The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies (2014)

Kirun_sl said:

So, you haven't even seen them, but yet are somehow able to form an opinion that it isn't hyperbole? Ok...

Click to expand...

I saw the first one. It was shit. Phantom Menace Jar-Jar Binks level shit.


MEESA HAS RABBIT SLED

This was 2h 34m of pure asskicking awesomeness. From the opening scene on, you are thrust into what I can only describe as every good MMO raid I have ever been on. There was trash to clear leading up to miniboss fights and multiple huge raid bosses. Rinse and repeat for a perfect amount of time. The scope was gigantic, but there was personality, humor, and some great moral messages, both real world and fictional (the problem with actual immortality).

For those of you that didn't like it, I guess high fantasy just isn't your thing. Maybe you like artsy indie films? You should probably evaluate why you don't enjoy having the grand battles of your childhood imagination brought to life and played out before your eyes. If you are some sort of Tolkien purist and you would rather have had a children's movie, go watch the cartoons or something. I've said it before, and I will say it again, Tolkien was BORING. The world he created was masterful, and I am forever grateful, but reading the Lord of the Rings is an exercise in perseverance. This movie is fantasy action epic done perfectly.

To you it wasn't. To me and others it was. He took a rich world and a simple story and made it into a drawn-out CGI suck fest. That's easily as bad as what Lucas did with the Star Wars prequels.

The Ancient_sl said:

drawn-out CGI suck fest.

Click to expand...

oh god i love it when you talk dirty

I actually enjoyed it.

I loved every armies entrance to the battlefield. The fight scenes were great. The entire Gandalph rescue was great. Plus there were no shitty acting jobs.

The whole elf/dorf love thing could been just cut out for me. No Beorn the entire damn movie, then a 5 second cameo? THAT was my only big beef.

I personally don't care if they change the story up for the sake of film making, so that never bothered me, so I am a lot less jaded than most about the entire project. I just want more middle earth, and fantasy movies period.

Kirun_sl said:

It's not even fucking close to Jar-Jar level shittery. But, hey, keep being a cynical, hyperbolic retard.

Click to expand...

This.

Way too much fucking CGI in this shitfest of a "trilogy"

First rule of movie making should be to use as little CGI as possible, and when you absolutely must have it not look like complete ass.

How Jackson went from doing so well directing Lord of the Rings to these piles of shit, I don't know.

Oh wait, I do. It's the George Lucas effect all over again. He got too big and nobody stood up to him when he wanted to make any shitty decision. It happened with Lucas. It happened to Ridley Scott. It's even sorta happened to Spielberg and James Cameron.

Also: Stop with the 48fps shit. It looks like shit. Stop. It's hard to take anything seriously when it feels like I should be hearing Yakity Sax played in the background. (And I totally didn't see those videos until just now.)

Gotta lay some blame at his wife's doorstep as well. Remember they made all of these movies together.

Smaug was sweet. Way cool to see him go apeshit on Laketown. The scene where he lands in the fire and monologues to Bard was really cool looking CGI.

The elves were so outrageously gay. They way they had them fight was pretty silly to me. Love story was forced and just bad. Total waste of time.

I liked it. Was worth seeing in theaters because i don't think it will be as cool on a tv. I'd like to see the EE, but I'm not going to buy any of these movies. Meh to this trilogy

So many dumb things...like Legolas climbing the collapsing stairs in midair was damn near as bad as Shia Lebouf swinging on vines in the last Indiana Jones abortion. In fact, fuck everything about Legolas action scenes from all 6 PJ movies. Hated the cowardly unibrow guy, why have comic relief at all with a city's worth of defenseless starving refugees? People were being slaughtered all over the place and here's this retard making coin-filled tits. Dumb as fuck.

I know they actually kept showing up in the source material, but holy shit...the Eagles are proof that even Tolkien made mistakes. At least 3 deus ex machinas in 6 movies, and now like 10 of them took down the entire second army of Orcs and all of the bats. The fuck?

The Tauriel shit has been beat to death, so just going to drop an agree here.

Way too much CG as well. Didanyonedislike the live action LOTR Orcs/Uruks? They even took away their personalities and the funny cockney accents and shit the Morgul Orcs had. The CG Hobbit Orcs just stood around growling and shit. :\

Phalanx_sl said:

This.

Click to expand...

What i've learned is apparently you get more attention when you think it's cool to hate something. Critics take this approach all the time. This did this with GotG (though I do see some of their points after watching the Honest Trailer) but i'm willing to bet we'll see the same thing with Avengers 2 no matter how awesome it may potentially be, people know that everyone want to read why it is bad more so than why it is good.

I'm all for respecting people's opinion and I know when I listed my good's and bad's of this movie, I had a lot of negative to say but come on people, to say this is Jar-Jar level and to ever say this is the most terrible stuff you have ever seen I think are being overly cynical and lacking attention or something.

I still defend the Hobbit movies in a sense that there are some elements of it being a children's story that guided some of the interpretation to film. The kung-fu Dwarf ninja barrels, rabbit sleds, and a few other moment kept the movie light hearted and I could tell my son really liked (who is 7). We've read the Hobbit together several times over the years and is one of his favorite books. If he gets a few of those moments, and I think they were few and far between, to me as silly as they may be to us, are the root and true essence of the book.

To me, you take the elf/dwarf love out of the movie you've got a much better movie for the purist. Outside of that I thought it was a nice balance between the feel of LotR and a book that most Elementary schools present to their students.

I can easily make a lot of the same arguments in the LotR such as the convenience of an undead army, so in respect to the eagles, Tolkien is kind a known to write himself into a corner and then leverage his fantasy world to get his heroes out of tough situations. But you know... that's ok.

The movie itself was pretty good. The final battle was what? An hour and a half long and it was well paced and didn't seem to drag. All that said, even with the additions that were made from The Return of the King's appendix, this still probably could have been two movies. My verdict: The Hobbit trilogy is by no means bad, it is just a bit stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.

I really liked this movie and only for one reason: dwarves on battle boars/battle rams and a Wood Elf on a giant stag. This was a Heroes of Might and Magic movie! Loved it.

I did hate the coward unibrow character too, and found it to be homophobic towards the end when he started cross-dressing. The film already gives you a million reasons not to like him, so taking advantage of most people's dislike/ridicule of gender bending is a cheap shot. It was over the top, and the worst parts of the film were the over the top moments (Legolas running on a collapsing tower, etc).

I really like the Thranduil character--the film actually does some interesting things in terms of gender stuff--the thing I mentioned above, but then you have the Thranduil character who is essentially a dandy, but is not a coward and is very dangerous and cold.

But yeah, how can you hate a film that has a dwarf riding a battle boar? And then he smashes things with a hammer? And then they jump on battle rams and run up a steep mountain. I could watch that for an hour alone! Actually, just take out all humans, add a demon army and an undead army, and this film would be a lot better. I can forgive just about anything for all that, hits my nerd button so good.

In addition to some more Beorn in the EE, I do hope there is a bit more Ironfoot as well. Looks like they did shoot Thorin's funeral and perhaps the Dain's coronation.

The Battle of the Five Armies: Extended Edition (s Perspective

Very much on the same page with Muligan and Kurin.

As someone who rather enjoyed the first 2, and was really psyched to see this one purely for curiosity at seeing how they'd adapt the Wizard vs. Necromancer scenes, this movie was a bit of a let down. Top moments in my brain that made me go uhhhh?


Worth seeing in the theater but odd choices on some moments

Arakkis_sl said:

This was 2h 34m of pure asskicking awesomeness. From the opening scene on, you are thrust into what I can only describe as every good MMO raid I have ever been on. There was trash to clear leading up to miniboss fights and multiple huge raid bosses. Rinse and repeat for a perfect amount of time. The scope was gigantic, but there was personality, humor, and some great moral messages, both real world and fictional (the problem with actual immortality).

For those of you that didn't like it, I guess high fantasy just isn't your thing. Maybe you like artsy indie films? You should probably evaluate why you don't enjoy having the grand battles of your childhood imagination brought to life and played out before your eyes. If you are some sort of Tolkien purist and you would rather have had a children's movie, go watch the cartoons or something. I've said it before, and I will say it again, Tolkien was BORING. The world he created was masterful, and I am forever grateful, but reading the Lord of the Rings is an exercise in perseverance. This movie is fantasy action epic done perfectly.

Click to expand...

You're a fucking retard. Just because you like shit movies and Peter Jackson's balls slamming off your chin doesn't mean the rest of us have bad taste in movies. The original LOTR movies were nominated for 30 Academy Awards and won 17, including best picture. I highly doubt this shit fest of a movie will even be nominated for anything. The Hobbit movies were even more disappointing than the Star Wars prequels, and that's hard to do.

As critical as I have been of the Hobbit movies so far, even I have to admit that saying they are as bad or worse than the Star Wars prequels is a bridge too far. The respective directors are guilty of the same sins in both (decisions driven by money grabbing, presumptions based on previous success, CGI whoredom) but at least with The Hobbit the underlying story is a good enough to prop up the failings of execution and therearesome actual high points that could be considered great cinematically. There isn't a single moment in the prequels that rises to the level of the Riddles in the Dark scene.