AssHat of the year 2019

So there I was fooling around on the computer a few months back and found a backdoor gui into the Pentagons unix security system. Why not, ya know? Just take a few peeks and leave a note saying its all good and be happy that I dont use my powers for evil. I figure out the flight lists for the closest airbase and pop my name in there as a pilot for those little Boeing F-22 Raptors. I print out a security bag on my home computer and head over to the base to take a little joy ride in the taxpayer planes. Blah blah welcome back sir, the plane is fueled and ready for your mission. Thank you Private, I say to the gate guard. A nice little kid, I promoted him to Captain.

Jet turbine engine starts up and I punch up where I want to get lunch and go through the checklist. Its this little gyro stand and they always had the best taziki sauce. Nice and easy burn up to 180mph and I pull the stick down towards my gigantic balls and pull like 19 g's going straight up. Reach a nice cruising altitude and level the ol gal off....BOOM

An emergency broadcast comes over the radio and the tower calls to see if I can assist with something, its a skyking situation and I am the only one that can do it.

Alas, we need you to land that plane and help with a medical emergency. 10-4 Skeeter I squawk back. I land the Boeing F-22 Raptor in a soybean field and my eyes focus on the tent with dozens of secret service agents. With my sun visor still down I cant really see who it it... its Alan Alda and he is having heart problems. I ask for 2 shots of whiskey, 1 to clean the area and 1 for the doctor of course.

Everyone flinches their head away as I crack open Mr. Aldas rib cage, I of course stand as a rock and wont let anoyher national treasure die on my god damned watch. It took just a few seconds of heart massaging to know that he will make it. The entire room just starts the loudest clapping and cheering ive ever heard and 3 single goosebumps lift on my arm. I pop my sunvisor down and start the walk back to the plane..... I get grabbed on the shoulder...

Alas, we know you arent who you say you are but we will let it go just for today. Thank you for saving Alans life... no problem Mr President, I respond.

Best fucking gyro of my life. Ohh wait, this was actually Sadre Spinegnawer ...

Was his nonsense this year or the year before?

Sadre Spinegnawer should be nominated for Asshat