Why the decision on celibate with men, I dont think you ever hit on that, or else I didnt care to read.
And before the responses, yes this is me trying to slowly angle my way into seeing Vanessa's B Hole.
Multilayered but I never identified as gay when I was young, growing up, or as an adult. If I was closeted, I sure as shit would lose nothing by coming out now, and have nothing to gain by lying about it now too. I think a lot of people still relate trans to sexuality which isn't the "why" of it. But no, I was never gay. It's funny because as I started to transition and slowly felt "more free" and "more genuine"; i.e. my real, feminine self kinda bubbling up through 34 years of forced masculinity is how I can describe it... when that started happening people for the first time in my life thought I was gay. My mannerisms started to unconsciously shift and whilst I didn't feel gay or like I was acting gay at all, people were making it known to me. But it makes perfect sense because effeminate gays are basically like women in dude bodies; only they don't have gender dysphoria so they're just... gay dudes. This is exactly what someone a bunch of pages ago asked me... why not just be a gay fag instead of going through this. Exactly, I agree. The answer is just the same as me asking YOU why don't you just be a gay fag instead of being a straight dude. Same answer.. it's that simple.
But back to dudes. So as I transitioned, my sexuality shifted. I never stopped being attracted to women, but as my body started developing, so did my life and my mind. It wasn't just men in general I was attracted to, but certain Alphas and guys with specific looks / bodies. I'd say only the rare 2% of guys I'd see out there in the world would I say, "I'd get with him". So I had fun with a handful... all guys who girls would be jealous of me to be with. All of them straight but curious or leaning in their own way... probably the exact way Blair White's boyfriend would be described.
So what changed? Few things. I think dicks are smelly. Seriously. I know how my own dick used to smell. Y'all smell like testosterone; literally, and ultimately I'm not attracted to that. Secondly, I think in a relationship I'm still most happy and comfortable being in the "male" role instead of being the "female", and a male-female relationship has that kinda built-in understanding so fundamentally that it's not even talked about. It's hard to describe but I think y'all get it. That's not to say I didn't enjoy a man's strong touch on my body or enjoy kinda the feeling of knowing I'd be "protected" in a situation, it just means that I prefer that role myself. Thirdly, certain physical aspects of dudes are just soft dealbreakers. A stubbly beard rubbing on my face is repulsive feeling while kissing. I find men aren't good kissers. And the thought of topping a guy is gross.
It sucks because I'd be so much less lonely if I
was into guys... I'd have a lot more options (no ego, just the way it is). If the right alpha who treated me like a woman, had a nice body, had a perfect 5-6" cock (I'm tight, the hell with huge cocks), was willing to relocate, was a nerdy gamer who liked EQ and wasn't a lazy sack of shit who also could put up with my crap came along? The idea wouldn't be totally inconceivable / off the table. But that ain't gonna happen~
Also, like I said, women are fun to make love to, and I've loved only women anyway.
TL;DR = Vag > Peen
I'm glad you're here.
