Deaths and Inheritance

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Arative

Vyemm Raider
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My mom's plan is to just even split 25% to all of us. So it would be a sizable amount to all of us.

What I don't want is to have my youngest sister and oldest sister just sit there at her house for the next 20 years or so while she 100% supports both of them. While also being cunts who just start demanding shit because they will somehow believe that they earned it or some shit by just being there. My middle sister and myself do well enough for ourselves and don't really have an interest in changing inheritance nor fighting over money and wills.

But my other two sisters don't really have a choice and their options become fewer by the day. At this point they'd be career waitresses who just haven't worked in years. I just don't want to see my mom exploited for the remainder of her life to support two mooches but I know she doesn't have the heart to kick them out. Compounded by the fact that I don't live there and can't directly help in it so much. I don't want to have a blood feud with my own sisters who, up until this point, I never had a problem with.
I think there isn't much you can do. Your mom won't do anything and your sisters seem content to mooch off her.

You could have a frank talk with your mom but that might turn out badly and start a feud with your sisters when they found out.
 

Jovec

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I think there isn't much you can do. Your mom won't do anything and your sisters seem content to mooch off her.

You could have a frank talk with your mom but that might turn out badly and start a feud with your sisters when they found out.

Get the assets into a revocable trust that your mother controls, that spells out exactly her wishes (for example, 25% 4-way split - if one sibling can buyout the others for the house go for it, but otherwise sell the house and split the money as intended). Control of the trust will pass to you (or whoever she names) and you will have the instructions spelled out on paper for the others (to counter arguments that you don't need the money as much as they do, etc). Have your mother explain her wishes to everyone, together, while she is still lucid and able.

You don't need an irrevocable trust unless you want your mother to be "poor" on paper for the government. If she shows too much money, the government won't assist in paying for long term elder care. An irrevocable trust is its own tax identity.

Obviously all is easier said than done.
 

Gravel

Mr. Poopybutthole
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Man, this thread is depressing. My father in law is in hospice and probably has a week or so left at the most. Brother in law (my wife's only sibling) was able to get some paperwork done kind of last minute where my mother in law will get $215k in "disability." I believe it's already gone through, in what was kind of an amazingly quick paperwork shuffle.

Anyway, I guess my father in law's sister was over and it sounded like they didn't want her to know about the money. I hadn't given it a second thought cause I figured it's $215k, who cares? But I guess I've got a warped perception of money and apparently a dozen people will fight over that much?

But this whole thing has got me doing a lot of thinking. For instance, my wife and I can't have kids, so the sole inheritor for all of it is our niece. Who's about to turn 16. We've already kind of talked about how we probably need to change that somehow, because we don't want to ruin her life if we died early (we're a year into early retirement, so it's a decent sum). But I don't want to pay to try to set up some ridiculously complicated trust to manage it.

I also spoke to my mom the other day because this stuff is coming up. She's got a similar amount to my wife and I, and I'm her only child. She married her boyfriend (of like 33? years) before retiring earlier this year so he could be on her health insurance. He's got something like 2-3x as much as her. Neither have a will, and the secondary beneficiary on hers is me, and in his is his brother. I can already imagine a shit show with that sum of money if $200k will do it. Several years ago I also told her about how if she dies first, all her money goes to her now husband, and then to his family (or vice versa). Not sure if she remembers that, and I don't want to push it for seeming like I want (or even need) her money.
 
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Burren

Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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Man, this thread is depressing. My father in law is in hospice and probably has a week or so left at the most. Brother in law (my wife's only sibling) was able to get some paperwork done kind of last minute where my mother in law will get $215k in "disability." I believe it's already gone through, in what was kind of an amazingly quick paperwork shuffle.

Anyway, I guess my father in law's sister was over and it sounded like they didn't want her to know about the money. I hadn't given it a second thought cause I figured it's $215k, who cares? But I guess I've got a warped perception of money and apparently a dozen people will fight over that much?

But this whole thing has got me doing a lot of thinking. For instance, my wife and I can't have kids, so the sole inheritor for all of it is our niece. Who's about to turn 16. We've already kind of talked about how we probably need to change that somehow, because we don't want to ruin her life if we died early (we're a year into early retirement, so it's a decent sum). But I don't want to pay to try to set up some ridiculously complicated trust to manage it.

I also spoke to my mom the other day because this stuff is coming up. She's got a similar amount to my wife and I, and I'm her only child. She married her boyfriend (of like 33? years) before retiring earlier this year so he could be on her health insurance. He's got something like 2-3x as much as her. Neither have a will, and the secondary beneficiary on hers is me, and in his is his brother. I can already imagine a shit show with that sum of money if $200k will do it. Several years ago I also told her about how if she dies first, all her money goes to her now husband, and then to his family (or vice versa). Not sure if she remembers that, and I don't want to push it for seeming like I want (or even need) her money.

A standard will is under $1,000 and a "complicated" trust is only a few thousand dollars with a competent law firm. Why fret over that pittance to secure so much more?
 
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BrutulTM

Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun.
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I wouldn't overthink it too much. Decide if you want it to go to her or not and write the will. You can't see the future and you're just as likely to screw things up by trying to control everything after you're dead as make it better. My grandfather put half of the ranch into a trust when he died and it just extended the drama for 10 years.

I know another couple who have put their place into a trust with all their kids where they can run it but not sell it for 50 years or something. They read it to me and I just kept thinking "Do you think the fact that none of your kids have moved back to the ranch might have something to do with the fact that you are trying to control them for 50 years after you die?"
 

Cutlery

Kill All the White People
<Gold Donor>
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My mom's plan is to just even split 25% to all of us. So it would be a sizable amount to all of us.

What I don't want is to have my youngest sister and oldest sister just sit there at her house for the next 20 years or so while she 100% supports both of them. While also being cunts who just start demanding shit because they will somehow believe that they earned it or some shit by just being there. My middle sister and myself do well enough for ourselves and don't really have an interest in changing inheritance nor fighting over money and wills.

But my other two sisters don't really have a choice and their options become fewer by the day. At this point they'd be career waitresses who just haven't worked in years. I just don't want to see my mom exploited for the remainder of her life to support two mooches but I know she doesn't have the heart to kick them out. Compounded by the fact that I don't live there and can't directly help in it so much. I don't want to have a blood feud with my own sisters who, up until this point, I never had a problem with.

I got good news and bad news.

The good news is your mom won't have any money when she dies, so 25% of 0 is 0 and you don't need to worry about it anymore.

The bad news is she will 100% be taken advantage of and cleaned out long before she dies.
 

TJT

Mr. Poopybutthole
<Gold Donor>
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I truly do not give a shit about the money at all. The only thing that has any value to me is my grandparents house because of all the years and time I spent there. I will not see that squandered away by my idiot sisters who are all 30+ but act like they're teenagers. My mom at least knows I am the only one with the ability to buy it and manage it well.
 
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moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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I truly do not give a shit about the money at all. The only thing that has any value to me is my grandparents house because of all the years and time I spent there. I will not see that squandered away by my idiot sisters who are all 30+ but act like they're teenagers. My mom at least knows I am the only one with the ability to buy it and manage it well.
Buy it now, then? Skip the drama and let your mom stay there for free for as long as she wants, but kick the sisters to the curb. Let the mooches all live together in the house you grew up in.
 
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Lanx

Oye Ve
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Buy it now, then? Skip the drama and let your mom stay there for free for as long as she wants, but kick the sisters to the curb. Let the mooches all live together in the house you grew up in.
the mom is enabling them by "allowing" them to do as they please tho
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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the mom is enabling them by "allowing" them to do as they please tho
So? If he owns grandma's house then he can at least help mom by making a couple house rules and giving her a rent/mortgage free life. The sisters can fuck around at the other house and do whatever they want there.
 

TJT

Mr. Poopybutthole
<Gold Donor>
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Not possible as, like I mentioned, my mom is currently living in that house. My sisters are living in our childhood home. Which is about 10 minutes away from it and I have zero interest in buying that one.

All of her properties are fully paid for.
 

Fucker

Log Wizard
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25,146
Man, this thread is depressing.
My dad died, and it revealed the ugly nature of some people. Both of my siblings called thinking there was going to be some big payola. Neither of them helped mom take care of dad and yet expected to get their cut. Too stupid to realize everything goes to the surviving spouse. I told mom not to give money to people who didn't help her, and thank god she listened. Also, one of them wanted to move in with mom. I mean...great idea if she could have done that 2 years ago so she could help take care of dad, but nah. She was looking for a meal ticket.

Even worse? People we never heard of started calling and cloaking looking for cash under the guise of providing comfort. Some "cousins" called and let on that they are on hard times. Funny how quickly the word got out that I wasn't going to let anyone have anything....and that's when the calls stopped.

Some people are subhuman trash.
 
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Arative

Vyemm Raider
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My dad died, and it revealed the ugly nature of some people. Both of my siblings called thinking there was going to be some big payola. Neither of them helped mom take care of dad and yet expected to get their cut. Too stupid to realize everything goes to the surviving spouse. I told mom not to give money to people who didn't help her, and thank god she listened. Also, one of them wanted to move in with mom. I mean...great idea if she could have done that 2 years ago so she could help take care of dad, but nah. She was looking for a meal ticket.

Even worse? People we never heard of started calling and cloaking looking for cash under the guise of providing comfort. Some "cousins" called and let on that they are on hard times. Funny how quickly the word got out that I wasn't going to let anyone have anything....and that's when the calls stopped.

Some people are subhuman trash.
Stories like this are why I'm glad I'm an only child.

My mom and stepdad are pretty well off, only stipulation in their will is half of the estate is to be donated in my step dad's name to his college.
 

Asshat wormie

2023 Asshat Award Winner
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Not possible as, like I mentioned, my mom is currently living in that house. My sisters are living in our childhood home. Which is about 10 minutes away from it and I have zero interest in buying that one.

All of her properties are fully paid for.
Buy it subject to her life estate.
 

moonarchia

The Scientific Shitlord
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Not possible as, like I mentioned, my mom is currently living in that house. My sisters are living in our childhood home. Which is about 10 minutes away from it and I have zero interest in buying that one.

All of her properties are fully paid for.
Again, buy the house now so you can skip the drama when she dies. If the sisters aren't living with her all the better. Let your mom live there for the rest of her life for free. You know she will keep it well kept and all that.

I would suggest you ask her to calculate the value of the houses and subtract your 25% of that from the value of grandma's house and update her will to exclude you from the other home. Your mom can use the rest of the $$$ you give her to live well and apparently let your sisters mooch off her in perpetuity.

Don't wait until the shit hits the fan if you have the money. This way also lets you skip dealing with your sisters about the estate bullshit after mom dies.
 
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BrutulTM

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Again, buy the house now so you can skip the drama when she dies. If the sisters aren't living with her all the better. Let your mom live there for the rest of her life for free. You know she will keep it well kept and all that.

I would suggest you ask her to calculate the value of the houses and subtract your 25% of that from the value of grandma's house and update her will to exclude you from the other home. Your mom can use the rest of the $$$ you give her to live well and apparently let your sisters mooch off her in perpetuity.

Don't wait until the shit hits the fan if you have the money. This way also lets you skip dealing with your sisters about the estate bullshit after mom dies.

There's no law that says you have to wait to die before giving shit to your kids. My Mom signed over all of her real estate to my brother and sister and I when she was 65. Of course we still let her live in the house as if it was hers but she doesn't technically own it anymore. Does your mom have nursing home insurance? If not that would be a big reason to transfer the property sooner than later. Nursing homes cost around $10,000 a month these days. Most people are only there a few months but wind up with Alzheimers or something and that shit will bleed you dry. Medicare will not pay for it until you are completely destitute. They will even claw back properties that you signed over to your kids if it was in the last 5 years.

Just don't be like my sister in law's cunt uncle whose parents signed their house over to him and he immediately started charging them rent.
 
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Borzak

Bronze Baron of the Realm
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I got the largest part of my grandmothers estate land, mineral rights, money, etc...she has one son. There were distant relatives of my nieces that thought they should get something because they went to her house once. My dad got the house and 1 acre. I got the 35 ares surrounding the house which is valued at more than the 65 year old house. My sister got nothing. I took care of a lot of shit for the last 30+ years since she lived close by. After my grandfather died in 1992 that had been sick for a while we went to AK together cause she always wanted to go and her brother that lived next door went every summer.

My sister showed up to eat. There are people that lived nearby that she went to school with and knew all her life til she died at 100 that I would have given more to than my sister.

Semi related, the hardest thing to take care of after she died was the phone. It was still in my grandfathers name from before he died in 1992. She just paid the bill. Eventually I got tired of dicking with the phone company and told dad to let the next people who buy the house dick with it.

Small town life is good though. The lady at the bank I knew well, dated her daughter a time or to when I was in high school. She knew my grandmother died and she just let me into the safety deposit box. No questions asked and I had her key.