I want to turn this around a little and talk about dealing with parents as they age.
My wife's parents were both diagnosed with rapid onset Alzheimers about six months ago. We managed to find them an assisted living spot that was actually quite amazingly good (clean kitchens, really good people who work with them, people to come in every day to make sure they are clean, healthy, and taking their meds, all of what you'd want). Now that they have been there nearly a month, now that they are taking their meds like they should be doing (they haven't been for about 10 months as far as we can tell), they're functioning better. They're just fucking pissed that they were moved out of their house. They're angry, angry, angry. We had to take their cars away because they weren't able to find their way back to where they live. We had to take the bank/credit cards away because my diabetic father-in-law spent 70$ on candy at the corner store right near the place they are living.
Like I said, they're just angry. Their kids are working their asses off to help them. Getting them into this place, taking care of their house, getting it ready to sell and auction so that they have years of funds ready to go to pay for the (not cheap) place they are now living. Is there gratitude? No. My wife, who spent a week there just recently was told to "go the fuck away" because she wouldn't do exactly what they wanted her to do (bring a whole lot more furniture from their 2,500 square foot house to their 560 square foot living space, for example).
So I talked a long time with my wife and her siblings (brothers). It took me years to realize that my mother is a horrible person. Self centered, everything is about her, and her kids were an inconvenience. My wife is just now getting to the point where she is realizing this about her own parents. So are her siblings. They are all at the point where they're ready to say fine, and let them just rot and be completely fucked because they can't manage their refrigerator, let alone their financial future. But they are all doing what I believe is the right thing, and making sure they are going to live out their lives in comfort. There is absolutely no obligation to visit anymore. After spending two days there putting together furniture and hanging shelves and all that, my wife's parent's said she had never been to their new place. No recollection.
So, I'm sorry for the rant. But I'm curious what other's think of this. My wife's parent's are provided for. Somewhat by themselves, largely by us. They will be cared for, their health monitored, but they will not be getting a lot of visits from their children. They're already at a point where they have no idea who their grandchildren are. So visiting doesn't make a difference in their lives. And my wife and her siblings are realizing that they have never, not ever, been a priority to their parents. Especially the mother. She spent money they didn't have just to decorate their house. Always. Several times a year. But their kids couldn't have braces or dental appointments. Just one example. I won't go on any more, but my mother-in-law is the most passive aggressive person on the entire planet. Everything has to be her way. I've seen this for years, my wife and her siblings are seeing it more clearly now than ever before.
So, like I said, sorry for the rant. But WTF is our responsibility at this point? The parents are far away, we've spent weeks getting them into the spot they are, and they're just fucking angry. I understand in some ways what they are feeling, because all of their freedoms are being stripped. But holy moses on a stick they are ungrateful fucksticks. What do you guys think?
tldr; My parents-in-law are terrible people, their children are coming to terms with that, and now that they are in assisted living, what's the obligation to them other than making sure they have money to pay for their living situation and people to make them take their meds?
