the idea it would be fun to throw <whatever shitty thing she did> in her face, just remember it costs you money and potentially time with your kids to do it. Not worth it. Don't argue over stupid, easily replaceable shit unless she's trying to claim WAY more than her share of mutual possessions.

Stay strong, even a relatively smooth divorce is still stressful since you have to deal with a lot of life change. Try to focus on the kids and your hobbies. Don't listen to any stupid bullshit she makes up, you caught her red-handed and you caught her lying to cover her tracks. It's over.