Terrible Jokes Thread

Gaige.

Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.

A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?"

"Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?"

His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?"

"I got fired."

"No, Bill -- I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"

"Oh, um, she got fired, too."

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.

All I want for Christmas is Santa's list of Naughty girls.

Why do meth heads love Halloween so much?



Because it's only 3 sleeps until Christmas.

A man wants to get a special present for his wife for Christmas and decides to buy her a pet. When he gets to the pet stone the owner says that he has a trained bird named Chet that when you put a lit candle below each wing the bird sings a Christmas song. To demonstrate the pet shop owner puts the candle under the right wing and Chet sings, " Siiiiilent night, hoooooly night....". The owner then places the candle under the left wing and Chet sing," Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle allllll the wayyyyyy". The says he loves it and buys it.

Christmas day comes and the wife opens the present and loves it. The man explains how to get the bird to sing and the wife tries it out. First the left wing and then the right and sure enough Chet sings. The lady then gets a grin on her face and says, " I wonder if I..." and places the lit candle under Chet's balls. Chet then started to immediately sing, " Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire!"

Aside from the obvious, what is the main difference between an infant and a 90 year-old? Statistically speaking, the 90 year-old is considerably less likely to bleed out when you fuck her in the ass.

What breaks when you give it to 3 year-old? Her hips.

What's the best part about sodomizing a 10 year-old girl in the shower? Should the mood strike you, you can just slick her hair back and she looks just like a 10 year-old boy.

What is a four letter word for a 5 that acts like a 10 ?





OKIE

I asked my jewish friend to loan me $50.

He said "$40?? What do you want to borrow $30 for?"

How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One... but the light bulb has to want to change.

What does a tornado and a black family have in common?

It only takes one to ruin a good neighbourhood.

I asked a jewish girl for her number once...she showed me her arm.

What is the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?




I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Loc-Nar. You die."

I was going to tell a guy joke butt fuck it

Why does a chicken coup have 2 doors?





Because if it had 4 doors, it'd be a chicken sedan.

I hate how politically correct you have to be now, you can't say 'black paint' anymore.
You have to say 'Jamal, please paint the fence'.


The last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney love. "Hole's gonna be huge."


A woman with a large stomach goes to the doctor for a checkup. After the doctor is finished, he says, "Well, I hope you like changing diapers." The woman is elated and says, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The doctor hesitates for a moment and says, "No, ma'am, you have bowel cancer.