Sooo, I"ve been going out with Anne "officially" for nearly two months now. Overall everything"s been pretty great. We get along well, she"s low maintenance, sex is good, so on and so forth. However over the past month I"ve noticed a change in her. She"s not as outgoing or as fun as she was initially, at least when it"s just the two of us hanging around. When she"s out with my friends, she returns to being what I consider "herself", joking around and being goofy etc. Often she isn"t "up" for doing anything much more than sitting on the couch and going to sleep at 11 on a Friday. I was under the impression, for example, that we"d go for bike rides fairly often since she likes mountain biking, but we went once and after about 30 minutes of pretty time riding she wanted to head back. Sex has also gotten a lot less frequent. At first we were fucking like rabbits, and she proclaimed that she was more than happy to have sex a couple times a day, which we pretty much did. Now we have sex maybe 50% of the time we see each other, which is about 2-4 times a week on average.
She"s admitted that she is in a "funk", even posted a Facebook status update to that effect. She says she feels tired all the time, and is sorry that she isn"t as much "fun" as she should be. I have basically said no problem, that I still enjoy her company (I do), and that if she wants to talk about whatever it is that is causing it or part of the problem, to let me know. She initially said that there wasn"t anything specific, and she didn"t know what the problem was. For the first couple weeks I left it at that.
She was over at my place on Monday, and we were talking a bit about it because it was like 8pm and she wanted to leave to go home to sleep, while I wanted to hang out for a bit longer. I asked her if there was something wrong, if I was part of the problem or if I had done something wrong (other than being a constant sarcastic smart ass, I have treated her like gold, never once gotten mad/frustrated with her, take her out often, so on and so forth) and she insisted that no it wasn"t me, that she had just felt tired and not herself over the past month. I agreed that I had noticed a change in the past month, and then she started crying. Not tears streaming down the face crying, but red watery eyes crying. She again insisted that she didn"t know what the problem was and she was sorry that she was acting the way she was. She left a few minutes later, again sans sex.
The next morning I sent her an email talking about some unrelated stuff, and mentioned at the end that I hoped she didn"t think that I said she wasn"t fun to hang out with anymore, or that I thought she was a bitch or anything. I reiterated that I would love to help her out with whatever it was she was dealing with.
What the hell it"s easier to just quote the emails:
So she admitted yesterday that there IS something going on. Whether it"s a health thing, an emotional thing, a relationship thing, a family thing, I have no idea.
The emails contained a lot more than just what I"ve quoted, but about unrelated stuff. I don"t think they"re disjointed.
So yeah, I have no idea what"s up. Sounds like it doesn"t have much to do with me directly. She had a somewhat difficult upbringing, in that her dad was an alcoholic and her parents divorced when she was quite young, along with changing schools, briefly becoming a Mormon (wtf?), and that kind of thing. Her dad"s cleaned up and remarried, and she lives with him and the step mother who she gets along with fine. However she was living with her mother up until a year or so ago, but no longer gets along well with her at all and wants nothing to do with her step dad. So there"s some family issues as well.
As well, her previous relationships over the past couple years were kind of fucked up. She was involved in some fucked up love pentagon. It took her like two hours to give me a summary of all the bullshit that went on. That largely was over well over a year ago, but after that, she remained somewhat fuck buddies with one of the dudes and that continued right up until she met me (coincidentally he was briefly a tour guide with the same company as me, although I only met him once and he didn"t stick around). She still talks/texts with that guy, who apparently is somewhat unstable mentally with depression and has told her that he hates me, if only because I "stole" her (dumbass didn"t want a relationship while she did the entire time). I don"t really give a shit that she talks with him, I"m not the jealous type, and they"ve known each other for a long time. And besides, if I told her to stop talking with him, she"d most likely either refuse or just do it behind my back anyway. So at least there"s no secrets, that I"m aware of.
So I don"t know, maybe she"s wondering if she should go back to that guy? Maybe she"s having a lot of family conflict? Her step brother is having a child with a rebound girl that he got preggo like a month after he got divorced, so that"s another family issue.
I really have no idea what"s going on, and really want her to just come out and say what the fuck the problem is. I think she"s pretty awesome overall and to be honest after two months with her could see myself staying with her, but at the same time if shit is going sideways I"d rather it just end now than drag on.
edit: This occurred to me while re-reading my post: we had not been using condoms since we went "official." She"s on birth control, and naturally I hate condoms. Right from the start she had mentioned that she was a little worried about that, because obviously birth control isn"t 100% and she really didn"t want to get pregnant at the moment. She wasn"t sure if she"d keep it or not if she did get pregnant. Right around the time she went in to the "funk", maybe a week or two after she mentioned to me that she thinks that it would be a good idea for me to use a condom from now on because she was really getting paranoid about being pregnant (freaked out that her period was a day late, etc). Naturally I would prefer to continue having sex without one, and the half a dozen times since we talked about that she hasn"t asked me to.
Now I know that sounds REALLY suspicious. But I want to temper that. A week after the initial discussion, while we were talking she said that she"d thought about it more, and that a better compromise than mine (I had suggested we just do anal from now on) would be to wear one during the most fertile parts of her cycle, and that I could go bare back when the chances were lower.
So I"m pretty sure that the whole condom thing really is her just being paranoid about an unwanted pregnancy, and not her going off the pill or fucking other guys or anything like that. I hope.
