Depression

Borzak

Borzak

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moonarchia said:
That's how neuropathy is, too, so I know that feels.
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I have parathesis, parathesia (I get it spelled both ways) in my hands. It's supposed to be real bad nerve pain but to me it's like you dipped your hands in hot wax and it dried. I can take neurontin for it but if I take enough to notice a difference I can't feel my hands well and I drop a lot of stuff. So I do without.

Often referred to as bad itching but I've never had that.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Borzak said:
I have parathesis, parathesia (I get it spelled both ways) in my hands. It's supposed to be real bad nerve pain but to me it's like you dipped your hands in hot wax and it dried. I can take neurontin for it but if I take enough to notice a difference I can't feel my hands well and I drop a lot of stuff. So I do without.

Often referred to as bad itching but I've never had that.
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Neuropathy is the death of the nerves. Starts with burning and itching. Ends up with total loss of sensation and mobility.
 
Phazael

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Koushirou said:
May or may not have been said sometime today or yesterday.

It was a very good two days.
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Congrats on getting the pipes blasted out. Take it one day at a time and see where it goes without being too positive or negative. A good schlonging can do wonders for depression in the short term. Hope things keep going your way over the long haul.
 
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Koushirou

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Well we’re off to a great start this year. My parents come up for the holidays and when they do, they always stay with my brother since he has a suite for them in his downstairs. I went over to my brother’s for Christmas this year since I didn’t have to go to in-laws in NY anymore. Was assumed I’d also go over there for NYE since I’ve got no where else to spend it and figure I’d obviously want to spend it with parents and brother. Was even said during Christmas that we’d see each other again NYE.

Well my parents get up to my brother’s house and tell them I’ll be over soon as well and apparently I wasn’t actually invited and my sister-in-law is pissed that my parents didn’t ask her first if I could come over and how my parents are being disrespectful and forgetting that it’s my sister-in-law’s house and not theirs. She and my dad get into an argument and she kicks them out (mind you they had just driven 8 hours up from TN and again that’s where they stay while they’re here). I get a call from my parents as I’m picking up food to take over to my brother’s to turn around and go home. Parents had to go get a hotel for the night but they came over to my place to watch the ball with me so I didn’t have to be alone. Felt bad since I don’t have any actual streaming services or TV channels so was just trying to find a shitty livestream on YouTube for them.

I was already depressed as fuck today thinking about my job search failure, my lack of income and that I have no one to get a NY’s kiss from anymore, etc. and got to tack on ruining yet another family holiday, and I wasn’t even there this time! Happy New Year.
 
Big Phoenix

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Koushirou said:
Well my parents get up to my brother’s house and tell them I’ll be over soon as well and apparently I wasn’t actually invited and my sister-in-law is pissed that my parents didn’t ask her first if I could come over and how my parents are being disrespectful and forgetting that it’s my sister-in-law’s house and not theirs. She and my dad get into an argument and she kicks them out (mind you they had just driven 8 hours up from TN and again that’s where they stay while they’re here). I get a call from my parents as I’m picking up food to take over to my brother’s to turn around and go home. Parents had to go get a hotel for the night but they came over to my place to watch the ball with me so I didn’t have to be alone. Felt bad since I don’t have any actual streaming services or TV channels so was just trying to find a shitty livestream on YouTube for them.
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You arent the only who deals with this. I havent spoken with my sister for going on close to a year now and I work with her. My brother went over to her house tonight for new years but of course I wasnt invited.

Its sad when I stop and think about it but what are you going to do?
 
moonarchia

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Koushirou said:
Well we’re off to a great start this year. My parents come up for the holidays and when they do, they always stay with my brother since he has a suite for them in his downstairs. I went over to my brother’s for Christmas this year since I didn’t have to go to in-laws in NY anymore. Was assumed I’d also go over there for NYE since I’ve got no where else to spend it and figure I’d obviously want to spend it with parents and brother. Was even said during Christmas that we’d see each other again NYE.

Well my parents get up to my brother’s house and tell them I’ll be over soon as well and apparently I wasn’t actually invited and my sister-in-law is pissed that my parents didn’t ask her first if I could come over and how my parents are being disrespectful and forgetting that it’s my sister-in-law’s house and not theirs. She and my dad get into an argument and she kicks them out (mind you they had just driven 8 hours up from TN and again that’s where they stay while they’re here). I get a call from my parents as I’m picking up food to take over to my brother’s to turn around and go home. Parents had to go get a hotel for the night but they came over to my place to watch the ball with me so I didn’t have to be alone. Felt bad since I don’t have any actual streaming services or TV channels so was just trying to find a shitty livestream on YouTube for them.

I was already depressed as fuck today thinking about my job search failure, my lack of income and that I have no one to get a NY’s kiss from anymore, etc. and got to tack on ruining yet another family holiday, and I wasn’t even there this time! Happy New Year.
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Uhhh, what the what now? Your brother sounds like he has some splainin to do.
 
Koushirou

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It's just fucking bizarre. It's not like I'm on bad terms with them or anything. And sounds like the sister-in-law was just having a bitchy day or something. Just feels extra shitty when I've already felt unwanted by family most of the year, even talked about how shitty it was going to feel to be alone on NYE and then just find out I was going to be the only member of my immediate family not invited to just watch the ball drop. Not like I was expecting some grand party or dinner, etc. Shit, I was bringing food over to help out so I didn't just show up empty handed. Brother apparently called my parents afterwards to apologize, but I got nothing from him.
 
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Arbitrary

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Koushirou said:
Well we’re off to a great start this year. My parents come up for the holidays and when they do, they always stay with my brother since he has a suite for them in his downstairs. I went over to my brother’s for Christmas this year since I didn’t have to go to in-laws in NY anymore. Was assumed I’d also go over there for NYE since I’ve got no where else to spend it and figure I’d obviously want to spend it with parents and brother. Was even said during Christmas that we’d see each other again NYE.

Well my parents get up to my brother’s house and tell them I’ll be over soon as well and apparently I wasn’t actually invited and my sister-in-law is pissed that my parents didn’t ask her first if I could come over and how my parents are being disrespectful and forgetting that it’s my sister-in-law’s house and not theirs. She and my dad get into an argument and she kicks them out (mind you they had just driven 8 hours up from TN and again that’s where they stay while they’re here). I get a call from my parents as I’m picking up food to take over to my brother’s to turn around and go home. Parents had to go get a hotel for the night but they came over to my place to watch the ball with me so I didn’t have to be alone. Felt bad since I don’t have any actual streaming services or TV channels so was just trying to find a shitty livestream on YouTube for them.

I was already depressed as fuck today thinking about my job search failure, my lack of income and that I have no one to get a NY’s kiss from anymore, etc. and got to tack on ruining yet another family holiday, and I wasn’t even there this time! Happy New Year.
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The last Christmas I spent with my grandmother began with one of my aunts showing up before everyone else and getting in to a fight with her. Grandma was never all that nice of a person and Alzheimers was deleting whatever filter she had left. This aunt had made a mess of things several times before by being a stubborn cunt and here we were again. Each year for Christmas my mother would cook all the food, bring it all over, set everything up, decorate, etc. for the extended family. Kids, grandkids, great grand kids, etc would all show up over the course of the day to say hi before heading off. We get there and granny is starting at an 11/10 on the crazy mean scale. She accused my mother in front of everyone of trying to poison her. The night before my mother cooked one of her favorite meals and brought it over for her. Everything was cool. The next day we were trying to kill her for her money. Everything grandma said or did had a jagged edge to it for the next six or seven hours. Other equally insane accusations were made. It was bad.

I told that little story so when I tell you this you can believe I've been in a bad place during the holidays before - don't go carrying around a bunch of guilt over what happened. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. You got through it, you did what you could, it's over, set that suitcase full of bricks down. Don't you fucking carry any of that bullshit around for your sister in law or brother or anyone else.
 
Borzak

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I tried amitriptyline in the past and could not take it all. Drs. are big on it and others that are anti depressent and help with nerve pain. So I decided to try it again. It's much different this time, no idea why. I hope after taking it for a while the sleeping 20 hours a day go away. Doctor says it should so we shall see. But for the 4 hours I'm up every day (literally) I feel a little better.

I have an envelope from my sister for Christmas and my upcoming birthday. I'm sure that mood will change. Nothing against my sister but she works as an accountant for lack of a better term running part of a small business. It's in her blood. She sets an amount she wants to speed for each person, which is fine. But if she is short when she buys something she will stop at a 7-11 on the way over and make up the difference. Odd but she always does it and I don't complain but I'm the only one that notices it. When I was younger (she's 7 years older) and we had Cristmas together someone would say "what is this" and she would answer "it fit my budget".

Not a biggy but guessing cash since mom said my sister wrote a check to cover everyone and she would have to divide it up lol. It's probably something and 89 cents.
 
Cad

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Koushirou said:
Well we’re off to a great start this year. My parents come up for the holidays and when they do, they always stay with my brother since he has a suite for them in his downstairs. I went over to my brother’s for Christmas this year since I didn’t have to go to in-laws in NY anymore. Was assumed I’d also go over there for NYE since I’ve got no where else to spend it and figure I’d obviously want to spend it with parents and brother. Was even said during Christmas that we’d see each other again NYE.

Well my parents get up to my brother’s house and tell them I’ll be over soon as well and apparently I wasn’t actually invited and my sister-in-law is pissed that my parents didn’t ask her first if I could come over and how my parents are being disrespectful and forgetting that it’s my sister-in-law’s house and not theirs. She and my dad get into an argument and she kicks them out (mind you they had just driven 8 hours up from TN and again that’s where they stay while they’re here). I get a call from my parents as I’m picking up food to take over to my brother’s to turn around and go home. Parents had to go get a hotel for the night but they came over to my place to watch the ball with me so I didn’t have to be alone. Felt bad since I don’t have any actual streaming services or TV channels so was just trying to find a shitty livestream on YouTube for them.

I was already depressed as fuck today thinking about my job search failure, my lack of income and that I have no one to get a NY’s kiss from anymore, etc. and got to tack on ruining yet another family holiday, and I wasn’t even there this time! Happy New Year.
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Agree with Gavin, you didn't do anything wrong here, and if you're not on bad terms or have any issue with the sister in law then she's probably not even mad at you or excluding you specifically, she just picked this to kick off the argument she wanted to have.

Sounds like you salvaged the night and spent it with your parents anyway which is great. This is the kind of thing where you're choosing to see it as a negative, but you didn't do anything wrong, you still had a good night with your parents, look at the upside.
 
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Haus

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Koushirou said:
It's just fucking bizarre. It's not like I'm on bad terms with them or anything. And sounds like the sister-in-law was just having a bitchy day or something. Just feels extra shitty when I've already felt unwanted by family most of the year, even talked about how shitty it was going to feel to be alone on NYE and then just find out I was going to be the only member of my immediate family not invited to just watch the ball drop. Not like I was expecting some grand party or dinner, etc. Shit, I was bringing food over to help out so I didn't just show up empty handed. Brother apparently called my parents afterwards to apologize, but I got nothing from him.
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Gonna go out on a limb here with my personal analysis....

Your brother is a pussy whipped cuck with no, what we call here in Texas, "Scene Control". Sorry you had to deal with the brunt of that. Hopefully he'll realize the situation and sack up and get some things rectified.

For my chip in on this thread; both my wife and I have been managing , in our own ways, through what happens every holiday season. We're childless (not for lack of over 15 years of trying). And it's the big hole we both have in our lives we can't properly fill. Normally we host X-mas here at our house, and this year we didn't. So her brother hosted at his place. He has a great wife, and she has a big family too. Between them they have 5 kids (three his, two hers, all now 17+ years old), and two grandkids (one that's 5 now, and one that turned 1 yesterday). She handles things by just not being big on kid engagement, focused on being around her parents, her other brother, and the adults. My problem is I love kids. Their 5 year old granddaughter and I get along and she wanted to show me things she'd made. The infant though my beard was just the most fascinating thing in the world I so played with her a while. Watched my brother in law having an absolute glowing time being "papa" and carrying the baby around. And I thoroughly enjoy spending all the time around them.

Then I get away from there and it's like coming off a heroin binge. I realize I'll never get a father's day card, I'll never teach my kid how to work on cars like my grandfather did for me, I'll never walk a daughter down the aisle, Or share a first beer with my son. When my wife and I are old we'll have nobody to care or look after us other than each other. And it's a hollowing pain, my throats tightening up just typing about it now. This fucking sucks, and it's just a cycle I know I will go through every time I'm around a lot of family. Makes me almost happy in some ways that all the parts of my family where there are kids (my nephews both have packs of kids) are in other states. When I was younger, I used to have dreams where I had kids... Since we realized the finality of our fertility failures even those have vanished.

And I can't imagine wanting to take anti-depressants, as I don't see how drugging past it would make things better. And the closest I have to compensating for it is the stupid degree to which I over-treat our pets like they were our kids....
 
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moonarchia

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Haus said:
Gonna go out on a limb here with my personal analysis....

Your brother is a pussy whipped cuck with no, what we call here in Texas, "Scene Control". Sorry you had to deal with the brunt of that. Hopefully he'll realize the situation and sack up and get some things rectified.

For my chip in on this thread; both my wife and I have been managing , in our own ways, through what happens every holiday season. We're childless (not for lack of over 15 years of trying). And it's the big hole we both have in our lives we can't properly fill. Normally we host X-mas here at our house, and this year we didn't. So her brother hosted at his place. He has a great wife, and she has a big family too. Between them they have 5 kids (three his, two hers, all now 17+ years old), and two grandkids (one that's 5 now, and one that turned 1 yesterday). She handles things by just not being big on kid engagement, focused on being around her parents, her other brother, and the adults. My problem is I love kids. Their 5 year old granddaughter and I get along and she wanted to show me things she'd made. The infant though my beard was just the most fascinating thing in the world I so played with her a while. Watched my brother in law having an absolute glowing time being "papa" and carrying the baby around. And I thoroughly enjoy spending all the time around them.

Then I get away from there and it's like coming off a heroin binge. I realize I'll never get a father's day card, I'll never teach my kid how to work on cars like my grandfather did for me, I'll never walk a daughter down the aisle, Or share a first beer with my son. When my wife and I are old we'll have nobody to care or look after us other than each other. And it's a hollowing pain, my throats tightening up just typing about it now. This fucking sucks, and it's just a cycle I know I will go through every time I'm around a lot of family. Makes me almost happy in some ways that all the parts of my family where there are kids (my nephews both have packs of kids) are in other states. When I was younger, I used to have dreams where I had kids... Since we realized the finality of our fertility failures even those have vanished.

And I can't imagine wanting to take anti-depressants, as I don't see how drugging past it would make things better. And the closest I have to compensating for it is the stupid degree to which I over-treat our pets like they were our kids....
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Are you both young enough to adopt? If not, you can always foster or get involved with something like the Big Brother program. Senior communities also have a lot of group activities as well. Or you can move closer to family.
 
Haus

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moonarchia said:
Are you both young enough to adopt? If not, you can always foster or get involved with something like the Big Brother program. Senior communities also have a lot of group activities as well. Or you can move closer to family.
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We're both close to some family. I don't have a ton outside Dallas (one Nephew in TN, one in Louisiana).
The amount of time we spent fighting the fertility fight, then the subsequent medical nightmares it put my wife through (do NOT underestimate the hormonal wringer multiple rounds of IVF will do to a woman), left us at a point where when I talked to adoption agencies they made it clear we'd probably only ever be able to adopt either a kid with extreme disabilities, or one who was a teenager who had been chewed up and spit out by the system.
I've thought about Big Brother, and in Dallas there's a thing called CASA, which is serving as an adult advocate for children in the system who don't have parents. But for me it's a huge core chunk of what I was raised to believe being an adult and a man was, raising a family, and I just won't get to do that.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Haus said:
We're both close to some family. I don't have a ton outside Dallas (one Nephew in TN, one in Louisiana).
The amount of time we spent fighting the fertility fight, then the subsequent medical nightmares it put my wife through (do NOT underestimate the hormonal wringer multiple rounds of IVF will do to a woman), left us at a point where when I talked to adoption agencies they made it clear we'd probably only ever be able to adopt either a kid with extreme disabilities, or one who was a teenager who had been chewed up and spit out by the system.
I've thought about Big Brother, and in Dallas there's a thing called CASA, which is serving as an adult advocate for children in the system who don't have parents. But for me it's a huge core chunk of what I was raised to believe being an adult and a man was, raising a family, and I just won't get to do that.
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Take a look at fostering. Lots of kids of all ages need the help, and you might be able to adopt as well. There's always options, and families aren't limited to blood.
 
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Borzak

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I give it another day or I'm going to have to get off the amitriptyline. It is working I guess. I j ust sit here not thinking of anything. Of course that's when I am awake. 5 days and still in the sleep all night and all day mode. I don't get stuck thinking about the future with MAS as it is picking up speed.

The doctors at the Mayo have been a big help in a doctor/engineer type way. They often would say you are doing very good for having multiple auto immune diseases for this long and then get off on how bad a lot of other people are. That part is not all that helpful.
 
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