Depression

Oblio

Oblio

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It is 100% okay to have those feelings. Your parents' choices aren't yours. Just don't do it. Yeah, it is easier said then done, but you need to do what is best for you.

If you do decide to do it then you need to have a real uncomfortable conversation, setting up ground rules. Better to have that conversation before a duplex is purchased than after. For example rule one, you will never share a unit.

Sorry, I don't recall your relationship status from previous posts. If you are single, what if you meet someone? How does that work? If you are already involved, what does your partner think?
 
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Zaara

Zaara

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Long term partner of 20 years, unmarried. He doesn’t like it. The idea of having no say and one day she walks in and tells us where we live chafes him as much as it does me. We are intensely private and like our space, living in a third floor loft with no neighbor downstairs. I know it sounds like a weird set-up but that is how it would have to go. The average closing period on houses around here is a week, most are getting snapped up within 1-2 days, and we both work 50 hours a week. So if she came into a house that hit the checklist she'd probably have to pull the trigger immediately.

We had planned to try and do a part time thing living in the US for part of the year and Puerto Rico the other part, he has a home there already bought and paid for, and we cannot afford a house on our income in Massachusetts (We live in a county that is responsible for the fact that the average/median home sale in the state is 575k/620k.) So; this would work a little better than paying 6 months rent a year to maintain an empty apartment in the states.
 
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Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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Zaara said:
Pops died of lung and brain cancer a few days before Thanksgiving this year, 67.

I was part of his hospice care, it was 5 months on the dot for his 4-6month prognosis. Fucked to say but we were blessed; it only got truly bad at the very end, and it went fast. Still, seeing him like that definitely changed me permanently.
I feel so incredibly bad for my mom. She did everything with him. She has her family and her social network, lots of support, but when the strong facade falls she talks about how she doesn't know what to do with herself any more.

I know there's that panic that happens in the wake of a husbands' death, but now she is desperate to get out of the apartment they shared. She came into money after the death of one of her siblings and can afford to walk into any house she desires. Problem is, soon as he died she rounded on me and proposed we live together/she buy a duplex. What a blessing to get a free house, is the idea. Problem is, we would have zero say in what she selects, and then...I'm back to living with my mom, especially if it turns out the way I expect where all duplexes are so astronomically overpriced that we end up having to move into together.

I love my mom, and seeing her feel so alone is breaking my fucking heart, but I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards my dad. He knew what he was doing; when I was a kid he would go on melancholic drunk tirades about he was going to die before her and that it was going to be my responsibility to take care of her. Now that we've arrived at that point I realize all those moments where she went 'when he's gone I'll live 6 months with you and 6 months with your sister' was for real, at least in her head. My sister has offered to put an addition on her house, but nope. She wants it to be me and her.

I feel awful. I feel like a piece of shit for resenting the fact that I can't take care of her from a remove, that for her it requires me being around every day to stave off her loneliness. It's not that she's a hard person to live with, I just have an insane aversion to the feeling of being manipulated by money or objects to do what my family 'expects' of me. My uncles and others have been picking at me here and there when I see them to figure out why I'm not going in on this cohabitation idea, but the truth is a selfish and shitty one. My dad dies early, and potentially for the next 20+ years I'm stuck where I'm living and can't move on because of it. I never wanted to stay here, and she refuses to go anywhere else, literally- she wouldn't even move out of the city we're currently in. We had plans and ambitions and now because he died I'm looking down the barrel of my father's choices dictating how the rest of my life goes for a decade or two.

Don't know what to do, but I know the 'honorable' thing of "taking care" of my mom is probably what I will be forced into. She's holding the keys to my ability to retire. Tattoo is a great career but if I'm being completely honest I missed the boat on being able to accumulate meaningful wealth on my own, and I have my own shelf-life before I won't be able to do it anymore/age out. Every single one of them- her and her siblings- have no intention of being in a nursing home. She won't be the only person requiring care. I feel really sad about it. Feel free to tell me how much of an asshole I am.
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So you want your mom's money when she dies but you don't want to have to do anything to get it? It's your dad's fault that you're ~40 years old and apparently have no real plan for the future beyond mom's money?

Please correct me if I'm misreading or taking things way too negatively because as it stands right now I want to say things a trifle harsher than 'asshole'.
 
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Zaara

Zaara

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You can do that Gav, you might end up taking this the wrong way too but I'm not particularly concerned about correcting your schadenfreude when it comes to the reality of someone trying to have at least a modicum of financial solvency when they are too old to work/when the career path they took didn't allow for this 100k-250k salary that everyone on FoH professes to have. I do well for myself as an independent contractor but the reality is I won't be able to save enough per year to retire if I'm taking only my finances in account. This is true of 95% of tattoo artists, shop owners included. Every shop owner that I've met that had that going for them was also a proper owner/landlord/had other sources of income. I won't go into the specifics of the trust she's executor of but it was not money meant to be contingent on saying yes to having the next twenty years of my life decided for me. I planned for the future as much as my profit margin allowed. If the argument is that I should have somehow bucked expectations at 18 by seeking a better degree than the one I was expressly told I had to acquire as part of the family legacy, you can save it. I came up literally in the golden age of white women pushed towards career rather than family, and I was stuck between the options of 'largely meaningless degree (from an Ivy League associated!)' or Emerson to be a fucking writer.

That money was put aside for me to pursue my career goals to my full ability while I was still able to meaningfully produce, until I can't anymore. 20 years puts me at 57. I cannot expect to have a meaningful independent publishing career or to start as a tattoo shop owner at 57. It's just not how shit works. Believe me, I wish some days I'd gone into something with a better profit margin, but there is only so much you can do with my degree in this day and age.

I do see where you're coming from thinking I'm worse than an asshole. Nobody's entitled to anything. But I can only work within the framework my life has.
 
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Oblio

Oblio

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Zaara Zaara if there is a hierarchy to relationships, which I believe there, your partner comes first. Not that there aren't moments we put our family above our partner, surgery, hospice etc. But all those are short term and if we picked right, our partner will understand and expect the same when they need that time for their family.

Overall, I would say "no" based on what you have stated your concerns to be. However, if the perfect living situation came up like a detached ADU, where you actually had some space, then cool. Tell your Mom that you aren't committing to anything before you see the place. Explain to her that you are grateful for the opportunity, but your relationship has to be heavily considered. What if, God forbid, you move into a less than ideal situation and then 6 months later your partner says he needs to move out for his sanity. Now you will in a real tough place with a no win decision to make.

Make sure she understands that you are not dictating anything to her, it just has to be the right fit for you. If she take offense to that, then oh well. Don't let her manipulate you emotionally or financially.
 
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Zaara

Zaara

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You are correct there is a hierarchy. My partner comes first to me. He has made many sacrifices when it came to his own family to be with me, living out of the country as he does and has. I want him to be happy and the idea that he made as many concessions as he did and would still be on the hook for decisions made outside our realm of control is what causes a large chunk of my angst.

If I was alone this wouldn't even be a question. I would become my mom's companion. But I have my own companion, with his own job and needs and wishes. That he would be dragged in to any decision I made is not fair. I already told him the scenario- flat and plain. I told him, 'this is where you can bail out.' He has a lot more opportunities to continue on with aspects of life than I do, to put it both vaguely and bluntly.

I think we've made headway from where everything stood right when my dad passed. 'Headway' in terms of being able to talk rationally about what it would all entail. I posted here because believe it or not it is helpful to get outside perspectives that aren't sanded down around the edges.
 
Gavinmad

Gavinmad

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Zaara said:
You can do that Gav, you might end up taking this the wrong way too but I'm not particularly concerned about correcting your schadenfreude when it comes to the reality of someone trying to have at least a modicum of financial solvency when they are too old to work/when the career path they took didn't allow for this 100k-250k salary that everyone on FoH professes to have. I do well for myself as an independent contractor but the reality is I won't be able to save enough per year to retire if I'm taking only my finances in account. This is true of 95% of tattoo artists, shop owners included. Every shop owner that I've met that had that going for them was also a proper owner/landlord/had other sources of income. I won't go into the specifics of the trust she's executor of but it was not money meant to be contingent on saying yes to having the next twenty years of my life decided for me. I planned for the future as much as my profit margin allowed. If the argument is that I should have somehow bucked expectations at 18 by seeking a better degree than the one I was expressly told I had to acquire as part of the family legacy, you can save it. I came up literally in the golden age of white women pushed towards career rather than family, and I was stuck between the options of 'largely meaningless degree (from an Ivy League associated!)' or Emerson to be a fucking writer.

That money was put aside for me to pursue my career goals to my full ability while I was still able to meaningfully produce, until I can't anymore. 20 years puts me at 57. I cannot expect to have a meaningful independent publishing career or to start as a tattoo shop owner at 57. It's just not how shit works. Believe me, I wish some days I'd gone into something with a better profit margin, but there is only so much you can do with my degree in this day and age.

I do see where you're coming from thinking I'm worse than an asshole. Nobody's entitled to anything. But I can only work within the framework my life has.
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If anything it was dismay rather than schadenfreude as I still somehow haven't shed this absurd tendency to idealize/assume the best of FoHers, or at least long time members, and your post kinda felt like it was prologue of one of those AITA reddit stories where you develop a steadily increasing desire to strangle the author. I also benefit from the experience of a lifetime of misinterpreting and/or reading things the wrong way which is why I asked for a little more exposition instead of immediately opening up with both barrels. The bit about the trust definitely frames things in much less of a "im a selfish monster without a single shred of filial piety" light.

I'm probably retreading things you've already had suggested to you but maybe she should adopt a cat like all the other empty nesters do, or join a bridge group/some other old people pop culture stereotype. Do you think she's the type to hold the trust hostage if you don't obey?
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Zaara said:
Pops died of lung and brain cancer a few days before Thanksgiving this year, 67.

I was part of his hospice care, it was 5 months on the dot for his 4-6month prognosis. Fucked to say but we were blessed; it only got truly bad at the very end, and it went fast. Still, seeing him like that definitely changed me permanently.
I feel so incredibly bad for my mom. She did everything with him. She has her family and her social network, lots of support, but when the strong facade falls she talks about how she doesn't know what to do with herself any more.

I know there's that panic that happens in the wake of a husbands' death, but now she is desperate to get out of the apartment they shared. She came into money after the death of one of her siblings and can afford to walk into any house she desires. Problem is, soon as he died she rounded on me and proposed we live together/she buy a duplex. What a blessing to get a free house, is the idea. Problem is, we would have zero say in what she selects, and then...I'm back to living with my mom, especially if it turns out the way I expect where all duplexes are so astronomically overpriced that we end up having to move into together.

I love my mom, and seeing her feel so alone is breaking my fucking heart, but I feel a lot of anger and resentment towards my dad. He knew what he was doing; when I was a kid he would go on melancholic drunk tirades about he was going to die before her and that it was going to be my responsibility to take care of her. Now that we've arrived at that point I realize all those moments where she went 'when he's gone I'll live 6 months with you and 6 months with your sister' was for real, at least in her head. My sister has offered to put an addition on her house, but nope. She wants it to be me and her.

I feel awful. I feel like a piece of shit for resenting the fact that I can't take care of her from a remove, that for her it requires me being around every day to stave off her loneliness. It's not that she's a hard person to live with, I just have an insane aversion to the feeling of being manipulated by money or objects to do what my family 'expects' of me. My uncles and others have been picking at me here and there when I see them to figure out why I'm not going in on this cohabitation idea, but the truth is a selfish and shitty one. My dad dies early, and potentially for the next 20+ years I'm stuck where I'm living and can't move on because of it. I never wanted to stay here, and she refuses to go anywhere else, literally- she wouldn't even move out of the city we're currently in. We had plans and ambitions and now because he died I'm looking down the barrel of my father's choices dictating how the rest of my life goes for a decade or two.

Don't know what to do, but I know the 'honorable' thing of "taking care" of my mom is probably what I will be forced into. She's holding the keys to my ability to retire. Tattoo is a great career but if I'm being completely honest I missed the boat on being able to accumulate meaningful wealth on my own, and I have my own shelf-life before I won't be able to do it anymore/age out. Every single one of them- her and her siblings- have no intention of being in a nursing home. She won't be the only person requiring care. I feel really sad about it. Feel free to tell me how much of an asshole I am.
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It's OK to not like the choices you have in front of you, but as long as you understand they are choices you can go from there. Talk to your SO. Go over the ups and downs of the choices you have available to you, and go from there. Take the money out of the equation. Assume you will never see a penny of it, and choose what is best for you and your SO.

If you start mixing family and money, things always get ugly. A gift with strings attached is not an actual gift.

If you want to do right by your mom, figure out a plan or three that you would be willing to participate in to stay in her life. Tell her that living under the same roof is off the table if that's not something you want to do. That's understandable. Alternately, if she pushes on that route, tell her you would be willing if you are the one that owns the house. There is a lot of good things about owning a house outright. That would dramatically reduce the amount of money you need on a month to month basis, which would let you start putting a chunk of your income into a Roth IRA or something. If you are 37 being able to max that out for 30 years would net you more than enough to comfortably retire on. Something like a million based off of first google result. And worse comes to worst after your mom has passed on, you can also sell the house if you needed to.

Sorry about your dad. That story reminds me of how one of the last things my grandpa said when he was dying was to ask his kids to take care of grandma, who was well on her way to dementia land by that point. Thinking about the future with the people you love and hoping for the best for them if you die first is kind of a thing. You are not under any obligation to do what he wanted you to, just as you are not responsible for your mom at this point. The aunts and uncles can all fuck off if they want to tall you what to do or judge you. At the end of the day you are only responsible to yourself. Will you be ok if you bail on her? That's the only opinion that natters.
 
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Aldarion

Aldarion

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Zaara said:
the career path they took didn't allow for this 100k-250k salary that everyone on FoH professes to have
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I'm gonna get slammed for saying this in the "grown up" forum

We're on a forum where people talk about their safaris in Africa, their amazing careers that somehow leave them time for 19k posts on an elfpixel forum, their hot wives that give them enthusiastic blowjobs all the time, and their 250k salaries

Whats frustrating is that for someone reason we all tend to believe that last item on the list. I'm not even criticizing you. I do it too.

But thats just the Gell-Mann amnesia talking. Don't let it get you down. Try to remember how much their supermodel wives cost them.
 
Izo

Izo

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Foler said:
Dude this is the grown up subforum and the depression thread nonetheless. Keep this shit out of here.
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robin williams moscou new york GIF
Robin Hood Disney GIF

Oh, lighten up, it's a classic FoH joke. God knows we all need a good laugh now and then. Especially in this thread.
 
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Control

Control

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Zaara said:
We had planned to try and do a part time thing living in the US for part of the year and Puerto Rico the other part
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So aside from the emotional stuff, which is a whole other issue, if you're serious about living half-in, half-out, then the adventure with you mom could make it far easier to deal with, assuming that she'd accept you being gone for months at a time. It would probably make it easier to deal with the family interactions as well, since at least you know you'd always be getting a lengthy break. Going back every quarter instead of every half-year might make it even better.

Also, aside from that, you could try it for a year and see how it goes? You could be very up front about giving it a trial run, maybe even keep your existing place intact, and then even if it goes badly, you can feel better for having tried and maybe having helped her through a transitional period.

Sometimes there's just no 100% win available, so you've gotta make some lemonade or something.
 
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Koushirou

Koushirou

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Parents got home from their month-long vacation the other day. Stopped by my house on their way home. Got maybe 10 minutes with them. Didn’t even get to do a lunch or something before they went home. Told them as usual to text me when they’re home since it’s a long drive. Never got a text so I sent them one the next day just checking. They only sent a text to the family group chat, one that I left months ago because it’s more of a brother’s family and my parents group chat where I get to watch them plan for their vacations together. I’m sat here thinking of eating my glock, meanwhile they’re all coordinating their luau in Hawaii. They apparently hadn’t noticed I left, which isn’t surprising, but my mom asked why I did. Told her I didn’t really feel like I belonged in there and reading usually would just make me feel upset and left out. She didn’t seem to know what to say to that.

Couple hours later she calls me crying, saying how sorry she is and how she’s worried that I’m splitting away from the family and she doesn’t know what to do or how to fix it. Kept saying how her and my dad and my brother are always there if I need them for support or if I need to talk. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s a 25/75 chance of my brother responding to me at all when I text or that whenever I call my parents, which is at least once a week, they can never talk long because they’re always busy with something, so no, they’re not exactly just readily available for me to talk to. And it’s not like I expect any of them to just drop everything they’re doing for me, but they’re always busy, every time. There’s no room in anyone’s schedule for me. Now my mom’s sending me motivational shit from Facebook because I sound like I’ve given up on life, which yeah, I kind of have

I guess they’re all going to spend another week in Ocean City this summer. My mom begged me to go with them. I don’t know if I want to. I can’t afford it, as usual, and I fucking despise having them pay for me because I just feel like a worthless bum. I don’t know why everything with them has to be expensive. Why can’t we do a day trip somewhere? Plenty of shit to do within an hour or two. Or hell, I’d just be happy to do the little lunch outings with my mom we used to do before my parents moved away. She’d come pick me up, we’d go eat somewhere and then just fuck around for a couple hours going shopping or other random stuff just having fun together. She never does that anymore when she’s up here at my brother’s place. Also not sure I want to go because I think I’m just going to end up feeling like a fifth wheel, which I always felt like in the past when I was single. It just feels horrible and most of the time I just end up wanting to leave and be by myself. I also just don’t like being away from home for extended periods.

I don’t really know what I should do. I don’t want to lose my family but I’ve felt pretty hurt by them over the years. Felt the same when I was a kid, too. My dad had a messed up schedule because of being an air traffic controller but he’d usually find a way to make it to my brother’s organ performances. I played soccer for 10 years but I can’t remember my dad ever showing up to a game and then he got all pissed off at me when I wanted to quit. Why the fuck would he care, it’s not like he ever watched me play? And hey I saved them from having to pay for the fees and equipment anymore. Is it my fault my relationship with my family’s gotten this way or at least am I the reason it’s getting worse?

In other shit, I think I mentioned somewhere about a guy I was kind of falling for a while back. This has only gotten worse, so to speak. For more than a few weeks now, we’re basically up until 5-6am together on discord, watching movies together, doing random shit in EQ, just hanging out, etc. Problem is, the more I get to know him the more entirely out of my league he seems. I hadn’t had the balls to say anything to him so far, but tonight I said fuck it and was able to manage telling him how much I enjoyed spending time with him. He said he also enjoyed these late nights. I don’t really know if that’s a good answer or a friend-zone answer. It feels like the latter but I’m stupid. Maybe I wasn’t direct enough? Feel like I’ve also been dropping hints left and right but many of my friends tell me men are dumb and they themselves missed somewhat obvious signs until they were beat over the head with them. I don’t fucking know. I guess I’ll see if he starts avoiding me or something now. Hopefully I haven’t fucked it all up. Wouldn’t be the first time. Also, fuck, this part probably belongs in a different thread anyway.
 
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C

Caligula_The_Cat

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Any man staying up until 5-6am watching movies over discord with someone is interested in them.

As for everything else, do you attach negativity to every single thing your family does? It doesn’t sound like they’re doing things to intentionally exclude you, there’s probably not negative intent behind it.

Start trying to focus on things about your family you do like, and be more forceful about making those things happen.

You’re the only person in control of your thoughts. It may take some time but everytime you start to have negative thoughts, recognize it and force yourself to think about something positive.
 
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Lambourne

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Koushirou said:
Parents got home from their month-long vacation the other day. Stopped by my house on their way home. Got maybe 10 minutes with them. Didn’t even get to do a lunch or something before they went home. Told them as usual to text me when they’re home since it’s a long drive. Never got a text so I sent them one the next day just checking. They only sent a text to the family group chat, one that I left months ago because it’s more of a brother’s family and my parents group chat where I get to watch them plan for their vacations together. I’m sat here thinking of eating my glock, meanwhile they’re all coordinating their luau in Hawaii. They apparently hadn’t noticed I left, which isn’t surprising, but my mom asked why I did. Told her I didn’t really feel like I belonged in there and reading usually would just make me feel upset and left out. She didn’t seem to know what to say to that.

Couple hours later she calls me crying, saying how sorry she is and how she’s worried that I’m splitting away from the family and she doesn’t know what to do or how to fix it. Kept saying how her and my dad and my brother are always there if I need them for support or if I need to talk. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that it’s a 25/75 chance of my brother responding to me at all when I text or that whenever I call my parents, which is at least once a week, they can never talk long because they’re always busy with something, so no, they’re not exactly just readily available for me to talk to. And it’s not like I expect any of them to just drop everything they’re doing for me, but they’re always busy, every time. There’s no room in anyone’s schedule for me. Now my mom’s sending me motivational shit from Facebook because I sound like I’ve given up on life, which yeah, I kind of have

I guess they’re all going to spend another week in Ocean City this summer. My mom begged me to go with them. I don’t know if I want to. I can’t afford it, as usual, and I fucking despise having them pay for me because I just feel like a worthless bum. I don’t know why everything with them has to be expensive. Why can’t we do a day trip somewhere? Plenty of shit to do within an hour or two. Or hell, I’d just be happy to do the little lunch outings with my mom we used to do before my parents moved away. She’d come pick me up, we’d go eat somewhere and then just fuck around for a couple hours going shopping or other random stuff just having fun together. She never does that anymore when she’s up here at my brother’s place. Also not sure I want to go because I think I’m just going to end up feeling like a fifth wheel, which I always felt like in the past when I was single. It just feels horrible and most of the time I just end up wanting to leave and be by myself. I also just don’t like being away from home for extended periods.

I don’t really know what I should do. I don’t want to lose my family but I’ve felt pretty hurt by them over the years. Felt the same when I was a kid, too. My dad had a messed up schedule because of being an air traffic controller but he’d usually find a way to make it to my brother’s organ performances. I played soccer for 10 years but I can’t remember my dad ever showing up to a game and then he got all pissed off at me when I wanted to quit. Why the fuck would he care, it’s not like he ever watched me play? And hey I saved them from having to pay for the fees and equipment anymore. Is it my fault my relationship with my family’s gotten this way or at least am I the reason it’s getting worse?

In other shit, I think I mentioned somewhere about a guy I was kind of falling for a while back. This has only gotten worse, so to speak. For more than a few weeks now, we’re basically up until 5-6am together on discord, watching movies together, doing random shit in EQ, just hanging out, etc. Problem is, the more I get to know him the more entirely out of my league he seems. I hadn’t had the balls to say anything to him so far, but tonight I said fuck it and was able to manage telling him how much I enjoyed spending time with him. He said he also enjoyed these late nights. I don’t really know if that’s a good answer or a friend-zone answer. It feels like the latter but I’m stupid. Maybe I wasn’t direct enough? Feel like I’ve also been dropping hints left and right but many of my friends tell me men are dumb and they themselves missed somewhat obvious signs until they were beat over the head with them. I don’t fucking know. I guess I’ll see if he starts avoiding me or something now. Hopefully I haven’t fucked it all up. Wouldn’t be the first time. Also, fuck, this part probably belongs in a different thread anyway.
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As someone that had to learn how to do the dating thing from scratch as an adult, you need to slowly ramp up your hints/interest with this guy or you could end up stuck there for months. Telling him you're enjoying spending time is a good first step, you'll want to go to things like "are you seeing anyone right now?" and working towards setting up a meeting up in person after that.

It's a reversal of old gender roles and it's scary to escalate to that next step but if you don't make it you could end up stuck where you are for months. Keep the steps small and they won't blow up in your face in a humiliating way. Sucks if you get a "no thanks" but that's better than being stuck in limbo for months.

It's entirely likely he'll take the lead once you meet up but a lot of men have had all initiative beat out of them by SJW harpies where they are scared to indicate interest without a clear go ahead for fear of being called a creep or worse. The problem being that the scumbags that needed the "be more respectful of women's boundaries" lesson never take it and the guys that were maybe on the cautious side already take the lesson to heart and end up way too passive and scared to do much of anything without an overt green light.
 
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Cad

Cad

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Koushirou said:
I guess they’re all going to spend another week in Ocean City this summer. My mom begged me to go with them. I don’t know if I want to. I can’t afford it, as usual, and I fucking despise having them pay for me because I just feel like a worthless bum. I don’t know why everything with them has to be expensive. Why can’t we do a day trip somewhere? Plenty of shit to do within an hour or two. Or hell, I’d just be happy to do the little lunch outings with my mom we used to do before my parents moved away. She’d come pick me up, we’d go eat somewhere and then just fuck around for a couple hours going shopping or other random stuff just having fun together. She never does that anymore when she’s up here at my brother’s place. Also not sure I want to go because I think I’m just going to end up feeling like a fifth wheel, which I always felt like in the past when I was single. It just feels horrible and most of the time I just end up wanting to leave and be by myself. I also just don’t like being away from home for extended periods.
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This is really the power of negative thinking at work.

You can look at it as you don't want them to pay for you because you feel like a bum or you can't afford it.

You can also look at it as they want you there badly enough that they're willing to pay for you, and they enjoy your company and want you to be part of the family badly enough that they don't care if they pay. Anytime I pay for my brother for something he always goes on about it, and it was not a big deal to me and I didn't mind doing it at all. I just wanted him to be able to go without worrying about it.

Look at the positive side of whats going on rather than the negative side. They're acting the way they're acting towards you because they want you to be there and want to hang out with you.

And as the other poster said any guy spending that much time with you is interested. Shoot your shot. It doesn't matter if it doesn't work out, shoot your shot.
 
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Oblio

Oblio

Utah
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My Grammie use to call it "Stinking Thinking." I tell myself and my kids all the time that happiness is a choice. Start telling yourself that everyday. And smile more, it really works.
 
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