Whats rustling your jimmies?

Airline travel.

Cross posting from general forum because the smug ass audacity is really, really my fucking pet peeve.

Whether I pay extra to choose my own seat, I plan my travel far enough in advance to be able to choose my seat when I book the ticket, or I use a special airline credit card or join a club or frequent flyer membership, whatever, in order to choose my own seat.

I do those things, because seat selection is important to me.

You the dumb ass motherfucker with this bewildered look on his face, who didn't even notice what seat he was going to be in until we boarded the plane and you get to your fucking row? Clearly, seat selection is not important to you.

If you ask me to switch seats, i'm going to tell you no. There is no scenario in which I'm going to swap out of an aisle seat for a window or middle seat. I don't care who you are or what your situation is. I have my reasons (medical), but its irrelevant. I don't need a reason. It's my seat, I jumped through whatever hoops the airline required for me to choose my seat, because it's important to me.

Me denying your request is perfectly valid and says nothing about me as a person. You are asking me a favor, and I am simply declining. If you get upset by me refusing your request, you're the asshole. You shouldn't expect random strangers to inconvenience themselves at your leisure and if you have the goddamn audacity to huff and puff or try and argue or mumble under your breath or anything other than "ok thanks anyway" then you can go and fuck yourself you piece of shit.

Clearly, seat selection is not important to you. Any claim otherwise is demonstrably false as I just illustrated. Regardless of your circumstance. disabled, traveling with small children, whatever. If seat selection was important to you, we would not be in this situation of you not being in your ideal seat and having to ask other passengers to switch. You're too poor to pay the extra 20 bucks? too irresponsible to plan travel a week or so in advance? Unless you fell asleep at the gate and woke up paralyzed, you knew about any medical condition or disability when you bought the god damn tickets. Don't tell me you didn't know you had a baby, what the fuck did you kidnap this child from the airport?

Even if you are poor and irresponsible and didn't plan your trip at all and are just being given a random seat with your ticket, you had at least 3 opportunities to address your seat issue with the airline itself, at ticketing, at baggage check in, and at the fucking gate. Try your sob story on them, its what they are for.

Now a caveat is of course, seat for seat. If you want to swap my aisle seat for your aisle seat, or window for window? So you can sit with your family/friends? no problem. I'm row agnostic. I can't think of any one who is adamant about what specific row they sit in (exit rows perhaps, due to the additional leg room?) If it's in the same general area and I dont even have to move my overhead luggage? say no more lets swap.

The fact of the matter is, if seat selection was so important to you but for whatever reason you were unable to secure the seats you needed when you booked OR at the airport prior to boarding the plane, one person (me) telling you no wouldn't stop you. There's like 50 fucking rows of seats, and at least 2 aisle seats per row. On larger flights theres like 60 rows and 4 aisle seats per row (2 aisles). There's 100+ other people you can ask to switch seats with. Chances are you'll find someone who won't mind. But that is too much of an inconvenience for you and you'd rather huff and puff while you squeeze your fatass in to the middle seat next to me.


somewhat related:

Boarding airplanes. I forget the name of the airline but it's in South East asia and i've flown with them a few times to manila and Bangkok, and I wanna say Singapore. They don't give a fuck about platinum members or first class or traveling with small children or rewards+ or any of that bullshit when boarding their planes. Everyone's boarding pass has a number on it and you board in order. There are 3 groups. Group 1 boards first and they are numbered from the rear of the plane to the front of the plane, WINDOW SEATS ONLY. Group 2 is middle seats and they too, are numbered from the rear of the plane to the front. Finally group 3 is Aisle seats also numbered from the rear to the front.

When they call Group 1 to board a full 1/3 of the plane walks on at full speed with no delays or stopping, everyone puts their shit in the overhead and takes their seat, almost in fucking unison (its actually a slow wave of sitting beginning at the rear and moving towards the the front, like synchronized swimmers doing a routine). By the time the first class guys in row 1 window seats takes a seat they call group 2 and then another full 1/3 of the plane boards. Finally group 3 and the final 1/3 of the plane takes their seat. The entire process from 0 to 100% occupancy takes like 3 minutes.

It's fucking beautiful. it is the fastest, most organized and most hassle free way to board an airplane i've ever seen. We could all be fucking robots we are so in sync. It's goddamn embarrassing that fucking jungle asians figured this out when we in America are still in the stone age and we invented fucking flight.

The airline encourages you to disembark in reverse order. Unfortunately they have very little control over that and I don't know if you've ever flown with people from SE asia but lets just say, their culture didn't develop along side technology, technology was thrust upon them. The moment the airplane touches down, while its still bouncing down the runway long before it's put out its speed breaks and has come to a complete stop, the entire airplane is seat belts off, standing up yanking their shit out of the overheads and rushing the front. It's like they don't understand how the miracle of human flight works since a generation ago they were just jungle asians living in mudhuts, and they are trying to get off the magic flying tube before it explodes or something.

I'd settle for a door ding