Cad
scientia potentia est
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We are all here to chat with you and listen when you want. I know it sounds trite but you aren't a burden, we truly want to hear from you and hear your stories.
Depression
- Thread starter Tarrant
- Start date
moonarchia
The Scientific Shitlord
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Well, having 2 X chromosomes is definitely better than Mist, so that goal has already been met.
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Koushirou
Log Wizard
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Spent most of therapy today trying to figure out what I want to do with my family. I don’t want to cut them off, I’m pretty sure, but I am feeling hurt and do feel like being a petty bitch and letting them know that. I don’t really want to go to OC with them, but maybe instead of going the whole time and riding along with me parents I’ll just go two days or something and just drive myself so I can leave whenever I want. I guess they also want to drive up to see the new MI movie since we watched the last one together. That’ll hopefully just be an easy outing to do.
My “homework” this week is coming up with a list of positive things I’d bring to a relationship. I can’t think of a fucking thing. I feel like anyone who actually has their shit together would only see me as a detriment to that or an unwelcome uncertainty. I have a decently well paying job that I hate but it kind of sounds like guys don’t really give a shit about that aside from just making sure I’m not sitting at home all day doing jack shit while they work. I try to cook, but I’m not great at it, so nothing special there to add. If they’re just looking for some physical companionship, I’m at the bottom of the barrel there. Wonder if that’s why I seem to end up with needy people that I have to be a mom for. The type of guy I’d rather be with doesn’t need anything from me and I can’t think of anything I have to offer that they’d want. My sense of humor? Hardly seems enough to make anything work. Even trying to say it’s a positive is difficult for me; it sounds so egotistical if I ever say I have some good quality. I feel wrong just thinking about it.
My “homework” this week is coming up with a list of positive things I’d bring to a relationship. I can’t think of a fucking thing. I feel like anyone who actually has their shit together would only see me as a detriment to that or an unwelcome uncertainty. I have a decently well paying job that I hate but it kind of sounds like guys don’t really give a shit about that aside from just making sure I’m not sitting at home all day doing jack shit while they work. I try to cook, but I’m not great at it, so nothing special there to add. If they’re just looking for some physical companionship, I’m at the bottom of the barrel there. Wonder if that’s why I seem to end up with needy people that I have to be a mom for. The type of guy I’d rather be with doesn’t need anything from me and I can’t think of anything I have to offer that they’d want. My sense of humor? Hardly seems enough to make anything work. Even trying to say it’s a positive is difficult for me; it sounds so egotistical if I ever say I have some good quality. I feel wrong just thinking about it.
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Baloney. Let's think about some things you bring to a relationship. Tits. That's a good start. And then there is the fact that you are self-aware, self-reflective, intelligent, and have that wholesome desire to be better and do better. You're an excellent, amazing person. That's what you bring to a relationship. Plus tits.
Your homework was to come up with a positive list, focus on the assignment, not ignoring the assignment and giving us the complete opposite.
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Gavinmad
Mr. Poopybutthole
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One part of your communication problem is you think letting someone know you're feeling hurt is being a petty bitch.
You don't have to be a 31 star Michelin chef for your willingness to cook to be valuable, we live in an age where it's becoming increasingly common for women to not even know how to boil water. You don't have to be 1999 Christina Aguilera for someone to value physical companionship with you and you have a LONG way to go before you could even see the bottom of the barrel much less reach it. You don't have to be 1996 Chris Rock for your sense of humor to be a positive thing in a relationship.
Not every relationship is gonna be like your marriage. Seems like you'd do just fine with a "we're totally just roommates but there's only one bedroom and we hang out together and sometimes we bang" kind of deal.
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Lambourne
Ahn'Qiraj Raider
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A lot of what you bring up are positives to the right person. But since we all know a relationship (both with friends and lovers) isn't a business transaction, there's more to this exercise than meets the eye. If you just jotted down 3 things on a list and called it done, you'd have a different problem.
As said above, focus on doing the exercise. It's entirely likely this will not be some immediate insight but if you take let your mind wander on it a bit things will come to you. If you can't make it work in your head for a guy just yet, ask yourself what you and your cat get from each other.
Take a walk or go for a drive or something, anything where you are alone and not distracted by people or electronics. Things will pop up, good and bad, give your mind time to sort through it. Do the same again a day later and don't be surprised if something new comes up.
Cad
scientia potentia est
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So much of this is state of mind, it's hard to explain.
Imagine you're at a boring outing with someone you are ambivalent about. That can be turned one of two ways... oh my god this is so boring, I don't like this person, get me out of here! I'm sure you've had this feeling. Or it can be made fun - find something good about it, turn on some music, tell a joke, mix it up, and have fun. There's always two sides to the coin. Flip the coin.
This is a meme format but it's so applicable. How you look at things can totally change the event. Everything doesn't have to be boring, unsettling, or upsetting.
I really hate this question of what does someone "bring" to a relationship. You bring what anyone brings - companionship. Most of the rest of it are "lack of negatives." For example, you aren't poor, so a guy doesn't need to support you. Check. You can cook, so a guy doesn't have to cook for you, check. I'm not sure why you think you're at the bottom of the barrel for physical companionship, but physical companionship is only one aspect of companionship. Most people just don't want to go through life alone. Nobody's partner is perfect, and anybody who tells you they are is a liar. Everyone has their upsides and downsides, you're laser-focused on the downsides. Look at the upsides.
If you want my $0.02 as to why you end up with needy people, it's likely because you aren't making positive moves to get someone better, so the ones that chase you constantly are the ones you end up with. Those people are usually needy, which is why they were chasing so hard to start with. You want someone that likes you, yes, but also someone you chase back a little bit. The quality people aren't going to chase you the way your needy loser husband did, nor cling to you in that fashion. You're going to have to make some moves to put yourself out there to get someone better. The type of guy you want DOES need something from you and it's what everyone needs: someone to care about them, someone to be there when they wake up in the morning, someone to celebrate their victories in life with, and someone to commiserate about their failures with. It's called companionship. You have everything you need in your toolbox, get those tools out and use them.