What tickles your pickle

Every time my GF visits, she gets a bunch of groceries and makes some big meals. I usually give her a hundo or two for groceries. I only pay her after sexy time though and have gotten in the habit of throwing the money at her when she's naked in bed and say "Time to get steppin, ho".

Edaw said:

Valentine's Day is coming up. Tell her she's earned the bottom drawer.

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Hahaha. The "bottom drawer" really does have a few of her, uh, stuff. But no, no pegging. Have you seen the Pooetry thread? Bandwagon don't do butt stuff.

I just left a teeth cleaning appt. I've posted before about my hot, anti-woke dental hygienist before.

Her and I were talking about the new Wonka movie and how everybody thought it was going to suck, but it was actually pretty good. Then she asked me if I subscribe to the Daily Wire and that they have pretty good kid's shows too. Then she said:

"I know they're new at it, but a lot of their adult movies are terrible. Like the new one about trannies playing basketball was supposed to be funny, but it was really bad."

I just laughed and said I hadn't watched it yet. Then she started talking about Terror on the Prairie...
"I really liked it for the most part, but you know what really bugged me? SHE EXPECTED HER HUSBAND TO HELP HER WITH THE CHILDREN!! LIKE, THAT'S NOT ACCURATE! THAT'S NOT THE WAY IT WOULD HAVE WORKED BACK THEN! And I do like that actress, Gina something, but, like....she's enourmous! No man would have married a woman that big back then!"

I physically grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand out of my mouth so I could laugh when she said that, and told her: "I haven't seen the movie so I don't know if you're talking about her being buff or if you mean her getting chubby, but I think chubby Gina is exactly the type of body type that was attractive back then. Y'all needed some meat on you to make it through childbirth".

Then she went back to work on my teeth and said "Well crap, that's the same thing my husband said.". Then she spent the next 10 minutes telling me about how she had 3x kids and worked right up until the due date on all 3, and it "....only took 2 months to get back to a flat stomach after each of my kids".

And then I tried to force myself to think about baseball, Grandma's hugs and car crashes.

Slick tiddlywinking, pint-size.​

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There's a receptionist at work that's very, very sweet and very, very annoying. She makes it a point to go around the office every afternoon and "check in" with everybody. Just being friendly and making chit chat.....that often lasts for 30 minutes. And she's not a good conversationalist, so it's always awkward and forced. None of us want to be rude to her since she's so sweet, but we're tired of the daily interruptions and awkward conversations too.

Anyways, for the last week or two, I've been saying "I just farted" as soon as she walks up. She'd just laugh and stay a ways outside the door and say something awkward like "no problem, I guess i'll come back later!" A couple days ago, she called me out and said "You're not actually farting that much, are you? Are you just telling me you farted so you don't have to talk to me?" (I have a reputation as a grumpy teddy bear / prankster, so she jokes around with me too). I just laughed and shrugged, and she said "Ok Mister, I'm on to you! That line isn't going to work on me anymore!"

Fast forward to today, and I was on the phone with our IT manager. I recognized the receptionist's footsteps coming down the hall, told the IT manager "....hang on a sec" and then ripped an absolute monster. Surprised myself, too. I heard her say "Are you fucking kidding me?!" and then walk back upstairs, and the IT manager on the phone said "Was that a fucking fart? There's a mute button, dude". I was laughing so hard trying to explain it to him that I had to hang up on him and type it out in Teams.

Whew, what a start to the day. I'm so proud of myself. I've never heard that girl use a swear word before.

(Also, the IT manager belches in my ear at the beginning of every single phone call, and he's been doing it for 6 years now. He calls, I pick up, he belches, I say "Thank you, Daddy", and he says something like "Welcome. You're on speakerphone by the way", and then we go about our business. 'Tis a silly place).

My coworker said this winter storm is proof that climate change is real. I agreed, then told him it's also proof that God hates illegal immigrants and homeless people as much as the rest of us. He just gave me a blank look and walked away.

I don't know why people try to talk to me.