Depression

Aldarion

Aldarion

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Drugs arent the answer and if you wanted to take drugs to make it better, holy shit there are a whole lot better drugs than antidepressants.

I'm with Cutlery. I havent talked about it here but I had a rough patch bad enough that I actually sought professional help. Given my attitudes toward therapy and psychiatrists that should say something about how bad things were, that I went voluntarily. They put me on one of the weakest, mildest antidepressants around. Fuck my life. Taking ketamine in college was a better decision, in hindsight, and fuck ketamine.

I now consider my decision to stop taking that medication the first and most important step I took in getting my shit back together.

IMO antidepressants should be an absolute last resort. My own experience with them was terrible, and every single loved one I've known who went on them, it made them a worse person. Obviously take advice from doctors above forum posters. But doctors that downplay the "side effects" and oversell the "benefits" and then never advise you to stop taking the pills arent doing you any favors.
 
Control

Control

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Aldarion said:
doctors that downplay the "side effects" and oversell the "benefits" and then never advise you to stop taking the pills arent doing you any favors.
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Literally just went to get bloodwork done. Maybe butt pellets are right for me? Dr. is like "Have you thought about Prozac? It worked wonders for me!"
Koushirou Koushirou Maybe go and get a hormone panel done? I know women's stuff is way more in flux than guys', but wonky hormones can fuck you up in all kinds of ways.
 
Koushirou

Koushirou

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I’m not committed to getting anything yet. Kind of leaning still towards no, but at least going to have the appointment and talk about it. Was reminded of a JP clip I watched a bit ago where he has an example of talking with someone who has no job, no social life, no relationship, etc. and the final quote was “you’re not depressed, you just have a terrible life.” I’ve been on anti-depressants before a little over a decade ago. Didn’t have any side effects that I noticed, other than weird sleep for a little. I was only on them for a few months because I felt I didn’t need them anymore. Granted after I started them, I was also in a social anxiety group and that’s also when I met the ex-husband and got into a relationship, so did I feel better because of the meds or because life just got better? Alternatively, did I get the motivation and get out of the pit enough to actually make a dating profile and go to group because of the meds? Who knows, I guess.
 
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Cad

Cad

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Koushirou said:
I’m not committed to getting anything yet. Kind of leaning still towards no, but at least going to have the appointment and talk about it. Was reminded of a JP clip I watched a bit ago where he has an example of talking with someone who has no job, no social life, no relationship, etc. and the final quote was “you’re not depressed, you just have a terrible life.” I’ve been on anti-depressants before a little over a decade ago. Didn’t have any side effects that I noticed, other than weird sleep for a little. I was only on them for a few months because I felt I didn’t need them anymore. Granted after I started them, I was also in a social anxiety group and that’s also when I met the ex-husband and got into a relationship, so did I feel better because of the meds or because life just got better? Alternatively, did I get the motivation and get out of the pit enough to actually make a dating profile and go to group because of the meds? Who knows, I guess.
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Whatever you do, if you get on SSRI's just realize they are a crutch and you will have to get off of them in a few months. Your brain adjusts to the new baseline. I've heard of a lot of people making improvements right away and then getting off of them, and thats fine. I'd just know they're something temporary and that you're on a clock with it. Nothing wrong with using it to get over a hump though.

People have already made a lot of get motivated type posts so I won't pile on. There's only so much we can say to tell you this is self-inflicted and unnecessary, it's all a state of mind. Thats easy to say and hard to do anything about. "Stop thinking about this" yea right, thats impossible. The only thing you can do is put your head down and get on with life and see where the chips fall.
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

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Koushirou said:
I’m not committed to getting anything yet. Kind of leaning still towards no, but at least going to have the appointment and talk about it. Was reminded of a JP clip I watched a bit ago where he has an example of talking with someone who has no job, no social life, no relationship, etc. and the final quote was “you’re not depressed, you just have a terrible life.”
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Good for you. This is what we're trying to tell you. This is a huge step for you.
 
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Koushirou

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So, she tried to get me on Prozac. I declined. Told her I'd rather just try to bump up the dose on the trazodone I was already taking for the insomnia instead to see if that makes any difference. Considering she was also implying me being on Prozac for like a year or more, I really didn't like that. Hadn't had any side effects from the trazodone, so felt much more comfortable just bumping that a little and hopefully I can just power through shit with a little more time and not be on anything else.
 
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Rajaah

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Koushirou said:
Seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow to possibly put me on anti-depressants. I don’t want to, but I don’t want to be admitted either, which was starting to become a possibility. I want to die, but I don’t want to want to die, if that makes any sense. Again, I don’t want to be on some bullshit, but it’s pretty clear I’m not capable of pulling myself out of this shit. Maybe it’ll help, IDK.
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I don't know a single person who was actually helped by anti-depressants.

Setting goals for yourself, getting exercise, and so forth would do a lot more good.

For example, I spent the last week planning an overhaul of where I live (as it has fallen into being a mess, again, this year). Took a $500 budget and got everything I needed ordered. Now I just need to pay the town $80 to take away a bunch of junk and I'll be ready to start setting things up. This project got me out of the "I don't feel like doing anything whatsoever" slump I was in for a couple weeks after Kirk died.
 
Kirun

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Yeah, when I was on anti-depressants in my late teens and early 20s it didn't do shit for me, ultimately. Sure, it gave me temporary "happiness", but not until I started getting serious about my diet, exercise, and generally getting my life in order did things really improve. Turns out, being a fucking loser isn't good for your mental well-being.

I definitely regret the anti-depressants at that age, especially since my frontal cortex wasn't fully formed yet. I think they're a very, very short term solution. Something that can help pull you out of a "funk", but that has to come with new habits and getting your life in order. Otherwise, your brain will eventually adjust chemically to the drugs. And that's completely ignoring the side effects many of them come with as well.
 
Cutlery

Cutlery

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Kirun said:
And that's completely ignoring the side effects many of them come with as well.
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Side effects that just so happen to include "giving you just enough motivation to actually pull the trigger instead of pussing out every time you put the barrel in your mouth."
 
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Koushirou

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Cutlery said:
Side effects that just so happen to include "giving you just enough motivation to actually pull the trigger instead of pussing out every time you put the barrel in your mouth."
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Honestly thought about just putting a big ass note to call my brother on my gun case with like a picture of my family or some shit, just in the event I get to the point where I go to pull it out. Sounds sappy and dumb as shit, but.
 
Lambourne

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In that documentary I linked Stephen Fry and if I remember correctly, Richard Dreyfus talk about the medication having a letterboxing effect, it takes the extremes off the highs and the lows. Not a fix in and of itself but if it keeps you from jumping off a cliff on a really bad day I wouldn't call it a crutch. More like a safety wire. I don't recall if he said what he was on though.
 
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Sanrith Descartes

Sanrith Descartes

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Koushirou said:
Honestly thought about just putting a big ass note to call my brother on my gun case with like a picture of my family or some shit, just in the event I get to the point where I go to pull it out. Sounds sappy and dumb as shit, but.
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If you are a gun owner and have guns in your home at the moment, based on your posts you should hand them off to someone to hold until you get your head in a better direction. Just my opinion.
 
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Izo

Izo

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Lambourne said:
In that documentary I linked Stephen Fry and if I remember correctly, Richard Dreyfus talk about the medication having a letterboxing effect, it takes the extremes off the highs and the lows. Not a fix in and of itself but if it keeps you from jumping off a cliff on a really bad day I wouldn't call it a crutch. More like a safety wire. I don't recall if he said what he was on though.
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Precisely why we prescribe it. Choice of drug is complex, moderat vs severe depression, manic vs non manic episodes, interactions with other drugs taken etc etc. SSRI is standard for moderate depressions, SNRI for severe. So a SSRI like prozac (fluoxetine) is an option, we use sertraline over here mostly, which is good for social anxiety and social phobia as well as moderate depression.

Treatment is never drugs alone, always combined with therapy and doctor supervision along the way.

Hope you get on top eventually, Koushirou Koushirou <3 (oblig. Giggity)
 
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Izo

Izo

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Sanrith Descartes said:
If you are a gun owner and have guns in your home at the moment, based on your posts you should hand them off to someone to hold until you get your head in a better direction. Just my opinion.
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Solid advice. There is an increased risk in the startup phase of drugs. It passes. Get rid of your guns now.
 
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Cutlery

Cutlery

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Sanrith Descartes said:
If you are a gun owner and have guns in your home at the moment, based on your posts you should hand them off to someone to hold until you get your head in a better direction. Just my opinion.
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She doesn't have a gun problem, my man.

It's just socio-economic factors!
 
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Rajaah

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My friend got prescribed "several new antidepressants" a week before she offed herself and by all accounts they contributed to making things worse. I don't know what they were, but it just adds to my antipathy towards those types of medications.

No idea how this works for women, but whoever said hormones could be an issue might be onto something. As someone who is midway between "young and healthy" and "old as shit", I've tested at lower than normal testosterone this year. Got a shot of TRT a couple weeks ago and I've been slowly feeling more and more motivated. This is probably also a reason why I've been focused on this project of fixing up where I live / had the motivation to go back and forth to Home Depot to get that done. I get like 2x as angry as normal, though (which given how little I get angry, still isn't much, but noticeable).

In short, SSRIs bad, antidepressants in general bad, hormone replacement possibly good. All I can do is go off of my own limited experience.

Also get the guns out of the house
 
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Identikit

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Koushirou said:
I still feel like shit. Sure, there's some relief and feels like a weight's been taken off, but I don't really feel any better and I certainly don't feel happy or even content. My goals in life were job, marriage, house and 2/3 of those were failures. I have no goals anymore. I'm never going to get a decent job again. I was a mid software dev at best and any roles I might have been able to fit into previously are just going to get eaten up by AI and street shitters. No point in going back to school. I can't afford it anyway, seeing as I still have $40k in student loans I'm still trying to pay off from my first go. What would I even study? Even if I did go, by the time I finished and went into a new line of work, I'm too old to have the time to ever get good at it. I'm never going to have a relationship worth a shit. I can't even make in person friends; I'm a fucking dead end and a loser and anyone with a brain can see it from a mile away.

What the fuck do I do? I'm well on track to just being a drain on society. I truly can't see any possible future worth living for. I know, I'm a broken fucking record, but sadly I'm too much of a coward to just fucking finish it as I've tried to push myself to and just...can't, so more shitposting here, I guess.
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Realize that your goals can still be achieved if you can find the drive to pursue them.

I am also a pretty mid software developer, and I am pretty sure sudeep is not gonna replace me so maybe consider having some confidence in the same regard.

There is no point to school other than having the ability to fill in and maybe make connections, connections that can just as easily be created in the real world if you are willing. Learning, especially in tems of dev is just ongoing.

dude you can still have a relation with someone, I will concede that as you get older finding the right one will take more time, but it is for sure possible.

Fuck friends. Dont lament friends that you dont have. If you are a good person of moral character, the good people will stick around and the bad people will fuck right off. All of my friends for the most part ceased to exist post highschool. I would argue that you should ensure that you are content with being alone, for some reason in some cosmic way, ensuring your comfort, and mental acceptance of the idea of being alone for some reason makes people gravitate towards you.

last but not least. Stop being a pussy, you are at the point where nothing is worth it, I get it, but consider fighting for some sort of merit or value to attribute to yourself and stop being a fucking quitter why bother type of person. Sometimes one needs to recognize that in order to be successful or efficient they need to try their best to be condusive in a way that allows it. The point being, thinking you are already a failure before you attempt to actually pick shit back up and make sense of things is perpetuating the problems you currently suffer from. I know it sounds sort of faggy, but embrace the concept, or notion of being the phoenix that rises from its former ashes.

anyways, i hope you take this advice well. you dont sound like you are incompetant, or stupid, which means you probably have value, or at the least potential value. Its up to you to determine what that value is.
 
Daidraco

Daidraco

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Rajaah said:
My friend got prescribed "several new antidepressants" a week before she offed herself and by all accounts they contributed to making things worse. I don't know what they were, but it just adds to my antipathy towards those types of medications.

No idea how this works for women, but whoever said hormones could be an issue might be onto something. As someone who is midway between "young and healthy" and "old as shit", I've tested at lower than normal testosterone this year. Got a shot of TRT a couple weeks ago and I've been slowly feeling more and more motivated. This is probably also a reason why I've been focused on this project of fixing up where I live / had the motivation to go back and forth to Home Depot to get that done. I get like 2x as angry as normal, though (which given how little I get angry, still isn't much, but noticeable).

In short, SSRIs bad, antidepressants in general bad, hormone replacement possibly good. All I can do is go off of my own limited experience.

Also get the guns out of the house
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I've been a proponent of TRT for several years now. Changed my life for the better. Definitely got me out of my "funk" as Ive aged and you know me, Raj - Im a bit younger than you. Pharms/Docs are still going to be like "its bad for you" because of the possible heart conditions it may bring and similar. But I lost a ton of weight, and Im much more active now. So in my head, I would have died to heart disease or a stroke much sooner without TRT. The muscle mass you gain just from being active will probably make getting around easier as you age, too. The anger you attribute to it isnt really what you're thinking - its that you actually give a shit about things now. Instead of being some weak willed, apathetic, piece of shit, sulking on the couch.

Anxiety drugs like Buspar or SSRI's in general will fuck up anyones life though. I have yet to see someone take those pills and become a better person. Like you said, getting out and being active - even if its by yourself in the middle of the woods - does something positive to the psyche of a person. I dont quite understand it, but I know that when I spend the entire weekend on the lake (w/o alcohol etc.) that, I feel good for the entire week afterwards. Alcohol makes me feel like shit for 4-5 business days now - so Im kind of done with it.
 
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