My dad is probably dying, i am both worried sick and mad

Seven Out

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My father passed from cancer in 2018, and reading updates like this always sucks. How is your dad processing all of this? I think someone mentioned this on here before, but try to get yourself some recordings or video of your dad. Those are something I wish I had more of. I'm stuck with some short video clips and random voicemails I kept on my phone. I wish I would have sat him down and video recorded a meal or conversation, and had him reminisce about his life.
 
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Goatface

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How is your dad processing all of this?

his health has been up and down so much over the last 4+ years. we all thought he was doing good. he had done what they told him and all the fluid was gone from his legs/feet, so thought were going to get a little good news. with that said, he is taking it well, but is very tired. don't know if from the kidneys, meds or stress, but he can not sleep and when he does has bad dreams.

after retirement, he did odd work with his best friend all the time. about 2 years ago, while being over a decade younger he friend passed away.. dad is very old school and rarely openly shows sadness or grief, but that was probably the lowest i ever seen him. mom gets so frustrated with him for seemingly being so aimless, so i have to explain he was always a hard worker and wanted to finish a job/project no matter how long it took. he doesn't have hobbies or like to piddling around. on that front he has been lost for a while.

in a sad turn of events, my mom's older sister had to take care of her granddaughter. i am an only child and never had any kids, so dad and her bonded, she has been for everything but name, his grand kid. she and her husband are coming to visit this weekend. i think after that, his will to keep going will rapidly fade.

but try to get yourself some recordings or video of your dad. Those are something I wish I had more of.
dad doesn't really like to take photos and certain not vids.

unlike my dad, i am a emotional wreck. in 2021, my best friend died in an accident. still can not look at old photos. just seeing his avatar/chat icon is almost enough to cause a breakdown. don't think if recording anything now, could separate it from what i feel now.

i have been blessed with being able to spend a lot of time in the passed 20 years with him. he has 100's of stories and even though heard them all, still enjoyed listing to them over and over.
 
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moonarchia

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his health has been up and down so much over the last 4+ years. we all thought he was doing good. he had done what they told him and all the fluid was gone from his legs/feet, so thought were going to get a little good news. with that said, he is taking it well, but is very tired. don't know if from the kidneys, meds or stress, but he can not sleep and when he does has bad dreams.

after retirement, he did odd work with his best friend all the time. about 2 years ago, while being over a decade younger he friend passed away.. dad is very old school and rarely openly shows sadness or grief, but that was probably the lowest i ever seen him. mom gets so frustrated with him for seemingly being so aimless, so i have to explain he was always a hard worker and wanted to finish a job/project no matter how long it took. he doesn't have hobbies or like to piddling around. on that front he has been lost for a while.

in a sad turn of events, my mom's older sister had to take care of her granddaughter. i am an only child and never had any kids, so dad and her bonded, she has been for everything but name, his grand kid. she and her husband are coming to visit this weekend. i think after that, his will to keep going will rapidly fade.


dad doesn't really like to take photos and certain not vids.

unlike my dad, i am a emotional wreck. in 2021, my best friend died in an accident. still can not look at old photos. just seeing his avatar/chat icon is almost enough to cause a breakdown. don't think if recording anything now, could separate it from what i feel now.

i have been blessed with being able to spend a lot of time in the passed 20 years with him. he has 100's of stories and even though heard them all, still enjoyed listing to them over and over.
The time is coming when you will never hear his voice or see his face ever again. Asking for mementos isn't out of line. You can make it something purposeful to help him as well. Ask if he has any ragerts that you could help him with. Any final messages he wants to get to people. Stuff like that.
 

BrutulTM

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I had a neighbor that did dialysis for a long time. On top of everything else he was driving 200 miles each way to get to the clinic twice a week. He came to a point where he just said "I'm not doing this anymore" and he was gone a few weeks later. It must be crazy knowing that you are going to die and seeing your family react to it. Sorry to get philosophical about your real life situation, but just thinking about it, it's hard to imagine.
 
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Goatface

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hospice came by yesterday to tell us everything. they have not brought the care kit yet. it hit mom hard.
dad health is degrading rapidly, not eating/sleeping that much. he can still get around, but getting weaker by the day. there are 4 possible ways it ends, fluid build up in the lungs, heart attack, unfiltered waste leads to coma or infection. apparently there are too many factors to predict anything.
 
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Goatface

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he was feeling so bad yesterday, called the hospice helpline, they sent a nurse over
they put him on 2 of the 3 "care" drugs they use Lorazepam and Zofran. he was able to eat some and feel a bit better. then he had a fall in the bathroom.
on and off, has started coughing pretty hard. sleeping but woke up very confused. going by what i have been told will probably start liquid morphine soon. cvs said they won't get it till tomorrow. nurse is coming by at either 8 or 9.
 
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Springbok

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he was feeling so bad yesterday, called the hospice helpline, they sent a nurse over
they put him on 2 of the 3 "care" drugs they use Lorazepam and Zofran. he was able to eat some and feel a bit better. then he had a fall in the bathroom.
on and off, has started coughing pretty hard. sleeping but woke up very confused. going by what i have been told will probably start liquid morphine soon. cvs said they won't get it till tomorrow. nurse is coming by at either 8 or 9.
I fed my dad liquid morphine until he finally, mercifully passed. Not a fun place to be, but our duty as the sons. I pray when the time comes my boy is up to doing the same should I need it. Godspeed buddy.
 
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Goatface

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with all this happening so fast, i had no idea what to expect. while i think he is at peace with what is going on, his subconscious isn't. currently he is still can move around and is very weak.
the hospice social worker came by this morning, not gov, she just talked things they offer and other things.
mom asked about putting him in a nursing home if he becomes bedridden. she doesn't think that we could take care of him. he would still be under hospice care, so won't get any life extending care, but my understanding would have access to better drugs. guess will depend on his mental state at that time, she doesn't want him to be/feel alone.
the uncertainty of everything makes it so hard.
 

Cad

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It’s just a tough time in life man, my mom died a couple years ago at home from cancer.

Just try to remember him and celebrate his life the best you can, the end is never good for anyone. You have to remember the good times and the things you did together that made your relationship and not these last few months. Think of him as a young and strong man when you were growing up, that is how he would want to be remembered.

Also all of this is just a reminder to all of us to get out there and live your life, get out from behind the computer, go see the world, meet people, be crazy. You too will be in hospice someday and it will all be coming to an end. Make the most of your life, you only get one.
 
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LiquidDeath

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with all this happening so fast, i had no idea what to expect. while i think he is at peace with what is going on, his subconscious isn't. currently he is still can move around and is very weak.
the hospice social worker came by this morning, not gov, she just talked things they offer and other things.
mom asked about putting him in a nursing home if he becomes bedridden. she doesn't think that we could take care of him. he would still be under hospice care, so won't get any life extending care, but my understanding would have access to better drugs. guess will depend on his mental state at that time, she doesn't want him to be/feel alone.
the uncertainty of everything makes it so hard.
Just in case they didn't make you aware, once you start administering the liquid morphine, it is over. He may be lucid a little, depending on the dosage, but if it is enough to really take the pain away then it is unlikely you'll have a conversation with him again. Make sure you say and do everything you mean to before you start the morphine.
 

BrutulTM

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When my grandfather was in hospice and pretty much unconscious at one point he blurted out "What in the fuck am I gonna do about this?". Probably more interesting than most people's last words but we never found out what he was worried about.