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I was hoping for a "damn girl, you fuck like you"re not gonna see next year." That works too I guess.

Did you know the stomach cancer girl beforehand? I"m assuming you did, but on the chance that you didn"t, I"m curious about how she shared that information.

Nah, that"s not just broscience. It"s pretty damn hard to contract the GAIDS as a straight bro keeping it in the babymaker. According to Wikipedia, switching from good Christian fucking to cornholing increases your chances a lot, from rare as hell (0.04% in this particular case) to Aamina"s...

Is it considered RL harassment to just name his book?

You want to have sex with her and tag FoHSS between the patches of hair on her ass.

This makes me think that Etoille has physically turned into Pam from Archer over the years.

Guess she didn"t have a chance to get that lesbian phase out of her system yet.

Bet she finds a dick or five to suck while he"s in the bathroom too, knowing that he"s willing to fight for that kind of relationship.

What do the women you date say when you explain how you kept trying to save your marriage with a cocksucking whore?

Somehow I doubt that, Skeletor.

In that case, stick to being nice. You"re somehow worse at being an asshole.

If there was a backstory to that, I clearly missed it. Are you trying to fuck this girl?

David Blaine her with one of the bros she"s banging for car parts.

Have you tried marrying her yet?

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Oh, I agree. When I threatened Cracker Barrel, I fully intended to go get a table for one and enjoy some badass french toast if she didn"t change her mind. That never happened, though. If that place was open 24/7 and served alcohol, I don"t know if I"d ever go anywhere else. I"d also probably...

Hate that shit. I"d say something along the lines of, "Fuck it, I"m going to Cracker Barrel because I want some fucking french toast at 9 p.m." Difference being the response is usually, "Fine, let"s go to Olive Garden." Bitches love Olive Garden.

Why do you even want to make this relationship work? Maybe I missed something, but I don"t recall you saying anything good about her other than she"s "pretty", and we need pics to properly help you.

I"m sure things are fantastic.

Girl I knew in high school just recently made a Facebook account and we"ve talked a bit, catching up on the past 8 years. She just got out of a longterm relationship and thus has an extra ticket to see Rammstein in San Antonio (May 24). She has offered this ticket to me. Figures I"d already have...

I would hypothesize most fake tits that you don"t personally pay for are going to be shitty. My reasoning is that if they are not shitty, they were likely expensive, and the idea of women paying for their own shit is preposterous. If a woman has someone to pay for her shit (tits), unless she...

I"ll just do my damnedest to dodge both those awful scenarios.

Few things kill my boner quicker than lopsided or cross-eyed balloon tits.

Is this the first time she"s had to take the drug (since you"ve been dating)? If she"s taken it before, what were the effects?

All of them. All of the highlighters.

Not lulzy.

Lulzy

Pretty sure that nose is the only thing Truckasaurus has that could fill a D cup.

A most elegant solution.

Fair enough. Good point.

I think you just inadvertently complimented Truckasaurus" body, bro.

^

David Blaine her with one of those easy guys.

No.

Only if you"ve got the money to do it right. Shitty titty jobs are the fucking worst.

He should write her a letter from America so she knows what life"s been like without her.

He should Proclaim his love to the whole wide world.

Who fucking knows? Scottish gibberish as far as I"m concerned.

Yeah, but would you walk 500 more?

As long as she"s flying down to visit you or she pays your air fare to visit her, this is acceptable.