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So I've started on Wellbutrin. Which may be a good thing, because I've also got ADD. Here's hoping this is the one. (Please no more sucidial thoughts like with Prozac...)

So I somehow gained 10 lbs over the holidays, but lost a clothing size. I don't even gym.

Calc 1. I basically know all the material, I just have never taken the class for credit. Which I kind of need, considering my major. And I kind have to be in class because they actually take attendance.

Missed my calc class because of a depression meltdown today. I've made an appointment with my doctor. It's back trying to find an antidepressant.

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I'm kind of glad I didn't just drop my therapist. Had a session the other day. It was the first proper length session we've had, really. She was tough on me, which was a good thing. I'm impatient to get this shit worked out, and she said she figured as much. I'm actually feeling hopeful.

I fucking love people with special knowledge. They're so far advanced, us monkeys can't even figure out what they're saying. Can't be bothered to collect their billions in patents, though, because they've got bigger things to do... like argue on the internet.

You have lost your computer privileges because you don't think QM works. Your computer wouldn't exist in its current state because of QM.

Finally got myself some new gloves for rowing. So now I have no more excuses not to go to practice. God, it's fucking cold out there...

Currently in this situation on the renter side. Works great for me as I'm going back to school and am basically a hermit and don't have the inclination or time to interact much with my landlords or fellow tenants. I'm either in my room studying, or typically not at the house. Some things to...

FUCK YOU, CHRISTMAS

Oh god. So accurate.

Therapist canceled our appointment tomorrow. Now I have to waiteven longer, until Jan. 9th. Fuck.

Definitely see it. Even people that disagree on The Hobbit can agree that The Incredibles is worth watching.

I was diagnosed ADD a long time ago. I stopped the meds when I was younger because I hated how they made me feel, even though they helped me concentrate. It's something I've lived with my whole life basically, and to me is a very different animal from the depression, which didn't develop until...

How Jackson went from doing so well directing Lord of the Rings to these piles of shit, I don't know. Oh wait, I do. It's the George Lucas effect all over again. He got too big and nobody stood up to him when he wanted to make any shitty decision. It happened with Lucas. It happened to Ridley...

It's been my PCP... getting in to see a psych around here is nearly impossible. I've been waiting for an eval for ADD meds, but they keep calling me while I'm asleep, and when I call back, the spot's been filled.

I have to wait til Monday for sessions to start again. And I was taking a break from meds after Prozac pushed me to feeling suicidal. I'm going to have start trying again, I think.

Whenever I see people together, or talk about having friends or a partner... it fucking sends me into a downward spiral. It's a stab in the heart. As if veryone were telling me, "Look at what you can't have. Look at what you'll never have."

I can't afford to do inpatient. I can't afford to take time off of work. I'm fucked in that regard. As far as meetups... Portlanders are so fucking flaky, it isn't funny. You go to meetups and it's never the same people twice. Coupled with the the depression...

My life feels like it's in a tailspin. So I have depression. I'm getting treatment, but it's going slowly. Some days are worse than others, but lately I've been having more bad than good. One of the biggest things fueling it is is abject loneliness. I have no friends or social support that I...

I really do appreciate the support I've gotten here and on reddit. I really do. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have it, but it wouldn't be a good place. Unfortunately, I just have a hard time actually translating online relations into the same feels as in-person relations. It just doesn't...

I just wish I had some kind of social support. Fuck doing this alone.

The only possible way that I see exercise helping is the temporary dopamine rush. But beyond that, I also haven't seen any evidence for any long-term efficacy.

And the thing is, I don't want to be in a relationship where I'm just a burden on the other person. That would be selfish and irresponsible and so fucking horrible for the other person. But fuck me if I don't want itsobad. Just the feeling of someone caring about me. And more, someone that I...

I just don't understand how people do relationships when they have something like depression. I've been alone my entire life, never been in any kind of relationship. I think the loneliness is actually feeding the depression as much as anything in my life could be. But it seems like if I were to...

One of my biggest issues is I'm too good at masking my emotions around people. In a way, being around people brings out the "best" in me. Unfortunately, that best also means hiding my depression. I had to send an e-mail to my therapist basically saying not to believe me when I say I'm doing...

It's rare to feel that a movie was madefor me.But this hit all the right chords. This may go down as being my favorite movie of all time.

Time to get this shit out of here. Take it to another thread.

Fuck. Seriously? Don't do that "real life" shit. Nobody deserves that. Especially with a topic as sensitive and often dangerous as mental health.

Jesus fucking christ. I weep for your patients.

Loved it. Bad people doing bad things for bad reasons.

It's kinda weird. The anhedonia is gone, but... it's almost making things worse. Well, not worse, but I'm feeling shit for the first time in forever, and it's not all good feelings. Before, when I was feeling bad, it would just be super flat. Now, I actually feelbadwhen I'm not in a good mood...

Okay, so it's not right now, but in about an hour I'll be listening to the Melvins blow my mind.

Talking to my PCP and my therapist, they almost think I went through the equivalent of chemical shock therapy. Not the recommended route for treatment, and not a cure, but fuck... I'm happy. I really am. I don't know how to say it better.

Exercise is known to release dopamine. However, when a majority of depression cases appear to be serotonin/norepinephrin/things-other-than-dopamine disorders (trying to find the reference I saw on this), raising dopamine levels makes little difference at best.

This is what I'm afraid of, but I'm also going to take every fucking victory I can get and build on them. I feel happy. I can't tell you how amazing it is. If I have to turn around and immediately start another drug... fine. But I'm holding on to this feeling as long as I fucking can...

My GP is the one that took me off the Prozac. I told her as soon as I started feeling that shit happening.

I'm actually happy.I feel happy. I was on Effexor, which was okay. There was a point where it gave me this weird euphoric feeling. I liken it to the world being lit with chemical lights instead of sunlight. A jittery, disconnected ecstacy. I thought it was great at first, but it didn't last...

Never be ashamed to turn to whomever you need to for support. You have to be goddamned fucking selfish when you're in this situation, because the alternatives are so much worse.