Generalized family drama

moonarchia

moonarchia

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Goatface said:
just don't be that guy that is 70 living in a dorm :D
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Fuck you, man! Dorm life is sweet as hell. As long as you have a room to yourself anyways.

Edit: Holy fucking shit I just realized time is a flat circle. Last time I was living in the dorms was when the Centennial school thing went down. I was playing EQ like a pro. And right now I am playing EQ like a n00b.
 
Ossoi

Ossoi

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Ossoi said:
I don't speak to my dad or sister and would no contact my mother if she was still alive.

Family or not, toxic relationships and people are still toxic
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Found out earlier via my stepdad that my dad was found dead in his bed. Sister got him to tell me because I don't want any contact with her

Phoned my half sister, first time I've spoke to her since she was a kid. She's 34 now I think, I don't even know

Was worried I'd have to arrange his funeral etc, even though he was never around for me as a kid. And because he fucked up our relationship as adults massively twice.

Apparently his brother is back from China or wherever the hell he went traveling to in the 80s. So I guess him and my half sister will do it

Not even sure I want to go to funeral for a guy I barely knew and who made no attempt to apologise (which was really all I was waiting for maybe)

I got some texts off an unknown number a few months ago, offering me football tickets, I assumed it was him so I ignored it. Same number then sent me photos at Glastonbury (like Coachella) also ignored it.

Also don't want to go funeral to see a load of people I don't know and havent seen since I was a child, family or not. Also don't want to see my full sister who I've not spoken to for 15 years

It was weird timing though. Just last month I messaged an old university tutor about the archive of BBC tapes he was managing. These were "YouTube before YouTube" - random people around the uk shooting very short segments as a large scale documentary series. My dad had contributed to these, so I asked the tutor what he was doing with them

Also found my dad's YouTube channel, he came across as an embarrassment. Auditioning for Britain's got talent with shitty stand-up, getting into fights with neighbours etc

I honestly think he was always chasing some big short cut to money. I remember him trying to latch onto some asbestos lawsuit when I was younger.

He was also featured in a newspaper article which made me think he was living out of a campervan. My half sister says he lived in a house, no idea how much it was worth but any inheritance will be more than what he contributed to my upbringing (allegedly according to my mother but she wasn't exactly mentally stable)

My half sister said he was probably dead a while before anyone checked on him, and lived a lonely life because she'd moved to London. I dunno, the signal kept breaking up so we didn't speak that long
 
Lanx

Lanx

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Ossoi said:
Found out earlier via my stepdad that my dad was found dead in his bed. Sister got him to tell me because I don't want any contact with her

Phoned my half sister, first time I've spoke to her since she was a kid. She's 34 now I think, I don't even know

Was worried I'd have to arrange his funeral etc, even though he was never around for me as a kid. And because he fucked up our relationship as adults massively twice.

Apparently his brother is back from China or wherever the hell he went traveling to in the 80s. So I guess him and my half sister will do it

Not even sure I want to go to funeral for a guy I barely knew and who made no attempt to apologise (which was really all I was waiting for maybe)

I got some texts off an unknown number a few months ago, offering me football tickets, I assumed it was him so I ignored it. Same number then sent me photos at Glastonbury (like Coachella) also ignored it.

Also don't want to go funeral to see a load of people I don't know and havent seen since I was a child, family or not. Also don't want to see my full sister who I've not spoken to for 15 years

It was weird timing though. Just last month I messaged an old university tutor about the archive of BBC tapes he was managing. These were "YouTube before YouTube" - random people around the uk shooting very short segments as a large scale documentary series. My dad had contributed to these, so I asked the tutor what he was doing with them

Also found my dad's YouTube channel, he came across as an embarrassment. Auditioning for Britain's got talent with shitty stand-up, getting into fights with neighbours etc

I honestly think he was always chasing some big short cut to money. I remember him trying to latch onto some asbestos lawsuit when I was younger.

He was also featured in a newspaper article which made me think he was living out of a campervan. My half sister says he lived in a house, no idea how much it was worth but any inheritance will be more than what he contributed to my upbringing (allegedly according to my mother but she wasn't exactly mentally stable)

My half sister said he was probably dead a while before anyone checked on him, and lived a lonely life because she'd moved to London. I dunno, the signal kept breaking up so we didn't speak that long
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is it gonna be a chinese funeral? depending on how chinese you are, you kinda have to be there as the eldest male, unless you don't care about him losing all face.
 
Ossoi

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Lanx said:
is it gonna be a chinese funeral?
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I doubt it. Although tbh I have no idea. Yes, my father was born in and grew up in Liverpool Chinatown, but apparently his mother was like half Chinese, or 3/4 (I have no idea, he wasn't in my life much so I am only going on what I heard as a kid, and even some of those details passed down via my mother turned out not to be the whole story) - so he wasn't considered full Chinese and accepted by the rest of the community. He didn't speak Chinese.

My grandfather was one of the Chinese seamen who worked in British merchant navy during WW2, was a POW twice, had a wife and daughter in Liverpool. Then him and a load of other Chinese seamen got deported back to China/Hong Kong after WW2, leaving behind their families. Fortunately for me, somehow he made it back under a different name. He wanted to be buried under his own name, so had a Chinese gravestone made long before he died. My father was born a few years after my grandfather made it back

Even if it is a Chinese funeral - if I didn't have any contact with him, don't want to help arrange the funeral etc. Why would I care about him losing face now that he's dead? How much face do you think he lost by me cutting contact with him for the last 15 years of his life?
 
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Lanx

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Ossoi said:
I doubt it. Although tbh I have no idea. Yes, my father was born in and grew up in Liverpool Chinatown, but apparently his mother was like half Chinese, or 3/4 (I have no idea, he wasn't in my life much so I am only going on what I heard as a kid, and even some of those details passed down via my mother turned out not to be the whole story) - so he wasn't considered full Chinese and accepted by the rest of the community. He didn't speak Chinese.

My grandfather was one of the Chinese seamen who worked in British merchant navy during WW2, was a POW twice, had a wife and daughter in Liverpool. Then him and a load of other Chinese seamen got deported back to China/Hong Kong after WW2, leaving behind their families. Fortunately for me, somehow he made it back under a different name. He wanted to be buried under his own name, so had a Chinese gravestone made long before he died. My father was born a few years after my grandfather made it back

Even if it is a Chinese funeral - if I didn't have any contact with him, don't want to help arrange the funeral etc. Why would I care about him losing face now that he's dead? How much face do you think he lost by me cutting contact with him for the last 15 years of his life?
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youre his son, he can't lose any amount of face w/ you

if you don't care, then treat this as an annoying high school reunion and throw the flyer in the trash and don't give it a single thought
 
BrutulTM

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Holding grudges for 15 years is worse than any family drama. Let that shit go.
 
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Ossoi

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BrutulTM said:
Holding grudges for 15 years is worse than any family drama. Let that shit go.
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funny you say that because I just came here to write this up

I've been speaking to my half sister who I haven't seen since she was a child and had no contact with. She added me on FB twice after my mother died in 07 and after I had fallen out with my father. I rejected it twice because I was so angry at him I didn't want him looking at her FB or asking "what's Ossoi Ossoi upto"

Anyway, we've been whatsapping back and forth for 2 hours about my dad and my sister. Her experiences with both of them mirror my own EXACTLY. She also cut my sister off for being a constant source of drama. Said my sister is a narcissist. I explained that I saw too much of my mother in my sister (narcissism). Sadly, half sister says she has inherited some more of my mothers traits like hyperchondria and munchausens by proxy - always saying her daughter is sick etc. Apparently my sister has homeschooled her kid, the dad isn't in the kids life at all. Just a complete basket case.

We have both cut her off despite having a niece because we don't want to form an emotional bond with the kid that keeps us having to deal with our sisters nonsense.

As for our father, she also fell out with him but didn't go no contact. Again - I'm telling her "this is what happened" and she is saying EXACTLY that is typical of him.

So actually, I don't feel any guilt at all about my decisions over the last 15 years.


Edit: my dad had the same username for his tripadvisor and ebay account lol. I knew he had a "Trump NOPE" t-shirt in the style of Obama Hope. But in one of his tripadvisor pics he's wearing a Lincoln Project shirt. I knew he was left leaning, but how the fuck a Chinese dude from Liverpool has even heard of Lincoln Project let alone acquires their merch is beyond me
 
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Lanx

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Ossoi said:
Edit: my dad had the same username for his tripadvisor and ebay account lol. I knew he had a "Trump NOPE" t-shirt in the style of Obama Hope. But in one of his tripadvisor pics he's wearing a Lincoln Project shirt. I knew he was left leaning, but how the fuck a Chinese dude from Liverpool has even heard of Lincoln Project let alone acquires their merch is beyond me
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oh fuck that faggot, he deserves no face
 
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Ossoi

Ossoi

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Lanx said:
oh fuck that faggot, he deserves no face
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yeah, it would be funny to debate politics with him. One of his reviews is him complaining about "wokism" for getting "cancelled" because he got banned after leaving a negative review of a restaurants chips lol.

Also, his brother got deported from China for selling counterfeit stuff, lol
 
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Cukernaut

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Updates:

Moms side of family:
sister going to jail for being a shithead. Her daughter is now living with my mom.

Grandma died - she never saw me again because she had dementia and was a covid recluse. Didn’t meet my kids.

dads side of family:
Ongoing misc conflict with dad, he’s struggling to get himself back into the workforce after retiring early. I tried to help him and ran into all the things about him that have always pissed me off now I deal with him at much of a distance as possible.

my half brother sister and stepmother live in town but I see them twice a year so they aren’t really in my life. I hope they aren’t livin too shitty of lives - I’ve never been close to any of them as I already had left the house when the second family came around.

nobidy really spends enough time with my kids other than us. I don’t like the grandparents wjth second families concept

I’m putting more distance between my self and them and setting boundaries so their stupidity doesn’t affect me as much. kind of taking a “live your own life” approach to everyone outside of my wife and kids. Looking forward to continuing to progress that concept. My feelings are invisible as it relates to my kids- whenever anyone wants to come around they are welcome to and the kids appreciate it I think.
 
moonarchia

moonarchia

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Cukernaut said:
Updates:

Moms side of family:
sister going to jail for being a shithead. Her daughter is now living with my mom.

Grandma died - she never saw me again because she had dementia and was a covid recluse. Didn’t meet my kids.

dads side of family:
Ongoing misc conflict with dad, he’s struggling to get himself back into the workforce after retiring early. I tried to help him and ran into all the things about him that have always pissed me off now I deal with him at much of a distance as possible.

my half brother sister and stepmother live in town but I see them twice a year so they aren’t really in my life. I hope they aren’t livin too shitty of lives - I’ve never been close to any of them as I already had left the house when the second family came around.

nobidy really spends enough time with my kids other than us. I don’t like the grandparents wjth second families concept

I’m putting more distance between my self and them and setting boundaries so their stupidity doesn’t affect me as much. kind of taking a “live your own life” approach to everyone outside of my wife and kids. Looking forward to continuing to progress that concept. My feelings are invisible as it relates to my kids- whenever anyone wants to come around they are welcome to and the kids appreciate it I think.
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Have you talked to your mom/sister about taking your niece in?
 
Cukernaut

Cukernaut

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moonarchia said:
Have you talked to your mom/sister about taking your niece in?
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thats the saddest part. My sister has bpd and thinks it’s our fault she’s going to jail and that people are targeting her. She’s making criminal accusation claims against people whom she suspects to be “taking her daughter” - all kinds of heinous stuff I don’t even want to list.

for reference she’s going to jail for dui and substance abuse issues that ultimately ended up in child endangerment charges for like a month.

for now I have to keep my distance to protect my family. Having someone with mental illness zeroing in and targeting you and your family can be really bad

she is not treating my mom well over all of this even though it was a dcs ordered (known as child protective services) in some states
 
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moonarchia

moonarchia

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Cukernaut said:
thats the saddest part. My sister has bpd and thinks it’s our fault she’s going to jail and that people are targeting her. She’s making criminal accusation claims against people whom she suspects to be “taking her daughter” - all kinds of heinous stuff I don’t even want to list.

for reference she’s going to jail for dui and substance abuse issues that ultimately ended up in child endangerment charges for like a month.

for now I have to keep my distance to protect my family. Having someone with mental illness zeroing in and targeting you and your family can be really bad

she is not treating my mom well over all of this even though it was a dcs ordered (known as child protective services) in some states
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Oh good, druggies are such wonderful people. How long is she going in for? Once she is locked up you could help your mom out, probably.
 
Fucker

Fucker

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Cukernaut said:
Updates:

Moms side of family:
sister going to jail for being a shithead. Her daughter is now living with my mom.

Grandma died - she never saw me again because she had dementia and was a covid recluse. Didn’t meet my kids.

dads side of family:
Ongoing misc conflict with dad, he’s struggling to get himself back into the workforce after retiring early. I tried to help him and ran into all the things about him that have always pissed me off now I deal with him at much of a distance as possible.

my half brother sister and stepmother live in town but I see them twice a year so they aren’t really in my life. I hope they aren’t livin too shitty of lives - I’ve never been close to any of them as I already had left the house when the second family came around.

nobidy really spends enough time with my kids other than us. I don’t like the grandparents wjth second families concept

I’m putting more distance between my self and them and setting boundaries so their stupidity doesn’t affect me as much. kind of taking a “live your own life” approach to everyone outside of my wife and kids. Looking forward to continuing to progress that concept. My feelings are invisible as it relates to my kids- whenever anyone wants to come around they are welcome to and the kids appreciate it I think.
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My policy is simple. Anyone who doesn't have their shit together can stay the fuck away. It has given me such peace.
 
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Big Phoenix

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I have the pleasure of working with my sister.

My sister is fairly out going, loves to run her mouth about everything. Because of this shes said things to coworkers about my life, things that are generally unflattering and might make me seem weird/odd to them. I know this because ive had coworkers mention to me in the past things shes said about me.

So the other day I told her very calmly to not talk to our coworkers about my personal life, didnt yell at her didnt belittle her just nothing more than "hey dont talk about my personal life at work". What does she turn around and do? Tell our coworkers that I told her to not talk about me personally. I know because as I walking down a hallway one of them told me kind somewhat jokingly I need to be more nice to my sister, referring to what I told my sister.

Shortly after that Im doing something in a room nearby where my sister is working. As Im about to leave a female coworker, one who I think is attractive and asked for her number a while back comes up and mentions something about my dating life. I was a bit taken back so I just said uhh what? But then my sister and another female coworker walk up beside the first and begin talking about my dating life and how my sister was just joking and didnt really mean what she said about me.

Its at this point im genuinely speechless. The only thing I could think to say would be verbally ripping her head off as loud as I can. I dont do that though, as theres other coworkers in the general vicinity as well as a bunch of clients. So I just stand there for a minute with an ever more wtf look on my face. Eventually I say I need to talk to my sister privately. At first they think im joking, but I reiterate a bit more loudly then the coworkers finally go oh and leave.

Sister comes into the room and I immediately ask her what the fuck shes thinking telling them such things. Its completely innapproriate not just from a coworker standpoint, but a shitty thing to do as a sibling. Her only response is she was just joking,they all know she was joking as well so its no big deal. She gives me a really half assed apology saying she wont talk about me personally anymore and walks out the room.

The fundamental problem though, is that while she may tell our coworkers shes "joking" or act like shes teasing me, the things she said about me specifically my dating life are things she truly believes about me. Jist of it being the reason why Im single is because Im stingy and dont know how to treat a woman right. She honestly thinks Im undateable because I say a first date is going out and having a drink. To her(a meme stereotype, the paradigm of modern western woman) thats an insult, men arent worthy of dating unless they take the woman out to a good sit down restaurant meal for a first date. Shes literally told me word for word women have the pussy so theyre worth that level of treatment. This is something shes repeated to me for years now often times in a very condencending manner combined with an aura of smug superiority because shes married so in her eyes that means shes successful, even though her marriage is a dumpster fire.

May sound cliche but its midly depressing to know my own flesh and blood thinks so little of me. It was already bad enough shes told me im undateable and puts her gender before her brother, but to now see her telling coworkers the samething under the guise "its just a joke" is just infuriating. And its not like ive ever been a bad brother to her, ive always been there for her when shes needed help in her life, ive never talked bad about her to other people in our lives. And this is the end result?

iu
 
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moonarchia

moonarchia

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Sometimes family just knows the best spots to stick the knife in. I would look for a way to not work with her and go low/no contact for a while if that's an option.
 
Lanx

Lanx

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moonarchia said:
Sometimes family just knows the best spots to stick the knife in. I would look for a way to not work with her and go low/no contact for a while if that's an option.
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yea that sounds good, i've read enough family drama that it seems like she's even "waiting" for Big Phoenix Big Phoenix to blow up at her at work, so she can then spin that into more sympathy/attention onto herself.
 
Big Phoenix

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Lanx said:
yea that sounds good, i've read enough family drama that it seems like she's even "waiting" for Big Phoenix Big Phoenix Big Phoenix Big Phoenix to blow up at her at work, so she can then spin that into more sympathy/attention onto herself.
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Its almost certainly because shes jealous of me and my life. Shes made some pretty stupid choices in her life, mainly regarding men and now is severely paying for it. In contrast to me who lives an utterly stress free life that doesnt really have any problems in it. And its not just about my dating life, shes always made snarky comments about me being jewish because of my spending habits.
Gavinmad said:
And this is where you fucked up.
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It certainly would have felt good to lay into her.
 
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