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Hear the inner monologue of anyone over the age of 70 (passive)
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Pubic hair grows 5% faster on anyone you touch (passive)(max: 5 stacks)
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Once per day, make any person you look at briefly think of their parents naked (active)
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Your boogers are peanut brittle (passive)
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Once a day, two fully charged AA batteries appear in your left pocket (if you have one) (passive)
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You can sneeze 10-100 easter peeps at will (active)
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You can make the last smoke alarm you touched go off by thinking about it (active)
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Your farts always have an upward/inquisitive inflexion (passive)
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Saying "FUS ROH DAH" 300x consecutively causes Bethesda to release a new version of Skyrim (active)
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Your tears and semen turn into soy sauce as soon as they lose contact with your body (passive)
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Every time you defecate, 25 of Bandwagon's taste buds transfer from his mouth to his asshole.
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