Marriage and the Power of Divorce

My shit are things that I have accumulated over the course of my entire life with a lot of memories attached to it. Our house is a gaming den that reflects out hobbies and projects we have done over the years. I was into the whole Tyler Durden existance when I was in my twenties, but I like having my reminders of things I did and my old instruments to pick up every once in a while. I love spinning up my old hand crank 78 player (family heirloom from Germany) every once in a blue moon. The house is a bit chaotic, but its a fun place for our friends to come hang out, do fun shit, kareoke, hobby, or whatever.

Kirun said:

The first apartment I lived in on my own looked very similar to that, minus the weight bench.

Embracing a minimalist lifestyle had a profound impact on my life. It played a major role in helping me lose weight, improve my physical health, and develop the discipline I had been lacking. With fewer distractions and a simpler environment, I found it much easier to focus on personal growth and establish healthier habits.

I've come to believe that a simple, intentional lifestyle is especially valuable for men. It creates the mental clarity and structure needed to prioritize. Whether that's health, purpose, and/or long-term goals.

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Not an insult, but this is a reflection of your blackpill Patrick Bates mentality. Thats fine, you do you. Not all of us have such a rigid and spartan outlook, however. Also for most (non black) women, seeing a dudes pad look like a prison cell is kind of a red flag. That would be an excellent man cave, though.

I wish my house was like that. Women and kids leave only my small office free of clutter and bullshit.

Yeah, I'm not into buying a bunch of random shit and what I do have I try to keep as organized as possible (though my laziness impedes this a bunch). Have a specific box set aside for sentimental stuff, since I do have a hard time getting rid of it (shit I always get that pang of guilt just throwing away birthday and Christmas cards, etc.). My model kits are really my only big guilty pleasure for unnecessary stuff and maybe a couple of plushies that are stuffed in the closet since I have nowhere to put them, currently. My house definitely does feel a little sad, since there's damn near no decorations in it, save for around my desk. And yet, this mother fucker would still yet at me worried about me turning into his pure hoarder mom (whose house you cannot walk through without stepping on shit) every time I wanted to buy a new model (which are all just neatly stacked away in a closet, anyway).

Cad said:

This is going to be one of those times where you have to stop worrying about what he's doing or what he's thinking or feeling, and go get yours. You need to be strong here, decisive, and take control of this process. He's not going to "let" you do it. You're going to fight, and you're going to win. Get fucking pissed about what is going on in your life and say, I'm not taking this shit anymore. And DONT.

Your situation here is entirely self-inflicted, this dude is a loser who can't get a job. Don't let him get over on you about this. Take your shit and take his too.

Get. Mad.

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Koushirou Take his executor. I’ll totally buy it from you, I’ll make it worthwhile.

Seananigans said:

Does the same go for debts? Like one person has $200k student loan, payments were made with “marital income,” so the debt liability is 50/50?

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So, it's really only 50/50 if you make the judge decide it. You don't have to do that.

In my situation, my ex had run up about 50k in credit card debt, which I then transferred to my credit cards because they kept getting canceled and the interest rates were insane and she was too stupid to pay them. She had a TSP (government 401k), but she kept taking fuckin loans out of it because she's retarded. So she had no retirement. She also had 100k in student loans (I already told you she's retarded). We had the house, with about 100k in equity, and we had basically zero savings.

I had 15 years in a union pension (which my lawyer said was potentially worth a million dollars - I think she was exaggerating slightly. It's worth about 110k in my IRA right now, but we'll see what the future holds), no debt of my own, it was all her debt on my cards.

The agreement we came to quickly was that we keep our own vehicles, and we keep our own retirements. She just wanted her share of the equity in the house, and we'd split the debt. I obviously couldn't afford to give her 50k without selling the house, so I offered her a cut of my pension, and she refused it. She was coming up on 40, no retirement, no savings, no house, and 100k in debt and she turned down a piece of my guaranteed money. I'm kinda glad she did - I wouldn't have been able to cash it out and actually make it do something for me. But that still seems like a completely retarded move.

We ended up agreeing on something like I'd pay her $500/mo until I could refinance the house - and since she owed me child support (made more than me, and I had more custody of the kids), we basically just traded the same $500 back and forth for a few years. I think the child support was like $587 or something, so the money just stayed in my venmo and I'd kick it right back over to her as repayment for the house equity. The only sticking point was the debt - she wanted her student loans to be considered marital debt, but I brought up that her earning power should be a marital asset, and she immediately agreed to keep it. So I'm guessing I was probably right and her lawyer knew it and told her to knock it the fuck off before she started paying me alimony. Then there was the shit sandwich I had to eat, which was I felt like I shouldn't have to pay off her debt just because it was on my credit cards, and my lawyer looked at me and said "Do you trust her to pay them?"

Well, fuck, fine. I'll fucking keep it then.

That was the entire agreement. The judge decided nothing. Well, I take that back - the judge decided that I owed back child support for the summer that I was out of the house, paying all the bills and buying groceries. Because for some fucking reason paying literally 100% of the household that I wasn't living in bills wasn't enough.

So yeah, don't fucking let the judge decide shit.

I’m retarded