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Pantheon has taken my place at the theatre tonight. -Abraham Lincoln

Get one of these. You can almost bake with it. Sears.com That place will glow.

Sorry, man. I am really pulling for the Blues in this playoffs. They need a cup!

Because Big P was hoping to undergo a sex change operation and bang Ramon as a woman, but now he'll just have to settle for buttsex

Good luck, man. Let us know if the baby looks like J49.

Didn't know about the microfracture. It just didn't look like that hard of a slash to me, but clearly I'm wrong. Fuck Subban right in the pussy.

Wow, that was an intense game, 6 goals in under 10 minutes in the second, Montreal squeaks out a win. It will be interesting to see what comes of the Subban major, and the shit after the final whistle - Price waded into the fray. Ridiculous.

I have an alarm clock operated IV that starts my day. It's connected to the nearest Starbucks. Just one of the many valuable services that fine establishment offers.

I'm not watching it, wtf is going on with Chicago? Also, yeah, Subban hit one hand, and the guy dove like a diva. Back on the bench a couple minutes later, no damage, playing again. I still think it's an over call, and I don't even cheer for Montreal.

That sucks, man. Did you eat any duck?

Sometimes, the baristas will agree to go to the parking lot and give me a hot chocolate blowjob if I buy the hot chocolate.

Montreal keeps scrapping back on top, regardless of the refs. This play calling is so bad it's unreal.

They just kicked Subban out of the game for what was a minor slash. The officiating is just fucking dreadful. I'm so rustled, I need to kick someone in the cunt. And Montreal just scored short handed. Take that, right in the pussy, you bastards.

But are they quality shots, or is it all about quantity?

I have a soft spot for starbucks because the baristas typically give me handjobs while I wait for my coffee.

What in the actual fuck did that dumb fucker from Montreal think was going to happen when he swung his stick at the puck in front of his own net and put it between Price's legs? He needs a beating.

Shit's fine, son. Nice work!

That crap went around our public school district last year, and there's just nothing you can do but let it run its course - it doesn't present with symptoms until after you're contagious.

No, that would require another couple hours of trimming.

But if 12 is actually the Hamburgler, doesn't coffee become burgers?

But, why male models?

You came five times? damn. How do you hydrate?

Tonight, boys and girls!

I'm going to verb your noun until you verb adjectivally.

Imagine the pain of growing a whole head of teeth? Sucks to be a baby, man.

I sharpen my own lawn mower blades with a bench grinder. Takes a few times to get it just right, but I'm satisfied with the results, now. I'm in the process of getting all that crap out, sharp, gassed, and ready to go. As far as self propelled, I don't like them as well. I'd rather push.

Horny Mom Threw Teen Daughter a Naked Twister Sex Party, AA Sponsor Says

Well, that totally clears it up.

Can you play the possum?

Well, try this recipe if you care to. Some good tips in it either way. Spiced slow-roast duck apple sauce | BBC Good Food Keep in mind that duck is very greasy, so if you're going to try to cook it in a sauce, it might be best to break it down and do some pan frying first. Because of...

If you're willing to mow down kids, how could grass be any obstacle at all?

So, to be clear, if I say, "with all due respect," I can then say whatever horrible thing I want? Awesome.

meh

She's outta your league, brother.

I have had really good luck with Craftsman mowers from Sears. Priced well, and last a long time.

Does Goliath still have a penis?

Hey, that's just, like, your opinion, man.