The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

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Aychamo BanBan

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Title: The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)

Tagline: The Next Chapter Begins.

Genre: Adventure, Fantasy, Drama, Romance

Director: Chris Weitz

Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Billy Burke, Peter Facinelli, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Elizabeth Reaser, Nikki Reed, Kellan Lutz, Edi Gathegi, Rachelle Lefevre, Anna Kendrick, Michael Welch, Christian Serratos, Gil Birmingham, Graham Greene, Michael Sheen, Jamie Campbell Bower, Dakota Fanning, Christopher Heyerdahl, Cameron Bright, Justin Chon, Tyson Houseman, Daniel Cudmore, Charlie Bewley, Kiowa Gordon, Alex Meraz, Bronson Pelletier, Tinsel Korey, Justine Wachsberger, Noot Seear, Chaske Spencer, Russell Roberts, Adrien Dorval, Michael Adamthwaite, Christina Jastrzembska, Jimmy Star

Release: 2009-11-18

Runtime: 131

Plot: Forks, Washington resident Bella Swan is reeling from the departure of her vampire love, Edward Cullen, and finds comfort in her friendship with Jacob Black, a werewolf. But before she knows it, she's thrust into a centuries-old conflict, and her desire to be with Edward at any cost leads her to take greater and greater risks.

 
Aychamo BanBan

Aychamo BanBan

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So, I was completely exhausted after work and for some reason felt compelled to watch this. I’d seen them all before with an ex bc she read this garbage. I remember these being terrible but god damn I underestimated it. I think I was thinking of one of the twilight movies bc I think Muse wrote “neutron star collision” for it?

This could possibly be the worst movie ever made. Bella is a complete loser. Like how much she hates being told happy birthday, or feels useless without Edward, and thinks it’s end of the world bc she’s 18. And has a hole in her soul bc Edward left. Not to mention how horrible Kristen Stewart does playing the role. Poor Anna Kendrick stuck in this movie.

I don’t think there is one redeemable quality to this movie. Amazing they made four of them.Are there any good legendary YouTube reviews of this movie?
 
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Tuco

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It's about time somebody made a thread for one of my all-time favorite movies

I've never actually watched the movie or read the book, but I've got a lot of mileage out of the "still a better love story than twilight" joke and "women like Bella because her blank canvas of an unlikable character reassures their own ego" analysis.
 
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Grizzlebeard

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Aychamo BanBan

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I’m about an hour into this movie now. It’s still just as bad. She’s now fallen for Jacob who literally promises to never leave her then the next scene leaves her. They have this completely vapid “it’s not you it’s me” breakup (even though they weren’t dating) that was absolutely devoid of emotion or acting. Now she’s narrating a letter to one of the vampire sisters even though the emails get bounced back. It’s so impossibly stupid.
 
kegkilla

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Falxy-US said:
So, I was completely exhausted after work and for some reason felt compelled to watch this. I’d seen them all before with an ex bc she read this garbage. I remember these being terrible but god damn I underestimated it. I think I was thinking of one of the twilight movies bc I think Muse wrote “neutron star collision” for it?

This could possibly be the worst movie ever made. Bella is a complete loser. Like how much she hates being told happy birthday, or feels useless without Edward, and thinks it’s end of the world bc she’s 18. And has a hole in her soul bc Edward left. Not to mention how horrible Kristen Stewart does playing the role. Poor Anna Kendrick stuck in this movie.

I don’t think there is one redeemable quality to this movie. Amazing they made four of them.Are there any good legendary YouTube reviews of this movie?
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They actually made 5 of them.

I've seen bits and pieces of them. One thing that stands out in my mind as particularly gay and retarded is the last one I think there's a big final showdown between the good vampires and werewolves against the authoritarian vampire bureaucracy who don't like that Bella has a half-vampire baby and then at the end of the fight it's shown to be some sort of psychic projection of a battle and the battle never really took place.
 
Caliane

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Yeah, the whole series is actually kindof amazing to watch. and well worth it. They all fit well into the unintentionally hilarious category. some are more boring then others, but most will keep you entertained how each moment is more hilarious then the last.

Massive budget. So Much money, and yet EVERY single aspect of the series is total garbage. Bad cgi, bad acting, bad directing etc. Its astounding. Like, I think Harry potter is largely mediocre written childish garbage. But holy shit is the movie making and CGI fantastic. This? nah. you couldn't try to make a set of movie this incompetent. Even DC movies are not this comically bad.

you cant watch the talking cgi wolves and not laugh.

An entire movie is just a wedding episode as well. its absurd.
 
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Lanx

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China Bat Soup said:
They actually made 5 of them.

I've seen bits and pieces of them. One thing that stands out in my mind as particularly gay and retarded is the last one I think there's a big final showdown between the good vampires and werewolves against the authoritarian vampire bureaucracy who don't like that Bella has a half-vampire baby and then at the end of the fight it's shown to be some sort of psychic projection of a battle and the battle never really took place.
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oh yea thats the famous one where ppl were like "wow this series is actually going places, finally!!!"

its like xmen dofp, the only good scene was the opening fight

and when quicksilver runs.
 
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Big Phoenix

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It gets even worse when you realize the fan fiction for this spawned 50 Shades of Grey.

But it does lead to this;

Falxy-US said:
I don’t think there is one redeemable quality to this movie.
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If theres one positive thing to come from this series is it should tell you what kind of woman your woman is in bed based off who they liked. Team Vampire? Likely into bdsm. Team Werewolf? Likely into primal carnal sex.
 
Fucker

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I watched the first one for 5 minutes. I'm certainly nowhere near the target demographic for this stuff!
 
Aychamo BanBan

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no idea why but I’m on to part 3 now. I just realized that the author clearly has never been in a relationship bc the shit she writes is just so stupid. Like every conversation between Bella and Edward is about dying for the other person or without the other person. That’s it. So I googled the author. She’s a pale frump.
 
kegkilla

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Falxy-US said:
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Like, it's fucking stupid on the surface level, but on a deeper level I respect it, because it's rooted in raw teenage emotion, and honestly real emotion and instincts, where a man is expected to be strong and defend his woman, and strength is the ultimate decider in a conflict between men. I'd have a hard time calling it any more retarded or gay than the faggot-friendly Marvel movies we have today.
 
Gavinmad

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Falxy-US said:
I just realized that the author clearly has never been in a relationship bc the shit she writes is just so stupid
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You say that but she's also the reason that bookstores now have a separate 'teen paranormal romance' section. She is one of the most influential authors alive.
 
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kegkilla

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Falxy-US said:
View attachment 293286

no idea why but I’m on to part 3 now. I just realized that the author clearly has never been in a relationship bc the shit she writes is just so stupid. Like every conversation between Bella and Edward is about dying for the other person or without the other person. That’s it. So I googled the author. She’s a pale frump.
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I'd put my dick in it no hesitation as long as I'm getting a cut of the royalties for life.
 
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Movie information in first post provided by The Movie Database
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