wantonsoup_sl
shitlord
- 239
- -2
Doubt the girl really has any goals / things to work for, thus doesn't give 2 fucks what happens, hard to do but give her something to work for.
You should probably just not have any rules and make sure to ask her what she thinks the best solutions to these problems are and then do whatever she says. Let us know how that goes for you. Also, see you in the divorced guy thread in a few years Cathan.Have you tried not calling her kid, yelling at her when shes sleeping, blowing out her ear drums with air horns in the morning, and not forcing her to sit down at the table to do her homework nearly every day? I'm sure you guys are loving parents and from just reading your post you sound sincere and want the best for her, but are those things really necessary? Honestly to me she sounds depressed and hasn't found her passion yet.
When was the last time you three went on a vacation together for a week or two and talked without any confrontation? What does she like to do? What doesshethink about everything?
That's what I'm thinking. I was always a lawful good kid growing up but I had more respect for my parents and money when I got a fulltime job at McDonalds at 14.My parents forced me to get a job when I was 11.
This. It will be tough on the mother, but it sounds like she has been lacking structure in her life.One semester in military boarding school did wonders for my neighbors teenage daughter. If you have the money to send her to private school, you have the money to send her to military boarding school.
Yes, because not waking your child up with an air horn means you don't have any rules and you're a shitty parent. Not forcing your child to sit at a table to do her homework when you know shes not doing it because she isn't motivated and what you're trying isn't working means your a shitty husband.You should probably just not have any rules and make sure to ask her what she thinks the best solutions to these problems are and then do whatever she says. Let us know how that goes for you. Also, see you in the divorced guy thread in a few years Cathan.
Pretty much this. At 14, it's tough to start to try to change patterns of behavior. You can try your best but it's damage control from here on out pending a miracle of some sort. If you can get her graduated and keep her off the meth/stripper pole consider yourself a success.Set consequences and enforce them. Don't argue with her. Tell your wife to stop yelling at her. Arguing and yelling is just giving her power.
Teenagers are shitty though, especially girls. I wish you strength.
Oh and Famm has the correct solution to the shower issue.
Yeah. Like sometimes making them get a job will help but if the basic respect for authority and structure is lacking, all parents upping the ante is going to do is make the kid push back more.This. It will be tough on the mother, but it sounds like she has been lacking structure in her life.
Speaking from experience here: The military school thing only works if the parents adjust their attitude as well. I went to military school, got structure and did well. I went back home after a year and my parents were still complete shit and I left home at 13, flopped around from place to place and dropped out of high school. So, it goes both ways.Yeah. Like sometimes making them get a job will help but if the basic respect for authority and structure is lacking, all parents upping the ante is going to do is make the kid push back more.
Military school=reset button if its a good one. Takes parents out of the equation and thus the ability to cave on punishments/the kids ability to emotionally manipulate the situation.
Neighbors daughter went from Ds and Fs to As and Bs and from skipping school to dragging herself to school after late nights (sanctioned, like senior skip day or something)/being sick because she didn't want to miss physics. Calls to tell the parents where she is, is proactive about communication in general.
Completely different human being.
I'll be completely honest, I love my neighbors but their attitudes changed very little. I would completely agree with you 99% of the time - somehow this girl managed to keep the 180 going even though they definitely were not good about changing the behaviors that they needed to. Girl even has a 20 hour a week job!Speaking from experience here: The military school thing only works if the parents adjust their attitude as well. I went to military school, got structure and did well. I went back home after a year and my parents were still complete shit and I left home at 13, flopped around from place to place and dropped out of high school. So, it goes both ways.
Cathan does sound like he is being a little overbearing. Especially with stuff like :Yes, because not waking your child up with an air horn means you don't have any rules and you're a shitty parent. Not forcing your child to sit at a table to do her homework when you know shes not doing it because she isn't motivated and what you're trying isn't working means your a shitty husband.
Back to the land of reality, if what you're trying isn't working, doubling down most likely will not get you the result you desire and may in fact make the problem worse.
... but he sounds like he has just run out of ideas and it acting out of desperation. I would say your first step is to stop that. Second step, do what BrutulTM just said. Stop yelling, stop arguing. You do not negotiate with terrorists.Cathan_sl said:We help her do the work and try to teach her as we go, help her study, we lord over her and constantly remind her to stop talking and get back to work...