Recommend a dating site

Interesting; someone tried to hack into my RR account.

On the match front, messaged some super cutie with very similar interests; got a profile view no re. This stuff is pretty fun.

Is there a waiting game people play in regards to emails? For example,
is it seen as desperate to reply right away?

Also, how do you guys handle the very initial interaction of the first date? Hand shake? Hug?

If you're doing this in hopes of finding a long term commitment and someone you really connect with then just reply right away. Games are for children and if she thinks attentiveness comes off as desperate she's probably not worth your time.

If you're just having some fun then you might want to let the leash out a little before responding so to speak, because as much as we hate to admit it people love a challenge, and you being a little aloof will be seen as a challenge.

Handshake to start. Unless you're the type that hugs strangers. Because she's basically gonna be a stranger. But some people do hug strangers. So just be yourself.

If you're actually interested then reply as soon as you feel like replying. Games really are for children.

I'm sure that therearegames that the 20 something girls play. You gotta wonder if learning the rules will make you a better person or a worse one. I vote worse. You're better off with your own hand than subjecting yourself to the crazy.

Sounds like we're on the same page with games.
I messaged a cute actuary who I think is well within my league at 1030 last night. View but no reply.
I was a little sloppy on the messaging; it comes off a bit generic, I think. If she doesn't reply by noon; I think I'm going to message again, telling her that I think she's gorgeous and running the risk of committing a type 2 error, amongst other things. I can only suspect that her lack of interest is related to my own seeming lack of interest from my shitty initial messaging. It may also be that I say I'm starting an MBA in the fall, but neglect to mention that I have a full scholarship.

Don't message again if they never responded the first time. Dont get too caught up or attached to someone with online dating early on. You are way overthinking. The girl is getting a lot of messages, she checked out your profile and decided not to go further. It happens a lot, don't take it personally and just keep messaging others.

I'd be more wary if it wasn't a zero risk proposition. I'm lookin for a pretty specific profile, so I'd like to explore each option pretty seriously. If she doesn't reply again, it's not like it'll impact me in any way.

Prova_sl said:

I'd be more wary if it wasn't a zero risk proposition. I'm lookin for a pretty specific profile, so I'd like to explore each option pretty seriously. If she doesn't reply again, it's not like it'll impact me in any way.

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You're not even giving her 24 hours. People work, go to bed early, don't login for a few days. She may have viewed it on her phone and didn't feel like responding until she got to a computer. I do that kind of thing all the time. If she finally logs in and sees like 3 messages from you before she's had the chance to respond she's probably not going to respond whereas she may have if it was only the one message.

Message once and move on. Because sending multiple messages definitely will come off as needy and desperate. Neither of which are very attractive traits.

Prova_sl said:

I'd be more wary if it wasn't a zero risk proposition. I'm lookin for a pretty specific profile, so I'd like to explore each option pretty seriously. If she doesn't reply again, it's not like it'll impact me in any way.

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I don't have much online dating experience, so take this with a grain of salt.

If you are interested in someone & message them, and don't get a response, wait a bit (at least 3 days, or more). If you are still interested, send one (and only one) more message. The tip I read said keep it short, maybe inject some humor about a second message being "risky", but you thought they were really interesting and figured you'd take one last shot. If she isn't into you or thinks it makes you crazy, then some stranger that wasn't going to fuck you thinks you are crazy. Whatever. The writer claims to get better than expected response to a second message. I haven't tried, myself.

Prova_sl said:

Also, how do you guys handle the very initial interaction of the first date? Hand shake? Hug?

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Kiss on the cheek when you first meet her, and then a real kiss at the end of the date. I'm assuming by the point that you meet her, you've developed a least some minor rappor through txt or telephone already. Handshake is way too rigid and formal imho. I've had multiple dates tell me that my 1st date confidence in planting one on the lips was a major turn-on.

On another note, Tinder is definitely the way to go if you're a shorter good looking guy. All I'd get were uggers and fatties emailing me on OkCupid, but on Tinder I've been matched a ton of times with some serious hotties. Though there have been a few strike-outs once they get around to asking me my height (5'8"), for most once you've had a chance to make them laugh a few times and they realize you're intelligent and not a creeper they're more than happy to look past their "preferences" that would most likely filter you out, or simply cause them not to respond on a more traditional dating site.

Yeah, I can't imagine shaking a chick's hand to open the first date. Seems really formal, but it probably depends on the chick and the rapport you've built. A light hug is probably better, maybe a peck on the cheek. As long as you're not clawing at their boobs most chicks aren't going to be like "eww, what the fuck are you doing hugging me you nasty neckbeard!?*" and in fact they'd probably like the confidence you show by doing it, as opposed to shaking their hands like it's some kind of business meeting or doing nothing like a socially awkward nerd. Same goes for kissing after the date. You might as well try it, because even if she gives you the cheek or shoots you down (even if it's just some silly 1st date rule she follows), at least you're showing that you're confident enough to go for it and making it clear you're into her.

*Note: This won't work if you are actually a nasty neckbeard.

McCheese_sl said:

Yeah, I can't imagine shaking a chick's hand to open the first date. Seems really formal, but it probably depends on the chick and the rapport you've built.

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Yeah, and from personal experience a hug at the end of the date is basically code for "I'm being nice but don't call me". Go for the kiss if you like her and if she turns a cheek she either isn't interested or is just shy, but it's worth a play for a 2nd date if you like her. If she turns a cheek and steps in for a hug, you've been friend-zoned.

Went with the gut and hit her with a really funny/cocky follow up. Got a 3 paragraph reply and a date, but she also claimed that she was planning on responding regardless. Being single is amazing.

Khane_sl said:

If you're doing this in hopes of finding a long term commitment and someone you really connect with then just reply right away. Games are for children and if she thinks attentiveness comes off as desperate she's probably not worth your time.

If you're just having some fun then you might want to let the leash out a little before responding so to speak, because as much as we hate to admit it people love a challenge, and you being a little aloof will be seen as a challenge.

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I disagree. I always let messages chill in my inbox for a bit if it was a cold opener from the girl. Once we were going back and forth I'd respond as they came in but I liked to let them sit about a half a day to a day before responding. I wouldn't call it game playing it is more just building up a bit of excitement. I know whenever I sent a cold line to a girl I really wanted a reply back and didn't get a reply back in an hour or two (even worse if she read it and didn't respond) I was bummed but then it was really cool and almost a rush to get a reply back the next day. I was happier to get that reply than I otherwise would have been if she responded right away.

Do you guys consider mid-day coffee a date?


Met a girl from OKC last night after about a week of good texting rapore. She shook my hand. It was super awkward.

You guys r weird, going in for the cheek the first time you meet someone. Call me rigid and formal if you must, but I dunno what kinda cheek cooties that bitch has!

Licking the asshole is more 2nd date territory.

Chivalry is dead.

Handshake, shoulder squeeze. You can make these things personal and friendly without being formal. You can tell a lot about a person from their handshake. Especially a woman. They have options on how they do it.

Handshake is fucked up. Hug. Kiss on the cheek at first meet is bold.

Seems kinda unctuous. But different strokes. I am positive that many women respond to it. Because it lets them be lazy. It was somewhere around 28 that I genuinely lost respect for women.

For me, Golden Rule. I don't know you. Don't go slobberin on me like some sort of anxious puppy dog.