Girls who broke your heart thread

Nice comeback, but no tits of the ex-girlfriend as icing on the cake? Or of any of the chicks?

It could have pushed your story over into "epic" territory, Jimmy.

Vvoid said:

(I"m assuming they are together?? Or did they just bang and that"s it?

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They just banged... I mean they probably would have kept doing it if I hadn"t found out... but after I talked with them I know they stopped. In fact my friend (the one that was my best friend...) completely stopped seeing her since I confronted them except for once where he even told me about it. He felt really guilty about the whole thing and knew that what he had done was wretched.. so he has been good at trying to restore our friendship

Vvoid said:

just getting another girl will make you forget all about her and not give a shit who or what she is thinking or fucking. And that"s the end result you need, bottom line. Don"t care one bit about her, because you aren"t friends no matter how much you thought you used to be.

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I"m in the process of trying. I just don"t like to have a girlfriend just for the sake of having one... I"m one of those that is really careful who he hooks up with (which is why this whole situation completely threw me off, because I was almost sure she was going to be great... but wasn"t), but yeah, I"m looking around. The last girlfriend I had cheated on me after 2 1/2 of what I thought was an almost perfect relationship, so I just try to be a bit careful (but no worries, I"m not a complete recluse that doesn"t trust anyone... I just take things a little slower)

I endorse any alternative to talking to her pretty much, although removing her from Facebook would have a significantly bigger impact if you were banging the bejesus out of someone else when you did it. And by then you won"t care anyway.

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If I feel the slightest hint of a lie when I talk to her on thursday... not only am I gonna erase her from facebook, but I might just go as far as telling all of our mutual friends on why her and I never worked out

If girls are cheating on you and treating you like shit, stop being so nice. Seriously.

I honestly think there"s a thing as being "too nice." It"s a turn off eventually. I"m not saying be an asshole. But if you put yourself way too out there, bleeding heart on the sleeve style, it"s going to get old and fast. And when those feelings fade, it"s going to be damn hard for them to break up with you or at least explain their feelings because you"ve been so overly nice to them. If they"re cowards, they"ll cheat on you instead.

Basically my advice is, be more upfront and truthful and communicate what you"re feeling... don"t take shit that you don"t deserve. Stand up for yourself and demand respect.

Your friends disrespected you, and, while I don"t know you or them, I wouldn"t be surprised if they did what they did because in the back of their mind they knew you were so nice you"d forgive them/get over it.

Also find better girls.

I think I used to be in the same boat, and going through a relationship or two I"ve learned a bit. Anyways, that"s just my advice, others may disagree.

I gotta play devil"s advocate here.

You were emotionally open with each other, but clearly not in an official relationship. It"s unclear if you even established sexual interest. Hand-holding isn"t necessarily a sign, nor is making out. Normally kissing is, but if its of the occasional "I feel so close with you" type kissing, it can fall under friend territory.

You gave her time while being "there" for her, which is the nice guy thing to do I guess, but you also invite hurt. You are saying "I know you haven"t chosen me [yet], but I have chosen you and I will wait."By waiting around, you voluntarily accept the possibility ofnotbeing chosen, and what logically follows is her choosing someone else.

Her fucking another guy isn"t itself a wrong act. Her fucking your friend: well that"s pretty questionable, and your friend fucking a girl when he knows your are partially/maybe involved with: that"s pretty shitty. BUT, there is a world of difference between simply fucking a girl your friend likes, and cheating. One could say that you had the chance to take her (or get rejected) and you passed on it, so your friend has every right to take it for himself. NOW before people go all apeshit, I don"t necessarily believe that, but it could be argued and I"m tryin to provide a counter point to all the "OMG THEY ARE BOTH HORRIBLE" sentiment.

I was out one night last year and ended up just me and a bunch of female friends. This one girl had talked about this guy she went out a couple times and liked, but he stopped calling (obviously he decided he wasn"t interested). All the girls went apeshit "I can"t believe he hasn"t called you, what an asshole!" I jumped in and simply put: if he isn"t interested, why is he an asshole if he doesn"t call? Would it be better to call and say "look, I"m not gonna call you again because I didn"t like you?" Of course not. The "victim" gave me the evil eye, her 2 dumbest supporters did as well, and the one smart girl had an "ahhhh!" moment. The hate here kinda reminds me of that (though not retarded, just imo a little one-sided). Think about if you were involved with a girl and had some great sex with her but were unsure about a relationship (the man version of "lets just be friends"), then her friend comes along and you have perfect relationship chemistry. Are you a fuckhead for going for the new girl? The right answer certainly isn"t 100% clear.

Take it as a lesson, not that your friends are shitheads, but that you should take control and go after what you want. It"s better to try and get rejected and move on than to sit around wondering for months and months, getting ever more emotionally attached, and risk getting rejected then. People are afraid to make a move because possibility and hope are good feelings, and if you get rejected you lose those feelings. But possibility and hope are only teasers and you will be fucked if you cling to them.

For your friend, I"d suggest having perspective and saying "I can"t complain too much because I failed to go after her when I should have, BUT you also should have kept away knowing how our relationship was. Now make it up to me and fuck her again and video tape it." For the girl, I wouldn"t talk to her anymore simply because she"s just gonna cause you distress because of your history and how you got chosen as #2 or not chosen at all.

Jimmy Carter wuwu said:

Along awaited update on the nurse story. She finally texted me back after all this time 2 weeks ago. Basically, I took her out to sushi and fucked her brains out. She laughed about my cock blocking ex.....
After this a old flame texted me the next day, and well I took her out to applebees, and fucked her as well.
Then the cock blocking ex who fucked over nurse girl for me texted me that exact night and wanted to hang out. So I said why not, she came over and we talked and after awhile she was on top of me wanting it real bad, so I basically undressed her and started getting her all hot and bothered, and I got the idea to tell the ex to hold on and picked up my phone and scheduled a date with nurse girl while she was on top of me.
After I set it up, I asked her to get up and leave my place.

The look on the ex"s face was so fucking priceless. I still have a huge grin on my face for completing this mission.

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holy fuck, dude. awesome. wonder what took her so long to finally respond?

Jimmy Carter wuwu said:

Along awaited update on the nurse story. She finally texted me back after all this time 2 weeks ago. Basically, I took her out to sushi and fucked her brains out. She laughed about my cock blocking ex.....
After this a old flame texted me the next day, and well I took her out to applebees, and fucked her as well.
Then the cock blocking ex who fucked over nurse girl for me texted me that exact night and wanted to hang out. So I said why not, she came over and we talked and after awhile she was on top of me wanting it real bad, so I basically undressed her and started getting her all hot and bothered, and I got the idea to tell the ex to hold on and picked up my phone and scheduled a date with nurse girl while she was on top of me.
After I set it up, I asked her to get up and leave my place.

The look on the ex"s face was so fucking priceless. I still have a huge grin on my face for completing this mission.

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Haha, dicking over your ex like that is awesome!

Feien said:

Feien"s story

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Ok here is the issue. First it is nearly impossible to transition from a non sexually interested friendship into a relationship. It can happen but these are very, very rare. The girl never had sexual interest in you. Or, if she did, you killed it by not being forward with your desire as well. You were nothing more than an emotional pole to lean upon as evidenced by your constant talking with her during break. In fact once I read that you talked/texted with her everyday while on break I knew the conclusion of the story already. It is the oldest trick in the book.

You two were friends and will always be friends. The reason she lead you on and said she was actually interested? She didn"t want to end the friendship and the "free" emotional support. It sounds like your friend is 100% correct though. She leads guys on probably for a fast and easy self esteem boost. You can try to maintain your friendship with her but rest assured you will never jizz in her moist hole unless she is drunk out of her brains.

Sooo, I"ve been going out with Anne "officially" for nearly two months now. Overall everything"s been pretty great. We get along well, she"s low maintenance, sex is good, so on and so forth. However over the past month I"ve noticed a change in her. She"s not as outgoing or as fun as she was initially, at least when it"s just the two of us hanging around. When she"s out with my friends, she returns to being what I consider "herself", joking around and being goofy etc. Often she isn"t "up" for doing anything much more than sitting on the couch and going to sleep at 11 on a Friday. I was under the impression, for example, that we"d go for bike rides fairly often since she likes mountain biking, but we went once and after about 30 minutes of pretty time riding she wanted to head back. Sex has also gotten a lot less frequent. At first we were fucking like rabbits, and she proclaimed that she was more than happy to have sex a couple times a day, which we pretty much did. Now we have sex maybe 50% of the time we see each other, which is about 2-4 times a week on average.

She"s admitted that she is in a "funk", even posted a Facebook status update to that effect. She says she feels tired all the time, and is sorry that she isn"t as much "fun" as she should be. I have basically said no problem, that I still enjoy her company (I do), and that if she wants to talk about whatever it is that is causing it or part of the problem, to let me know. She initially said that there wasn"t anything specific, and she didn"t know what the problem was. For the first couple weeks I left it at that.

She was over at my place on Monday, and we were talking a bit about it because it was like 8pm and she wanted to leave to go home to sleep, while I wanted to hang out for a bit longer. I asked her if there was something wrong, if I was part of the problem or if I had done something wrong (other than being a constant sarcastic smart ass, I have treated her like gold, never once gotten mad/frustrated with her, take her out often, so on and so forth) and she insisted that no it wasn"t me, that she had just felt tired and not herself over the past month. I agreed that I had noticed a change in the past month, and then she started crying. Not tears streaming down the face crying, but red watery eyes crying. She again insisted that she didn"t know what the problem was and she was sorry that she was acting the way she was. She left a few minutes later, again sans sex.

The next morning I sent her an email talking about some unrelated stuff, and mentioned at the end that I hoped she didn"t think that I said she wasn"t fun to hang out with anymore, or that I thought she was a bitch or anything. I reiterated that I would love to help her out with whatever it was she was dealing with.

What the hell it"s easier to just quote the emails:

her said:

I had an ok sleep. I just feel tired all the time.

I am sorry about last night and it was nothing you said. I haven"t been myself and I apologize for that. I know that I haven"t been much fun to hang out with and that I"ve been a bit distant.I think that I know why but I need to figure out a few more things.Its is nothing you have done or said. I do love you and enjoy spending time with you as well even though I sometimes do not show it.

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So she admitted yesterday that there IS something going on. Whether it"s a health thing, an emotional thing, a relationship thing, a family thing, I have no idea.

Me said:

I don"t think that you"re not "much fun" to hang out with at all, so please don"t think that way. Any hints at what you think the "why" is, or what you need to figure out? I"m not trying to pry, if it"s something you don"t want to discuss with me that"s okay and I understand. Regarding that and in general, if you don"t want to talk about it, please just say so. If I don"t get the idea right away, just forcefully tell me that you don"t want to talk about it and I"ll do my best to leave it alone (I can be persistent, sorry!). Just don"t worry about offending me, I have thick skin!

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Her said:

I do not think that you think I am not much fun. I think that about myself because I know that I have not been myself. I am not sure I want to tell you just yet, or that email is even the best place to say. If you can just bare with me for a few days, I will tell you. Promise.

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Me said:

As far as your funk goes, the curiosity is now killing me! When you"re comfortable talking about it or have organized your thoughts, let me know. In the meantime I"ll leave you alone about it, or at least do my best. Sorry, as you are fond of saying, I"m such a little shit.

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Her said:

I am sure the curiousity is killing you and I apologize for that. I"ll let you know before you go away this weekend.

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Me said:

No need to apologize, and I don"t need an answer by any set deadline, so take your time and let me know when it is a good time and I"ll be all ears. I promise I won"t fake yawn

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Her said:

Ok. When I"m ready. Thank you. It means a lot. I hope you aren"t mad or frustrated at me.

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Me said:

Of course I"m not mad or frustrated with you. I guess I"d say I"m concerned and a little confused, because I want you to be happy and don"t know if I"m part of the problem, if the problem has anything to do with me at all, or if it has any potential impact on our relationship. I guess that"s why I"m curious as well, because I want to fix whatever"s wrong, assuming I even can.

But again, I can bide my time until you"ve sorted things out, so let"s just leave it at that for now okay?

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The emails contained a lot more than just what I"ve quoted, but about unrelated stuff. I don"t think they"re disjointed.

So yeah, I have no idea what"s up. Sounds like it doesn"t have much to do with me directly. She had a somewhat difficult upbringing, in that her dad was an alcoholic and her parents divorced when she was quite young, along with changing schools, briefly becoming a Mormon (wtf?), and that kind of thing. Her dad"s cleaned up and remarried, and she lives with him and the step mother who she gets along with fine. However she was living with her mother up until a year or so ago, but no longer gets along well with her at all and wants nothing to do with her step dad. So there"s some family issues as well.

As well, her previous relationships over the past couple years were kind of fucked up. She was involved in some fucked up love pentagon. It took her like two hours to give me a summary of all the bullshit that went on. That largely was over well over a year ago, but after that, she remained somewhat fuck buddies with one of the dudes and that continued right up until she met me (coincidentally he was briefly a tour guide with the same company as me, although I only met him once and he didn"t stick around). She still talks/texts with that guy, who apparently is somewhat unstable mentally with depression and has told her that he hates me, if only because I "stole" her (dumbass didn"t want a relationship while she did the entire time). I don"t really give a shit that she talks with him, I"m not the jealous type, and they"ve known each other for a long time. And besides, if I told her to stop talking with him, she"d most likely either refuse or just do it behind my back anyway. So at least there"s no secrets, that I"m aware of.

So I don"t know, maybe she"s wondering if she should go back to that guy? Maybe she"s having a lot of family conflict? Her step brother is having a child with a rebound girl that he got preggo like a month after he got divorced, so that"s another family issue.

I really have no idea what"s going on, and really want her to just come out and say what the fuck the problem is. I think she"s pretty awesome overall and to be honest after two months with her could see myself staying with her, but at the same time if shit is going sideways I"d rather it just end now than drag on.

edit: This occurred to me while re-reading my post: we had not been using condoms since we went "official." She"s on birth control, and naturally I hate condoms. Right from the start she had mentioned that she was a little worried about that, because obviously birth control isn"t 100% and she really didn"t want to get pregnant at the moment. She wasn"t sure if she"d keep it or not if she did get pregnant. Right around the time she went in to the "funk", maybe a week or two after she mentioned to me that she thinks that it would be a good idea for me to use a condom from now on because she was really getting paranoid about being pregnant (freaked out that her period was a day late, etc). Naturally I would prefer to continue having sex without one, and the half a dozen times since we talked about that she hasn"t asked me to.

Now I know that sounds REALLY suspicious. But I want to temper that. A week after the initial discussion, while we were talking she said that she"d thought about it more, and that a better compromise than mine (I had suggested we just do anal from now on) would be to wear one during the most fertile parts of her cycle, and that I could go bare back when the chances were lower.

So I"m pretty sure that the whole condom thing really is her just being paranoid about an unwanted pregnancy, and not her going off the pill or fucking other guys or anything like that. I hope.

Eomer, whatever bomb she could drop could be anything. I"m not sure why she"d hide it from you if it wasn"t about you, if she could atleast think about what it is herself, though. Even a brief, "there"s a lot of family shit going on, I"ll tell you in details later when I understand it better myself" or something.

It"s cool you"re being supportive, but don"t hassle her on trying to figure out what"s wrong. Just let her know when she"s ready to tell you, that you"ll listen, but keep asking about it will just drive her away.

Considering that a mere month ago you proclaimed there were no secrets, no bullshit, and the two of you are completely honest with each other, it"s strange that she now clams up. And she goes back to her normal self with friends but changes when you"re alone together? After all that, the chance of it not being about you (or will ultimately affect you) in some way seems astronomically small. However, there isn"t enough information (LJ post aside) to speculate, especially since her history/dialogue is all over the map.

It"s tough, but fight the urge to overanalyze this in the meantime. After all, you"ll find out this weekend... right before she leaves for something.... which is suspicious (-ly convenient! :O) in itself.

I"m sorry but the whole "Oh no walk all over me I"m cool with it" approach isn"t going to work Eomer. You"re killing your value with shit like that.

No no, I"m leaving for the weekend. Just going mountain biking for a day or two. In one of the previous emails I had mentioned that to her. She has stuff to do this weekend in town, and I"m just going with a couple buddies.

Alcestis said:

Considering that a mere month ago you proclaimed there were no secrets, no bullshit, and the two of you are completely honest with each other, it"s strange that she now clams up.

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Well again, if it"s something personal/emotional, I wouldn"t consider it a secret necessarily. I mean I haven"t gone ahead and told her that I"ve been on adderall the past couple weeks, because I don"t see how it"s something she needs to know. At some point it"ll come up I guess.

And she goes back to her normal self with friends but changes when you"re alone together?

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My friends joke around a lot and are really friendly, so she returns the favor and seems to be pretty much the same person that I met a few months ago. But yeah, the past little while when we"ve been together she"s still fun to hang out with, has a sense of humor etc, but seems more distant and is just not as "up" for things as she was initially.

After all that, the chance of it not being about you (or will ultimately affect you) in some way seems astronomically small.

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I agree with you there. I don"t think it"s something about me specifically, but I would imagine that it is indeed something that will affect me or our relationship.

It"s tough, but fight the urge to overanalyze this in the meantime.

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I know, it"s tough sometimes ya know? I just got an email from her saying that her bro had a daughter last night at midnight, and that I"m "pretty awesome." Otherwise no direct response to my last email.

Tenks said:

I"m sorry but the whole "Oh no walk all over me I"m cool with it" approach isn"t going to work Eomer. You"re killing your value with shit like that.

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What is your suggestion then to handle this? Just pretend that there"s nothing going on? Demand that she tell me what"s up? Fuck her best friend?

And I spoke too soon, she sent a second email:

her said:

It may impact our relationship, but I am not worried so you shouldn"t be. However, you may be now that I just said that! Haha. It is nothing you can fix and you are not part of the problem.

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This is going to destroy my mind over the next couple days.

Mmm, thanks for the clarification. Someone is still removing themselves from the other, which appears convenient. Ha! Gave the overanalyzation advice partially because you seem the sort to do so (is it condoms? is she preggo? is it her family? an emotional/health/relationship/sex/love pentagon thing?!)... and partially because I tend to do so myself. It"s a bias of mine and I know how it feels.

Tenks: What other alternative does he have, in your opinion? (I"m not being snarky, just opening the floor to possible solutions)





{edit}: And Eomer got to Tenks before I did. The hell? That email just seems like she"s toying with you. I would not appreciate being left in the lurch like that (unless it was a fantastic awesome surprise like, "We"re going to Cancun, baby!"). How cruel. :\

Tenks said:

I"m sorry but the whole "Oh no walk all over me I"m cool with it" approach isn"t going to work Eomer. You"re killing your value with shit like that.

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No shit.

Every single response was 2 sentences of "Oh take your time it"s ok it"s ok. Did I do something wrong? I"m sorry." And that"s just what you quoted.

You can be understanding and patient, but jesus tone it down. Once, MAYBE twice you can reassure her, then shut the fuck up. All that "if I did something I"m sorry" talk is your insecurity betraying you. You are doing the same shit guys who get friended do: inviting yourself to be the doormat in hopes that she comes [back] around. SHE is the one with the problem, and if you actually did something wrong, it is again HER problem for not addressing it. Quit acting like you did something wrong when she is the one with the problem. So many guys do that at the first sign of uncertainty which makes the girl"s doubts, if she was having them, all of a sudden legit.

Pull yourself together, shut up, and recognize that she"s the one with the problem, not you. Give her distance and stop sending her parts of your testicles. If the problem does have to do with you (95+% chance), acting like a pussy is gonna put the nail in the coffin. And if it doesn"t have to do with you and you break up because she"s the type of girl that runs away from problems and close relationships, she"s stupid anyway and you saved time figuring that out now.

P.S. Don"t give her the god damn kimono!

brekk said:

Bipolar Depression.

The tiredness, lack of sex drive, not wanting to do anything and going to bed early screams depression. Also don"t look at it as her being her normal self in public. Think of it as her keeping up appearances in public. Even when badly depressed my Mom did a great job of faking being cheerful and happy around company. Privately around just my step-dad and I she"d be her depressed self.

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The guy doesn"t need wild speculation based on nothing. Everyone"s had shitty times. Maybe she"s reevaluating her life and wants to run away and dress up like a pelican and fight cats, no one fuckin knows so don"t add more bs to be paranoid about.

I think eomer you need to shut up and give her space because I think it"s the most rational and adult thing to do. If you want more convincing, I think it also happens to be the approach that will (a) get her to tell you what is going on the soonest, in addition to (b)make you look the most appealing if she is actually having doubts about your relationship. If you give her distance like she needs, she"s gonna feel you pull away, miss that closeness, and remember why she liked you in the first place. If you smother her with fake smiles and contrived understanding, she"s gonna see it, unconsciously at the very least.

Suffer in silence and hope she isn"t pregnant (<-- what I"m putting my money on).

edit:

Guys take it easy on the "getting friended" shit. That"s a concern when you just begin dating someone.

If they"ve been together as a couple for 2 months and have had sex quite regularly I think they"re past "I like you just as a friend."

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I didn"t say he"s gonna get friended. I"m pointing out that he is doing the same thing that unattractive guys do that get them friended. Once you got a girl you can drop a lot of the contrived stuff, the 2 day make-her-wait-for-my-call type shit, but that doesn"t mean its time to lose your testicles and become a dependent vagina.

When I read your post (Eomer), my first thought was she is pregnant. Then you mentioned her being really concerned about it.

Maybe just maybe, she is contemplating on how to tell you or even an abortion.

(Of course this is wild speculation, and I am half joking with it)