Whyme is absolutely right. In addition to having great advice, the point about things not being cut and dry that when there"s an issue at all its time to say "ok you"re in column B of lying bitches and we"re breaking up" is right on. Coming out with "it"s time to dump her" is a pretty good sign you have no idea how to handle not only women, but people in general, and your experiences are extremely limited.
I had to reread my original post to make sure I said it accurately because the response here is honestly really confusing. I expected a mixture of "yea that"s a little strange," and "why are you picking a fight about something you said you don"t even care about that much?" The post is quite strongly my side of the story, but it is all truth so I"m still confused at the response.
Anyway...she came over last night and we talked about it. I would say everyone is fucking insane in this thread and it turns out there is no issue or secret, but since I haven"t actually seen the apartment and the Mexican family hiding inside, I"m just blind and hopelessly dumb. Which is ironic since if you"ve read this thread for a while it"s quite obvious I know what the fuck I"m talkin about and anyone who actually knows me knows I"m one of the last guys on theplanetthat would ever be told "dude she"s lying to you and you are hopelessly oblivious."
Aaannyyway, we talked about it and resolved it. I didn"t give her an ultimatum because I"m not a 12 year old and if someone gave me an ultimatum about anything I"d likely give them the middle finger instead. She started off with the whole "no reason" line again. But, and here is where actually being there holds water over speculating from 2nd hand info, it was quite obvious she was wholly convinced there was no reason for it. As opposed to trying to hide something, I can easilly tell a different between the two especially when it"s talked about twice now. (And that"s not some special power I"m claiming to have by the way. When you get that uneasy dreadful feeling, that"s your lie detection going off. That"s when self-delusions usually kick in). So, I decided I"d have to find a roundabout way to convince her that she had a reason even if she didn"t know it, without jamming it down her throat. I explained, if the situations were reversed, if it ended up causing a fight like it did I would have gaven in and agreed to see my apartment if I truly had no special reason for denying her, regardless of my desire. I used a few other subtle techniques to make herwantto discover the reason and explain it to me and finally she did.
What I gathered was, and again there"s a language barrier, is her apartment is sorta her only private area. She said she has a hard time letting anyone into her apartment, and especially so since it"s packed to the gills with supplies from her work. I took that, and restated what I thought she was trying to say (again her English comprehension > my Korean comprehension) and she said that was it exactly.
The resistance on Saturday I"m guessing was a couple things. One, me being kinda pushy and demanding with her about it as if I had a right to go to her apartment whenever I please was probably a bad way to go about it. But also I think that since she wasn"t aware of the actual reasons she was apprehensive about taking me there, she couldn"t logically override them. Like, if all you know is you don"t want something, no amount of reason can probably pursuade you. But if you know the reason, you can be rationally convinced if it turns out that reason isn"t that important.
Anyway that is my conclusion. She gave me a lot of shit for frustratingly joking about her having a kid or another boyfriend on Saturday. Now you can say that after 3 months we should be completely open or something is wrong, but the language barrier makes our intimacy level probably not much beyond 1 month. She has been apprehensive about me seeing her apartment...well on the other hand I told her "I played a few video games and just hung out" when she asked me about my weekend (since I had to stay in and nurse my knee that is potentially seriously injured), when in fact I played EQ project 1999 literally ALL day Fri-Sun. So, I can understand wanting to keep something private and having a difficult time sharing absolutely everything.
And...she said after the conversation that I can come over any time I want.
