Marriage and the Power of Divorce

So around May or so the in-laws had a get together. I was talking with the father in law about how all us guys should get together and do a fishing day trip around fathers day.

Fast forward to the day before Fathers day and my brother in law text me, hey what time are you heading up tomorrow, I had no idea what he was talking about and found out that they had planned the fishing trip but I was never invited. He spilled the beans about the trip I wasn't supposed to know about and plain old ignored the subject after asking what time I'd be heading over there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but the whole shit soured me a bit. Talked with my wife about it and she was saying oh he just wanted to take his boys with. But they (the in laws) never once in our 16 years together have done anything on fathers day. But in the same year I suggest something to do, they all do it minus me, hard to not take that personally.

Wantonsoup95 said:

So around May or so the in-laws had a get together. I was talking with the father in law about how all us guys should get together and do a fishing day trip around fathers day.

Fast forward to the day before Fathers day and my brother in law text me, hey what time are you heading up tomorrow, I had no idea what he was talking about and found out that they had planned the fishing trip but I was never invited. He spilled the beans about the trip I wasn't supposed to know about and plain old ignored the subject after asking what time I'd be heading over there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but the whole shit soured me a bit. Talked with my wife about it and she was saying oh he just wanted to take his boys with. But they (the in laws) never once in our 16 years together have done anything on fathers day. But in the same year I suggest something to do, they all do it minus me, hard to not take that personally.

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Jizz on his daughters face and send him a photo.

Wantonsoup95 said:

So around May or so the in-laws had a get together. I was talking with the father in law about how all us guys should get together and do a fishing day trip around fathers day.

Fast forward to the day before Fathers day and my brother in law text me, hey what time are you heading up tomorrow, I had no idea what he was talking about and found out that they had planned the fishing trip but I was never invited. He spilled the beans about the trip I wasn't supposed to know about and plain old ignored the subject after asking what time I'd be heading over there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but the whole shit soured me a bit. Talked with my wife about it and she was saying oh he just wanted to take his boys with. But they (the in laws) never once in our 16 years together have done anything on fathers day. But in the same year I suggest something to do, they all do it minus me, hard to not take that personally.

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No, your instincts are correct here. That's just a shitty thing to do. I really hope you say something to him the next time you see him. That's hurtful, and he needs to know it's hurtful. Just something simple like "thanks for the invite to the fishing trip I suggested." Then walk away. Might seem passive aggressive, but he is a dick and he deserves to feel uncomfortable/badly for something like this.

I'm having the devil of a time with my parents in law. They both have been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Last time I saw them my father in law didn't remember who I was, which hurt, not because he was being a dick, but because he and I had a really great relationship. It's hard to see him disappearing because of the disease. He got very agitated and I had to leave their condo to get him to calm down. Half hour later I came back and he greeted me joyfully. He then proceeded to start up a discussion about a piece of music he and I discussed to death about 15 years ago, picking up that conversation like it had been happening ten minutes before.
My mother in law has always been less than pleasant. Now she's just mostly silent. She seems to be more aware than her husband of the freedoms that are being taken from them. No car or license, no bank or credit cards (she was online buying so much that it was a massive problem), no ability to just get up and go on a vacation or anywhere. She's just getting angry, and she is focusing that on me. She remembers that I was there to move them into their assisted living place, and she's blaming me for her having to be there.

Alzheimers is a really, really fucking shitty thing. The only positive that has come out of this is that my wife and her brother have become a lot closer as they together deal with it. Another down side is that the other brother has become a total dick in this, saying that the other kids are excluding him in decisions (they are, because he's a waste of skin and tries to override decisions by feeding fear and descension to his parents in their confused state).

You don't get to pick your own family. And really, you don't get to pick the family you marry in to. It's tough out there. Be good to yourself, don't let parents drag you down.

lurkingdirk said:

No, your instincts are correct here. That's just a shitty thing to do. I really hope you say something to him the next time you see him. That's hurtful, and he needs to know it's hurtful. Just something simple like "thanks for the invite to the fishing trip I suggested." Then walk away. Might seem passive aggressive, but he is a dick and he deserves to feel uncomfortable/badly for something like this.

I'm having the devil of a time with my parents in law. They both have been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Last time I saw them my father in law didn't remember who I was, which hurt, not because he was being a dick, but because he and I had a really great relationship. It's hard to see him disappearing because of the disease. He got very agitated and I had to leave their condo to get him to calm down. Half hour later I came back and he greeted me joyfully. He then proceeded to start up a discussion about a piece of music he and I discussed to death about 15 years ago, picking up that conversation like it had been happening ten minutes before.
My mother in law has always been less than pleasant. Now she's just mostly silent. She seems to be more aware than her husband of the freedoms that are being taken from them. No car or license, no bank or credit cards (she was online buying so much that it was a massive problem), no ability to just get up and go on a vacation or anywhere. She's just getting angry, and she is focusing that on me. She remembers that I was there to move them into their assisted living place, and she's blaming me for her having to be there.

Alzheimers is a really, really fucking shitty thing. The only positive that has come out of this is that my wife and her brother have become a lot closer as they together deal with it. Another down side is that the other brother has become a total dick in this, saying that the other kids are excluding him in decisions (they are, because he's a waste of skin and tries to override decisions by feeding fear and descension to his parents in their confused state).

You don't get to pick your own family. And really, you don't get to pick the family you marry in to. It's tough out there. Be good to yourself, don't let parents drag you down.

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I've been debating on saying anything, I think I'm going for the disconnect route and just be the c and e in law only. See ya at Easter and see ya at Christmas. No birthday parties no Thanksgiving, just the key holidays and see ya next year.

Wantonsoup95 said:

I've been debating on saying anything, I think I'm going for the disconnect route and just be the c and e in law only. See ya at Easter and see ya at Christmas. No birthday parties no Thanksgiving, just the key holidays and see ya next year.

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You say you’ve been with your wife 16 years… do you have reason to think your FIL doesn’t like you or is this an isolated incident?

Kithani said:

You say you’ve been with your wife 16 years… do you have reason to think your FIL doesn’t like you or is this an isolated incident?

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I do not think there's a dislike or anything. Doing any kind of activity as a group has never been done other than just get togethers at their house. Which is why I brought up the fishing thing.

Wantonsoup95 said:

I do not think there's a dislike or anything. Doing any kind of activity as a group has never been done other than just get togethers at their house. Which is why I brought up the fishing thing.

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Have you considered… they have been going on all this time?

Szeth said:

Have you considered… they have been going on all this time?

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I know for a fact they have not. Talked with my wife about this whole thing when it happened. And I talk to my brother in law daily.

Just talk to them. Don't be passive aggressive. You either get an apology and they try to make up for it or you you get clarity on what they actually think of you and then you can tell them to fuck off.

Cutlery said:

Or, alternatively, don't talk to them. Why waste your time in life dealing with assholes?

My mother told my sister yesterday that she doesn't remember kicking me or her out of the house. So because she doesn't remember it, it never happened, and we must be making it up. We're obviously both delusional.

I haven't talked to my parents in 12 years, and this is why. Why the fuck would I sit there and talk about how that shit hurts my feelings to fucking psychopaths. What a waste of time.

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Imo that would be the next step, if they are assholes about it and have no good explanation.

Wantonsoup95 said:

So around May or so the in-laws had a get together. I was talking with the father in law about how all us guys should get together and do a fishing day trip around fathers day.

Fast forward to the day before Fathers day and my brother in law text me, hey what time are you heading up tomorrow, I had no idea what he was talking about and found out that they had planned the fishing trip but I was never invited. He spilled the beans about the trip I wasn't supposed to know about and plain old ignored the subject after asking what time I'd be heading over there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it but the whole shit soured me a bit. Talked with my wife about it and she was saying oh he just wanted to take his boys with. But they (the in laws) never once in our 16 years together have done anything on fathers day. But in the same year I suggest something to do, they all do it minus me, hard to not take that personally.

Click to expand...

If you aren’t invited they don’t want you around, move on and find new people to hang out with.

Wantonsoup95 said:

I've been debating on saying anything, I think I'm going for the disconnect route and just be the c and e in law only. See ya at Easter and see ya at Christmas. No birthday parties no Thanksgiving, just the key holidays and see ya next year.

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Seems like the best route. I can speak from experience. 2 BIL's never got invited to anything ever. After 16 years, it is pretty clear they don't consider you part of the clan. Life gets better when you stop giving a shit about people who don't give a shit about you.